Sweetie . . .

. . . if you're reading this, I'm not really contemplating replacing you as my CF, and I'm not going to work another girl in front of you in an attempt to lower the price.

You're the fucking best!!! I promise!!! Will you please text me back???

Otherwise, I met this really cute girl last week while you weren't working, and I'm probably going t make it rain pretty heavy for her this weekend . . .

. . . but I'd rather be with you!