The psychological cost of stripping...
pitts1
Florida
Apologize for length - Came across this old blog (link below). I know many strippers have issues (some more than others), but what caught my attention was the comments from strippers themselves basically stating stripping completely fucked up and destroyed their lives - repeating themes included a complete destruction of their “soul”, an inability to maintain “normal” or healthy relationships, an inability to quit the profession because of the money and also the constant battle of lies to keep separate their “non-stripper” and “stripper” lives with family and others.
Below are just a few of the many comments – do you think these comments truly represent the norm for most strippers? Do you really think your club favs feel this way inside – maybe they hide it, maybe they don’t?
I do feel bad for some of them and after all it is their choice to strip – or is it? As one stripper commented, once you start, it’s all over and you are fucked up and hooked forever, it’s just part of the psychological cost of stripping…
https://realdoctorstu.com/2012/03/12/the…
“I danced for 10 years and the day I walked away I was so proud that I was no longer an erectional engineer. I have been screwed up since the last few years of doing it. I have social anxiety, I’m narcissistic, controlling, paranoid, depressed, suicidal, and completely out of touch with reality. I think that if I’m never gawked upon by men I have no self-worth. I have been out of the industry for 6 years, thankfully. I was never a drug abuser but experimented yes. I did become a heavy drinker in the last 2 years so I lost my eye on that ball. Made nothing but a bar tab. I trust not men nor women and I cant have a stable normal relationship because I think my partner is always sleeping with someone. Its a mess.I have always loved psychology and I’m currently on my way to finishing my masters degree in clinical psych. I am not healed,. I’m far from it. However, I am not in denial of the person I became. I do remember how I was before. This is all I can say for the young women in the field who do this long term… Everything you make now you will pay for later in shrink bills. Sooner or later it does get you.”
“After being a dancer for 10 years, I go to therapy once a week. I survived a suicide attempt four years ago. I come from a good background and have a great relationship with my father. I came home from Portland a year ago and have socially isolated myself ever since. I feel as if my dancer ” persona” was the coping mechanism I had to use to justify working in those conditions. At first I felt “empowered” when I started dancing. The money was great, I could provide well for my 2 children, and I felt I had the freedom all these girls think they have. Flash forward 10 years- I haven’t been in a healthy relationship for 4 years, I have struggled financially, socially, and most of all emotionally. The hardest part is learning how to live again. I never felt so powerless. It has been a complete spiritual journey. I’m not even religious. I don’t think it is a coincidence or an accident that I ended up there. I guess it was part of the plan. There were a lot of things I learned, good and bad. I had some of the best times of my life. I traveled, met interesting people, made tons of money but yet I came back to reality a broken woman. It was almost like I let the dancer persona become me. I am a very logical, intuitive, and intelligent woman but as hard as I tried not to let that world get to me, it did. It was like a demon trying to destroy me. I will never look back at my life with regret, but ultimately the emotional cost was far too much than I could afford. I struggled with it long before I even left the club. It was almost like spiritual warfare going on inside my soul.”
“Strippers love money_ that’s true and some make a lot more money than you think… But stripping is a scar on your SOUL. Basically crime bosses run the show. In other words there aint no union. Can be fired at any moment. You lose your sense of reality…. You often see the absolute worst in men..it makes you numb… Your heArt breaks daily, you beg ugly otherwise laxkluster men for attentuon and approval MAJOR mind FUCK… Then you see girls whoring girls, snorting, shooting, having backstage sex… It destroys your morality and bsense of self. (The prettier you are the uglier you feel. STRIPPERS HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM “managers” “djs” security pursue you sexually.. You are objectified… You are DEPRESSED about the STIGMA…the whole “secret cob” only reinforces feelings of self hatred. BY the time you finish you have a drinking or drug problem, HEP C or STDs NO MONET SAVED and serious mental trauma… No resume for the last 4 years all things said at least you weren’t one of the many who are raped, murdered, pimped sex enslaved… Everyones incorrect… Stripping is MORE traumatic than it seems and strippers are LYING when they say anything. You will never be fully recovered.”
Below are just a few of the many comments – do you think these comments truly represent the norm for most strippers? Do you really think your club favs feel this way inside – maybe they hide it, maybe they don’t?
I do feel bad for some of them and after all it is their choice to strip – or is it? As one stripper commented, once you start, it’s all over and you are fucked up and hooked forever, it’s just part of the psychological cost of stripping…
https://realdoctorstu.com/2012/03/12/the…
“I danced for 10 years and the day I walked away I was so proud that I was no longer an erectional engineer. I have been screwed up since the last few years of doing it. I have social anxiety, I’m narcissistic, controlling, paranoid, depressed, suicidal, and completely out of touch with reality. I think that if I’m never gawked upon by men I have no self-worth. I have been out of the industry for 6 years, thankfully. I was never a drug abuser but experimented yes. I did become a heavy drinker in the last 2 years so I lost my eye on that ball. Made nothing but a bar tab. I trust not men nor women and I cant have a stable normal relationship because I think my partner is always sleeping with someone. Its a mess.I have always loved psychology and I’m currently on my way to finishing my masters degree in clinical psych. I am not healed,. I’m far from it. However, I am not in denial of the person I became. I do remember how I was before. This is all I can say for the young women in the field who do this long term… Everything you make now you will pay for later in shrink bills. Sooner or later it does get you.”
“After being a dancer for 10 years, I go to therapy once a week. I survived a suicide attempt four years ago. I come from a good background and have a great relationship with my father. I came home from Portland a year ago and have socially isolated myself ever since. I feel as if my dancer ” persona” was the coping mechanism I had to use to justify working in those conditions. At first I felt “empowered” when I started dancing. The money was great, I could provide well for my 2 children, and I felt I had the freedom all these girls think they have. Flash forward 10 years- I haven’t been in a healthy relationship for 4 years, I have struggled financially, socially, and most of all emotionally. The hardest part is learning how to live again. I never felt so powerless. It has been a complete spiritual journey. I’m not even religious. I don’t think it is a coincidence or an accident that I ended up there. I guess it was part of the plan. There were a lot of things I learned, good and bad. I had some of the best times of my life. I traveled, met interesting people, made tons of money but yet I came back to reality a broken woman. It was almost like I let the dancer persona become me. I am a very logical, intuitive, and intelligent woman but as hard as I tried not to let that world get to me, it did. It was like a demon trying to destroy me. I will never look back at my life with regret, but ultimately the emotional cost was far too much than I could afford. I struggled with it long before I even left the club. It was almost like spiritual warfare going on inside my soul.”
“Strippers love money_ that’s true and some make a lot more money than you think… But stripping is a scar on your SOUL. Basically crime bosses run the show. In other words there aint no union. Can be fired at any moment. You lose your sense of reality…. You often see the absolute worst in men..it makes you numb… Your heArt breaks daily, you beg ugly otherwise laxkluster men for attentuon and approval MAJOR mind FUCK… Then you see girls whoring girls, snorting, shooting, having backstage sex… It destroys your morality and bsense of self. (The prettier you are the uglier you feel. STRIPPERS HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM “managers” “djs” security pursue you sexually.. You are objectified… You are DEPRESSED about the STIGMA…the whole “secret cob” only reinforces feelings of self hatred. BY the time you finish you have a drinking or drug problem, HEP C or STDs NO MONET SAVED and serious mental trauma… No resume for the last 4 years all things said at least you weren’t one of the many who are raped, murdered, pimped sex enslaved… Everyones incorrect… Stripping is MORE traumatic than it seems and strippers are LYING when they say anything. You will never be fully recovered.”
86 comments
I don't think it's any different than professional sports. The entire time they're making money that are faced with people offering them good advice (which the majority ignore) and people encouraging to live only for the moment (which the majority listen to).
I offer good advice to strippers all the time. They smile and tell me how thankful they are for it, use it as a tool to string me along as though I'm really important to them, and then they go out and make bad choices with their lives. There's not much more I can do for them. My good advice is what it is, and they carry on like they're playing me when the pretend to care and then disregard everything I've said. And I pretend not to know any better while they're grinding on my lap. But nobody cares about the psychological impact it has on me, because my earning potential isn't tied to my physical appearance (thank god!).
All good points.
it's ok, the width was fine
My observations
1- For some, it changes the way they see sex completely. This is especially true of hoes. They start to put a lot of value on things like kissing, cuddling, soft gentle shit. It takes a while for them to have sex with someone they're seeing. They disappear while they hoe and afterwards get really affectionate and sweet. Sometimes, after work, a stripper just wants a shower and she doesn't want to be touched.
2- They start associating their self worth with how they look too much. It becomes an obsession but instead of making them feel better makes them very self conscious.
3- After a while they associate affection and self esteem with money. It becomes one of the few ways they start expressing love or feeling about love. It takes a real man to get them out of this stage.
4- They don't know how to function in the normal world. Cant keep schedules, get too used to fast money, no sense of saving money its all about making money when they feel like it and doing whatever whenever. Then they see they cant function in the real world and crash.
5- Being around so many drugs isn't good. A lot of them try drugs. Some do it for a confidence boost or stay up, they'll say its only during work but then they work every day coz they need more money and get hooked.
6- Living a double life makes them feel insecure and alone. They can't tell everyone what they do and its hard to let people into their lives and share it. especially if they're hoeing.
That means you need to channel your mommy side and nurture them
> 2- They start associating their self worth with how they look too much
I think it's just the money. They have the sharpened nails from the dressing room so no one can give them any feedback
> 3- After a while they associate affection and self esteem with money. It becomes one of the few ways they start expressing love or feeling about love. It takes a real man to get them out of this stage.
Agreed
> 4- They don't know how to function in the normal world. Cant keep schedules, get too used to fast money, no sense of saving money its all about making money when they feel like it and doing whatever whenever. Then they see they cant function in the real world and crash.
Or maybe the normal world fucked up. Groupthink has its limitations
> 5- Being around so many drugs isn't good
Agreed.
> 6- Living a double life makes them feel insecure and alone. They can't tell everyone what they do and its hard to let people into their lives and share it. especially if they're hoeing.
See #3
I have a degree (two now, actually), I got them both while dancing, I have a professional job in addition to dancing, I pay my bills on time, I have excellent credit, I don’t do drugs or have kids, I have hobbies and I take care of myself.
You don’t know if these girls had these same troubles before they were dancers but chances are pretty high that they did.
How about just with me :innuendo
This is exactly what I mean by survivorship bias. I'm glad she started stripping 12 years ago, but wish she'd stopped 6 years ago. If you stay in the industry once your shelf life has expired your psychological well-being will be affected. Period. There are plenty of attractive older women, and there's a man for each one who will love them just the way they are, but stripping is seldom a long-term thing, unless you're just the frickin' bomb. Is it that hard for a young girl to grasp this when she enters the industry. Look around. And i get it, they choose not to grasp this, because getting older won't happen to them, right.
I like the way PinkSugarDoll goes about it. She sees a benefit to stripping, but it's not the be-all, end-all of her existence. Good for her!
Congrats on your success and thanks for sharing.
When you know them, the girls are victimized a lot of times.
dammit, I thought it was the DJs
Anyway, like i've said before in other discussions, every girl is different. Some enter and stay in the business for different reasons. I think it's best for a girl to have an end game in mind when she starts doing it, otherwise, yes it can be psychologically transforming, and not necessarily in a good way. The stigma and social judging is just something that will never go away, particularly in a patriarchal sex-negative cutlure (at least when applied to women). There's also the economics that isn't that different from professional athletes that go bankrupt just a few years after they retire early. I'm not saying that strippers make the same big bucks, but they are usually used to a completely different lifestyle from stripping compared to ordinary civilian work. The reality is that all people need some skill or knowledge to make a decent living in the long term.
I don't think it's all bad though. Youth is largely wasted on the young. Ironically, strippers are in the best position to take advantage of their youth as their "job" affords them the luxuries of both time and money, something most people don't have both of concurrently at any point in their lives. Too bad, most of the girls aren't mentally (or philosophically?) ready to make the most of their "best" years.
I was surprised the number of strippers who felt stripping was psychologically damaging in the end – the number of negative comments far exceeded the few who disputed.
I agree with Been_There_Already – probably survivorship bias here and those comments do not accurately represent the majority.
Anyway, so much shit has happened to me personally in the past 5 years in my personal life and at the club I used to work with Nina at, that I honestly really do feel just... dead.
I have two college degrees and have held two previous professional corporate jobs. And lately I've been thinking about getting out of dancing, but I'm stuck with the gap on my resume for the last 5 years.
Starting out as a baby stripper, the job is great. But after sometime, it can definitely kill you (figuratively speaking). Especially if it's all one does for income. Even after taking a week or two off and returning feeling refreshed, it still comes back and repeats an endless cycle of feeling almost nothing and caring very little or literally not at all about anything. Or at least, for me.
...Now I'll go read that study.
And Waffle makes a good point about the unexplained gap in her work history. This makes it difficult for many to (re)enter the workforce. I think there's a difference between stripping to pay for college or on weekends for some extra cash and making the decision to immerse yourself completely in the industry. It is the girls choice, but i think it's very similar to drugs . . . do you smoke a little whenever you're invited to a party or do you smoke all day every day? Anything in excess will be bad for you. I have the most sympathy for the single moms who need to put there children first and then worry about the unexplained gap on their resume later. But for the other girls, if they do it to themselves, then they've done it to themselves . . .
The strippers I know who have gone on to other jobs did things like waitressing or commission sales.
Maybe you could set up an online business offering something like IT consulting. It could give you some cover when you apply for jobs.
For example, my mom was always a great saleswoman, so when she became a drug dealer (the professional title is pharmaceutical sales representative, or just "pharmaceutical rep"), she often had the most sales in her company which translated into higher earnings. Her résumé gap wasn't a problem, although while getting her degree I'm pretty sure all she did was strip, job-wise. But by the time she graduated she was being headhunted by various pharmaceutical companies who were competing with each other to hire her, so she ended up with a good salary and a company car along with the two cars that already belonged to her.
Most pharmaceutical reps are attractive, and she is also articulate (one parent was a pediatrician and the other had some sort of managerial job in the medical field) and tenacious and loved being one of the top salespeople of the companies she worked for.
Although, this was back when a bachelor's degree actually meant something in the workforce.
Colleges have built their bottom line, and administrative bloat, by peddling the narrative that a below average student could become successful through less challenging majors like general studies. All that does is burden the student with a lifetime of debt and a demeaning job. It’s one of the great con jobs of our time. People should be put in jail.
One path is to be one of the best in the world at a specific skill. Very few people can do this.
The other is to combine 2 or 3 skills where you are good at something then find, or create, a job that uses all these skills. A pharmaceutical rep is a good example. It requires interpersonal skills combined with technical knowledge. To make a lot of money at this, you need to work hard and be good at both skills, but you don’t need to be one of the world’s best at either skill.
A successful stripper already has the interpersonal skills. It’s just a matter of combing this with 1 or 2 other skills. Real Estate might be one of those jobs, for example.
I'm independently studying for a personal training cert, but I'm nowhere near ready to register for my exam in 88 days. I've considered EMT academy at OCC near us, but again - I have too many medical things going on with myself to focus on two full time semesters of school.
I bartended last year for a few months and I could probably get back into it, but the job felt unfulfilling.
My biggest dilemma is the 5 yr gap and my last resort will probably end up making up a job position and finding someone who will let me use their # as the business # for the fake job and hope they play along.
I have an agent who usually has references for these situations, but I feel he'd be unwilling to help since I'm looking to leave dancing ultimately and he gets paid by the club everytime I work.
If you or anyone else has any ideas or solutions for my dilemma, I'm all ears.
I know. It's just much harder to compete than it was 20 years ago. Decades ago, you didn't even need a degree with a decent job. Today, I think there is a lot of emphasis on advanced degrees which obviously puts people with only bachelor's degrees behind. And school is so expensive that most people end up with tons of loan debt. A bachelor's is still and always will be an accomplishment, but to me it's just a piece of paper allowing me to move on to an advanced degree. But part of that is probably because my earning potential as a stripper is more along the lines of someone working a job that requires an MBA, PhD, JD, etc.
These are jobs where someone can live comfortably ( unless they in LA, SF, NY, etc ).
There is also a path to make much more money by forming your own business. That’s how most Millionaires build their wealth. Plumbing Supply. Home health care. AC repair. Interior design. Insurance agency. Real Estate broker.
First, learn your trade by working for someone else. Then, go on your own.
For the stripper, it's probably being good at it. The stripper that starts out being quite good and/or lucky at what she does early on is probably in the most "danger" of staying in the industry longer, much longer even, than she ever intended. Now if she's really good enough (netting well above six figures a year), she can plan a short career (10-15 years) and save/invest enough money to transition into something else, say owning real estate/renting properties or even franchise owning, small business, etc. That's quite unlikely that a young girl will have the mindset or discipline to carry that out. And life gets in the way...
Twentyfive - no shit. Why do you think my educational endgame plan is to have an MBA and a JD?
And JeffTUSCL, how long ago did you get your degree?
Lol.
Stripping offers sexy girls a way to earn quick money. In many cases stripping allows girls to make money with little education or training. That’s the real problem.
As a dancer understands how certain girls are able to make more money - she makes a choice to either stay clean or move into extras. Its her choice. It’s a choice, just as it was a choice to strip. I’m sure the girls in that article tell tales of woe, but each one made a choice.
The lure of quick money will always attract sleazy characters and leeches. It’s similar to the dirtbags who troll the areas near casinos.
Dancers must confront their actual sexual worth each day. That realization isn’t a bad thing. Each of us must confront our worth when we go to work, so there’s no reason to complain. The truth is, dancers worth declines earlier in life than accountants or IT professionals. But - the girls know this before they start dancing - so there’s no reason to complain - except because they don’t like it.
We could all probably assemble a list of how our jobs have impacted us psychologically - and this is another list of issues from employees who have become unhappy and disgruntled.
Living in weekly rentals coz you don't have pay checks to get a place. All the makeup, nail, waxing, hair and other costs. Then not having health insurance. Never a guaranteed income. Lots of strippers get EBT.
It’s women - and in many cases strippers - who are the biggest slut shamers.
Sometimes if they hoe, and they get home, they don't want to be touched, talked to, nothing, they just take long ass showers, sometimes throw whatever underwear they were wearing away.
Phatboy99 - definite troll account
I can imagine. There's a stripper that posts here who's an admitted (attempted) murderer and recently threaten to do bodily harm to another dancer, basically because the other dancer had become more popular on the board than her.
I shudder to think what she would be capable of in a club if you or another dancer started to out earn her.
I am definitely cautious of being friends with any one, and the stripper friends I have work in different clubs.
I’ve had a different experience, though when I was working in customer service jobs. It’s been easier for me to avoid “coworker drama” as a dancer.
I also agree with Dirkdiggler’s statement.
“It’s women - and in many cases strippers - who are the biggest slut shamers.”
True. Just like the female customer who looks down on dancers but is grinding on the other patrons there. Or the judge mental dancers who thinks other types of sex work is disgusting, (and yet pays the bills of some unemployed dude that she has sex with bareback. :p)
Lol.
For example, when do walk away from that customer you don’t want to deal with (for one reason or another)?
Also, other jobs are more prestigious and socially acceptable. It’s easier to get through when those jobs are rough. Dancing, however, has more stigma. So it’s harder to deal with problems there if you allow yourself to be affected by others judgement.
You know what they say, if the 7" platform heel fits..
i have issues myself. sometimes i feel i sold my soul for my job.
:(
You didn't, really. It was just a time of need.
...then put the slitello on and keep talking about another stripper because you're obsessed with her but now to scared to say her name? Gotcha.
Although "slitello" sounds good, too.
Am I on the right track, stalker?
It wasn't hard to figure out. Didn't even confuse me.
Nina would have never done something as unoriginal as threatening another TUSCL poster.
True. Just like the female customer who looks down on dancers but is grinding on the other patrons there. Or the judge mental dancers who thinks other types of sex work is disgusting, (and yet pays the bills of some unemployed dude that she has sex with bareback. :p)
^ isn't that the truth. I don't even listen to the crazy judgmental ones anymore. Yeah u air dance in the club, but I also know you fuck them OTC for cash cuz u make nothing in the club. GTFO. I'm not even making this shit up is the sad thing lol!!!
Interesting.
Flagooner, you seemed to be baffled as to how I make as much money as I do without sucking or fucking.
I'm a hard worker, smart saleswoman, and it helps that I have a racially ambiguous look that appeals to a wide variety of customers.
And yesterday, Dominic77 posted a link to a thread about me from 2016. And I read it. I know that Georgebailey is one of the guys here who has met me before, and this is a quote I saw he had written in the thread:
"I've met Nina a few times and I like her. Not everyone's looking for extras. When you see her bring your 'A' game because she's bringing hers. In the club's lights she's very pretty and I have no doubt she's just as attractive outside the club."
That kind of sums it up. If twosheds were still up, I could quote you a guy (who I think had an account here but doesn't post here anymore), who posted a very positive review about me and decided to include that one of the things that he was most impressed by was my work ethic. He said he hadn't met too many strippers with a work ethic that matched mine.
So, there you go. Also, I sent you a PM.
Well, can't really fault you work ethic if you're PMing members now to set up OTC. Just out of curiosity, how much are you charging flag?
But jealousy is ugly, so I'm not surprised you are once again trying to discredit me. Keep trying hun.