How to avoid your loyalty from being taken for granted...

Your mistake is being loyal in the first place.

Valid point, in the future my plan is to not stick to one dancer exclusively unless I really both connect with her and she shows a lot of loyalty back to me.

Mixing in other dancers during your visits will likely help if she's taking you for granted or sees a potentially unhealthy fixation forming.

Kicking up your spending level some could help, but she may have sensed a plateau that she can't break out of and figured out that you're not going to be spending at whale levels on her. An extra $20 or so here or there is probably not going to help if that's the case.

When it gets stale like this w/ a CF or club, often switching to a different club for a while can reset it. When you visit again in a month or two, you can potentially get the best of both the new guy glow and trusted old regular thing going on resulting in more approaches by a variety of dancers / better treatment by the ones who remember you from before.

Agree, loyalty is the wrong concept, although just out of laziness, it's easier to type than "regular consistent customer". I'm a longtime ATFer, but I do it that way because I get a better experience -- and enjoy it more -- with an ATF. Once that runs its course, I don't want any misplaced loyalty to keep me from recognizing it and moving on.

Unless you're already unfairly underpaying her, tipping extra is a really bad idea. If anything, with my ATFs, I tend to get better service for less $ than other customers pay... the fact that I see her regularly and consistently, treat her well, etc., is an advantage to her in and of itself. That said, I've heard some prices mentioned by guys where they're paying her $100 for hours and wondering why she's getting progressively less satisfied. I pay fairly, I don't overpay, and expect significantly better treatment than a random customer who pays the same amount.

Depending on how much you spend on her, getting dances with others might send a message. Just tell her you are going to dance with other dancers one night and see how she reacts. If there are no other dancers you are interested in, go to another club for a month. When you come back you can let her know you were trying a new club. If she thinks she's kidding a revenue stream, she'll pick up her game. If she doesn't care, time to move on anyway.

What times are the deadest? She would probably pay better attention to you then. If she’s smart she would even offer to come in early just for you.

I used to have a regular who would only pay between 100-140 each time showing, but he would come in at the quietest times to monopolize my attention. If there was someone better paying at that time I would go elsewhere but he took it nicely when that happened.

It's happened a couple of times and my response was to switch to another club for a few weeks. Still, there's no guarantee that, when you return to the first place, you won't find your original dancer still feeling very possessive. Recently, I have a favorite dancer at a favorite club, but she actively encourages me to try out the other girls, which is the best of both worlds.

"I used to have a regular who would only pay between 100-140 each time showing, but he would come in at the quietest times to monopolize my attention." --nicespice

Hmmmm I get the sense someone here is grinning ear to ear... (hint: his name rhymes with subratan) :P

I admit I'm pretty pussy whipped by my ATF. Last time she had me get her and drink and bring it to her while she was on stage (it's a big club too, I was upstairs on the other side... oh yeah I like be lazy too :), so pretty good walk). To be fair I had spent a good chunk of time prior just chatting, and the whole situation gave me a chance to have some more fun with it.

Now I think some guys are too worried about having the upper hand, me, as long as I'm having a good time and paying what I think is fair, I don't worry about it. YMMV

@stripfighter lol why? Was I undercutting myself or something?

But yeah, unless you’re being overly demanding or something, her behavior seems to be pretty odd at this time. Summers everywhere are the “slow season”

-->"Hmmmm I get the sense someone here is grinning ear to ear... (hint: his name rhymes with subratan) :P"

LOL I resemble that remark. On the other hand, I would not put up with this: "If there was someone better paying at that time I would go elsewhere but he took it nicely when that happened." On the OTHER other hand, I pay more than $140

-->"@stripfighter lol why? Was I undercutting myself or something? "

That's basically what i do -- pick an ATF who gives me awesome service, make appointments with her to see her during her slowest time so I can monopolize her. Only way to fly!

@nicespice No, not undercutting yourself. Just from a customer side, a great strategy. Not gonna name names, but just something someone, routinely takes full advantage of.

Let's just call him Subra M, wait too obvious, how about S. Man. :P

Not uncommon for regular/fave "relationships" to run their course - sometimes the PL wants to spread his wings and try other dancers; sometimes the dancer gets tired of the PL.

I've seen dancers comment about some regulars being too-needy/clingy/demanding to where he's not worth the effort - i.e. it does take two to tango in that it's not always necessarily the dancer's fault.

Sometimes it seems some dancers may recent that they feel they are going the extra-mile to consistently please a regular and they may feel it is the PL that takes her for granted for not being more generou$ considering the extra-effort she puts in - i.e. if she feels she's leaving $$$ on the table by trying to keep just an "ok spending" regular, she may start resenting this over time and may feel she's getting short-changed taking into account what she puts in.

As others have mentioned, one has to sorta work w/ her - e.g. pick a slower time where her other income is not being as affected; making an appt, etc - and as in any "relationship", communication is important and you and her may need to try and work out something that will work for the both of you.

Some dancers do get lazy and start taking the regular for granted; often times spending time w/ other dancers will "get her back in shape"; and sometimes she's just ready to move-on.

Great summary from Papi, this lines up exactly with my experience. It is definitely true that increasing customer entitlement can be just as often at fault as creeping dancer complacency. For me, it's less about figuring out who is at fault, than just recognizing "ok, she used to knock my drawers off, and now this is a source of angst and drama for me; might be my fault, might be hers, doesn't matter, time to move on to the next girl who will knock my drawers off".

I have mixed feelings about going to other clubs and the like. If it's done to help YOU get your head straight, or give her some time to figure out if she values you as a regular, go for it (I've definitely known strippers who hop-to when they see you with another girl). If you're dreaming up schemes to "make her jealous", that's a bad sign that you're way over-invested. If you're looking to branch out to other girls and scared/intimidated to do so in front of her, you're way over-invested. I know these things because I've done them all :)

Lots to consider in this situation, but I would have to agree that increasing tips is a very bad idea. You're just rewarding her for bad behavior and she can keep playing that card over and over. On a couple occasions I've had regular dancers challenge me to do more/spend more and I've told them simply that I'm the customer and I choose what I'll do and how much I'll spend. None have been favorites, however. Seems like a good favorite relationship is a mutually recognizing the benefits we each get from seeing each other and not doing anything to tip the scales one way or the other. My ATF from many years ago worked this out well with me when I'd visit her on day shifts. If I was willing to wait for her to clear the deck of all of her other regulars, she would stay late to be with me for as long as we liked for a regular fixed price on my weekly visits.

paul drake and some of you other guys that hang with one girl... i don’t get it. you might as well be married to her. hang a little bit with her and then enjoy other ladies on your visit. variety is the spice of life.

^ it's because she's the only one left at the club who doesn't have butt implants

Paul posted: "She is definitely not at all worried about losing me as a customer and is acting as such."

The moment that happens, it's time to give her the ol' "heave ho." ;)

Seriously, you can't rehabilitate them once this starts, at least not for long. I don't run into this too often anymore as I vary clubs and nights more than I used to, but in my early days on this site I remember telling stories about girls who took advantage of perceived ownership - so much so that other girls were afraid to even approach me.

Good luck!

@MisterWonderful - I do think in the future I need to not stick to one dancer exclusively. But as an LDK guy it can be frustrating trying variety as not all dancers know how to do it well. I also don't want to be at the club for a long time. So with a fav they know that and also want the same thing and can set it up to be mutually beneficial.

Loyalty sadly seems to be an overrated trait these days in or outside clubs so it shouldn't be a surprise when it happens in our little corner of the world.

I'd avoid the club if there is another one nearby for a bit and see if that gets you a text or communication of some sort......not for long and not if there isn't some other place nearby of equal quality......and if not I'd go back and simply pay attention to any other dancers that might interest you. ( which is what I did when it happened to me some time back)