I know we all enjoy strip clubs (well maybe except for SJG) everyone here has had more good times than bad. (I would hope) But I curious about some of you, I enjoy hanging out and some of the best visits I have is going with friends and mixing it up with fun energetic hot strippers, I’m not really a sit in the corner kind of guy and I am pretty outgoing, even IRL, so my question is I very often see guys sitting by themselves just drinking and their body language seems to indicate they really have no interest in interacting with anyone. Can anybody shed some light on this phenomena!
I'm no psychologist but some people are just loners. Out of the 60+ TUSCL members that I have met only 1 fell into that category. I felt that he was not only a loner but a loser with no real life OTC.
I think those type of guys are maybe intimidated by the surroundings/dancers. Especially if their new to the area or clubbing it can be ALOT to take in. When I was younger hitting clubs before the TUSCL days I just played it safe to see what was allowed and not allowed. But with TUSCL I know when visiting a new club what the rules are or at least what to except.
Sometimes I need my alone time. On the road I’m always talking to someone, taking some asshole out to dinner on the company dime, kissing someone ass that I cant stand...
Then there’s the strip club. Just let me sit, have my drink, watch sportscenter highlights on the big screen, see some titties, get a bj and go home.
Your post did make me think though, aside from ITC sessions the best times I’ve ever had in a strip club are when my buddies and I go.
In real life I am very outgoing and have a unique ability to connect with strangers immediately. If I had a dollar for every time I have been approached out of the blue in the last 40 years by a stranger who just starts talking to me, I'd be wealthy. In the strip club I usually sit alone for a long time, enjoying the solitude, because I get so very little in real life. It also helps to be stoned. When I want to be friendly and connect all I have to do is reboot.
So I really don't enjoy the club environment. I am not really a party guy, I don't drink, and I hate night clubs. I am also not a variety guy when it comes to strippers, I like to find a single favorite dancer at a time. I am either waiting for my CF or looking for a new CF. I also loathe dealing with shitty pushy dancers and I hate having to reject someone.
There are different types of guys - and guys act differently in the clubs.
The guys you mentioned are most likely loners. They also might not feel good about themselves (for different reasons). It leads to a very discouraged appearance.
Dancers are good at reading guys, and helping them to enjoy the club offerings. We aren’t very difficult to read - as we usually just need some beer, and tits...
Most of the time I SC with my buddies, because *if* your buddies are hardcore PLs also, it's just way more fun for me (SCing with rookies is hit or miss, and I realize most guys don't have buddies who are also PLs).
I have to admit that when I SC alone, particularly at a new club, I do tend to find a dark corner to observe for a while. Eventually I'll move to where I can be seen by strippers and get some stripper foot traffic walking by. But I think some guys just keep up that protective shell -- I think many of them just want to be left alone, but many desperately want to be approached by the strippers, without looking like they want to be approached. Just weird social skills
One of the things that never cease to amuse me is how the guys sitting alone get so angry because they don’t get approached, yet they fail to realize they are giving off that very off putting vibe that tends to increase their isolation.
My suspicion is that most of the sit in the corner quiet loners are (1) newbies who are overwhelmed by the environment, (2) cheap pricks who are afraid that they’ll have to spend a little money if they get involved in what’s going on, or (3) creepy freaks who are slowly rubbing their dicks while they watch the stage show.
There's Type-A personalities that are *naturally* outgoing and can easily strike-up a convo or make friends in practically any setting - then there's Type-Bs that are more reserved and striking up convos with random strangers does not come natural to them (think a salesman vs a scientist) - one is not better than the other, the Type-A can be an arrogant ahole and the Type-B a nice but just quiet person, and the inverse where the Type-A is a friendly gregarious guy and the Type-B an ahole that doesn't wanna deal with anyone - neither type is a good or bad person, just different personalities/wiring.
I go to strip clubs alone, but it's not unusual for me to fall into a conversation with the guy sitting next to me at the bar. I'm social, but I don't have friends who are PLs like us.
I think that some of the "loners" just like to depressurize at the end of a hard day. Others are there strictly for uncomplicated sexy time. Still others appear (at least to me) to be guys who are to varying degrees struggling introverts to outright shut-ins, but they still have needs. So, they hit the club as a way to open their personal pressure-release valve.
I can see a quiet guy that does not smile perhaps have issues in the SC where dancers don't approach him bc he may have an unfriendly look/disposition as if he does not wanna be bothered but where he may not be that way but give of that vibe
^I didn’t have your type in mind I get you I’m talking more about those guys that appear angry at the world, you aren’t like that, yes I get that some people are shy but if you noticed last week we had a good evening I thought, and I usually attract those type of dancers, it’s a look that they have, not necessarily that they are the best looking, often they are but always,it’s a combo of looks and friendliness and giving off a great vibe.
95% of the time if I go to a club I go alone but having said that I can't think of a single time I didn't end up talking to a bartender or people around me most of the time I am there.
For whatever the reason it seems to happen naturally.
As for the dancers if I can't get the attention of someone I want ( within reason) I'll ask for an introduction.
Over the last year or so almost all of my club visits are spur of the moment decisions. The one time it was planned is the only really subpar visit I had.
I’m an introvert and a loner. If it weren’t for the Marine Corps and certain lowlife friends in high school, I’d likely be one of those guys sitting in the corner.
That said, *all* of the extroverted behavior I display is learned. Talking to women for the first time still makes my stomach clench.
Sadly, the only way to get a hot chick to let me play with her tits and blow me is to actually talk to her, so I get over it.
I was introduced to strip clubs by a fellow pervert co-worker in my late thirties. I always go alone at this point.
My style: Lap-dances are a complete waste of money IMO. Same goes for extras inside the club, which I consider, rushed, cramped, expensive, and non-private; ITC contact hardly even qualifies as sex. So the whole purpose of a club visit is trying for ongoing OTC with someone sane, reliable, college-age—someone I can trust as a married guy. It’s possible at a club, but much easier to do online. When I’m at the club I try to engage in conversation with dancers to see if there’s anything in common. Then try for something safe and non-threatening as a first OTC meeting.
In my last years of clubbing, I was always alone. Never had an issue striking up a convo with dancers or other nearby customers. It must be a "vibe" given off would be my best bet. Some can read that "vibe" and others can't.
Some might talk about a liquor store, and say that there are different styles of using it. But still, no matter how you use it, you are killing brain cells, destroying your liver, and responding to the challenges of life by tuning out.
Unfortunately some use strip clubs in a way which is comparably addictive and destructive.
Having all the dolled up hotties parading around in high heels makes the strip club a unique and mind blowing environment, and everyone should get to be there some times. And it is expensive.
But, understanding this, one must also understand that a strip club is a fine tuned well oiled machine designed to separate marks from their money. As you are there, you are basically handing out wads of money for what is by nature free, female attention and sex acts.
So while the strip club does show you a side of women which is often not seen, you are still being a complete chump if you are induced into thinking that this is the way it has to be.
You go to the strip club and you imbibe an aesthetic, but you don't continue to depend on strip clubs to provide that. If you do, you are depriving your self. Real sex requires that the woman let down her emotional barriers and let it happen. And if you know one of the women well enough for that to happen once inside the club, then you know her well enough to let that happen outside the club and to build a personal relationship with her.
If you are there cheating on a spouse or an SO, and you do this regularly, then your word and your committeement and life investment mean nothing. You are not a man. What you need is a marriage councilor or a divorce lawyer, not strippers.
If you have somehow convinced yourself that LKDing, HJ, or BJ till completion are the way to live, then you are denying yourself real sex, and probably because you are in a dysfunctional marriage. Strippers are not going to solve your problem.
That environment of hotties parading around is exquisite. But if you are led to believe that the strip club is the only way to get this, and that you have to take it at face value, buying dances, woman performing a service upon you, then you really are an IDIOT!
Use the strip club to imbibe an aesthetic, and if you wish, to find partners for continuing to build upon this outside. But do not use it as a regular form of sexual gratification. Doing that is perverted, substituting bull shit for sex, paying money to exacerbate your own sexual frustration.
Someone said here the whole reason to go to a SC was to try for on going OTC . That might be true for some but it's not why I go. I'm married and have my OTC sexual desires fulfilled. I/we go to clubs to relax and escape from reality for awhile. Both my wife and I have high stress jobs so it's nice to be able to sit back have a few drinks toss a few girls some money and be entertained. We have happened upon some OTC action a few times but have never went with the purpose of finding it.
^^^^^^^ Swingers Clubs, if you and your wife are really on the same team. Regulars insist that the women are even more crazy about it than the men are.
-->"I/we go to clubs to relax and escape from reality for awhile."
I think he was saying that's why HE goes, not generalizing that that's the best answer for everyone. Horses for courses and all that -- as long as you're not doing something self-destructive or addictive, I think it's great people have different reasons...
I find I do it for both reasons. Going to the club is an end in itself -- I love being ITC, I love being around strippers, and since I'm usually there with my buddies, it's a fun social getaway too. I do love OTC as well -- although in my case, I recognize after a couple of years on SA, that my OTCs are generally arrangement-like. Even among guys who like OTC, there's different models on this group, mine are arrangement-like but many guys on the group prefer a variety-based, "I just met her and will OTC with her when her shift is over" model of OTC. And of course, you have the "I let her and her junkie boyfriend move into my house" OTCers :)
One of the worst times I ever had in a SC was when I went with a bunch of other Dad's during an out-of-town baseball tournament with my son. I was super inhibited to do what I usually do (and so weirded out being around a bunch of Dads that I was going to see the next morning, afternoon, day, week, month, etc.).
I vowed then and there never to do that again. All future visits will not include anyone I ever expect to see IRL.
Strip clubs are too expensive, and also too engaging, unless you are going to seriously engage with the women, imbibe the aesthetic, and likely end up waking up with one of them in the mornings.
Once, my first couple months of Go Go Bars, over 30 years ago, took some friends. Their feelings about it were neutral, enjoying, but still reserved. One issue was the costs, still very low compared to these mileage places.
But they both noted that I was much more into engaging with the women than they were, and that I always seemed to have something going between myself and some of the women.
At the Sunnyvale Brass Rail, bikini, alcohol, no touching, the day shift is dominated by groups coming for the lunch, like from Lockheed. If here was nudity or mileage, I don' think they would do that.
At night it is ethanol powered male bonding. The women are there just to help them believe that they are not gay.
But for me, going to the Brass Rail and spending money is ALWAYS ABOUT THE WOMEN. And often they and I have right off gotten along very well.
Girls telling me that the are not allowed to kiss, but that I can kiss them when we go out, etc.
^Puhlese you are just babbling incoherently about things you know nothing about, firsthand, I’m sure you’ve never been to a strip club or have any friends.
Answer, I have said a great deal. As far as responding to interrogating and heckling, that is where my privacy wall comes into play. I can and have posted a great deal about my own experiences. I can do this on this forum because I can and do set my privacy wall where needed. My policies about protecting the privacy of my affairs are no different than those of the CIA.
When I go I intentionally act disinterested in purpose so I receive less attention. I'm usually there for a fav, and she knows I'm there for her. I'd rather other girls don't waste their time. If they do sit, I'll tell them early on I'm waiting for another girl.
I don't need to sit and chat with a pretty girl. If I wanted that I'd blab with attractive co-workers for free.
On the occasions when I'm looking for something new, I'll usually get their attention, or ask a waitress to get them, or just go on up to them. Hasn't been a problem that every other time I've seen them I've basically ignored them. They act just as happy as a girl I've never seen before when they take my money.
Returning to the original question. I don't understand it either but I guess it's a blessing we are all different. I dont have any problem speaking to strangers , but then again I'm a Geordie and we are well known for that, amongst other things like getting rat arsed. Lol.
ski posted: "In the strip club I usually sit alone for a long time, enjoying the solitude, because I get so very little in real life."
+1. With a business and a family, I am always interacting with others and solving other people's problems. When I go to the club, I don't have to worry about anyone but myself. Also, I find OTC much easier to arrange when I am flying solo.
Same as ski and rick. I have to be social constantly in the outside world. ITC provides a change of pace. Looking up and making eye contact, even a small nod or smile will attract most dancers over even if you are alone and in the corner.
Guys, don't be too hard on twentyfive. If he didn't have tuscl and his geriatric tea parties at the strip club he wouldn't have any social life at all. Nobody's hanging out with a weird pedo member like that in real world except maybe other pedos.
"Looking up and making eye contact, even a small nod or smile will attract most dancers over even if you are alone and in the corner."
It does. I used to try and sit out of the way in a new club until I got a feel for it, which I'll still do from time to time. I'll sometimes project "do not disturb", too, until I've decided to stay for a while. But if a dancer still approaches because she's impervious to clues or desperate I'm always polite.
RedJohnson posted: "Guys, don't be too hard on twentyfive. If he didn't have tuscl and his geriatric tea parties at the strip club he wouldn't have any social life at all. Nobody's hanging out with a weird pedo member like that in real world except maybe other pedos."
Fuck dude, that was uncalled for. I don't understand why he behaves the way he does any more than the next guy, even trolling his own thread, but that is way over the line. Nobody deserves to be treated like that, not even a d-bag like 25.
^Two classy guys trolling, one I have on ignore, because he never comments on anything positive, but never hits the mark with anything remotely intelligent, the other says a few things, somewhat intelligently but writes about subjects with such a lack of self awareness, its stupid to respond, and yet I take the bait.
I'm guessing that you two have issues, most likely stemming from violent, unhappy childhoods, where you both were victims of an overbearing mother and an alcoholic, violent father, because you two idiots are very similar, a pair of pseudo tough guys, yet most likely in real life are regularly bullied so you come on the internet, to act out your fantasies.
I have wondered that too as a stripper. I mean I see people (male and female) dragged to the club by someone else all the time. And I'd get why you'd be super closed off if you got dragged. But if you come alone then act antisocial and give off negative/closed off vibes with a shitty mean expression on your face- that is just weird.
But I don't see a problem with a guy going to a strip club by himself and seeming shy or whatever. That's pretty common and normal and a lot of them seem alright from my interactions.
That's what I get for trying to be civil. I post an innocuous comment and I get trolled, yet again. Then I call someone out for posting something nasty about 25 - whether deserved or not - and I get insulted yet more. I guess there's just no winning with 25.
Many times I'm waiting for my fave. I'm not trying to draw attention to myself only to turn them down afterwards. Now if they still come by, I'm nice and I'll hella flirt with them, but shortly afterwards let them know the deal. Enough for both of us to have a little fun but not so much to waste her time.
Worse though, you don't even know how weird or unfunny your stuff is. Like a scorned woman perpetually on the rag, thinking that she is the spokesperson for the bitter geriatric crowd and no doubt texting/PMing others for ongoing emotional support.
That original comment was about your self awareness due to your original comment if you didn’t get it you really do lack a sense of self awareness or are totally tone deaf ;)
^ Ah, I see now. Your underlying point was a subtle one. Too bad it as so subtle that you were the only person who knew the complete subtext. ;)
Ok 25, this is a strip club website, not the workplace or a public social setting. Just like in a club, I'm not interested in trying to censor my comments to cater to your hyper-sensitivities. So if you continue to be inclined to troll me then so be it, but keep in mind that you are not nearly as smart as the last person who became my personal troll bitch and your stuff comes across as weird and snarky rather than funny (here we go with that self awareness theme again).
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Then there’s the strip club. Just let me sit, have my drink, watch sportscenter highlights on the big screen, see some titties, get a bj and go home.
Your post did make me think though, aside from ITC sessions the best times I’ve ever had in a strip club are when my buddies and I go.
The guys you mentioned are most likely loners. They also might not feel good about themselves (for different reasons). It leads to a very discouraged appearance.
Dancers are good at reading guys, and helping them to enjoy the club offerings. We aren’t very difficult to read - as we usually just need some beer, and tits...
I have to admit that when I SC alone, particularly at a new club, I do tend to find a dark corner to observe for a while. Eventually I'll move to where I can be seen by strippers and get some stripper foot traffic walking by. But I think some guys just keep up that protective shell -- I think many of them just want to be left alone, but many desperately want to be approached by the strippers, without looking like they want to be approached. Just weird social skills
Some still get annoyed - when they don’t get attention from a specific dancer - which is foolish.
There's Type-A personalities that are *naturally* outgoing and can easily strike-up a convo or make friends in practically any setting - then there's Type-Bs that are more reserved and striking up convos with random strangers does not come natural to them (think a salesman vs a scientist) - one is not better than the other, the Type-A can be an arrogant ahole and the Type-B a nice but just quiet person, and the inverse where the Type-A is a friendly gregarious guy and the Type-B an ahole that doesn't wanna deal with anyone - neither type is a good or bad person, just different personalities/wiring.
I think that some of the "loners" just like to depressurize at the end of a hard day. Others are there strictly for uncomplicated sexy time. Still others appear (at least to me) to be guys who are to varying degrees struggling introverts to outright shut-ins, but they still have needs. So, they hit the club as a way to open their personal pressure-release valve.
For whatever the reason it seems to happen naturally.
As for the dancers if I can't get the attention of someone I want ( within reason) I'll ask for an introduction.
Over the last year or so almost all of my club visits are spur of the moment decisions. The one time it was planned is the only really subpar visit I had.
That said, *all* of the extroverted behavior I display is learned. Talking to women for the first time still makes my stomach clench.
Sadly, the only way to get a hot chick to let me play with her tits and blow me is to actually talk to her, so I get over it.
My style: Lap-dances are a complete waste of money IMO. Same goes for extras inside the club, which I consider, rushed, cramped, expensive, and non-private; ITC contact hardly even qualifies as sex. So the whole purpose of a club visit is trying for ongoing OTC with someone sane, reliable, college-age—someone I can trust as a married guy. It’s possible at a club, but much easier to do online. When I’m at the club I try to engage in conversation with dancers to see if there’s anything in common. Then try for something safe and non-threatening as a first OTC meeting.
In my last years of clubbing, I was always alone. Never had an issue striking up a convo with dancers or other nearby customers. It must be a "vibe" given off would be my best bet. Some can read that "vibe" and others can't.
Unfortunately some use strip clubs in a way which is comparably addictive and destructive.
Having all the dolled up hotties parading around in high heels makes the strip club a unique and mind blowing environment, and everyone should get to be there some times. And it is expensive.
But, understanding this, one must also understand that a strip club is a fine tuned well oiled machine designed to separate marks from their money. As you are there, you are basically handing out wads of money for what is by nature free, female attention and sex acts.
So while the strip club does show you a side of women which is often not seen, you are still being a complete chump if you are induced into thinking that this is the way it has to be.
You go to the strip club and you imbibe an aesthetic, but you don't continue to depend on strip clubs to provide that. If you do, you are depriving your self. Real sex requires that the woman let down her emotional barriers and let it happen. And if you know one of the women well enough for that to happen once inside the club, then you know her well enough to let that happen outside the club and to build a personal relationship with her.
If you are there cheating on a spouse or an SO, and you do this regularly, then your word and your committeement and life investment mean nothing. You are not a man. What you need is a marriage councilor or a divorce lawyer, not strippers.
If you have somehow convinced yourself that LKDing, HJ, or BJ till completion are the way to live, then you are denying yourself real sex, and probably because you are in a dysfunctional marriage. Strippers are not going to solve your problem.
That environment of hotties parading around is exquisite. But if you are led to believe that the strip club is the only way to get this, and that you have to take it at face value, buying dances, woman performing a service upon you, then you really are an IDIOT!
Use the strip club to imbibe an aesthetic, and if you wish, to find partners for continuing to build upon this outside. But do not use it as a regular form of sexual gratification. Doing that is perverted, substituting bull shit for sex, paying money to exacerbate your own sexual frustration.
SJG
Click On Your State
https://www.nasca.com/united-states.html
SJG
I think he was saying that's why HE goes, not generalizing that that's the best answer for everyone. Horses for courses and all that -- as long as you're not doing something self-destructive or addictive, I think it's great people have different reasons...
I find I do it for both reasons. Going to the club is an end in itself -- I love being ITC, I love being around strippers, and since I'm usually there with my buddies, it's a fun social getaway too. I do love OTC as well -- although in my case, I recognize after a couple of years on SA, that my OTCs are generally arrangement-like. Even among guys who like OTC, there's different models on this group, mine are arrangement-like but many guys on the group prefer a variety-based, "I just met her and will OTC with her when her shift is over" model of OTC. And of course, you have the "I let her and her junkie boyfriend move into my house" OTCers :)
san_jose_guy - this member (commonly referred to as SJG) is considered mentally unstable and should not be taken seriously
I vowed then and there never to do that again. All future visits will not include anyone I ever expect to see IRL.
Strip clubs are too expensive, and also too engaging, unless you are going to seriously engage with the women, imbibe the aesthetic, and likely end up waking up with one of them in the mornings.
Once, my first couple months of Go Go Bars, over 30 years ago, took some friends. Their feelings about it were neutral, enjoying, but still reserved. One issue was the costs, still very low compared to these mileage places.
But they both noted that I was much more into engaging with the women than they were, and that I always seemed to have something going between myself and some of the women.
SJG
Book Publishing Industry
https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=…
At night it is ethanol powered male bonding. The women are there just to help them believe that they are not gay.
But for me, going to the Brass Rail and spending money is ALWAYS ABOUT THE WOMEN. And often they and I have right off gotten along very well.
Girls telling me that the are not allowed to kiss, but that I can kiss them when we go out, etc.
SJG
https://express.google.com/product/62758…
SJG
SJG
I know that sound.
Yep, another imbecile acted like my privacy wall did not exist, and so he ran into at full speed.
This guy is knocked out cold. At least he did not touch the 5,000 volt wire up top.
SJG
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/c…
SJG
SJG
But 25, I've sent this along for you too, 'cause I know you like donkeys.
https://www.target.com/p/vaseline-100-pu…
SJG
I don't need to sit and chat with a pretty girl. If I wanted that I'd blab with attractive co-workers for free.
On the occasions when I'm looking for something new, I'll usually get their attention, or ask a waitress to get them, or just go on up to them. Hasn't been a problem that every other time I've seen them I've basically ignored them. They act just as happy as a girl I've never seen before when they take my money.
+1. With a business and a family, I am always interacting with others and solving other people's problems. When I go to the club, I don't have to worry about anyone but myself. Also, I find OTC much easier to arrange when I am flying solo.
And actually 25, not a fantasy, but the ongoing need to suppress real aggression that used to get me in a lot of trouble. Big difference buttercup. ;)
One of your best posts - and most insightful posts - yet!
It does. I used to try and sit out of the way in a new club until I got a feel for it, which I'll still do from time to time. I'll sometimes project "do not disturb", too, until I've decided to stay for a while. But if a dancer still approaches because she's impervious to clues or desperate I'm always polite.
Fuck dude, that was uncalled for. I don't understand why he behaves the way he does any more than the next guy, even trolling his own thread, but that is way over the line. Nobody deserves to be treated like that, not even a d-bag like 25.
I'm guessing that you two have issues, most likely stemming from violent, unhappy childhoods, where you both were victims of an overbearing mother and an alcoholic, violent father, because you two idiots are very similar, a pair of pseudo tough guys, yet most likely in real life are regularly bullied so you come on the internet, to act out your fantasies.
But I don't see a problem with a guy going to a strip club by himself and seeming shy or whatever. That's pretty common and normal and a lot of them seem alright from my interactions.
I don't know why, but those six words made me literally laugh out loud to the point of making my eyes tear up.
"^Sorta confirms what we always thought about you, you’re an antisocial loner with aggression fantasies."
Your interesting take on self-awareness came later, after your trolling was in full swing. Pot, kettle, black btw. ;)
Worse though, you don't even know how weird or unfunny your stuff is. Like a scorned woman perpetually on the rag, thinking that she is the spokesperson for the bitter geriatric crowd and no doubt texting/PMing others for ongoing emotional support.
Ok 25, this is a strip club website, not the workplace or a public social setting. Just like in a club, I'm not interested in trying to censor my comments to cater to your hyper-sensitivities. So if you continue to be inclined to troll me then so be it, but keep in mind that you are not nearly as smart as the last person who became my personal troll bitch and your stuff comes across as weird and snarky rather than funny (here we go with that self awareness theme again).