The "you're such a gentlemen" dilemma

Yeah - seems some SCers take the gentleman comment as high-praise and a feather-in-their-cap - I see is as "thanks for being a chump and making it easy to take your $$$".

I'm not espousing being an asshole - I'm just saying the PL that gets all giddy b/c the dancer "considers him a gentleman" b/c he kept his hands under his thighs instead of feeling her up like he wanted to and was hoping for, is a chump/easy-mark and not a gentleman.

Sex, and a woman's body, is to be enjoyed, especially if that is what you are paying for - this country is way too uptight about sex and enjoying casual-sex even if it's in the P4P space.

You're over-thinking this. Strippers often try to provide some sort of validation regardless of how we behave. They aren't going to be surprised or recoil in horror if a "gentleman" tries for higher mileage at a future date. Many expect exactly that from most guys.

Now, if you're trying for more than she's willing to offer anyone as a rule, that's a limitations issue unconnected from being labeled a "nice guy". There are many threads about that.

If you feel like you have to respond, say something like: "I'm just in a mellow mood tonight. I might be in the mood for more fun the next time I come in." Or something like that.

I too at times kinda hold back on my dance-mileage when it's a hot dancer as to not scare her away - but usually don't seems I'm not into faves or long(er) term commitments w/ dancers and a hot low-mileage dancer is of no use to me personally as paying custy.

Yeah, I'm constantly getting saddled with the "Gentleman" title.

I never hear that, but sometimes I'll hear some version of "you seem like a nice guy." I always respond with something like, "Nah honey. I'm friendly and like to treat the girls I meet with dignity, but nice ain't really my gig." - followed up with a grin or a wink. It gets the message across the the girls that walk off after I say that, maybe 1 in 4, are probably the ones I want to leave anyway.

Never occurred to me that men would feel like betas by being told they are gentlemen. We mean that as a complement, and a hint/appreciation that their current behavior is more than acceptable. Guys will usually explain themselves a little, which is good. We want to be sure you are enjoying your level of mileage. Nothing wrong w not diving in to groping and titty sucking. I think most of us really prefer that anyways, as long as it’s not bc you aren’t interested.

Seems there are dancers that use the gentleman-line as a way to keep the mileage as low as possible w/o turning him off while still getting the PL's $$$.

I don’t mind the compliment, whether it’s sincere or not. It’s still a compliment.

Having said that, I’m not passive and I don’t play a long game in terms of club mileage. I ask the stripper what she’s good with early on. Then I go as far as she says but I don’t push it further. I don’t enjoy a dragged out night of “how much shit can I get away with” and I don’t imagine the strippers like it either.

Being a gentleman in no way, shape, or form, precludes asking for high mileage, lots of contact, or even sex.

It simply means that when you ask, you actual *ask*, you do so politely, you acknowledge her right to say “no”, and simply move on without rancor or butt hurt at a negative response.

@ Papi, I know you deal w a different club experience than where I work, but I really do it as a hint to let a guy know he can do more, if he wants.

Bj, everything that Papi said in this thread, which is why I respond the way I do. I'm not saying that every girl uses it as a control technique, but some sure do. At the very least, girls will float it to see how the PL reacts and then take it from there.

^ floating it seems ab right. Making sure the customer feels okay w it.

Part of why I burn out on clubbing is that I don’t like trying to figure all this shit out.

I have never felt like that was a beta statement. I generally feel like when a dancer says that to me she likes me as a customer and it is a hint that she is fine with me going a little further. It is also interesting Bj's comment that it is an opportunity to discuss mileage, that is an awesome tip I'll have to remember.

Is there some reason why strippers never call me a gentleman?

"you're such a gentlemen"

Buying dances is for chumps.

Front room makeout session. You can stand and back yourself up against a wall. But most of the time she will be on your lap. What could be simpler.

Then when it is time for your own pants to come down, you invite her to the back room. The afterwards take her home with you and keep on seeing her regularly.

Best if you select her and approach her yourself.

SJG

This thread read my mind. I was a “nice guy” for so long in the club, then I guess my mind got warped from this site lol. A girl who I got just “dances only” from for so long in there - when I did a complete turnaround and asked for an LDK she laughed and now won’t talk to me anymore. It’s a fine line to tread I guess...

I got called a good boy by a stripper...

Wait... what stripper is calling Papi a gentleman? Do you speak from first hand experience? Tell me ab this dancer who said that lol.

As long as she doesnt say you are a "Perfect Gentlemen" you are probably good. Although MDB probably wants that title.

I've never been called a gentleman by a dancer after I've enjoyed myself during a dance - only been called a gentleman when I was more of a newb and wasn't TUSCLarly-educated and was not as cognizant as one should be about the clear-distinction b/w strip-club bizarro-world and the real-world.

As many inexperienced SCers, I used to default to treating a dancer I was *paying* as I would treat a civvie on a first date - I wanted to enjoy her bod "but was afraid" how she would react and that I would be "disrespecting her" if I asked-for/expected what I really wanted -so as it turned out I would often pay up for the dancer to do the type of dances *she* liked vs the type of dances I liked and this of course was in most dancers' best interest (to be able to get my $$$ and also call all the shots) - and not being able to see the clear distinction b/w a $tripper and a civvie meant that when I was told I was being a gentleman I thought that was a good-thing when in fact it was usually as a result of me not asserting what I wanted as a custy and just letting the dancer do as she pleased which usually meant low-mileage.

IME/IMO being called a gentleman in the SC is more of a low-mileage red-flag than an invite to do more.

^ well did you even tell the girls who said that, “well, I’d really like to do more..” if not, it prolly was Ann invitation for more. We don’t know what you are comfortable with, or who you know. Most girls want to keep their good customers, more than they want to keep the mileage low, as long as it’s in their boundaries. You’ve prolly loosened up more now, but it’s awkward for us to deal w guys who are new at it also.

I have never been called a "gentleman" by a stripper. Does that say something about me ?

Good point by BJ99. It’s probably awkward for the strippers when dealing with a newbie. It’s probably also awkward for guys that violate the Subraman “don’t be a little bitch” rule.

With some dancers there is a path where through being a "gentleman" & of course spending some money, you can get to some better quality mileage, then if you just immediately stuck her titties in your mouth. The question is, how long and how much of a gamble are you willing to make to get to that point.

For the dancers though, I do think there is legitimately some respect for the "gentleman" who is the first customer out of the last five who doesn't immediately try to stick his fingers in her vag

I'm pretty single-minded in pursuing my agenda. Whether it's a genuine compliment, or attempt by the stripper to manipulate me, I'm still going to pursue my thing.

Never been called that.
Not a problem being a gentleman when sitting/chatting and getting a good grope on in the VIP. The 2 are not mutually exclusive.

^^^Yup. Don't understand the issue here. Been called a gentleman *A LOT* and that's after I've played with and sucked her tits, grinded each other to a pulp, did at least LFK if not DFK and probably fingered her as well. I always chuckle to myself after one of those compliments (sincere or otherwise) because her definition is definitely a bit skewed. Doesn't say much for strip club customers in general if what I do is "gentlemanly" in comparison to other customers. No wonders so many dancers either quit or have become camgirls.

It's not what she says but also how she says it... or when she says it. Most times it means she's comfortable with you doing what you're doing.

You can be gentlemanly and still want/get mileage.

First off, gentlemanly is more than behavior. Do you dress & smell nice? That's gentlemanly. Will you tip well for good service? That's gentlemanly. Do you make good conversation and are you polite? That's gentlemanly. And those are all things that might make a girl want to give you better service.

Think about the woman who's nice in the front room but, ahem, naughty in the back. Who's to say that isn't kind of hot the other way around?

The key is to be considerate. Look up the actual definition of that word.

Be handsy, but if she tells you to stop or moves your hands away, don't try again. Also, handsy and grabby/gropey are very different. If you don't know the difference, do some reading on how to touch women and have them like it.

Try starting by touching her in a way she wants to be touched. Give a little back massage, under the shoulder blades, before the dance, particularly if she's busty (big-busted girls all have sore backs, especially if they're dancing in heels all the time). Good touches for her early tend to loosen the girl up to good touches for the both of you later.

You can ask about OTC in a gentlemanly way, after things have heated up some. "So I have to ask ... might you be available privately?" If the answer is "No," accept it. "Understood. Take it as a compliment, because I'm really enjoying your dances." She may try to propose a room at this point. This is where you should know if you're in an extras club or not, not to mention, know how to subtly inquire about potential services. If it's not going to be worth your money, turn her down, but again, you can do so nicely.

I'm going to Detroit soon. I get great service when I'm there. And the girls I get it from usually tell me they enjoyed spending time with me. Some of it's SS, sure. But one gave me part of her tip back to for parking. Another gave me her number unprompted. Another said I was a dead ringer for her ex. I apologized and she said, "No, that's not a bad thing. I had three kids with him, and you're nicer."

Each instance came after I got FS.

You can be a nice guy and get what you want. Just don't go too far either way. Don't be an awkward, wimpy pushover, don't be an asshole and don't be the worst combination: An awkward pushover who becomes a desperate grabby asshole.

Be confident, be considerate and try to get what you want without being inconsiderate of what she wants. Make her look forward to seeing you at the club again, and not just for your bankroll.

Sorry one of you reminded me of the first time I asked my last atf OTC....She was facing me, grinding on me, I was alternating between dfk and sucking on her tits....and I said...I want to have sex with you....And she paused for a second and said, "I could do that." and the rest is written in the stars.

And by the way I didn't respond to her response for about a week!

I found that it doesn't matter much if I am being labeled a gentlewoman or an aggressive asshole. I still seem to get what I want most of the time. They are just words and at the end of the day they don't mean much at all.

Occasionally a dancer might use the "you're such a gentleman" usually followed by "unlike the others", line as reverse psychology or ego stroking to get you to act a certain way or play to her comfort level (lower mileage), or try to get you to buy her a drink or give her a tip. Especially if they say this before a dance while just talking to you and interacting with you a little. If i haven't done anything particularly "gentlemanly", i'll take this with a bigger grain of salt than usual.

I usually heard the "gentleman" compliment more during my one-way contact clubbing days. So it wasn't necessarily about trying for mileage, but a certain vibe or energy i had. Just do many of the things AnonymousJim said. Be pleasant, be civil, be courteous, be clean/hygienic, be generous (when warranted), but be confident/sincere in what you want, and you should get better reactions/treatment. I tend to do these things anyway, so it comes off as natural to me. Most girls are willing to accommodate a customer in what he wants within the club rules or her rules. The girls, if they're self-aware at all should fully understand that they are in "sex work" after all.

I still get the "respectful" complement every now and then, which i find unusual when i do all the things that i usually do during a dance. I find myself thinking, what did i do? Or what do other guys do? So i guess there are respectful ways of getting maximum mileage. The longer i do this though, i do tend to care less what dancers (or other people in general) really think of me, which is part of maturing, i guess. The whole social media thing seems to be delaying this for the newer generation, however.

You want to get her off script. Front room friendliness is the way, and the front room makeout session is the epitome. But at all times you want to get hands on with her, instead of buying dances.

The best I have seen evidence of, in posts and videos, is the TJ style tip + feel up. Sometimes that also goes to kissing.

SJG

Dirk: You'd be surprised what passes for "respectful" for guys nowadays. If you treat a dancer like a person, you're probably more respectful than most.

Where I live, we have the dreaded "tip walk." After a girl is on stage, she goes around and asks everyone at the bar if they'd like to tip her for her show. A dollar is fine. It's annoying for the girl and the patrons, but it can be her way of connecting for VIP and it's just the way it's done around here for some reason, plus, it's just one lousy buck each time. It's easy enough to avoid if you just relocate when a girl comes by you really don't want to tip, but again, most of the time, it's a lousy buck and it's faster to just give it to her quick so she moves on.

Anyhow, one night, each time a girl is on her tip walk, the guy next to me listens to the question, then looks her square in the eye, screams, "NOPE!" then turns to laugh with his buddies. You could see each girl walk away with a "I wanna kill myself" look on her face. I kinda wanted to smack the dude, but he and his meatheads would have kicked my ass.

So yeah, those guys are out there. They're getting dances, getting drunk, acting entitled, telling dancers they're dirty strippers who aren't worth it and having their buddies cheer their antics.

Compared to those guys, if you're the least bit polite, you're a gentleman.

^ I do remember one past favorite (i haven't seen her in years, although she supposedly appears at the club once a month or so, always when i'm not there) telling me that there were a few customers whose company she enjoyed, saying i was one of them and that there were a lot of assholes that went to the club. So she would often prefer to spend more time with me, even if i wasn't spending money than having to deal with those "other" customers. Of course, she was a favorite, so i did usually spend quite a bit on her anyway, so i was hardly a time waster/killer either way.

But i've definitely been that guy that a dancer (usually regular) will spend some time with without expecting any money, just to reset her state of mind (often with some reassuring back rubbing or thigh rubbing or light massage of hands, limbs or shoulders) after being shook up or upset by an asshole customer. Or she might talk it out a bit as well, although i won't usually say much. Once she calms down and her body language improves, she's ready to move on.

I feel left out. I rarely hear that from dancers!

Although my version of FIV isn’t fingers - so I’m known to be a bit invasive when checking out the pink...

One can be a gentleman, and still make it all happen with her fairly easily.

SJG