This is sure a trying hobby...

I move on to the next girl. and then the next. and next.

Well said, Justme62.

It is definitely a rabbit hole that has many levels and runs very deep. Once a PL opens that door it is almost impossible to get back out.

When I was young and single, SC's frustrated me. Here were all these pretty girls that would act interested in me, but then the interest stopped when I stopped paying. It was kind of hurtful to my pride. It wasn't until I got married that I really started to enjoy them. I treated SC's for what they are. Fantasy Land. Enjoy the pretty girl for what she is doing at that moment, but don't get emotionally involved. Also, I don't go to them for social activity. I'm now only interested in the visual and physical entertainment. A stripper may give you the Girl Friend Experience , but she's not your girl friend.

SCing is an expensive hobby. Spending $500 per visit once or twice a week (to say nothing of OTC) adds up. My only other costly activity is international travel. When I'm overseas for a month, the money I save by not strip clubbing practically pays for the trip.

I’ve heard it said before - and it bears repeating here - as it’s good advice.

“You must have realistic expectations when you step into the unrealistic world of a strip club.”

Don’t get obsessed with strippers - as that’s a one way street to frustration and an empty bank account.

Strippers are great - they provide a wonderful bit of paid fantasy. But remember it’s paid and it’s fantasy -

Better than gambling

I’m in my 30’s and I’ve been single for a long time now, always been a loner. Got into kind of a groove now where I’m fine with it. But then hanging around these girls and going to SC’s I’ve found can really mess you up in the emotional department...it’s easier to fall for them. Happened twice now.

Current dancer I’m obsessed with won’t do any extras or OTC with me at all, I’ve asked her numerous times and offered her basically any amount, but still no. That kinda messed me up a bit, I don’t know.

Right now I’m seriously trying to find a regular civi girlfriend.

Praetorian, it is something all of us here have gone through whether we want to admit it or not. It happened to me once, and it did mess with me mentally, but I learned from it and came up with a different approach which has been effective for me as it has not happened again.

I live in an area that has several good clubs. I plan my visits so I don’t make consecutive visits to the same club. By not frequenting a club too often, it is a lot easier to go in with the mindset that you are just looking to spend some time with Mrs. Right Now, whoever she is on that particular night.

During the past 7 months, I have not gotten “dances” with any girl more than once.

I think that is a good idea. It will help balance things for you. Strip clubs are strictly service businesses and strippers are providers of service. They don’t do other things like emotional partners would and should do.

Strip clubs are def a double-edged knife - they can become somewhat addicting or at least habit-forming and they can alter your finances and to a certain extent your state of mind and possibly alter one's POV wrt women - but they do serve a purpose to a certain extent, i.e. being alone and not having access to women (or woman one truly desires) can also be problematic - perhaps in a sense strip clubs are a temporary remedy meant to treat the symptoms but not meant to be a cure for the real problem/issue.

Papi, good advice and I particularily like your comment about too much clubbing can alter the way you see women. To avoid that you need to balance ITC interactions with relationships outside the club, keep things in perspective.

If you're looking for a GF in the clubs that will *genuinely* care about you then you're gonna be constantly frustrated ("you can't buy love") - don't put any expectations on interactions with dancers and just enjoy it for what it is, treat it like short-term relationships - and getting obsessed over a particular dancer that won't meet your needs is a fool's errand and just spinning your wheels, either enjoy it for what it is or find someone else, or enjoy more than one dancer at a time that provide different things

Get your dick sucked,try to pop her eyes out of her head and move on end of story.

exactly.

you don't look for love in a strip club.

-->"It may seem fun in the beginning but it seems you get dragged in. It can literally make or break you. The endless pitfalls, getting obsessed with a dancer, using her as a replacement for a civi, all roads to bad ruin...Yet it’s hard to break and go cold turkey, so here we are..."

I would guess most of us have made a dumb mistake falling for a stripper. That said, I would also guess that most of the old-timers here have learned their lesson and don't fall into that particular pitfall anymore. My lesson came as the result of a confluence of factors for me: at the same time I started going through a divorce (so was at maximum vulnerability) I changed my SCing M.O. from "variety-based extras" to "ATF-based socializing"... that was a rough year. But it was many years ago and I have not remotely fallen for it since, nor do I feel I will again. I think if I continued to "get obsessed with a dancer" over and over again, I'd likely have quit SCing and just stuck with FBSM and backpage-like arrangements.

Anyway, short way to say: yes, there are things to look out for, but most are just little potholes -- this stripper didn't provide as much mileage as she said she would, that stripper didn't show up to our OTC. But getting obsessed with a stripper is not a pothole, it's a potentially life-altering sinkhole. I get it if you fall into one ONCE. But you'd better make changes to ensure you don't fall into a second one, and if you do, time to re-think whether there are alternatives for you. Just too fucking dangerous financially & emotionally otherwise.

As we say around here - "a strip club is not a girlfriend supermarket"

Can be a trying hobby. There's a point where it all plateaus, and you either get ok with the costs of the hobby (not all financial) or you get out.

"Current dancer I’m obsessed with won’t do any extras or OTC with me at all, I’ve asked her numerous times and offered her basically any amount, but still no. That kinda messed me up a bit, I don’t know." --drunk

Take it as a service, if anything she's helping you out. Think of where you'd be if she did do OTC and how much deeper down the rabbit hole you'd be. She's making it very clear the fantasy stops at the club. Listen to her.

I'm in a similar boat and as much as I enjoy the CF, I see seeing her as a pick me up vs a replacement.

It's an enjoyable hobby if you can differentiate reality from fantasy. It's also not that much of an expense as a hobby if you have good budgeting skills. I see SCs as bars/lounges that happen to have dancers. I also do not use SC as a replacement for getting real life attention

^^^^^This is my approach now.

If you’re feeling lonely, a stripper is the most expensive way to socialize. Make some friends at the club. Chat up waitresses, bartenders and PLs.

The great, wise Papi touched on addiction and habit in regards to strip clubs. In a certain way, going to the strip club regularly robs you the opportunity of ever meeting women who truly care about you. If you’re fine with being single and not dealing with the stress and drama of being in a relationship, the strip club is the best place to be. No woman there will get in a relationship with you, That’s the good news. The bad news is that you can run into a manipulative stripper who can take advantage of your loneliness and at best leave you with a broken heart and at worst, leave you broke.

I'm single and I have never fallen for a stripper because I am not trying to be serious with a dancer. I have had an ATF who I had a fwb arrangement with and I've have/had faves who I enjoy spending time with. But I always have gone to a club with the understanding that when I leave I am leaving that world behind.

DrunkP., the issue is, do you consider the women who dance in strip clubs as no different from any other women, or do you place them into some other category.

SJG

I guess I'm fortunate to not have "fallen" for a dancer as of yet. I do favor one dancer over the other considerably at some SCs but I don't go with the mindset that I'm going to the SC just for that one dancer. I've had moments where I've thought about going to a certain SC specifically to see that dancer but I usually just hold off on that SC and put it in the back of my rotation. I wish I could understand some of you PLs

“This is sure a trying hobby...”

Only if you let it be such. I find it fun and relaxing.

Very well said GMD! That’s the problem - and sadly it’s an expensive learning process.

Wow some interesting thought provoking comments here - impressive - I guess I view it like a business transaction - this is what I want - you provide it no strings. Having said that I too enjoy the transaction more with someone I have "some" feelings for. However, never drop your guard..kind of cynical - I know..

DrunkP, your own advice about getting a civilian girlfriend is spot on. She will ground you if you get the right one who can handle being in a relationship with you. Of course finding one that is compatible will be the hard part.

It’s why clubs suck you in.... they defy reality and anything said by a stripper is 99.99% a means to get you addicted to their charms and open up your wallet to them, before they cast you aside. Go find a girl who you enjoy her company with outside of the
Club dynamic.

This is a very interesting discussion with a lot of insightful comments. I sympathize with those PLs who have fallen into the trap of getting too emotionally attached to one dancer. I do understand that it can happen, as it almost did for me. Fortunately, I figured out early enough that what I was envisioning in a perceived relationship with a dancer was just not ever going to be a reality. As others have already said, “remember this is a fantasy”. As a middle-aged widower, I find that SC dancers, who we connect with physically, emotionally, and even intellectually (rare as that is), are the ones who we could be most susceptible to envision more in a SC customer-dancer relationship than it is. I totally agree that we will never find a true GFE relationship with any SC dancer. I have found that I like to find a dancer who I can see often. Since I engage in VIP extras, I find that for a while having a regular dancer who I get to know increases the enjoyment and satisfaction. It is hard at times for me to not go over the line of foolishly thinking this dancer really likes me and enjoys seeing me, because as soon as I walk into the club she comes over to see me. But I must keep myself realizing that when she sees me, her eyes light up because she sees dollar signs and a sure thing. I'm not a customer who is a waste of time.

I have found that when I see a dancer regularly for a while, like I have a couple of times, that I need to take a break, step back, not get dances from her for a while, as hard as that might be. I don't want to upset her too much so that I can't get a dancer from her once if a while. What I’ve done is to challenge myself to find a more attractive and interesting dancer – sort of an upgrade. Kind of like what the wealthy aged successful guys who fire the old childhood sweetheart wife or a new young trophy wife. I find it challenging to see if I have the capability to entice another dancer to become a regular dancer who performs in club and VIP in such a way that it totally meets my needs. I firmly believe that if I treat the dancers with the utmost respect for what they do, knowing that they did not start out with this as a vocation objective, be nice to them, find the good ones (weed out the ROBs) and keep it real, I can handle getting through the obvious danger and temptation to dream that I can have a civi relationship with a SC dancer. I join others on here, who warn all that there is danger here – beware, be cautious, and don’t go down a path that you will regret emotionally and financially.

I’ve been clubbing for 30 plus years most of that time with a fair amount of money at my disposal. Some of that time I was married, most of it I was single. I have no idea how many strippers I’ve been with during that time frame but it’s easily over 400. Most of them in the Detroit area some Chicago or fort Meyers. I’m not as wise as Papi but I will say this, I wouldn’t trade the time or money back for the experiences I’ve had. It has been an absolute blast. There was only one dancer I met that I went overboard on, but she was worth it (north of $200K over almost 3 years) The downside was becoming emotionally attached to a business relationship. In hindsight 1/400 plus isn’t to bad I suppose but the “recovery” time was significant to get her (not completely) out of my head. One of the other girls I see on a fairly regular basis gave me great advice, be honest and find someone you click with outside of the clubs. So I’ve been dating civi’s lately and have met one who is special (ie no red flags) so far. Time will tell, but I may be at the point where I’m staying out of the clubs from now on... cold turkey for almost a month now. That’s a long time for me. Lol

In my experience ...

Getting emotionally attached to a stripper enhances the in club experience. For me, it creates a bit more realism to the fantasy.

There is a line though.
It is important to always keep in the back of your mind that it is fantasyland and the relationship is transactionally based. That doesn't mean you can't like, or even care for, a dancer that you connect with.

Another important factor is to remember that you leave fantasyland when you walk through the doors to head home.

It is only trying if you allow it to be. If you walk into a strip club and find yourself constantly falling in love (or, in obsession), then you likely need something beyond what strippers and strip clubs actually offer.

Some guys really aren't cut out for it, which is fine.