Least favorite lapdance moves?

chandler
Blue Ridge Foothills
What are some of the moves a lot of lapdancers seem to assume all guys like that do nothing for you, or even turn you off?

40 comments

  • chandler
    18 years ago
    Well, I know "French" meaning blow job goes back a ways. I believe it was popularized by GIs in both World Wars, although I'm sure the internet has spread it even further. Why "Russian"? I can't imagine it was a specialty of Russian women, since Russians had so little, um, intercourse with Westerners until recently.

    I could learn to use "service" in sort of an ironic manner. I like to do something similar with "sex worker", which normally isn't spoken except by feminist social activists in Canada or San Francisco. I'll sometimes say to a lapdancer, "You are one hot little sex worker, my dear."
  • Book Guy
    18 years ago
    I learned the terms "Russian" and "French" (referring to specific sexual services) from the internet, and doubt that they would be in such wide currency were it not for online anonymous discussions. Only in a military setting would there be sufficient "political safety from incorrectness" (so to speak) that this degree of candor would be welcome. Or among oil-rig workers. But they're (obviously) words that are used in non-internet conversations to refer to something other than the sexual service, so maybe there's something to their longevity and persistence in that.

    One word that nobody ever says in public is "service." I mean, you KNOW what they mean, but they never would SAY it, I don't think.
  • chandler
    18 years ago
    Book Guy: I asked about spinner here about a year ago, and a really funny thread resulted. I'll bump it when I get a chance. It's used IRL and in fact it predates the internet, or at least the web.

    As for others, most intialisms are online-only in my experience. Many (and wonderful) are the times I've heard the expressions "outside the club" or "blow job" uttered in the flesh, but never have I heard anybody actually say OTC, BJ, HJ, etc. etc. etc.
  • chitownlawyer
    18 years ago
    I always thought that "Stevie" reflected the idea that, while undergoing that procedure, even Stevie Wonder would know that he was in a strip club.
  • Book Guy
    18 years ago
    Interesting point about online-versus-reallife. Any other thoughts about that?

    Of course, you can only say "ass-c" and "tuscl" on-line. But what about "spinner" or "lapper"? Are those terms used verbally in reallife? What about others?
  • chandler
    18 years ago
    "Stevie" definitely comes from the side to side head motion, although the blindness that can accompany it probably reinforces the term's acceptance. Like most such strip club slang, it exists only online - I've never heard it in a club. As far as I know, it was coined, or at least popularized, by Z Bone on ASSC about 10 years ago.
  • ssewarrior
    18 years ago
    LMAO about the Stevie. Thanks Everyone! That is frickin hilarious.
  • minnow
    18 years ago
    ssew: Click on "Glossary" Stevie explained there. I happen to agree with your "list of 5".
  • Book Guy
    18 years ago
    A large-breasted (often fake-breasted) woman puts your head between her giant tits and mildly slaps your ears side-to-side with them. This is a Stevie-Wonder. I think it's called a Stevie-Wonder because (a) the patron becomes momentarily "blinded" by her tits and (b) the face that Stevie, himself, often makes while singing (Ray Charles does it too) is a big (blind) smile that includes side-to-side head movements. If you were to do a Stevie (or Ray) impersonation, you'd put on black glasses, tip your head slightly back, smile blissfully, and node side-to-side, right?
  • happylap
    18 years ago
    I'd never heard it either but I also assumed a Stevie Wonder connection.
  • DougS
    18 years ago
    ssewarrior: Not sure where the term "Stevie" comes from - I never heard is used until recently reading it on this discussion board. I can only assume that it has something to do with Stevie Wonder. (like a way for a blind guy to appreciate the size of her tits, or something)

    I'm sure SOMEone here on this board will expose the real meaning.
  • ssewarrior
    18 years ago

    1. Starting midway through a song and counting that. I respect the girls that sit on your lap and chat saying, “We’ll wait for the next song”.
    2. Purring in your ear – this is the absolute worst for me.
    3. Doing the same sequence of moves over and over during an LD. This becomes more noticeable during multiple dances. Tells me they’re either not that into it or are newbies and just stick to a routine.
    4. Slapping the ass is just plain stupid.
    5. Also just as stupid is slamming their shoes into the floor while on stage.

    Interesting what different people like Chandler. I personally happen to love getting beaten side to side by a big
    breasted woman. That and nuzzling my face right in the middle. That being said, I have a question, why is it called a “stevie”?
  • DougS
    18 years ago
    Happylap: no chance at all, that Lacey and Asia are one and the same. Lacey is light complected, long blonde hair, and long legs, where as Asia is Asian, with dark hair. I believe both give an enjoyable dance, though.
  • happylap
    18 years ago
    Oh I forgot! The topic here is LEAST favorite moves....

    Yeah, I don't understand that ass slap. Does nothing for me. And I'm not into her playing with my nipples. Don't like the pussy in my face that much or anything that involves air rather than grinding.

    But I've also experienced some unpleasant lap dances where she just grinds way to hard, as if she thinks the harder and faster, the better.
  • happylap
    18 years ago
    Any chance that Lacey in Indianapolis also goes by the name Asia? I was in that town once and stoped by Brad's Brass Flamingo. I tipped Asia on stage and she put her head in my lap, her ass in my face and then hooked her leg around my head to force my face into her pussy. I didn't think I would like my face that close to strange poontang either (even with two layers of bikini bottom) but the way she did it was great! Maybe it's something Indianapolis dancers are cultivating. I wanted to get a private dance from her but she dissapeared into the VIP lounge for a long time.
  • DougS
    18 years ago
    uhh... in prev message, kips = lips, in case you weren't able to guess.
  • DougS
    18 years ago
    Chandler: As usual, you bring up a good plus for the turned back position. I have a fetish for long, silky hair, and when a girl turns her back to me (and it's usually for this purpose), she's giving me the opportunity to run my fingers through her hair, and the view is great when she arches her back, dangling her hair back towards me. As you pointed out, a backward glance over her shoulder during this position, especially if she has sexy eyes and a killer smile (both qualities that my current ATF possesses) can be very enticing. Add in a slightly parted mouth with her tongue licking her lips, or a slight biting of her lip and she has me mesmerized.

    Of course I still prefer the up close and personal, face-to-face position. Nuzzling! My ATF likes that as well, as she is quite orally inclined. She does a lot of nibbling, licking, kissing my neck and jaw area, and we share DFKs extensively. My kips are usually chapped for days after my visits.
  • chandler
    18 years ago
    FONDL, I like the same things about being face-to-face, but I like it when a lapdancer turns her back to me, too. It's a classic position because it sets up so many great points of contact. I like nuzzling her neck and whispering in her ear. And I love it when she smiles and looks back at me over her shoulder. I know what you mean about following a set routine, but that's not at all true with many girls.
  • FONDL
    18 years ago
    I don't like a girl turning her back to me. It suggests that she's bored and just following a set routine while her mind is elsewhere. I much prefer she maintain eye contact with our faces very close to each other - as well as lots of physical contact of course. For me nothing is as sexy as having her face inches from mine with her lips slightly parted as though we're about to kiss. The best LDer I ever knew used to do that for the entire dance.
  • minnow
    18 years ago
    As Jpac, lopaw, Shadowcat, and Casual Guy's 1st post say. Unlike some posters, I like "stevies" (if done right, and breasts sufficiently sized and natural), and a nice ass brushing across my face.
  • Book Guy
    18 years ago
    I like the nipple play. And any other form of oral stimulation by her (kissing / nibbling my ears, etc.). :) So it's not on my "least favorite" list at all.
  • homeslice
    18 years ago
    Least:
    Ass Slapping
    Standing up with crotch near face
    Leaning back on my chest and raising pelvis up away from my crotch.
    Air dancing (in any way, shape or form)
    Looking at herself in mirror while she is dancing for me

    Favorite:
    Eye contact
    Ear biting, nibbling, kissing
    Touching my face or back of head
  • DougS
    18 years ago
    Huge: I definitely agree that a turned back is a turn off. For short periods of time, it's okay, as long as she does it while working towards a different and better position. To me, eye contact is VERY important. Good eye contact with a pair of sexy eyes definitely heightens the excitement level.

    I also have to chime in her and add my vote for Lacey and her headstands... I'm not particularly fond of that move either, but let me just say that when she does her head stand, there's another head standing tall... if you know what I mean. I think she's much closer to 100 pounds, though Chi... and she has some other moves that I really enjoy, to go along with the aforementioned acrobatics.
  • Book Guy
    18 years ago
    ROFL: "have a great time while having your prior opinions confirmed." :) Looking forward to the eventual opportunity! As always, I remain open to any new form of titillation!

    On my way 'round Memphis right now trying to find an apartment and to determine whether or not employment as a Junior College / trade-school English teacher is a possibility.
  • hugevladfan
    18 years ago
    I quintuple the slapping of the ass thing. I wil actually tell her I hate when she does that when she attempts it (if I get multiple dances from her). The other thing I don't care for is when their back is turned for a long period of time. I had one girl and she NEVER turned around to face me for more than five seconds at a time and that was juss a quick smirk. If a girl is grinding me in my lap with her back turned she may as well not even be in my company.
  • chandler
    18 years ago
    Well, I did claim that she could CHANGE your mind, so until you've gone it remains hypothetical. Even if you don't partake of the cooch, just the sight of her long luscious legs sticking up in midair around the club as she makes the rounds for her inimitable dollar dances wins admirers. And no, she is very gentle with my balls, thank you. (And no, she's not my ATF.)
  • Book Guy
    18 years ago
    What, she doesn't put her weight on your balls? I still would think the maneuver would be silly, it's just posing. I don't want strange coochie that close to my nose and mouth, thanks. I understand other guys do, but coochie isn't my target zone for a lapper, or for basically any other sexual experience, except in a long-term committed real-world relationship, wherein, eventually, I'm happy to let her drive me by the ears. But I don't like doing that with dancers.
  • chandler
    18 years ago
    Book Guy, regarding your #2, I know at least a couple others among us would agree with me that a visit to Indianapolis could change your mind. Book Guy, meet Lacey. Lacey, Book Guy.
  • Book Guy
    18 years ago
    1. Posing. Any manner of disengaging contact is silly and pointless.

    2. THe upside-down handstand thing (usually the crotch ends up in my face and her head is just below my crotch). This inevitably occasions putting weight on my balls. Ouch!

    3. Agreeing to do what I ask, but then not doing it. Generally this occurs regarding the subject of slowing down and going more sensual. "Can you slow down and go at a less rapid rate?" I ask. So she replies "Sure baby" and doesn't slow down at all. Very annoying.
  • chandler
    18 years ago
    Doug: I don't much go for big tits either, but I've had unwanted "Stevies" from fairly small busted girls, too. They're probably done more at the stage in many clubs than during lapdances. A similar move I get from girls of all sizes is slowly mashing her tits hard into my face, mainly my eyes. Why? It must be a popular favorite, though, because dancers are surprised when I ask them to lighten up.

    Licking her own nipples seconded. Not a big turnoff, but it does nothing for me.
  • whatevergong82
    18 years ago
    1- Slapping her ass. What's up with that??

    2- Licking her tits. I'd rather be sucking on them, thank you.

    3- The dancer getting up out of your lap as you're about to cum during the lap dance. You got Mr. Happy feeling mighty good, and you're not finishing the deed??

    4- Talking dirty. If we're not doing anything extra related, then don't do the porn act. I've seen awful porn flicks from actresses that have more range than your lame acting skills.
    4-
  • DougS
    18 years ago
    The least favorite lapdance move is ANY move that causes contact to be lost between the dancer and I. I HATE when they stand up and do a bit of dancing in front of me.

    The "Stevie" is also a turn off, but since I don't really go for the big breasts, I cannot remember the last time that I was subjected to that. Thankfully!
  • chandler
    18 years ago
    All the things Lopaw and Chitown hate are fine with me. My biggest turnoff is the "Stevie" - bashing my face from side to side with her tits. Not sexy at all.
  • chitownlawyer
    18 years ago
    1, Slapping her ass.
    2. Moaning or talking dirty ("You have a big dick", etc)
    3. The worst-- the skull blowjob--tucking her head against her chest, and rubbing my dick with her head. This is almost insulting. If a dancer is not going to touch my dick (through my pants), then she should just leave that area alone. (Of course, as I have related to some of you, if a dancer does not touch below the waist during the first dance, there will be no second dance. But a skull blowjob doesn't lead to a second dance, either.)

    A dancer who pinches, bites or kisses my nipples will have me following her around the floor like a puppy. If she unbuttons my shirt and does it directly to my skin, I will be following her around the floor and throwing money at her.
  • lopaw
    18 years ago
    Slapping her ass.
    I'll just never understand that one.
    Now if she smacks MY ass.....then it's a good thing!
  • casualguy
    18 years ago
    Here's one that dancers seem to think guys like but I could care less for. Instead of grinding you she stands up and puts her crotch close to your face. Then she just stands there maybe moving a little as if that is going to turn you on. Doesn't for me. If she turns around so you're facing her ass, that is even worse. Please don't even try rubbing your ass against our faces. Turn off there. The whole time she is standing up that close, you can't see hardly anything and Mr. Happy is getting ignored.
  • Jpac73
    18 years ago
    Airdancing during a lapdance. Leaning her back up against your chest, then lifting her ass up above your lap and pretending to grind you but when she is only grinding air.
  • parodyman-->
    18 years ago
    The ones that rack your balls!
  • casualguy
    18 years ago
    Pinching or biting the nipples is a turn off for me if she does that to me. Of course that usually happens during a stage tip and I won't get a lap dance from them if I remember that.

    Another big turn off, starting halfway on a song or late into a song and then counting that. I'll avoid her and try to remember her so I don't ever get dances from her again.

    As far as moves go, putting her knees or elbows down too hard onto you so all you feel is her bones pressing too hard. Not good.
  • chitownlawyer
    18 years ago
    Book Guy, I am going to endorse everything that Chandler has said about the dancer who does the headstands (as well I ought to, since he introduced me to her). Like you, I am reluctant to have strange poon shoved in my face. Even within the context of a relationship, I try to work in a communal shower or bath before munching the groundhog for lunch. This particular dancer has never pulled aside her g-string to let me see the goods, although she has gotten her package pretty close to my face. I don't know if she is cleaner than usual, or I just get her early in the shift, but I have never noticed any smell. I also agree with Chandler that she is very gentle on the balls, both when she is upside-down, and when she is right side up. SHe is about 5'5 or 5'6, and probably 110-120 pounds. Although she is not my ATF, she is a delightful dancer, and perhaps could change your mind. Even if not, you could have a great time while having your prior opinions confirmed.
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