Any Regrets, for those who have deliberately avoided marriage, or initiated divo

Never married by choice and the older I've gotten (soon will be 48) the better I feel about my decision - most people that I see married it seems like a job more than an enjoyable experience

^^^^^^ Most encouraging! My sentiments exactly. But still, on Thanksgiving I can't help but feeling something has gone wrong.

Thanks, SJG

Serious Shooting In Cleveland

yahoo.com

No regrets filing for divorce. Life has never been better since that became final!

^^^^ Though divorce may have indeed been necessary, do you ever still feel that something has gone wrong?

SJG

Gone wrong? No. Learned a valuable life lesson? Fuck yes learned more about myself? Yep. Live and learn. I didn't cause the divorce but sure as hell am glad I went through it. Not one to look backwards just loving life now

So are you saying then that if you had life to live over again, that you would not have married?

SJG

My only regret is not having any regrets

:)

^^^^^^ :)

Do you ever feel though that you have been unfairly pushed into making a choice you might not have otherwise made?

SJG

^ not really - for the most part I've made my own choices for better or worse

That guy who refuses to answer any personal questions is initiating personal questions to everyone here fuck you all, I’d tell him to kiss my bony ass.

Mid-50s and never married. Sometimes lonely, especially in specific for past girlfriends (whom I've broken up with, but remained on good terms with) if I let myself get into the wistful mental mode. But wanting to be married? As a concept, no. Wanting children, as an abstract concept, no.

In the abstract, the only thing I really regret about being totally utterly single is the idea that my dad is highly unlikely to ever become a grandfather, since I'm an only child. It seems maybe he would have shone in that role. My mother as grandmother? Dunno, no biggie either way. But my dad is already Ed MacMurray and James Bond wrapped up into one, so adding Santa Claus would have been a worthwhile combination.

The chicks I've dated? Mostly, I'm glad I didn't marry them. Some were lunatics just waiting to come out of the closet once they'd finally entrapped someone, so I'm glad I'm not the one who got entrapped. Some were OK people but not the right long-term match for me. Some wanted emotional and financial stability and, looking at me at the time they knew me, they wrongly assumed I was someone who might provide those things, so I'm glad I resisted. Most were not totally craven or underhanded, but all had much much much more of the gold-digger to them than I ever would have wanted to assume, when coming right out of the gate at the start of the race. It's really despicable just HOW DEEP the strain of the-man-MUST-support-me-financially runs in their assumptions, even in the best of people. Glad I avoided that.

Why are you sad @SJG? Because you're a psycho faggot?

I've regretted making the wrong stock trades at the wrong time. Undecided about the marriage thing. Life goes by fast. After reading about olive oil I've been using, I believe it is not healthy to continue using the same old bottle I believe I may have bought sometime in the last few years. I read old oil can cause cancer as well. Think I will throw out the extra pancakes I made rather than wonder if I'm increasing my chance of cancer since I read olive oil is not good to use for cooking and is only good for 2 years or less.

Marriage ? Well if some rich and pretty girl came along and we hit it off, I won't rule it out. I look younger than my age but might not for long if I keep using old food.

The holidays can be rough for those of us who are alone. i ate Thanksgiving dinner alone at home a couple years ago (made chicken, microwave mashed potatoes, boiled mixed vegetables) and I was so fucking angry I took a photo of my plate and texted it to my ex and told her this was what she reduced me to, hoping it would cause her to feel guilty. It didn't, and led to another bitch and complain session by text. If, by some miracle, I find another soulmate, I'm going to enjoy rubbing it in my ex's face. But even if I don't, I'm fine with it. I'll just continue to monger until I get to an age when I'm no longer physically able to function like I feel I should (without reliance on anyone and with my dignity intact) and then I'll say good-bye to my children and check out of this world and be at peace.

“If you’re lonely when you’re alone, you’re in bad company.” -- Jean-Paul Sartre

Looks like SJG has something in common with JAprufrock.

I feel sorry for JA, but not for SJG.

I regret at times never being married. I'd like it for a while at least. But overall, it's been good living the single life.

I’m 28 and have no intention of getting married. I feel marriage is outdated and that people can just live with each other without a ceremony, and if they get tired of each other just move out without going through a divorce process and all the drama.

Marriage is for men who can afford it.

jackslash wrote: “If you’re lonely when you’re alone, you’re in bad company.” -- Jean-Paul Sartre

I like that.

Actually, I am not lonely when alone. And I've never liked the idea of marriage.

But having tried to make it work, I still feel a sense of failure.

SJG

Futuretrackstar wrote, "Marriage is for men who can afford it."

Originally it was for all, or at least for those who are above some untouchable caste. But as it is today, I would say that more and more men are below the minimum threshold of 'marriageability'.

And here we see that more and more women are refusing marriage, even in the face of pregnancy, because they know the marriage would amount to a financial risk.

amazon.com

Those who actually do marry, despite the financial risks, are usually under the influence of the Christian Right, and often the financial risks do materialize and make it very very hard for the woman or the man to ever live with even the slightest bit of financial security.

SJG

san_jose_guy "I still feel a sense of failure."

well maybe you shouldn't have cheated on your wife then dumbass

If I wouldn’t potentially lose half of my shit in a divorce, then marriage would be more appealing to me. Of course you don’t want to assume you will get a divorce, but half of marriages end in divorce, so you have to be realistic, divorce is a very realistic thing. As of right now I plan on get married, but it’s going to be a long term relationship (5+ years) before I tie the knot.

im only married because i have kids. i understand feelings change and it can end. otherwise i would never get married for love, or any of that feelings bullshit. my wife is also NOT jaded as me, so she works hard to please me. once youre jaded, i think you wont put much effort into the marriage.

^^^ We all know how jaded SJG is.

Larry, Ray, and Salty, very good points.

I think for me, I knew it was very risky going in, but I felt that I had to prove something about myself.

SJG

LOL @ "marriage is for the men who can afford it"

also, "sometimes the sex you get for free costs much more than the sex you pay for"

^^^^^^ AMEN!

And also, the more the guy can afford, the higher the cost will be. Always pressing him for no other reason than to keep him pressed!

SJG

I used to really worry about not being married and longed to get married . . . up until my forties. Then, it flipped and I became very thankful to NOT be married. I realized that it was a blessing to be free from such burdens of parenting and pleasing a partner. That said, there are trade-offs to being single and hidden costs on both paths (married and unmarried.) A positive attitude and faith may go a long way regardless of choice.

^^ My thoughts exactly! It is easy to see the other side as having greener grass, but that's only because you don't see the crab grass over the hill.

Life is full of regrets ... or rationalizations on any path you choose...It is better to remind yourself why you made the decision (whatever it was) again and again.

Crab grass looks great after you mow it!