New and needing advice, please!
ebuchh13
Missouri
So the first time I went to a strip club was on my 21st, two years ago. Just went again last night except this time I didn't drink and I had a new experience. I met this dancer who was pretty different than the others.
She came to me and just wanted to talk; literally, no pressure, just wanted to chat and we seemed to connect really well. We talked about life, how she was adopted, how she enjoys singing, our favorite music, how she'd like to try bartending sometime. And there were silences where we just watched others. She talked a little about other clubs, etc. It was really great. She had to go on stage, so she went to get ready and then I went and watched. I was actually the only one at that stage, so she was able to keep joking with me while she danced. Right before she got off stage she asked if I'd like a dance, I'm a noob and said I'd think about it... However, this was the first time she ever-even in the slightest, asked for anything and there was no pressure. Later I did grab her and told her lets go dance.
When we were back there, it was just a regular dance, but it was really passionate – if that makes sense, it felt very different than the others. Afterwards she sat with her arms around my neck and looking at me and I said, "I wish I could get to know you more." and she said, "You can, give me your number and I will text you. I'd like to get to know you more too. And I feel safe with you." She smiled and we literally both said, "you're just so sweet." at the same time and laughed. Then she said, "I want to know more. Like, I want to know your story. You're the sweetest."
So we went out to the bar and I gave her my number and I asked, "So is _1_ you're real name?" and she looked at me shocked and said "How did you know that?"
I told her, "well they said it when you went on stage." and she replied, "no they didn't, they said my stage name, _2_, but _1_ IS my real name." And we both juts looked at each other shocked. I have no clue how I knew that. Strange coincidence. haha
They way we were looking, I know I could have kissed her, it just felt like there was a connection. But I am new to this, obviously... This was last night and I haven't heard from her yet. Was hoping I could get some opinions on what I should or shouldn't expect. Needing advice, as I'm beating myself up on the fact that I didn't get her number...
Thanks, all.
She came to me and just wanted to talk; literally, no pressure, just wanted to chat and we seemed to connect really well. We talked about life, how she was adopted, how she enjoys singing, our favorite music, how she'd like to try bartending sometime. And there were silences where we just watched others. She talked a little about other clubs, etc. It was really great. She had to go on stage, so she went to get ready and then I went and watched. I was actually the only one at that stage, so she was able to keep joking with me while she danced. Right before she got off stage she asked if I'd like a dance, I'm a noob and said I'd think about it... However, this was the first time she ever-even in the slightest, asked for anything and there was no pressure. Later I did grab her and told her lets go dance.
When we were back there, it was just a regular dance, but it was really passionate – if that makes sense, it felt very different than the others. Afterwards she sat with her arms around my neck and looking at me and I said, "I wish I could get to know you more." and she said, "You can, give me your number and I will text you. I'd like to get to know you more too. And I feel safe with you." She smiled and we literally both said, "you're just so sweet." at the same time and laughed. Then she said, "I want to know more. Like, I want to know your story. You're the sweetest."
So we went out to the bar and I gave her my number and I asked, "So is _1_ you're real name?" and she looked at me shocked and said "How did you know that?"
I told her, "well they said it when you went on stage." and she replied, "no they didn't, they said my stage name, _2_, but _1_ IS my real name." And we both juts looked at each other shocked. I have no clue how I knew that. Strange coincidence. haha
They way we were looking, I know I could have kissed her, it just felt like there was a connection. But I am new to this, obviously... This was last night and I haven't heard from her yet. Was hoping I could get some opinions on what I should or shouldn't expect. Needing advice, as I'm beating myself up on the fact that I didn't get her number...
Thanks, all.
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38 comments
I mean, if I don’t hear anything I’m not worried about losing money because the clubs are hours away and like I said, I hadn’t been in two years.
Just sucks, ya know?
Most of the guys on this forum have been conned and have spent a lot of cash on lying, thieving whores. You're not even out any money.
If you're looking for a girlfriend, a strip club is not the right place. As a young guy, you should be able to find girls your own age who will like you for yourself.
If you want to hang out with hot strippers and maybe bang them for money, keep reading the TUSCL discussions. You will learn a lot. You will definitely learn you do not want to date a stripper or marry one.
I’m realizing, though, that her hustle was just fucking great. Ashamed I didn’t know better.
No, man, IT IS SOMETHING and it's fantastic that you felt a connection with this girl. But understand that it is a strip club relationship. This is business for her. You will always need to pay money if you want to see her and she'll expect you to if she's going to spend more time with you. In exchange, she'll do her part in order to make you feel the connection again.
Please know I really am appreciating the advice, guys. This is a pretty cool community. I apologize for being such a newb.
how many strippers have you dated?
/sarcasm
She's fifty steps ahead of you. That's her job. She's looking for money and you're looking for intimacy.
Pay strippers for fantasy and make sure you get your moneys worth. You can play fair, but she's not expected to.
Over time, I learned she was a pill-head, mentally unstable, whose primary goal was to get pregnant and get money from baby daddies. She built a substantial criminal history and was regularly in court for support.
Although I don’t think she was ever a stripper, she certainly could have been. She was hot and could appear charming, as needed. I could easily see how guys were roped into 18 years of child support.
The next time a stripper makes a romantic move, keep in mind that there are thousands of women out there like my neighbor.
I actually agreed with much of what you said (even if you ultimately changed your mind), until you said that calling the club would make him look like a stalker. What do you mean by this? When you call the club the person who answers is going to be a bouncer/manager/cashier, not a dancer. How would the dancers even know that he had called?
You're getting some great advice, but it will only get you so far. At the end of the day you'll be fucked one way or the other, whether you listen or not. If you let her scam you, you'll lose some money and some self respect, and probably end up just as jaded and cynical as the rest of us. But, on the other hand, if you never hear back from her and you don't take the initiative and go to the club to find her then you'll spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you had. (And of course, once you initiate contact again you increase the odds of getting suckered exponentially.) Given these options, I think the choice is clear: if you don't hear from her within a week or two you need to go back to the club and see where the road takes you. It's better to have clubbed and been scammed than never to have clubbed at all.
I’d recommend you hang tight - enjoy the perceived connection - and see if she texts you. If she does - then it could be the “I need money” text - or it could be a pre “I need money” text.
You are only out $40 - so that’s nothing to worry about. Some pl’s ask this question after a few hundred - and that’s not good.
Enjoy the memory of your night at the club. It’s all good. It’s a learning process - and it hasn’t become expensive - so you are doing fine!
Yes, given that it's that far away, I would definitely call them first and make sure she's there. I doubt that whoever answers the phone will tell the dancer that she has a "stalker." Guys call all the time to check if this or that dancer is working. But definitely call because the schedules that these clubs post are one step above useless. (Especially in my neck of the woods because the weather just got cold, and girls seem to like to stay home when it gets cold. They'll call in sick at the last minute.)
Anyway, no it probably isn't a connection of any kind. All I'm saying is he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life not knowing for sure. Many of us here have stories about "missed connections" and encounters that we wish we could do over, both in and out of the club scene. Honestly, how much can he loose? Another $40? A couple hundred? Regardless, it's a good learning experience. If and when he gets burned, then he can always come back to TUSCL and become a jaded whoremaster, just like we are ;)
you want him to drive hours out of his way, and then hang out at the club for yet more hours just on the off chance that she might be working that night, and might not be too busy to talk to him, and might feel like approaching him...
and if she is working, and if she's not busy with a whale or regular, and if she actually decides to approach him, then he's supposed to pretend that he just came in for a beer, but hey, as long as you're here, why don't we go out for dinner???
really? cuz that type of approach definitely wouldn't make him seem like the world's greatest wuss/stalker/loser/beta male
you must think all women/dancers are idiots, that they wouldn't understand what he was doing from a mile away
and since your reading skills seem to be as deficient as your reasoning, I never for a moment suggested he call the club to find out if she was working so that he could waste time driving over there, what I said was, call the club and ask to speak to her if she is there
finally, news flash for ya, but one of the jobs of club managers is to hook girls up with guys who want dances from them, i know, shocking, you better sit down for this next part, but I routinely ask managers if a certain new girl is working, and they will routinely either send her to me or recommend another girl, i have no idea what the hell you do in clubs, that you think a patron asking for a dancer is any way unusual or a big deal or something that would require a "head's up" roflmao
I don't claim to be an expert on women, strippers, or anything else for that matter, but I think if he ever did what you are advocating then he really would seem like the world's biggest wuss/stalker/loser/beta male. Or at least a pathetic stalker rather than a pathetic loser LOL. I doubt that strippers would ever pick up the phone unless they got an emergency call from their boyfriend or dad or whatever. Maybe things are very different in other parts of the country but that's how it seems in my area. I could be totally wrong about this, but I think calling the club and asking to speak to her directly would make driving two hours and ordering a beer seem like James Bond-level suaveness by comparison.
I'm the one saying to forget about her, i'm the one saying don't ever get any dances from her, i'm the one saying if you really have to have contact again, have some respect for yourself and your own time, rather than making multiple pointless trips to some distant club just to chase some stripper who doesn't even seem to be interested in you, and that's what you consider a "pathetic stalker"?
wow, how do you manage to walk around with your head so far up your ass?
Alright, take it easy, don't blow a gasket. You are correct, you are mostly advocating that he not chase after this girl. But then you did also say that if he's gonna try to talk to her again he should call the club and ask to speak to her directly. I don't know about that one. Again, I could be totally wrong. I'm just a dude hanging out on a message board who pays for sex. That's all. I'm not Dr. Drew. WTF do I know?
What I have repeatedly stated, and what you have repeatedly failed to "catch" is that I advise forgetting about her. If I were in his shoes, and I thought there might possibly be some extenuating circumstance, then I would call the club and speak to her by phone, and the only response I would accept would be something along the lines of "Oh, I'm sorry, I lost your number, I lost my phone, etc" and then I would proceed to set up a date with her outside the club and I would never return to the club again (at least not for her). If she responded with anything else, I would forget about her.
What I have repeatedly stated, and what you have repeatedly failed to "catch" is that I advise forgetting about her. If I were in his shoes, and I thought there might possibly be some extenuating circumstance, then I would call the club and speak to her by phone, and the only response I would accept would be something along the lines of "Oh, I'm sorry, I lost your number, I lost my phone, etc" and then I would proceed to set up a date with her outside the club and I would never return to the club again (at least not for her). If she responded with anything else, I would forget about her.
Yeah, but needing to come up with an excuse (like pretending to lose your phone) might make you look like a beta male. Or at least a bitch. Again, IDK.