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Does it matter how you ask a dancer for a dance?

DougS
Florida
While discussing if it makes a difference in the dance you receive if the dancer asks you for a dance, or the other way around, this topic occurred to me.

(note: again, we are talking about dancers that we've never danced before)

In my experience, it DOES seem to matter how I ask a dancer to dance for me. If I spot a dancer that really interests me, I'll track her down and ask for a dance. If I just ask her if she can dance with me when she has time, usually she will give me a decent dance, but nothing special... OR she might never "find the time" and I never get the dance at all.

I've found that if I say something like "come see me when you are available", of course after I've tipped her on stage or whatever, not only will it most likely lead to some chat before dance, but the dances will usually be a little better. Maybe the girl looks at me as being less of a PL, because of my approach?

Yet another approach, and the way that I normally ask, is to say something like "You really caught my eye from across the room and I was wondering if you wanted to go play a little" This line offers a small compliment and usually gets a smile and seems like it also results in better contact. I think it gets the girl thinking a little naughty and maybe makes her see you as more of a "player" than just a PL...

OR, maybe it's all just a crap shoot and it's all the girl and not the approach...

I know if the stilettos were on the other foot, I would be much more into a dance if a girl propositioned me with the "do you want to play?", rather than a "wanna dance?" line.

17 comments

Latest

chandler
•
18 years ago
NEVER has failed, Clubber? I doubt if many can say that. I feel I'm doing well if half the girls I tip make it around to me.
Clubber
•
18 years ago
Like FONDL, I rarely ask for a dance. The rare time that I do, I tip at the stage, then ask the dancer to join me after her set. Never has failed.
FONDL
•
18 years ago
Being a good listener isn't very common in our society, most people just want to hear themselves talk. My ATF is an incredibly good listener and often reminds of things I said years later. It's one of the reasons she's my ATF, from day 1 she showed a strong interest in what I had to say. You don't find that from many people, in or out of strip clubs. It requires a special effort that most people aren't willing to make.
chandler
•
18 years ago
Timing can make a difference in your approach to a dancer. I usually try to work it so that she comes back to where I'm sitting first rather than taking me directly to the dance area. But that's not always possible the way some clubs are set up. If I already know enough to be sure I want dances with her, it's kind of fun to watch for a time when I can snag her. I'll usually speak pretty directly in that situation, like, "Wanna make some money?"
chandler
•
18 years ago
Trying to make an impression with "chick-talk" not only comes off as phony, it isn't any fun, so it's a lose-lose idea. I think/hope Book Guy was being sarcastic.
casualguy
•
18 years ago
I know of one dancer that seems to like to occasionally sit on my lap. I hardly say a word to her. It could be partly because she got cold and is warming up by sitting on my lap. I just sit there and watch her and the dancers. I let her do most of the talking if she wants to talk. There already is enough noise in the club most of the time. I'm probably like a no hassle break.

I remember visiting a club years ago when I was new and the customers went to the dancers to get dances for the most part. I didn't hesitate to go ask what I thought was the prettiest dancer to dance for me. She became a favorite of mine in that club and after that I didn't ask her because she would always ask me first or come over and talk to me first.

I remember one dancer told me I made her feel like a customer. I didn't realize I was routinely doing that. She would come over and sit and talk with me and before she asked, I seemed to always ask her if she wanted to dance and ask about the price as well.
lopaw
•
18 years ago
I think chandler has it right.....most seasoned dancers have heard so much crap from customers that most really do hear "blah blah blah" instead of actual words.They quickly break the sound down to either "I make money now" or "I walk away now".

btw.... forget about attempting "chick-talk" in an effort to make an impression on a girl. I don't think guys can pull that off without looking insincere and lame, and trust me - chicks will see right thru it in a new york minute.
chandler
•
18 years ago
My point about "blah blah blah" is that I don't think the stripper brain distinguishes between "come join me" and "can I get a dance" the way we expect it to. All that registers is that you might want a dance later. It's like guys who complain they meant it when they said "maybe later", but she never came back. To the stripper brain, any answer except "yes, right now" just goes in with all the "no"s as "blah blah blah".
Book Guy
•
18 years ago
I think it's a good thing to understand, that most FEMALES hear males as saying, merely, "Blah blah blah ...". If you can be one of the guys who WAKES HER UP with something ... umm ... chick-talk, but not pansy? is that the way to say it? ... then they can really "relate" to you. Get their emotional zingers zinging.
DougS
•
18 years ago
Chandler: I still remember that particular Farside comic well... I surely miss that strip (hey, no pun)... I also was a big fan of Calvin and Hobbes, and greatly miss that strip as well. Yeah, I'm sure most strippers - and younger girls in general hear what us older guys say as "blah blah blah blah"...

I have an off-the-wall sense of humor at times - most of the time... a lot of double entendres, puns and one-liners that a lot of the time travels about 7 inches above the dancers head. It's sometimes disheartening to come up with a great line and have her look at you with a confused look, like "what in the HELL are you talking about?!"

That's why it's so refreshing when you have a rapport with a girl that catches most of that...
FONDL
•
18 years ago
I almost never ask for a dance, I wait for the girl to ask me. If she is willing to sit and talk for an hour first I don't mind at all, in fact I prefer it. Asking for a dance cuts that time short.
chandler
•
18 years ago
Doug: I have to backtrack a little on what I said about choice of words not mattering. I usually do ask a girl to "come join me", or something similar, when I tip her rather than "can I get a dance". Although I don't think it makes the dance I get any better, it can encourage her to approach me more to sit and flirt for a while before starting into a dance (which can indirectly make the dance better). At least in my mind it does, although the difference may be lost on strippers. I've told girls onstage I'd like a dance and had them come and sit for a long time first, and vice versa. In my mind, it also leaves my options more flexible, too.

Sometimes I'm reminded of that old Far Side comic where on one panel a dog owner is lecturing his dog, going into great detal about how Ginger has been a bad dog. On the other panel, it shows what the dog hears: blah blah blah blah Ginger blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Ginger blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Ginger blah blah blah blah Ginger blah blah...

All our word and fine distinctions are heard by strippers as: blah blah blah blah Yes blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Yes blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Yes blah blah blah blah Yes blah blah...
chandler
•
18 years ago
Book Guy: I think we all like that feeling. Evidently, a lot of guys who post reviews are so attached to the feeling of "being hunted" that they'd rather leave a club disappointed than get up and approach a dancer. I'm always seeing reviews complaining how the girls didn't all flock to him. Some of them for clubs where I've had no trouble getting dances with most of my top choices.

The fact is, unless you look like a big dumb spender, you're not going to attract the girls you want all the time just by showing up. Myself, that good feeling of "being hunted" wears thin pretty quick when the huntresses don't include the hottest strippers in the house.
Book Guy
•
18 years ago
I like the feeling of "being hunted down." It turns the tables on the girls, and gives me the sensation that I'm after, when I go to a club -- feeling like I'm "wanted" by hot women, rather than having to be the desperate beggar whose actions toward hot women are based upon being more needy OF them, than needed BY them. I know it's just a fantasy, but it still feels good.

Because of this, I prefer to be "chased" rather than to do the chasing. Depending on the volume of the situation, this has advantages as well as disadvantages, so I have to balance accordingly. I will indeed chase a girl down if she looks hot enough to me, but I seldom get a lapper with anyone without first chatting them up enough to find out whether her "chemistry" meshes with mine. It's about her attitude and customer-service sense, her sense of humor, etc.

Also I need to know if her tits are fake or real. :P
chandler
•
18 years ago
Also, I do believe it' true that 90% of getting a good dance is picking the right girl. However, the other 10% is what makes it fun.
jimmyblong
•
18 years ago
If I want a gal to dance for me I used to wait to see if she would come around, fulfilling the whole fantasy of 'yeah this babe wants me'. Now that I'm a little bit older I don't have the tim eto waste waiting for miss right to become miss right now. I go to the stage and tip and then ask if they could help me spend some money later. Usually their eyes ligth up and they'll say yeah right after my set or let me know if other guys are in line in front of me. Then I sit back and wait fr the goodies to come to me. It usually ends being an enthusiastic dance because they didn't have to make the rounds getting rejected before they got to me. Dancers arent mind readers and are as afraid of rejection as much as we are. Getting told no thanks maybe later 100 times a day has to take its toll and i think they appreciate that someone wants to play with them.
chandler
•
18 years ago
Doug, how I approach a girl makes a difference in the whole experience. It sets the tone for the kind of rapport we share. However, the choice of words doesn't matter that much. I think customers (guys) place a lot more importance on the objective facts of what is said than dancers (girls) do. They're more concerned with emotional meaning and intent. So, "dance for me", "come join me" and "let's go play" all have essentially the same effect.
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