Jokes to Make Your Dancer Laugh

15 comments

• shadowcat

  •

  17 years ago

  evilcyn: I have been working in the aviation industry for almost 40 years. During that time I have always been told that eventually I would be replaced by a black box. I really doubted that untill about 10 years ago. Then the company hired a female Afro-American to do the same job that I do. I hope nobody takes offense...
• chitownlawyer

  •

  17 years ago

  This one worked last week: A couple gets married. They are very religious. Not only have they not had sex before marriage, they haven't even seen each other naked. On their honeymoon, the husband takes off his shoes and socks. They wife sees his toes, and screams in fear. The husband says, "When I was a small boy, I had toe-lio." The wife says, "You mean poliio." "No, toe-lio. It's a disease of the toes. It isn't contagious or genetic. It just makes my toes look weird." The wife calms down. The husband takes off his pants. The wife screams again. The husband says, "When I was a small boy, I had knee-sles" The wife says, "You mean measles." "No, knees-les." It's a disease of the knees. It's not contagious or genetic. It just makes my knees look gross." The wife again calms down. The husband takes off his underwear. The wife takes one look and says: "Don't tell me. Small-cocks."
• DougS

  •

  17 years ago

  A guy looking to buy a dog is scanning the classifieds in his local paper and runs across an ad that catches his eye. "Talking Dog...$20.00...555-555-0745". Intrigued and curious, he calls the number listed and arranges to see the dog in person. He arrives at the apartment at the designated time and rings the bell, and when the man inside opens the door, the man living there says while pointing, "he's in there". The guy walks into what turns out to be a bedroom, and there on the bed is a dog wearing a smoking jacket, smoking a pipe. "Is my owner really trying to sell me?" the dog asks. Totally shocked, the guy says "uhh..umm... yeah. You CAN talk! Un-freakin'-believable! Tell me about youself... please!" The dog pauses, then says "Well, I'm finally taking a break from my busy life and relaxing a bit. I just returned from the Iraq war where I was helping to sniff out IEDs, and finding hundreds of them before they exploded, I believe that I probably saved maybe 500 soldiers. Before that, I worked for FEMA and helped with the relief effort after the big Huricane in New Orleans by finding survivors, and also locating missing persons. Prior to that, I went on a mountain climbing expedition of Mount Everest and helped carry supplies, and also rescued a team of 12 stranded climbers from certain death. I've helped locate survivors in seven avalanches in the last three years. I was THE first dog to help search for survivors and victims of the WTC tragedy, AND I've assisted in search and recovery efforts for every major airline accident in the last 10 years. Helping people is my life." The guy is now in TOTAL and complete shock. Not only does the dog talk, but he has led an amazing and interesting life, and seems to be quite the hero. Shaking his head, he returns to the living room where the owner is sitting watching TV, and says, "You are selling that dog? And you are only asking $20.00 for him?! How could you possibly part with such a noble and selfless creature as that dog. How could you even consider that?!" The man immediately responds, "Because he's a big fat liar!"
• chandler

  •

  17 years ago

  I still like this one posted by lousybuck over a year ago: >A guy gets a job in an adult bookstore. The manager needs to go run a few errands on the guy's first day. He's there alone when a woman comes in and is shopping for a vibrator. "How much for this pink one?" she asks. The guy tells her $15. She buys it and leaves. She comes back in an hour and says, "It was too small. How much is that bigger white one?". He tells her it's also $15. She buys it and leaves. She comes back in an hour and says, "That was too small too. How much for the plaid one?" He tells her $50." She buys it and leaves. The manager comes back and asks the guy how he did. "Not bad. I sold 2 vibrators for $15 each and I got $50 for your thermos."<
• evilcyn

  •

  17 years ago

  What do Blondes and airplanes have in common?? They both have black boxes!! I love to hear a few jokes.. We do have one guy that has so many, I can't see how he remembers them all...
• TimboAtl

  •

  17 years ago

  12 year old Susie got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. She walked by her parent's room and noticed that her mother was kneeling on the floor giving her dad a blow job. She felt very embarrassed and went back to bed very quietly. The next morning, while eating breakfast, her mother noticed that something was wrong with Susie. Mom finally convinced Susie to say what was on her mind. Susie started by saying, "Mom, remember when we had that talk about where babies come from?" Of course mom remembered the talk. Susie went on "Mom, you said that when Daddy stuck his penis in your vagina, that was where babies come from. Last night I saw daddy with his penis in your mouth. Why were you doing that, mom?" Mom replied "OK, Susie I told you last time where babies come from, now you just learned where expensive jewelry comes from!"
• shadowcat

  •

  17 years ago

  A guy wakes up in his Vegas hotel room with a huge hangover. He discovers that he is in bed with two women. The one on his right is a huge, skanky bitch. He turns over. The one on his left is petite but also a total skank. He wants to get out of bed and get the hell out of there. He deceides that he cannot climb over the big one, so he deceides to try climbing over the little one. He is directly over her and she wakes up. "No, Not me honey, I am only the brides maid!"
• DougS

  •

  17 years ago

  A guy walked into a club and sat down at a bar, ordering a shot of Patron. Something caught his eye at the end of the bar, and he walked over to check it out. Sitting at the end of the bar was a very depressed looking old gent, holdning an ornate box. Feeling sorry for the guy, he was intrigued. "What's in the box, old man?" The old man opened up a door on the box, and said "look in there and see for yourself." Peering inside, the guy was astonished to see a small man about a foot tall, playing a baby grand piano. "That's amazing! I've never seen anything like it!", he said to the old man. "Where in the hell did you get something like that?" The old man said, "See that huge, bald guy over there? He's a Genie, and he will grant a wish for anyone that buys him a drink." With that, wasting no time, the guy took off to buy the bald genie a drink and make a wish. "WAIT! You haven't heard the whole story!", the old man protested, but it was too late. Buying the genie a drink, the guy says "I hear that if I buy you a drink, you will grant me a wish". The genie gulps down his drink and said, "yes, that is true... what do you wish for?" The guy, not even taking a second to think it over said, "I wish for a million bucks!" There was a big blue puff of smoke, and then all hell broke loose. There were birds flying all over the bar... feathers flying, loud quacking sounds, droppings plopping into drinks. "I said a million BUCKS, not a million DUCKS!", he screamed at the genie, who just turned around and went back to his drink. The guy went back to the old man, and yelled over the monstrous noise of the ducks, "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" The old man looked up sadly and said "you didn't let me finish before you made your wish... that genie is hard of hearing... do you think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
• DougS

  •

  17 years ago

  A guy was sitting at a slot machine in Vegas, when a stunning blonde sat at the machine next to his. He couldn't concentrate on feeding his quarters because he just HAD to keep sneaking peeks at this vision of beauty. Finally, she said , I can't help noticing that you are liking what you see... If you want, I'll give you a hand job for $500.00. "You ARE beautiful, but $500.00 is an awful lot for just a hand job.". She grabbed his hand and led him to a window overlooking the street below. She said, "I charge a lot because I give the VERY best hand jobs EVER. See that red Lamborghini parked over there? That's mine, and I paid for it by giving hand jobs." Of course he couldn't resist, so she led him to her hotel room above, and gave him the absolute best hand job he'd ever had in his life. He was totally amazed, but was left wanting more from this goddess. How much do you charge for blow jobs? "1500.00, she said while letting her tongue glide along her upper lip suggestively" "That's a lot of money for a blow job," the guy says. "Even though you DID give me the best hand job I ever had, how do I know your blow jobs are good?" She leads him over to the window and says, "See that casino over there? I own that casino, and I paid for it by giving the worlds best blow job." Once again, he couldn't resist, so she got down on her knees, and had him screaming in ecstacy. After he was drained, he knew he had to have her completely. "That was incredible!", he told her. "I've got to have you... How much would I have to give you to let me fuck you?" She laughed a wicked laugh and led him to the window on the opposite side of her room. "Do you see all of those hotels and casinos on that street?" Shocked, and excited, he said "You own all of those and paid for them by fucking guys for money?!" She laughed and said "no honey, but I COULD have, if I only had a pussy."
• Book Guy

  •

  17 years ago

  Bride and Groom on their wedding day. Big church, all the family, bridesmaids and ushers and so forth invited. They get to the church early and have nothing to do for about an hour before the ceremony is scheduled to start. So, men being men, the Groom convinces the Bride, "Hey, since we're waiting, why don't we go over here to the baptismal chapel and have a little hanky panky? C'mon, it's not like we aren't getting married right away ..." So off the Bride and Groom go, disappearing into the side chapel. A few minutes later, they emerge a little dissheveled but smiling broadly. They separate and go different directions, waiting for the ceremony to start. The Best Man arrives, sees the Groom walking about the church, and asks him, "Why are you smiling like a grinning idiot?" The Groom answers, "I just had the best blowjob of my life!" Elsewhere, the Maid of Honor arrives, sees the Bride walking about the church, and asks her, "Why are you smiling like a grinning idiot?" The Bride answers, "I just gave the LAST blowjob of my life!"
• chandler

  •

  17 years ago

  These are all great. I wonder if they'd get Tom's verbally without seeing the capital G in "Goofy"? Still, isn't making a stripper laugh like making a politician shake your hand? They're predisposed to laugh at anything you tell them.
• ClevelandTom

  •

  17 years ago

  Mickey and Minney Mouse are unfortunately in divorce court. "Your honor, my client, Mr. Mickey Mouse requests a divroce from his wife on the basis that she is mentally unstable," Mickey's lawyer tells the judge. Mickey jumps up from the table and says to his lawyer, "No, that's not what I said. I told you that she is fucking Goofy."
• shadowcat

  •

  17 years ago

  Do you know how Bill Clinton could tell when Monica was pissed at him? His cigars tasted like shit. How do you know if the dancer really liked the joke? When she stops laughing, gets up and runs around the club telling everyone she knows, the joke.
• alabamascott

  •

  17 years ago

  A young man walked up and sat down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquired. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob," the man answered. "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
• alabamascott

  •

  17 years ago

  Not sure if this would be appropriate for HER, but still funny nevertheless: Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team." When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser." "She's in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them." A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, starts to rub herself all over him and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Dave tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave!"