Getting over an ATF

Start a new search for her replacement. ASAP.

Whatever you do don't google her phone number.... I did that after spending around 300k on her..... saw all her escort dates and reviews from while we were together. Check my posts from about a year ago. It was ugly, best advice is to walk away and don't look back

Since you are married - it’s good you are handling this well.

Try to not think about her. One method to get over an atf - is to find a new atf. That should keep your head in the game. Nothing beats that new whore smell - lol! It might also keep your schedule about the same.

If you want to take a break for a bit - that’s another good option. You might enjoy having some more money in your pocket - and spending more time with your wife.

Just remember - she’s really not worth thinking about. If she’s moved on - it’s best that you do the same.

-->"though we never shared last names."

Isn't it amazing that you got so emotionally involved with someone who you didn't even share last names with? Crazy, isn't it? From the outside looking in, the normal person's response to this is: "what are you, a fucking idiot?". That said, since I (and I gather most of us) have made the exact same mistake as you, you're in a good place to commiserate :) I just look back on my experience, and the many outrageous interactions and patterns we had, and wonder how I could have ever fallen into it. I think it's a slow build: it is absolutely abnormal psychology to be in love with a prostitute with whom you don't even share last names, but things like this feel normalized if you just ease into it slowly and your brain has time to make up excuses for each small anomaly.

We all handle these in our own way. For me, a new ATF is what does it.

Yeah for real. It sounds ridiculous- like obviously this was never a real relationship. But here I am

Read my PL of the year from last december.... same advice applies to you

It's really simple @Gentleman -- there's always another one around the corner.

That’s my favorite part of the hobby, the hunt for a new fav.

Get off one bus and stand there at the bus stop, another one will come by

Sounds like a week in Tijuana is in order

Time and and as others have stated other female distractions. I believe the same happened to me some years ago when she broke contact and I am in a similar life situation. Its kinda different for married vs. a single guy experience where those kind of emotions have been lacking and dormant for an extended time. Its pretty awesome opening that door up also pretty damn dangerous too. Fortunately I never lost my perspective and stayed on the rails but still missed her all the same when she was gone.

Give it time...

Ask her for a threesome and focus on the third gal. Amazing how this brings them back around. But the difference is that you are in the drivers seat. Works like a charm.

That's the way the game is; one just needs to accept the rules of the game and not get suckered per se into thinking it's something that it's not.

Many a PL falls in the PL-trap of thinking this-time/their-situation is different and their particular SC-relationship is more-legit per se that the other losers, whether consciously or subconsciously.

Don't lose all PL-hope though, often times these girls come back around for w/e reason (new regular is a dick or gets tired of her, etc) - don't count on her coming-back if she leaves but it's possible - but still, just take it for what it is an enjoy; taking it for what it is should make it easier once it's not there.

When the time comes, delete her number from your phone.

I've been there buddy. Time definitely helps. Clean break on your end is good too. Don't hold out hope for "one more time." It will only enhance and prolong the disastrous emotional roller coaster. At least it did for me, I do not recommend trying to "get the fun times back" or something. Not worth it for sure.

Also, find another ASAP. That's the easiest way to get over it in my experience. May take some time, don't rush it just to get one, find what you want.

Now, maybe just me, but when I went through this I realized the importance of backups or secondary girls. These girls are fickle and flighty, any time may be the last time you ever see them. So I try to keep in contact with 2+ girls as I'm well aware I may lose one at any moment.

Gentle,

I've not seen my ATF in almost 9 years. A few have been a CF, but none approached replacing my ATF. I can identify with you. Difficult to explain the relationship we had. I was the one that broke it off long before the last time I saw her. Still, to this day, it hurts. One can't care for another for 8+ years, and just act like they never existed.

You can always go the LDK82 route and get a hand-job from a tranny when times are tough [inside joke]

I feel ya, man. I fell hard for my ATF last year and had about 10 dates with her, mostly overnight, from August to March. We did actually exchange full names, and I certainly knew where she lived (it's where we spent those nights). But as real as it was for me, it was just reliable and reasonably pleasant income for her.

For a few months I just kept clubbing and tried to forget about her, and since August I've had another OTC girl that I've seen several times. But now there's an unexpected development: She got out of jail recently and called me the same afternoon, stating that she would like to "get together" a few times before she moves away! Now I have to decide if I even want to see her again, knowing that I'm likely to get infatuated with her all over again.

Perhaps the best advice I can give came from a TUSCL friend who will remain anonymous: "The best way to get over one woman is to get under another"

@Houjack & Mdfmk888 Agree completely. Whatever works for you bro. Time, or jump back in, up to you. Hate to quote TLC but don't go chasing waterfalls..maybe stick with her and dog her out to get all you can get, and get her out your system.

@. Wow! That's a tale brother. Must have eaten at you for a while, you should be totally cold now.

@MrDeuce are you able to determine - from her calls - if she really wants to see you? I’m thinking that she probably needs some quick cash (after getting out of jail) and she sees you as a sure thing?

I’m not trying to be a dick - but I’d let her go. Since you’ve not seen her for awhile - you aren’t feeling the infatuation now - so maybe it’s best to not restart the flame?

IME It's a catch-22

Getting emotionally involved makes the here and now more fulfilling, but it is destined to make the eventual split more painful.

At least with a civvie there is a chance it will work.

"... But now there's an unexpected development: She got out of jail recently and called me the same afternoon, stating that she would like to "get together" a few times before she moves away! Now I have to decide if I even want to see her again ..."

Of course you should see her - a jailbird sounds like a total keeper

Gentleman: My advice and take on this is different, probably because I make my living off of busted relationships. I advise against going the PL route or looking for another right off. When people are emotionally raw, they make mistakes and right now you don't need one. I recommend hanging out with friends more and doing hobbies, other than this that you like. Turn your focus away, regroup and then go back when you feel you are over her. You won't replace what you had and won't be in the right frame of mind to find someone better, until you give yourself time. The added benefit? We most often find what we want when we aren't looking. By the way, what you had was "real", it just wasn't traditional. If you are happy in your marriage why not focus on that...just a thought.

On TUSCL we usually don't focus too-much getting over dancers as we do getting on dancers - just sayin'

For me, the best thing has been to expect it to take some time to find another one I like as much as her. Of course, I'm super picky and fairly cheap.

Some of the dumbest money I have spent was trying to pick up where I had left off, but with a different dancer without spending the same amount of time and effort I had finding and getting to know the former CF. If the clubs near you have a lot of dancers who are to your liking, that kind of thing may be mostly a non-issue, but it's better to go in without the expectation of a new one having all of her same strong points, and allow yourself to appreciate her different ones without comparing one certain attribute of the new one to that of the old one.

New whore smell. Nice one Cashman.

I feel for everyone here who has shared their stories about falling hard and hitting rock bottom with a favorite. I guess I am very fortunate that my situation was more like falling, but then grabbing onto a ledge before I could fall further and hit rock bottom.

This is a little bit of a rehash of a previous thread about CF's and ATF's, but I've added a little more perspective on how I avoided making the situation worse than it could've been.

I found this discussion board on TUSCL after a couple visits to see my former CF. I read several discussions where PL's were falling in love with their favorite. I also read several discussions about OTC. I realized what I really wanted with my former CF was to arrange OTC dates. All I really wanted was an opportunity to have sex with her. After about 5 visits, I got the vide she was not the type to do OTC. I then took a proactive approach and went to some different clubs where I successfully got ITC FS with girls that were just as hot as her.

Now that I had some leverage, I planned on one more visit to see the CF and ask her if she would do OTC. On that night, from the moment I paid cover, I felt out of place being at her club. Suddenly, I noticed all the girls in the club acting very pushy in their approach to ask for dances. The CF herself was acting very pushy and it caught me off guard. I was beginning to get turned off by her behavior. While getting dances with her, I asked her if she would do OTC. I already knew her answer would be "no". Her answer was indeed "no". This was supposed to be the last time I would go see her. However, for the next 3 months, I could not get her out of my head. I eventually came around to going back to her club to see if the previous visit was a fluke. I did feel more comfortable in the club this time. However, when she approached me, it was more of the same pushy behavior that turned me off the last time. I got the confirmation I needed that it was indeed time to cut bait for good.

I had enough control to know that my interactions with her were just 100% fantasy, yet once I saw all the signs it was time to cut bait, she stayed in my head for months and thoughts about her just would not go away until recently. Sometimes it just takes time to let things pass by.

*vibe not vide

Stop being such a fucking overemotional pussy. You are a narried man with obligations. If these girls are anything more than a fun side distraction then you are either doing this wrong or you just aren't emotionally equipped to use strippers in that way. Time to saddle up cowboy and find your balls.

Meant @ Dadillac That is some story. Serious money invested there bro to end up like that. Must have been hard.

I never let my relationship with my ATF get to me in this way. I always reminded myself she was doing things with other guys so while we got along great, the bottom line was I never let my heart get involved. I didn't want to be that close. Friends yes, FWB, yes. Love, no way.

The best way to get over it will be different for everyone. Don't know what your situation is with your wife, but this might be a good time to reconnect with her. If the situation there is untenable (which I would assume is why you are clubbing) then finding another fave might be the next step If the money is there.

Find a married woman who wants to fool around. Really. She'll be a lot cheaper, will be discreet, and a lot less trouble than a dancer.

The bigger question is, is this going to be your last post about getting over your ATF?

Pro tip: Always have viable backup ATFs already lined up before you lose your current one.

@anon "Find a married woman who wants to fool around."

I tried this tactic on SA for a while and found the married women fit in 2 categories:

1. ones who didn't want any money. They were just looking for someone to pay them some attention and have discreet sex. They were NEVER attractive. I'm not as picky as most of the guys here, but even free sex wasn't enough to overcome the lack of attractiveness.

2. the attractive ones, who did want money - sometimes lots of it. One even went so far as to say in her profile "my husband is OK with the idea of other people supporting me in exchange for sex". Well, of course he is! There's nothing that makes me want to give you money for sex more than knowing some other guy is getting it for free.

Wasn't referring to SA or paying her. gentleman mentioned they never exchanged last names, which I thought was weird, unless he was deliberately trying to keep distance with her. also mentioned he was married. so I was just suggesting that he open his eyes and be open to all possibilities. with a married woman there shouldn't be any illusion that it's going to be permanent. then again it's also weird to me that one p4p arrangement has to end b/c the dancer found a wealthier gentleman. I was under the illusion dancers who indulged in OTC normally did so with multiple men. it's not like a dancer is going to turn down your $100 set of dances ITC b/c some other guy is paying her $300?

Goop points Anonlvone. I would just play my position and dog her out for all my moneys worth.

In your case, taking a break from the strip club scene may not be a bad idea.

Be glad you're getting this less before it went any further than "emotionally involved."

Even though my feelings for my ATF haven't abated in the slightest since she left, nor apparently, hers for me, and we both know our lives aren't going to change, it's still painful in some ways.

OP: You'll wake up three weeks from now and realize that falling in love with a prostitute doesn't make much sense.

...unless you're a @JohnSmith midlife-crisis-type, in which case you should get some therapy.

gmd,

"Even though my feelings for my ATF haven't abated in the slightest since she left, nor apparently, hers for me, and we both know our lives aren't going to change, it's still painful in some ways."

I don't think she feels the same since I broke it off, but my feels are still there. The few times I've seen her since, she would hardly even talk to me. Part of the reason could also be, we were with others that don't know of our SC relationship.

@Clubber: I feel for you, man. I don't know what I'd do now if she started acting like she didn't care. When she left, I could probably have chalked it up to one way feelings, and moved on. After a bit anyway.

Now? Not so sure. After all this time, and all her demonstrations? Don't know if I could handle that. :(

I’ve been down that road before. I’ve always found that having a plan B or C is always good. Let’s face it, you’re dealing with the most fickle, crazy and money obsessed women you’re ever likely to meet. I know it’s tough to keep your heart out of it, but always know that a crash and burn situation always sucks. I prefer the chase over catching feelings, these babes just aren’t worth the madness,5

gmd,

I think a lot of who left who has a lot to do with the feelings aspect. I think I hurt her, but we really never had a chance to talk about it afterwards. I tried not to hurt her by way of an explanation. Wasn't her or myself as the reason. Location was the issue.

@gentleman best thing to do is just get back on another horse and ride it hard and put it away wet you’ll feel better as soon as you get on that next horse.

@Clubber: I think you're right. While technically, she is the one who actually left, part of her reason is that I made the decision to not leave my wife. We had ample opportunity to discuss it before she actually left for her parents', and we both basically agreed that, in light of that, she couldn't put her life on hold and be just a side chick.

Given the circumstances, I don't see how things could have turned out any better, and I can definitely see how it could have been worse.

gmd,

We would have never been a couple. I am married and she was so much younger. Would never work. I was a father figure. She was alone with few friends and no family. but it was still great while it lasted.