In December I will have been a divorce lawyer for 35 years, excluding the year I practiced divorce as a third year law student in a clinical program. Next anniversary for wife and I will be 28 and at worst, our relationship is at least as good today as it ever was. We have a golden rule to avoid conflict and as a result, if you consider a vicious fight to be one where you yell and scream at each other and call each other names, we have had exactly one. 100% my fault too. The golden rule does put the onus on the victim, but it works. The rule: "Everything that is said, no matter how fucking stupid it might be, does not require a response". Try it and report back.
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last commentMy edit to the rule...
"Everything that is WRITTEN, no matter how fucking stupid it might be, does not require a response".
This requires no response.
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Wise words, skibum!
. . . . .
(but you meant "for wife and me")
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"Everything that is said, no matter how fucking stupid it might be," will appear on TUSCL. :)
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@skibum609 "Everything that is said, no matter how fucking stupid it might be, does not require a response".
okay i think you’re talking about getting to know her in a front room friendliness way but do you mean she shouldn’t respond before or after your pants come down?
or is this about asking a sleeping woman for permission to rape her while she is asleep?
i suppose it works for both situations if you happen to be a psycho idiot from san jose
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aka "grace"
I have tried it with good results. The last time I dated long-term, she would try to start a fight about something random, and I would ask her in a gentle tone "Why are you mad?". She would reply with "I am not mad!" a few times.
Once she was sure that I was actually listening and that I cared why she was mad, she would tell me. It was generally that she was unsure about the future of the relationship.
Kind of like club communications where whatever is said is generally directed at a purpose, even if unconsciously, and not necessarily factual on its face.
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This has absolutely zero to do with strippers, sex workers, escorts, sugar babies etc.
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I actually agree with that "everything does not require a response" but for the purposes of this forum could you imagine how boring this forum would get LOL
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For little things/small things, I agree.
However, when it descends into an everyday beat down of your psyche and your existence as a man is being degraded, then it's time to stand up for yourself. Even if it means breaking the peace.
It's called being in an emotionally abusive relationship. And if you don't get out of a marriage that is emotionally abusive when you can, it can lead to deep depression.
(Or, it can lead to spending a lot of money and time in a strip club or casino. Or both.)
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The rule: "Everything that is said, no matter how fucking stupid it might be, does not require a response".
Actually I learned this a long time ago when married. If I had not learned this, today I would either be in prison or dead. The wife would say the most inflammatory things, always trying to bring me down to her level, to escalate. That was her instinctive way of winning. Early on I had to learn to never allow myself to be provoked, and I had to learn never to say things which would escalate. Never say anything which would make her feel that her rage was warranted.
Eventually I began to feel that she was a rubber ball, on the end of a rubber band, and that I was the wooden paddle for her to bounce off of.
cdn3.volusion.com
Eventually I got tired of this, of having my life being controlled by her unmitigated rage.
I should have sued that 1st marriage councilor, as she was making a very dangerous situation even worse.
I still suffer from Post Marital Stress Disorder to this very day. And the ex wonders why I won't go beyond non-responsive emails with her, to this very day. She has no idea where I am, and no way to contact me besides email.
A woman can rage for 36 hours, or even more, taking off little time to even sleep. And if in the course of that you say even one unkind word, then as she sees it, her entire tirade was justified because you were always harboring that prohibited intent.
SJG
Grass Roots
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too late for me. i LOVE being away from her!!! aside from the cost of spousal support and her medical cost it is nice.
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Just curious, @SkiBirther? If you're dealing with a couple getting a divorce and they fucking hate each other, do you spew your "golden rule" in hopes that they will work things out? Do you send them to a marriage counselor, or would you simply prefer to take (1/3) of their settlement?
Also, suppose the husband has been pissing away assets on strippers or SBs. Just hypothetically. If the judge finds out about that spending, would that piss him off? Would the judge throw the book at him? Genuinely curious.
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skihomo: "In December I will have been a divorce lawyer for 35 years"
Loser! Guess you weren't smart enough to get any kind of real job.
Lol!
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Solid advice. There are always exceptions, but a very good starting point.
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I also learned sometimes it is better to stay quiet rather than repeat something you heard someone else tell you. It could get you yelled at rather fast. End of communication.
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It has taken me most of my life to learn not to respond. Let things go. I'm still not 100% there.
As the good book says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath." --Proverbs 15:1
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"Everything that is said, no matter how fucking stupid it might be, does not require a response". Try it and report back.
Suppressing your feelings is certain path toward divorce. Maybe @Skibum just wants more business?
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That's the usefulness of the ignore function. I won't be goaded into responding if I can't see the useless taunts and drivel.
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