ATF Relationship ends on really bad note after threesome.....Any suggestions?

Consider yourself lucky and don't fix shit you were being setup to be robbed or worse.

If you're living pay check to paycheck, you've had no business getting involved in something like that in the first place. What's done is done. Chalk it up to experience and move on. She only wanted your money anyhow.

Shadowcat.....Again I repeat I do have the means...The funds were at home. I carry cash dont like using ATMs..didnt bring enough with me.

Politely and honestly, there was a lot there you could've done much much better gere. First off you are acting like an extreme RIL, she's just a stripper, and even to a stripper who's just after your money, desperation ain't good look for anyone. The waiting around thing was super creepy. That would freak the shit out of me, so imagine what a girl who deals with questionable people everyday thought about it.

Lastly, the money thing. Really? Why do all of this and then go out when you didn't know if you have the money to cover it? It's beyond baffling to me. Thats asking for trouble in so many ways. Really at this point, I wouldn't blame the ATF in the slightest for breaking it off with you and it might do you some good if that happens.

Another suspicious post, and this one so replete with poor decisions that it borders on unbelievable, but I suppose I'll go with Papi's philosophy: there may be lurkers out there who could use similar advice, regardless...

Obviously, the root cause of all this silliness is cash. I'll say this in big brotherly fashion: what kind of retard meets up with a stripper without cash in his pocket, knowing how spontaneous and impulsive they can be? And if you don't have cash, and you're otherwise broke (just as shadow noted, you're living paycheck to paycheck), it's time to reconsider the whole mess. Hell, knowing you're broke, you went to drinks with them anyway? Exactly who did you think would pay? If you can't afford it, don't go. What's worse, female friendships are subtle and complex mixtures of love and hate and everything in between; making her look bad in front of her friend, which you absolutely did, is a worst-possible-outcome of terrible decision making. So, to all you theoretical lurkers out there: make sure you can afford what you're asking for, and keep in mind strippers are impulsive, so have extra on hand or easily obtainable.

And your ATF is right ... you made her look bad in front of her friend, and then do the creepiest stalkiest thing I've ever heard of ... you just wait for her (in the dark?) by the stairs, surprising her and not even texting her that you're there and want to talk, and make up a suspicious excuse about the pass? I respect that girl for being decisive for listening to her creep-o-meter.

Your best bet is to not contact her for at least a few weeks, and then to message her and admit to your mistakes and take all blame, and promise to not mess up like that again.

She does sound nice, and I think she was overwhelmed w the friend situation/the money issue/and then you being kinda creepy.

She sounds like a ppl pleaser and she will prolly feel a little bad herself, but don't contact her for a few weeks, or you will just confirm that you are creepy w her.

Rule of drinking with strippers 101, by Subraman: "don't let the dancer order her drink; you order everything, every time."

Rule of OTC with strippers 101, by rickdugan: "don't let the dancer control the location; you control the location, schedule, and the time duration."

Rule of strippers 102, by rickdugan: "if cash liquidity is poor, then stay in and collect stamps."

... or something like that. ;)

The banking term of writing a check on funds before they cleared is called "writing a hot check." You did the debt (or cash) equivalent of that. You're a grown up. Don't do that.

What you did was reckless all around. Address all of that then a lot of other problems will likely be less of an issue.

OP --> "I called my ATF's name and she looked at me and said "oh what the fuck". She then sped walk to her car as I approached her and drove off, not stopping, or even lowering the window. She had my motel parking pass which I need for my car. I called her but she didn't answer. "

Delete her number from your phone. Move on, it's over.

OP --> "After I finished I asked them if they wanted to go get something to eat." OP --> ".... and was so upset by the entire situation that I decided to wait for my ATF by stairs facing her car. I wanted to apologize for any misunderstandings "

People in general do this at those points in time "to feel good." It rarely fixes anything nor makes anything better. It just increases dopamine levels. Moms do that. Just saying.

OP --> "She told me that I was acting like a weirdo and that she doesn't think she wants to see me anymore because it's too weird."

I agree with the dancer. You were acting like a weirdo. I'm just calling it based on what you wrote. I highly functioning dude with balls and half brain would not act the way this story unfolded.

OP --> "My only hope is that she hasn't blocked my number"

It shouldn't matter. You should have already deleted hers.

I also agree with Bj99 and Subaman. You emotionally overloaded her (the ATF). It started with your switching off in bed. Not to say that you don't do that, you can it if approach it or execute right. But the way you did it didn't take her feelings into account. THAT was the problem.

There ARE ways to smooth things over that night (or even in the future). But you didn't. You seem to lack situational awareness in how you are coming across. It is also possible to savage it, not guys wouldn't because the juice-is-not-worth-the-squeeze. You have some things to lean in how to deal with the complex interactions of females.

That's my 2 cents, FWIW.

Your best bet might be not going to strip clubs.

Yeah, this cluster of hand-wringing RIL threads is suspicious. Someone needs a hobby.

This post was split into paragraphs, so I don't know what everyone is complaining about.

^^^ True. One thing going in the author's favor, after we skewered him for his no-paragraph fake story a few days back, all subsequent fake stories have been divided into paragraphs

Holy shit.... Holy shit what a hot fckn mess. Gawd...that embarrassing series of events was worse than watching a Ben Stiller film.

You fucked up when you didn't let them know your cash situation up front, what are you 15? But even before all that. Whenever a girl is hanging with a friend that seems stand offish or bitch like from the jump, tell them that you have other plans and walk the fuck away. If you hadn't been so f****** needy for her time and affection you wouldn't be in that stupid situation to begin with. Learn to played cool learn to spend some time by yourself at home. With all females you want to keep the interactions short and sweet and then it's a memorable then they leave with a good impression.

Gawd that was a train wreck if a read. I was thoroughly embarrassed for you

Again assuming that series of event is true and even if it's not my comments were four other lurkers

You broke rule number 1: Cash Only (no cash = no play, Credit or debit cards ALWAYS cause problems) Rule number 2: Always be ready to bail and not look back. Why would you ever let her keep you car claim check? You said her interest peaked again = stripper talk for I need money there fore when she found out you were short on funds it was 'see ya later' "My ATF had been on rocky ground for sometime" her problem with you is: You have no money, you expect her and her friend to pay for not only themselves but for you also-(she likely already has a deadbeat boy toy at home that can actually get it up why would she need impotent deadbeat boyfriend), then after you can't pay your bill you stalk her?? I'm actually surprised you did not get the stupid beat out of you!

The really sad part is that I'm sure I've acted just like this RIL before.

And Papi, Stop telling me not to patronize you.

Don't fuck with us flag

Wow, what an OTC nightmare if true. Although, I can easily see this happening in a dynamic interaction of an OTC three way. True, in the story, you were unprepared with cash but she treated you like an idiot ATM compounding the situation. I suggest not contacting her for a couple weeks than texting with a simple "hi". If she wants money, she will respond. Apologize no further.

I love the advice on never letting a stripper control the situation. True, always set the parameters that you can control...well...as much can be controlled in an OTC setting.

Hey, if this is true, don't beat yourself up. You now have a funny story you can remember the rest of your life....so does she.

Reading the stalking cheapshit aftermath you're trying to defend I'm really at a loss to figure out how you ever got to taking turns with two strippers in your hotel in the first place!!! Consider that an experience, been there done that, move one... Next time, bring cash!!! (ATF / girl #1 not wanting you inside her after switching to girl #2 / the friend, please tell me you weren't too fucking cheap to bring more then 2 condoms?)

Hey! He fucked up. Groveling works. That's why strippers do it when they flake out and stuff. You might be above it, but I don't think op is.

^ There is a certain charm or charisma you need for groveling, without it coming off as needy or pathetic or creepy. ;). OP probably lacks situational awareness for it, but it is doable.

-->"Hey! He fucked up. Groveling works. That's why strippers do it when they flake out and stuff. You might be above it, but I don't think op is."

Apologizing for your shortcomings and throwing yourself on the mercy of the court can work surprisingly well with strippers. Like Dominic says, you just need to be able to grovel with a little dignity lol

I'd say, it just requires that the pissed off party kinda want to take the other person back, but they need their qualms settled, or an excuse. That's why I say to wait a few weeks, so that she misses the income and doesn't remember just how needy and dumb he was. I think she just got pushed to her breaking point, and got frustrated, but would still like that money.

What is wrong with saying, im sorry but i didnt bring enough money for drinks. Next time ill be prepared.

I say stuff like that all the time. Ive never had a negative reaction.

In this hobby and in life , dont spend money you dont have. You dont have it until your check clears.

If you expected them to only order one or two, grow a set and tell them no more. Or pay as you go

Dominic77 nailed it, great rules. I had never thought about that, you do the ordering yourself. Great rule, even for dating civvies.

I read the OP, and to me it seems like you need to be on better terms with the ATF, even to be just seeing her.

With such tension levels, I think my system would stay on defense mode, no erection.

I read your account and its like a drug deal, one about to go bad.

SJG

Subra, I don't find admitting fault it wrong doings works well. I'm actually going to give txtittyfag some credit. It one part what he says and one part letting her cool down & vent like Bj99 says. Then push your luck, like rickdugan type confidence. The confidence and charm is what sells it. Let her gets her lumps in and move past it. Add some Byronic hero to the mix and sell it. Maybe one part Bill Clinton, too. Another part SEAL TEAM SIX. Experience here is a good teacher.

It's what I call: "put her in a box and sit on her." :)

I repeat it because it works.

Where'd op go anyways? He must have a real job lol.

IMO the situation is not that bad, you fucked-up, but you didn't fuck her over, IMO - there's a difference and a big-one at that.

You fucked up:

1. you don't go out w/ women and have no $$$ - only a hood-fuck that doesn't give a fuck and for whom the bar is set way low as for the chick not to expect anything from him, can get away w/ that (or a stripper BF)

2. you fucked-up by being ball-deficient - in life, especially when dealing w/ strippers, knowing how to say "no" (when it's warranted) is necessary, and it's necessary to be comfortable saying "no" - i.e. you should've told them upfront you were low on funds - nothing wrong w/ that - and if they cop an attitutde b/c you're low on funds then that's on them and if it was me I'd put them in their place

Besides your lack of assertiveness, her bitch friend seemed be a, if not thee, major source of trouble here - who the fuck is she to dictate "you pay for the drinks" (not even asking) and then going ahead and ordering drink after drink w/o even asking if it's ok - some women think that just b/c they have a vagina that the dude should be nothing more than an ATM.

IMO - it was mostly a misunderstanding and you just having your head up your ass (but that did not seem on-purpose), you were just allowing yourself to be used as a doormat and be led around like a dog on a leash - I assume that perhaps you are young and unwise in the ways of the world - live-and-learn, we all been there and screwed up when it comes to dealing w/ the bitches.

And I don't think you waiting for her in order to clear things up was creepy - it;s not as if you were stalking her by hiding in the bushes of her house - she agreed to meet you at the motel and agreed to fuck; so it's not as if you were stalking her out of the blue; you were trying to clear-up a misunderstanding.

I don't agree w/ not contacting her - misunderstandings should be cleared up and if things don't fix themselves after that then part ways; but if clearing up a misunderstanding fixes things, then it's the way to go (actually clearing it up is the way to go regardless if it fixes things or not).

At the very least you should learn your lesson of not hanging w/ womenz and being broke; at the very least state the situation upfront and it's up to them how they wanna react to it.

And it seems you are not ready for stripper OTCing but if you must insist on "learning on the job" then have at it.

How come no one is talking about the not-really-a-threesome "threesome" that this guy got talked into that was probably a "training session" for the ATF's friend? The fact that "switching off" was arranged for ahead of time, without a really good explanation** should have been a warning sign.

** I once had an escort I had seen several times ask me if she could bring a friend next time, no extra charge, and that they would not interact with each other.

I must have looked skeptical so she explained it was her cousin, who didn't want to get in the biz, but was horny and wanted more sex, so she would occasionally tag along with cuz. Turned out the cousin was a little younger and prettier, and they were both very horny. Never touched each other, but would interact with me at the same time - no "switching off".

--> "Groveling works. That's why strippers do it when they flake out and stuff."

SBs, too. I fully expect to hear from one I had to cut loose when she became completely unable to stick to an appt once the money runs low (unless one of these RILs switches to SA and starts to fund her bad habits).

What we really need here is a discussion involving a three way w/ a dancer's boyfriend (ankle monitor optional), along the lines of Dear TUSCL, my ATF and her pot-smoking Xbox-playing boyfriend had a fantasy about having a threesome with one of her customers. She told me that it's not gay if your balls don't touch, and that's where my problem comes in...

The problem here started with the OP's decision to do a 3-some. In general, being outnumbered is a bad idea. Chicks are more concerned about the other woman than meeting a PL's desires.

I scratched the 3-some inch early on and have avoided it ever since. When I do VIP ITC or OTC it's one lady at a time.

Move on

shit.

All done now. There is no repairing a needy broke ass clusterfuck of a night like that.

...

Where's our update? No more thoughtful advice from me, on your shady situations until you tell us what happened.

^^^He's a shady one all right he's just a fish trolling. HAHaHaHa

Larry gets called on this stuff too. If it's the same girl w the injury, we need to know that before giving him advice.

Fuck that bitch and her friend

^ he did lol!! And then he made them buy their own drinks! Kinda funny.