ATF Relationship ends on really bad note after threesome.....Any suggestions?
SebastianCobb
California
The relationship with my ATF had been on rocky grounds for some time now. She always wanted to have a threesome and I agreed to it. We met up at the motel. Her friend seemed cool and friendly after hanging out for a while we got to business. The way it was set up was that one girl was to go first and then the other, no switching back and forth. My ATF went first then her friend. Towards the end of the session I wanted my ATF again but she didn't want to switch. Most of my focus was on my ATF rather than her friend and I think that friend took offense to it.
After I finished I asked them if they wanted to go get something to eat. My ATF was willing to go get something to eat but the friend, not so much. My ATF said that they were gonna go get some drinks and some food at some lounge. I told them that it was cool but I didn't want to invite my self. My ATF said it was ok because she was inviting me. My ATF and her friend went in her friends car to the lounge, I drove mine, while the ATF's car was parked at the motel across from the room I had booked. We got to the lounge and despite having a bad couple outings, my ATF's interest level had once again peaked. At the lounge it was a GFE...She was affectionate close to me. I paid the entrance fee for the three of us, amounting to $30. Although I have the means, I didn't have the cash with me at the time because this meeting was spontaneous, so I didn't bring enough cash and only had $20 in my ATM card. We sat and the friend suggested I pay for the drinks. I did and my ATF was nice enough to say that I she and the friend would pay for their own food. I was banking on my paycheck clearing but it took forever and day for that to happen. My ATF and her friend kept ordering drinks furthering my worries.
About an hour and a half later the friend tells me that "her big badass cousins are coming. That they don't know what she does for work and that they would be upset if they saw her out with some random guy they've never met before". She told me that "I should probably leave". Unable to close my tab because of a lack of funds I kindly tried to explain to her the situation. The friend became visibly upset and started to bitch to my ATF about it. In turn my ATF became upset. That "cousins" story makes absolutely no sense, it's more like they were going to meet some other dudes that night. I asked for my tab and luckily I was only charged for an appetizer I ordered, not the drinks. The friend told me that she thought I was paying for the drinks and then my ATF told her not to worry about it that they were going to pay for it. They got into an argument, I've never seen my ATF that upset before, but it felt somewhat good that she was standing up for me.
I got back to the motel and was so upset by the entire situation that I decided to wait for my ATF by stairs facing her car. I wanted to apologize for any misunderstandings and by that time my check had cleared so I wanted to offer to cover the costs for the drinks. I called my ATF's name and she looked at me and said "oh what the fuck". She then sped walk to her car as I approached her and drove off, not stopping, or even lowering the window. She had my motel parking pass which I need for my car. I called her but she didn't answer. I then texted her and told her that I need that pass and she told me that "I could've just gone to the office and gotten a new. She told me that I was acting like a weirdo and that she doesn't think she wants to see me anymore because it's too weird. She felt that waiting for her was really weird, she said that she was super weirded out, and kept repeating that over and over again as I tried to reason with her. This is devastating because this girl was different. She wasn't the typical stripper, she was more on the "normal" side. How can I regain her trust?....How can I fix this?....My only hope is that she hasn't blocked my number.......at least not yet....
After I finished I asked them if they wanted to go get something to eat. My ATF was willing to go get something to eat but the friend, not so much. My ATF said that they were gonna go get some drinks and some food at some lounge. I told them that it was cool but I didn't want to invite my self. My ATF said it was ok because she was inviting me. My ATF and her friend went in her friends car to the lounge, I drove mine, while the ATF's car was parked at the motel across from the room I had booked. We got to the lounge and despite having a bad couple outings, my ATF's interest level had once again peaked. At the lounge it was a GFE...She was affectionate close to me. I paid the entrance fee for the three of us, amounting to $30. Although I have the means, I didn't have the cash with me at the time because this meeting was spontaneous, so I didn't bring enough cash and only had $20 in my ATM card. We sat and the friend suggested I pay for the drinks. I did and my ATF was nice enough to say that I she and the friend would pay for their own food. I was banking on my paycheck clearing but it took forever and day for that to happen. My ATF and her friend kept ordering drinks furthering my worries.
About an hour and a half later the friend tells me that "her big badass cousins are coming. That they don't know what she does for work and that they would be upset if they saw her out with some random guy they've never met before". She told me that "I should probably leave". Unable to close my tab because of a lack of funds I kindly tried to explain to her the situation. The friend became visibly upset and started to bitch to my ATF about it. In turn my ATF became upset. That "cousins" story makes absolutely no sense, it's more like they were going to meet some other dudes that night. I asked for my tab and luckily I was only charged for an appetizer I ordered, not the drinks. The friend told me that she thought I was paying for the drinks and then my ATF told her not to worry about it that they were going to pay for it. They got into an argument, I've never seen my ATF that upset before, but it felt somewhat good that she was standing up for me.
I got back to the motel and was so upset by the entire situation that I decided to wait for my ATF by stairs facing her car. I wanted to apologize for any misunderstandings and by that time my check had cleared so I wanted to offer to cover the costs for the drinks. I called my ATF's name and she looked at me and said "oh what the fuck". She then sped walk to her car as I approached her and drove off, not stopping, or even lowering the window. She had my motel parking pass which I need for my car. I called her but she didn't answer. I then texted her and told her that I need that pass and she told me that "I could've just gone to the office and gotten a new. She told me that I was acting like a weirdo and that she doesn't think she wants to see me anymore because it's too weird. She felt that waiting for her was really weird, she said that she was super weirded out, and kept repeating that over and over again as I tried to reason with her. This is devastating because this girl was different. She wasn't the typical stripper, she was more on the "normal" side. How can I regain her trust?....How can I fix this?....My only hope is that she hasn't blocked my number.......at least not yet....
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40 comments
Lastly, the money thing. Really? Why do all of this and then go out when you didn't know if you have the money to cover it? It's beyond baffling to me. Thats asking for trouble in so many ways. Really at this point, I wouldn't blame the ATF in the slightest for breaking it off with you and it might do you some good if that happens.
Obviously, the root cause of all this silliness is cash. I'll say this in big brotherly fashion: what kind of retard meets up with a stripper without cash in his pocket, knowing how spontaneous and impulsive they can be? And if you don't have cash, and you're otherwise broke (just as shadow noted, you're living paycheck to paycheck), it's time to reconsider the whole mess. Hell, knowing you're broke, you went to drinks with them anyway? Exactly who did you think would pay? If you can't afford it, don't go. What's worse, female friendships are subtle and complex mixtures of love and hate and everything in between; making her look bad in front of her friend, which you absolutely did, is a worst-possible-outcome of terrible decision making. So, to all you theoretical lurkers out there: make sure you can afford what you're asking for, and keep in mind strippers are impulsive, so have extra on hand or easily obtainable.
And your ATF is right ... you made her look bad in front of her friend, and then do the creepiest stalkiest thing I've ever heard of ... you just wait for her (in the dark?) by the stairs, surprising her and not even texting her that you're there and want to talk, and make up a suspicious excuse about the pass? I respect that girl for being decisive for listening to her creep-o-meter.
She does sound nice, and I think she was overwhelmed w the friend situation/the money issue/and then you being kinda creepy.
She sounds like a ppl pleaser and she will prolly feel a little bad herself, but don't contact her for a few weeks, or you will just confirm that you are creepy w her.
Rule of OTC with strippers 101, by rickdugan: "don't let the dancer control the location; you control the location, schedule, and the time duration."
Rule of strippers 102, by rickdugan: "if cash liquidity is poor, then stay in and collect stamps."
... or something like that. ;)
The banking term of writing a check on funds before they cleared is called "writing a hot check." You did the debt (or cash) equivalent of that. You're a grown up. Don't do that.
What you did was reckless all around. Address all of that then a lot of other problems will likely be less of an issue.
OP --> "I called my ATF's name and she looked at me and said "oh what the fuck". She then sped walk to her car as I approached her and drove off, not stopping, or even lowering the window. She had my motel parking pass which I need for my car. I called her but she didn't answer. "
Delete her number from your phone. Move on, it's over.
OP --> "After I finished I asked them if they wanted to go get something to eat."
OP --> ".... and was so upset by the entire situation that I decided to wait for my ATF by stairs facing her car. I wanted to apologize for any misunderstandings "
People in general do this at those points in time "to feel good." It rarely fixes anything nor makes anything better. It just increases dopamine levels. Moms do that. Just saying.
OP --> "She told me that I was acting like a weirdo and that she doesn't think she wants to see me anymore because it's too weird."
I agree with the dancer. You were acting like a weirdo. I'm just calling it based on what you wrote. I highly functioning dude with balls and half brain would not act the way this story unfolded.
OP --> "My only hope is that she hasn't blocked my number"
It shouldn't matter. You should have already deleted hers.
I also agree with Bj99 and Subaman. You emotionally overloaded her (the ATF). It started with your switching off in bed. Not to say that you don't do that, you can it if approach it or execute right. But the way you did it didn't take her feelings into account. THAT was the problem.
There ARE ways to smooth things over that night (or even in the future). But you didn't. You seem to lack situational awareness in how you are coming across. It is also possible to savage it, not guys wouldn't because the juice-is-not-worth-the-squeeze. You have some things to lean in how to deal with the complex interactions of females.
That's my 2 cents, FWIW.
Yeah, this cluster of hand-wringing RIL threads is suspicious. Someone needs a hobby.
You fucked up when you didn't let them know your cash situation up front, what are you 15? But even before all that. Whenever a girl is hanging with a friend that seems stand offish or bitch like from the jump, tell them that you have other plans and walk the fuck away. If you hadn't been so f****** needy for her time and affection you wouldn't be in that stupid situation to begin with. Learn to played cool learn to spend some time by yourself at home. With all females you want to keep the interactions short and sweet and then it's a memorable then they leave with a good impression.
Gawd that was a train wreck if a read. I was thoroughly embarrassed for you
Cash Only (no cash = no play, Credit or debit cards ALWAYS cause problems)
Rule number 2:
Always be ready to bail and not look back. Why would you ever let her keep you car claim check?
You said her interest peaked again = stripper talk for I need money there fore when she found out you were short on funds it was 'see ya later'
"My ATF had been on rocky ground for sometime"
her problem with you is:
You have no money, you expect her and her friend to pay for not only themselves but for you also-(she likely already has a deadbeat boy toy at home that can actually get it up why would she need impotent deadbeat boyfriend), then after you can't pay your bill you stalk her??
I'm actually surprised you did not get the stupid beat out of you!
Stop telling me not to patronize you.
I love the advice on never letting a stripper control the situation. True, always set the parameters that you can control...well...as much can be controlled in an OTC setting.
Hey, if this is true, don't beat yourself up. You now have a funny story you can remember the rest of your life....so does she.
Consider that an experience, been there done that, move one... Next time, bring cash!!!
(ATF / girl #1 not wanting you inside her after switching to girl #2 / the friend, please tell me you weren't too fucking cheap to bring more then 2 condoms?)
Apologizing for your shortcomings and throwing yourself on the mercy of the court can work surprisingly well with strippers. Like Dominic says, you just need to be able to grovel with a little dignity lol
I say stuff like that all the time. Ive never had a negative reaction.
In this hobby and in life , dont spend money you dont have. You dont have it until your check clears.
If you expected them to only order one or two, grow a set and tell them no more. Or pay as you go
I read the OP, and to me it seems like you need to be on better terms with the ATF, even to be just seeing her.
With such tension levels, I think my system would stay on defense mode, no erection.
I read your account and its like a drug deal, one about to go bad.
SJG
It's what I call: "put her in a box and sit on her." :)
I repeat it because it works.
You fucked up:
1) you don't go out w/ women and have no $$$ - only a hood-fuck that doesn't give a fuck and for whom the bar is set way low as for the chick not to expect anything from him, can get away w/ that (or a stripper BF)
2) you fucked-up by being ball-deficient - in life, especially when dealing w/ strippers, knowing how to say "no" (when it's warranted) is necessary, and it's necessary to be comfortable saying "no" - i.e. you should've told them upfront you were low on funds - nothing wrong w/ that - and if they cop an attitutde b/c you're low on funds then that's on them and if it was me I'd put them in their place
Besides your lack of assertiveness, her bitch friend seemed be a, if not thee, major source of trouble here - who the fuck is she to dictate "you pay for the drinks" (not even asking) and then going ahead and ordering drink after drink w/o even asking if it's ok - some women think that just b/c they have a vagina that the dude should be nothing more than an ATM.
IMO - it was mostly a misunderstanding and you just having your head up your ass (but that did not seem on-purpose), you were just allowing yourself to be used as a doormat and be led around like a dog on a leash - I assume that perhaps you are young and unwise in the ways of the world - live-and-learn, we all been there and screwed up when it comes to dealing w/ the bitches.
And I don't think you waiting for her in order to clear things up was creepy - it;s not as if you were stalking her by hiding in the bushes of her house - she agreed to meet you at the motel and agreed to fuck; so it's not as if you were stalking her out of the blue; you were trying to clear-up a misunderstanding.
I don't agree w/ not contacting her - misunderstandings should be cleared up and if things don't fix themselves after that then part ways; but if clearing up a misunderstanding fixes things, then it's the way to go (actually clearing it up is the way to go regardless if it fixes things or not).
At the very least you should learn your lesson of not hanging w/ womenz and being broke; at the very least state the situation upfront and it's up to them how they wanna react to it.
And it seems you are not ready for stripper OTCing but if you must insist on "learning on the job" then have at it.
** I once had an escort I had seen several times ask me if she could bring a friend next time, no extra charge, and that they would not interact with each other.
I must have looked skeptical so she explained it was her cousin, who didn't want to get in the biz, but was horny and wanted more sex, so she would occasionally tag along with cuz. Turned out the cousin was a little younger and prettier, and they were both very horny. Never touched each other, but would interact with me at the same time - no "switching off".
SBs, too. I fully expect to hear from one I had to cut loose when she became completely unable to stick to an appt once the money runs low (unless one of these RILs switches to SA and starts to fund her bad habits).
I scratched the 3-some inch early on and have avoided it ever since. When I do VIP ITC or OTC it's one lady at a time.
HAHaHaHa