Thanksgiving day jokes
TheeOSU
FUCK IT!
have a Happy Thanksgiving anyway :D
I want to go down on you and make you extremely HAPPY then I want to come back up slowly and FUCK you really good and hard.
Yours truly,
Gas Prices!
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.... she's 21 and her name's Sandy.
The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with
me again because she can't afford batteries!
A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says,
"How do you know?" He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning
to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
I said, Those happy women in Tampax ads.
Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be The Man of Your House.'
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.
Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'
His Sicilian wife Gina replied, "The fucking funeral director would be my first guess."
When St. Peter finally showed up, they asked him. St Peter said "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out" and he leaves them sitting at the Gate.
After three months, St Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes" he informs the couple " I can get you married in Heaven".
"Great!" said the couple "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
"You must be fucking joking" says St. Peter, red-faced with frustration slamming his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple".
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted "It took me three months to find a priest up here.....Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they’re finally together.”
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?” The friend replied, “I think he means her legs.”
Little Johnny says "It’s not good to put a lit light bulb in one's mouth."
The teacher says, "That is correct, but why?"
Little Johnny answers, "I don't know, but my Mom always tells my Dad, "Turn off the light before you put it in my mouth.”
A. Two. One to hold the chair and the other to suck my dick.
Happy holidays! :-)
One was good , lol or maybe 5
One question.
Are you a Millenial?
And no I am not a millennial.
@shadowcat, you have perfectly summed it up.
The sounds a stripper makes.