40 Facts About Chuck Norris

Death once had a near-Chuck experience

Chuck Norris played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun. And won.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris can never fill out an online form, because he will never submit.

Chuck Norris's email: mailto:[email protected]

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him.

Redbull: Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.

Guns carry Chuck Norris for protection.

Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

If, by some paradox in the space/time continuum, Chuck Norris were ever to fight himself, he'd win.

Jesus can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people. And then the grenade exploded.

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it.

Under Chuck Norris's beard there is only another fist.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can make a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.

Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. He has never cried.

When Chuck Norris calls, you answer.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the f*ck he wants.

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone.

When Chuck Norris and San Jose Gay meet in a San Fran Bath House, San Jose Gay fucks a woman instead.

When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he found it and got it back.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris doesn't pay his DS, she pays him.

Chuck Norris sweats justice.

Juice brings a bucket of Chackin to the strip club, Chuck Norris brings John W. Tyson (founder of Tyson Chicken).

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It's not dead, it's just afraid to move.

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with a stick of butter.

When Chuck Norris goes to the VIP in Detroit, even Nina does extras.

Chuck Norris has been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life.

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi's gas tank as a joke. That semi is now known as Optimus Prime.

When Chuck Norris does a push-up he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the earth down.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with is teeth, and boils his water with his rage.

When the boogeyman goes to bed at night, he checks for under the bed for Chuck Norris.

There is no such thing as global warming, Chuck Norris was cold so he turned up the sun