Bringing a stripper home to meet your wife

avatar for gawker
gawker
Older than dirt
My wife has dementia. She is very limited in her ability to remember things, care for herself, and function in her life. However she enjoys certain things, wants to be involved with others and likes to go places with me. I'm her primary caregiver, cooking her meals, helping her dress, administering her pills and assisting in her daily care. We've been married for 47 years and while being a caregiver is frustrating, maddening at times, and hard work, I don't doubt for a second that she'd do the same for me, were our roles reversed. She first showed signs of Alzheimer's more than 10 years ago and was diagnosed more than 7 years ago. I take her to her primary care physician, neurologist, speech therapist, allergist,, chiropractor, podiatrist, pain management clinic, etc.
I also have been meeting the same stripper OTC weekly or more often for more than 7 years. I'm 40 years older than my ATF who was a drug addict for 15 years. I've spent my life savings on the stripper but have enough income to get by. My ATF is in the process of moving from New England to Floriduh, after kicking the drugs for 6 months.
She flew back last week for some major dental work and planned on living at a sober house but when she got off the plane discovered the home had no beds available. She called an old boyfriend and slept with him for a couple of nights, but couldn't stand another, so she got a hotel room and worked one night at her old club and made a few hundred, but realized that after her dental work she couldn't work for a few days and couldn't afford a hotel. I picked her up before her dentist visit ( with a freebie before leaving) then after her surgery, brought her home and put her in the guest room. She can be course, walks around half naked, and is not your typical houseguest. I've told my wife she's a friend's daughter who we're helping out, but after 48 hours, things are getting strained. The ATF wants me to bring her places and my wife is used to coming, but that isn't working. I've got two more days and hope I can keep the two women in my life apart from each other.
I suppose I should have my head examined for allowing this to happen, but it seemed like the right thing to do. I've talked with her Dad who's appreciative of the help I've provided while keeping her away from all her drug involved friends. In a couple of days I'm driving her two hours to see her mother and her son and taking her & the 11 year old shopping for back to school supplies. Then she's going to work a few nights to earn money to fly back to FL and I'll probably never see her again.
Bringing the two women in my life together under one roof is a stupid move, but it may just end with no injuries.

6 comments

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avatar for HungryGiraffe
HungryGiraffe
8 years ago
Hope you don't get burned, because you're definitely playing with fire.
avatar for shailynn
shailynn
8 years ago
It's about time you posted something on here!

I feel you, most people post a joke or comment not knowing what you're going through. If they haven't experienced what you're going through, they don't know. I have, and I am still going through it. My "patient" is in a nursing home and between my mother and I, we never miss a day 365 days a year. Of course, we do not deal with anything near what you are dealing with, but we were there, as this person was living with either my mom or me on and off for almost 4 years.

I don't see much of an issue with your wife, because she can't remember. As for when I visit my patient, I often get yelled at because they think I am someone else. Eh, just the way it is.

Most people would frown on what you did but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

BTW - I am willing to bet when your ATF gets on that plane to Floriduh, it won't be the last time you see her.
avatar for Dominic77
Dominic77
8 years ago
^^^It's hard to relate to being a caregiver on an extended basis. There are reasons there are support groups for caregivers. It is extremely draining if you're doing it for a long time. My sympathies to anyone else who has gone through this.
avatar for TippingDollars
TippingDollars
8 years ago
This is wrong in so many ways that it's probably right.
avatar for metaldude
metaldude
8 years ago
I hope it all works out for you. Your intentions are certainly good. Maybe consider springing for the hotel for the ATF just to avoid a possible nuclear event? She might consider it a prepaid romp.
avatar for sclvr5005
sclvr5005
8 years ago
Yikes. That's asking for big trouble. Good luck with that.
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