A bad VIP (trip report)

This is a missive, a wandering soliloquy into time and space, to be heard perhaps by many, perhaps by none. Tonite myself and my lady went clubbing. I trust you all know me, or perhaps I'm so engulfed by the rush of the evening I overstate my importance in this little community of ours. If you know me not, review my history. If you do know me, or at least the ethereal version of me that posts of my triumphs and failures online, read on. Tonite was to be a slow night. My birthday is in a few weeks, and my SO and I were to "scout" out in the great city of Birmingham for what would be the best place for me to enjoy that blessed night with unfiltered, unadulterated access to "foreign" boobs. And I, a man of much experience and wisdom, blew it. But Isotope, you cannot get mileage in Bimringham, in the heart of the bible belt!! You protest. In the past 3 months, in two separate clubs on two separate night my SO and I have have done VIP (full disclosure, 100 to the girl 50 to the house for 15 (which was really 25ish and trust me I was clocking) minutes. And have had three way full hands on (my SO may or may not have had a stink finger) contact. I was excited. Elated even. Fuck the traveling 200 miles to get some tit in, I could do this on home turf. Compared to travel expense (gas, hotel,food) I was dead even if the first VIP was shit right? This was nirvana. So we went out on a random Saturday night just to see which of our local clubs had the best "talent", and was most "let me touch your big ass tits" friendly. In VIP. Again my SO (who has 34D tits and wears a size 4) will ask the girls straight up "can we touch your tits". In murky waters no gent could ask that question like a woman with no lack of breast can ask it. Club one, an upscale joint, a bust. 15 girls, 2 who tickled my fancy. The same 2 girls every other gent with a pulse in the club had a hard on for, these girls are used to earning money for smiling. Overall the club is all sizzle, no steak, you dig? Club 2, more of a dive, one girl here who briefly appeared to be the unicorn my SO and I have sought forever, but SS (stripper shit) TO THE MAX. To my elders (shadowcat, papachulo, etc.) I give you props. This bitch was touched. Like stupid shit. Its a Tuesday night and we are down to party. Can you meet us for drinks at a local joint (I pay obv) then afterwords we head to your place, my place, a hotel, or any random street corner and you get butt naked and do your thing and I will pay you a few hundred bucks??? HELL NO. I want to hang with you, but BLAH BLAH BLAH. In my neck of the wooods these girls show up to work on weekdays aND 6 and work to 2 and are lucky to make 200 bucks. LUCKY. I am offering you 2-300 cash and drinks and dinner to hang with me and my SO from 6 to say 10. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Math much??? As an aside I'm no newb. The girl OFFERED her digits. I did NOT ask. She BEGS to hang with us in person, then is distant as hell on text. How you cats handle SS I have no idea. So we scout club 2, and get suckered in. Gentlemen, I offer you free of @#$@#%@ charge some of my great (ignored tonite assclown) advice. Never, EVER, EVER, EVER, get dances/VIP/whatever from a girl with a good rack in a corset. Look guys I understand they are sexy, and some chicks wear them well, but if they ever stage/personal dance and pull out their tits and that's it DO NOT FALL VICTIM. At this point a mea culpa is due. I LOVE TITS. I am totally unapologetic, I love them. The thinner you are, and the bigger your tits then the more I love you. Now I'm not a "woman" hate. Some cats only like girls with waste lines like a somalian with tits like a porn star. I understand the Emily Radjkowski types exist (size 0/2 waists with D or bigger titis) but those girls are freaks and guess what, EVERY DAMN GUY in the club is into them. So you got tits and are built like a woman??? Great. Katy Perry? HOT. Kate Upton? Boneriffic!! If you carry 10 extra pounds but with it a D cup, then I'm your man!!! But one thing I do NOT dig is an out of control waistline, or OODLES of stretch marks. And tonite, do to a combination of liquor and bordom, my SO and I went VIP with a BUSTY chick who "did not dance on stage". Attractive face. And in a 1900's corset. And literally the VERY DAMN SECOND she took it off, I was done. 15 minutes of hanging with a girl who is in a g string and wants me to touch her huge boobs but gained 60 pounds in a pregnancy once upon a time. And giggles every two seconds. And is in no way sexy. I don't care about the money. I care about the illusion, and how I went against what I know is wise, and how it screwed me. So for my Bday, in three weeks, we will not club. I will have a nice 200 dollar dinnr, a great steak and wine. And then I will come home and watch Tv, and then I will bang my SO, and life will be good. In short, our hobby is a slippery slope. I encourage you all, gentlemen, learn from my mistakes. Go home danceless if no one is TRULY speaking to you (or your dong) thant night. I don't care what the occasion, be smart. Laugh at me, but please learn from my mistakes.