The Soap Opera Continues

Delete that message immediately.

I told you to cancel on her.

Just ignore her and don't even respond, that is what drives them nuts the most. They only care about you when they think that YOU are not thinking about them.

If you send a message like your draft - she knows you're desperate to see her and you'll do anything. If you blow her off, act like you don't give a fuck she will take your next potential meeting more seriously as she may fear you may not be willing to meet down the road.

Fuck you're right. I should have cancelled.

The fact that you're even considering sending such a message indicates that you are much too emotionally attached to this girl than is healthy. Whether it's actual affection or just infatuation, and whether it's her or her body, doesn't matter.

You're going to feel like an asshole if something really did happen to her, or a family member, or a good friend. You're going to feel like a chump if she ignores you further.

Perhaps she finally internalized that you were going to want to fuck, and despite your previous assurances that she enjoyed herself, she doesn't want to be a hooker. Or maybe somebody bailed her out of her immediate need for money without wanting her to spread her legs.

John, I've said it before, and I'll no doubt have to say it again: step away from the rabbit hole.

Normally, I would advise a simple "Hope everything's ok. Missed you yesterday," but in this case, I think you really need to step back and sever contact with her altogether.

If you simply must leave the door open, the next move must be hers, and your expectations should be low no matter what that move is.

Live and learn - I had a similar situation with a psychotic married woman. Eventually when I wouldn't respond at all she would go nuts. I wouldn't respond for months at a time, so when I finally did respond she would behave and take me seriously. We would start talking again and she would lie more than she would tell the truth so when I get my phone call or txt message every month and a half I just say "hope you're doing well and sorry, I'm still seeing someone else," even though I'm not.

Girls like that only care when they think they are missing something or if someone else has your attention over them. Only then, do they get jealous.

Man up John, Shailynn gave you good advice you need to ignore that little biatch especially when you said you took a flight to see her the first clue for you should have been she didn't offer to pick you up at the airport just forget her that will drive her crazy

Yeah Rech me too. But she has a girlfriend now. So I guess she doesn't need my mouth like she did at first.

I hate to say it but we told you so.... However, I don't think any of us saw this coming!

I wouldn't message her, or respond ever again.

Damn, I'm going to miss those stories, though! Aren't you glad you didn't take the molly, now?

JS - as shailyn said don't send the message. It gives her the upper hand. If she wants to play games your motto must be "I ain't the one". Keep fucking the rest of your roster and move on. The sooner you do the better off you'll be. When a relationship is over for me I delete the pictures of the other person off my phone. Don't want anything to remind me of her and it helps me to move on. I suggest you do the same. Believe me you'll still have memories of those pictures engrained in your head.

^ that's good advice.

The married woman I am talking about is easily the most dramatic relationship I have ever had. It took me a long time to realize... Here I am, having relationships with strippers, occasional married women, etc and it turns out the one that the most normal out of the bunch (married, college educated, normal job, no children) was the most dramatic and psychotic. You have all these other strippers on your roaster and you never mention any issues with them.

It's going to take you a long time, but eventually delete the photos, throw away all the momentums you have of her and delete the phone numbers. That's the only way you can really get rid of her. She may not want to see you, but you need to prevent yourself from any connection with her.

It works... Trust me. I deleted everything from the married woman, only thing I can't delete is her email contact in my email contacts because I can't delete it. No number, no photos, no address. Last month when she contacted me I didn't even realize it was her until 3 txt exchanges later. I can only imagine how she felt when I txtd "I apologize I can't remember who this is." That felt like a victory to me - and you'll get there too eventually.

One note, you've mentioned she has and still does have a girlfriend but never mentioned a boyfriend. I have known girls like this before - that teeter back and forth between girl/girl and girl/guy relationships. ALL of the girls I know like that are fucked up, changing their minds on every issue all the time, and most of those girls have a serious issue with commitment, I'm sure your DS is no different from the rest.

There is some good advice above John and my suggestion is take it. No reason to contact her again as painful as this may be.

However, if you just have to message her consider this "Sorry I missed you last night. Hope you didn't wait too long for me."

Time to move on, and definitely do not provide bail money for her in the future.

Her lesbian gf found out the plan and cocked blocked you. I would send something nice "missed you. Hope you're okay" and never give her another dime. Shit, she is only 19. Congrats man, you are finally free.

GMD is right on the money in my humble opinion. Either she doesn't want to have sex for money at all anymore or she just doesn't want to do it with you. Either way, all you will accomplish by sending that message is to look like a whack job and give her more joke fodder to share with the people she actually cares about. This is a lesson learned about seeking emotional succor and validation from a stripper. It is time to salvage your dignity and self respect and move on.

When my ATF of 8 years stood me up and refused to return my calls, emails, etc, I got the same advice that your are getting. Let it go and move on. I was too hurt and pissed to just let it go. I had to get the final word in. I sent one last email and in it I assured her that I would never share her photos on the internet. I never have but she doesn't know that.

Good advice I'm sure, but I can't imagine deleting her photos. But I'm good with the rest of the advice.

I think I'm gonna go after that new redhead. 28 yo is up there but she looks amazing.

Trust me yo.... In most scenarios you'll have a lot less drama with a 28y.o. than a 19y.o. - she is a redhead as you say so you're gonna deal with some fire, hopefully it doesn't come in the form of a STD.

You are one sorry son of a bitch.

What a flock of faggots,especially that jerkoff jarhead.

All I can say is that your ex-DS was a good girl this weekend. I had a good time eating little hairless apes that were out trick or treating. Then I picked a couple of hotties that I convinced to become sluts for BSLC. I systemed the shit out of those whores.

When I returned home your ex-DS was there. She had a laugh at my John Smith costume and said that she craved my BSLC after spending a nanosecond contemplating your "little wee-wee".

I was busy with two other whores so I told her to make rickthevulture happy. I fucked her later, after she douched to clean the vulture cream out of her pussy. No insult to my little buddy, but vulture jizz is kind of rank.

So jokes on you John Smith. Go off crying "boo hoo hoo I've lost my dream stripper to a lion". But don't get in my face about it. If you do something's going to happen to you.

That something rhymes with schmildebeest. ROAR!

That sucks , John.....but we are your grapevine.. I Heard It Through The Grapevine-Creedence....let her fade away like the end of this song

youtube.com

Delete that response immediately and never send her anything. Anything you send her tells her she's got you wrapped around her finger still and she'll try the same shit again later when she needs money. Keep your memories and move on to the new ones you already have.

John, I agree it is hard to delete her photos. So just file them somewhere you cannot look at them all the time. File them away and don't look at them for months or a year or so.

You should not let her effect you like this, it was not like you expected to marry this young girl or have a serious relationship with her. She found another person ,a fellow woman to replace you with, take the hint and drop her ass.

Theres many dancers out there to have fun with, this "dream stripper" is just a nice fantasy that never lasts unless you change the relationship.

If you feel compelled to send a text, it should be something like this:

Lori [or any other female name that isn't the DS'], Thanks for getting together with me last night after my schedule opened up on such short notice. Honestly, I never thought I would let go of $2,000 at one shot but I have to confess it is a bargain. I have practically shot a load a dozen times today just by letting my thoughts go to last night with you for more than a few seconds. You are incredible. Can't wait til Thursday

....you get the idea

Knight, that would be funny. I did accidentally send her a text last week intended for another stripper but nothing explicit. I'll consider it.

John, don't send her anything. In addition to being a whore for money, she's also a whore for attention. If you text her, she'll know she's got her hooks into you, deep. I imagine you'll want to keep the pictures, but I wouldn't keep them anyplace too convenient for yourself; transfer them to a flash drive, put that away, then delete everything from your phone. It's time to just write her off as an expensive, 11-month lesson, however enjoyable, and move on.

'Sides, unless you actually spoke to her, how can you be 100% certain it was her who texted you in the first place? I'm still thinking it might've been her girlfriend fucking with you.

Funny .... but horrible idea. You think that kind of message wouldn't be totally transparent -- and pathetic -- to her?

No. No. No. Either send nothing at all, or a simple "sorry we missed each other" text. No diatribes, no pleading, no snark, nothing, and my vote is for nothing at all, unless she opens the conversation. Frankly, not even then. You're getting closer to the hole, and even in the unlikely event you have a good outcome this time, next time will be twice as bad.

Take it from someone who is still in the rabbit hole. I can honestly say I believe my situation is different, but I'm also honest enough to admit that I could be lying to myself. It will not end well regardless of anything you try.

Agree with GMD. I went through the same kind of thing with my ATATF, shortly after I got separated, with the same kind of mental gymnastics to try to justify giving her one more chance, texting her one more time, etc. Then pounding my chest about how it was definitely all over. Then trying to find an excuse to text her some nasty message or be in contact with her once more, then choosing to believe whatever bullshit excuse she had, etc.

No contact, just out!

PG, unlikely but no way to be certain.

I'm glad everyone else convinced you not to send the message. The worst part about those kind of messages is they never reply, and then you feel worse. It's not satisfying the way telling someone off in person is.

We don't know all the details, but it seems like she's on a downward spiral. She's not the girl you met however many months ago anymore. Save the memories, but move on.

You should still go ahead and cancel on her even after she flaked on you – i.e. kinda the equivalent of putting her on “double secret probation”

Once again my two cents worth. I would no longer communicate with her in anyway or form. If you happen to see her in the club, just play her off. Her loss is DSII gain.

“The opposite of love is not hate; it is indifference”

As the deodorant commercial used to say back in the day; “never let them see you sweat”.

I don't have much OTC experience but did engage in some near the beginning of my professional PL-career in the early-2000s and it did not go too smoothly.

You (JS) are a smart guy and know the deal and know how you are supposed to see things – yet you may be looking at your DS relationship w/ goggles that are distorting reality even if you know better.

The Golden Rule says “do onto others as you would have them do onto you” - taking this as an analogy/example; if it was some other guy going thru your experience; what would you advice he'd do – that may tell you what you should and perhaps have to do.

Seems you are beating a dead-horse and you may not be seeing the forest from the trees – i.e. you need to step back and get a wider-angle/view of the situation to see it more clearly.

Your DS seems like a habit – and with any habit is is often hard to break and the hardest part is getting started but once one breaks it one can often see things more clearly and accurately.

Dealing w/ dancers is like saying one wants to move to Seattle for what it has to offer but then complaining it rains too much.

With dancers it's best to not have any expectations and to have a “don't give a fuck” attitude.

I don't expect anything from a dancer – my minimum expectation is to not expect anything and just enjoy it when she does come thru and just do the equivalent of “letting it go in one ear and out the other” when she doesn't come thru – i.e. I try not to waste any emotional energy and accept it for what it is. [although I'm not 100'% sure I'd follow my own advice and not react the way you do if I was in the same situation]

Papi, well said. But she was more than a habit. She was an addiction. I really thought I had broken the addiction. Things are going great, got more young pussy than I know what to do with, hardly thought of her.. Then she texts me outta the blue. Oh well.

So I'm taking the advice. No texts. Ignore her. Put the pics away for a while. Got it.

Good for you, JS, and definitely give that 28 yo redhead a try. I think you might be impressed how hot and sensual a woman who's more than half your age can be.

One thing I've learned the past few years is that indifference is the best revenge. It really, truly is. Even being angry at someone or despising them, grants the person an emotional response- which is what narcissists like your DS thrive off of. Trust me on this. The best cure is finding someone you want more, which can take a lot of time but WILL eventually happen. Until then, fake it. Indifference will affect her more than anything else you could ever do. And you'll feel a lot better about it, too.