The funniest thing I have ever seen. And it was in a strip club.

This is absolutely the funniest thing that I have ever seen. Ever. Nothing else comes even close. This was so funny that I paid $40 to get a picture of it.

I'm in a new club that I've never been to before. It's a fairly small club in a fairly small city, so my guess is most of you, maybe all of you, have never been there. But if you know what club I'm talking about please don't disclose the club yet. I will tell you why below.

I am sitting with a dancer talking at my table. Then the shot girl comes up to us. I don't see her at first. She is behind the dancer, and all I see is her tray of shots which she is holding out in front of her. If I had been paying more attention, or if I weren't so extremely high, I probably would have noticed something strange from the outset. I can't see the shot girl even though from the position of the shot tray I can tell she's right behind my dancer. My dancer is sitting down, so for her to obscure the view of the shot girl shot that girl has got to be extremely short. Like maybe 3 feet tall? WTF? Are they employing 12-year-old girls to sell the shots?

But I don't think about that at first. All I think about is that I really don't like the shot girls interrupting me. I have absolutely no interest in taking a shot. They are overpriced, the little dance thing the girls do is nothing compared to a real lap dance, and it just doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. It's an irritation and I wish she'd just go away. I have never in my life paid for a shot. But that's about to change. I finally found one worth paying for.

A few seconds later and the shot girl steps out from behind the dancer and starts talking to us. I immediately broke into the biggest fit of laughter that I have ever had in my entire life. Seriously, it was unreal. I literally fell down in my chair laughing. I was crying. I could not see straight. I went on like this for at least five minutes, probably more. I'd slow down from laughing, but then I see the shot girl or think of her and it would start all over again. I never knew that anything could possibly be so funny.

So the question you probably have is why the fuck was this shot girl so funny? Well, to begin with, it was not a shot girl. It was a shot guy. I've probably been 100 different strip clubs in my life, on literally thousands of visits, and I have never, not once, ever seen a male shot person. How exactly does this work? I have visions of this guy getting in my lap, lifting up his shirt, putting the tube down his throat first, and then pouring the alcohol down mine. One of my first thoughts therefore is maybe I'm in a gay club. Could I really be so high that I didn't notice before now? So I look around. There are strippers, all female, walking around the club. A few are topless and dancing, and there are naked girls on stage. The only other men working are the bouncers. Okay, so far so good. It's not a gay bar. But why the fuck is there a shot guy? Maybe he's just for the gay customers, but I certainly hope not since he's at my table. And he's a masculine looking guy. His face kind of looks like a troll to me, and he has a beard that reminds me of Abraham Lincoln. It might be smaller than old Abe's beard but the beard sticks out from his chin kind of like I remember Abe Lincoln.

But I don't have long to try to figure out why this club has a male shot "girl." Because there is something about him that is far far funnier than the fact that he is a male with a beard. The strip club shot guy is a tiny little midget. That's right, there is a little midget with a beard who looks like a trollish Abe Lincoln who might be gay carrying a tray of shots trying to sell them. As I mentioned, this is the point at which I totally and completely lost all control. I'm very lucky I didn't piss myself.

By the way, I am not making any of this up. There are links to pictures at the end to prove what I'm saying. So after however long it takes me to recover sufficiently to speak, I asked my dancer a question. The midget troll shot guy has left by this point. I was sure that I offended him terribly, and I really didn't want to, but I can't help it. So as I am trying to rationalize these events, it occurs to me that perhaps it's a hallucination. No, I have not taken Molly but I am extremely high and who knows. There has to be some explanation. But the dancer confirms what I have just seen. It was a midget troll shot guy. Holy fuck.

To give you a sense of the event in real time, here is what I wrote in my high journal shortly after I saw him:
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Shot guy male midget!!!!! Dancing for a guy?? He's gay too! Nothing can be this funny. The absolute funniest thing I can ever seen or can possibly imagine. Holy shit. I'm crying. And he has an Abraham Lincoln style beard, but smaller. Like pot brings you to a new level of music appreciation, the male gay troll-looking midget with a beard shot glass "girl" brought me to a level of humor that I had never before experienced. Nothing will ever be this funny ever again.
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Before all of this happened, I had been thinking about getting lap dances with the girl at my table. But tits and ass have been overshadowed. I have a plan. So I enlist the dancer to help me, promising a tip and some dances if we are successful. She disappears across the club to execute my plan.

Five minutes later she's back, and she has the little guy with her. I immediately break into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. This really is totally beyond my control. It lasts forever. I cannot stop. But for some odd reason, apparently the little guy is used to being laughed at. So when I finally regain some level of control, he is still standing there and I manage to speak.

First, I say, I want to get some shots from him. But not for me. So I ask him how exactly did the shots work in this club, because I am not letting him climb in my lap. He says the shots are five dollars, and he can either give a shot to the dancer or she can give it to him. I tell him that I want to see both. My purpose in this, which will become clear in a minute, is to figure out which one is the funniest looking.

So first the dancer gives a shot to my tiny little midget. Only I don't see it happen. As soon as I see her taking a shot towards his mouth I was uncontrollably rolling in my chair laughing hysterically. By the time I'm done, the shot is long finished. Anyway, we do several shots both ways until I am finally able to sit under control and watch at least one shot going each way. I decide its clearly funnier to have her give him the shot.

So then I tell him my plan. I will give him $40 if he will let me take pictures of my dancer giving him a shot. I know that none of you will believe that this actually happened, so I want a photographic proof. Hell, some of you don't even believe that my dream stripper is real even though I'm taking her on a date in an hour. How the hell could I convince you of a midget troll shot guy without pictures?

He readily agrees. I finally figure out that he's used to being the object of ridicule. Apparently that's the point. So I take the pictures. They aren't the best. It was a very dark club, and I'm using the phone camera, but still I think you can get the idea. See the links below

So you probably want to know what club this is. I may disclose that, but not quite yet. Because I have developed an even better plan. I'm going back to this club soon, and I'm going to pay the little tiny midget shot guy for a video of a dancer giving him a shot. Then I'm going to post it on YouTube. It is my best chance ever to post a video that gets millions of hits. Wish me luck. And if anybody knows how to get a good video in a dark strip club please let me know.

https://themidgetshotguy.shutterfly.com