I'm about to fucking lose it

Papi_Chulo
Miami, FL (or the nearest big-booty club)


WARNING: long, long, ass rant (don't bother reading if short on time or patience)


These Miami black dives have me to the point that I want to stop SCing.

Had been a bit on the rag lately so decided to make a
Tuesday late-afternoon visit to a black dive I often have visit in Miami (The Body Club).

I was already in a bit of a bad mood when I walked in and I just wanted to have a good time for an hour or two.

I walk in about 5:30 pm and it had been a very sunny day so I stand by the entrance for about 5 minutes while my eyes try to adjust to the dark club.

While I'm standing there checking my phone all I hear is the jackass DJ just talking shit – not talking over the music – no – he has to stop the music to express whatever is on his mind and tell whatever dry-ass jokes *he* thinks are funny.

I was in a bad mood and did not want to deal w/ it but what can you do other than leave.

I'm thinking he just wanted to say something; so whatever – so then he starts the music again and stops it after 5 seconds to talk more shit and more dry-ass jokes that no one is laughing at but him. This goes on for the ENTIRE SONG – i.e. he plays like 5 seconds; stops the music; does his little one-man show; starts the music; stops it … - all within the same song.

After my eyes adjust I go use the men's room and then go sit at the bar and the jackass continues to do the same shit.

I was in a pissed mood and went up to the bartender and asked if there was a manager I could speak w/.

She points to where his office is and tells me I can just go in and talk to him.

The manager is young AA guy in a long-sleeve shirt and tie. He was very attentive and even called me sir which was unnecessary but I appreciated his courtesy.

Manager asks me how he could be of help and I staid if it was possible for the DJ to play a song w/o stopping it every 5 seconds to talk – and while he wast it if he could also ask him not to cut the songs so I could get some decent dances.

The manager was very courteous and said “absolutely – all you had to do is say so” - I appreciated his courtesy but of course he should be aware of this and not let it happen.

As I'm leaving the manger's office I pass by the DJ booth and look in to see who the jackass is – there were 2 young (b/w 19 and 22) skinny AA guys in there wearing tank-tops.

I was at the club for 1.5 hours and for the first hour after my complaint the “DJ” did shut up and just played the songs and played them mostly b/w 2.5 and 3 minutes long which is adequate for a $5/dance club (not uncommon for black club DJs to cut songs at 30 seconds or 1 minute).

But after an hour the jackass boys revert back to their impromptu monologues and joke telling and stopping the songs and cutting them back down to 1 and 1.5 minutes – at that time I'd had enough and left w/ half the $$$ I walked in w/ and was planning to spend on a good time.

The DJ was directing most of his comments to the dancers as if he was trying to impress them or get w/ them or something or just trying to get browny points w/ them by trying to be funny – no one else what interacting with the jackasses nor did it look like to me were enjoying the jackasses antics.

To make matters worse – the dumbass no-work-ethic dancers thought what he was doing was “fun” and where joining in on the ass-clowning and talking back to the DJ – I even had one dancer dancing for me that steps away from where she was giving me dances to go further out onto the floor to joke back to the DJ when the DJ had stopped the music to talk his shit – all this in the middle of me getting dances.

It seemed as if the “DJs” and the dancers were there to entertain themselves as if they were at a house-party – for the DJ and the dancers them having a good time and enjoying themselves seemed to be what was important and paying-customers were no where on their minds.

I'm not against them having fun and enjoying themselves - but it's a fucking business and it's supposed to be customer oriented – so I can't understand why this is allowed – this young punk DJs just seemed like they had an insatiable thirsty need for attention.

I was there for about 1.5 hours and after they restarted their shit after an hour of my complaint I was about to blow a fucking fuse. I was getting dances w/ a dancer and we had to stop when the DJ started talking shit – I was hoping it would be a short shit-talk but he kept on – I excused myself from the dancer and walked a few steps towards the DJ booth and just screamed “PLAY THE FUCKING MUSIC” - but it was for not b/c just as I was starting to “get my point across” at that very moment he had started the loud-ass music again and my voice was drowned out.

I've been trying to cut down on my SCing lately and maybe this is just what I needed to stop wasting my $$$ in these fucking jackass clubs – not to mention that this black club shit has been building up for a while now.

This concludes my short rant – please proceed with your normal activities :)

38 comments

Latest

shadowcat
10 years ago
Papi - Just don't tell the DJ about TUSCL. Otherwise we'll probably have another troll to contend with. Meanwhile just be more picky about what clubs you go to.
Papi_Chulo
10 years ago
^ Unfortunately – anyone familiar w/ black clubs knows this is common in many if not most black clubs; particularly in certain areas – my issues are not isolated to this particular black club – it's more or less the M.O. in almost all Miami black clubs – except on this particular afternoon it was just on steroids w.r.t. to the jackass behavior.

Of course the obvious answer is to not go to the black clubs – but those clubs have the type of dancers that I like and I often get bored in the mixed clubs.
tobala
10 years ago
While jukeboxes are sorta tacky they do take dumbass djs out of the picture. Usually strip clubs wind up with "bottom of the barrel" djs anyway.
sflguy123
10 years ago
Sounds like you ran into the same DJ as my last review of this place.

You were there on Tuesday and I was at The Mint. The DJ there did not talk over the songs at all. Lexxx since the changes is also now like that.

I guess white ownership has it's privileges.
JamesSD
10 years ago
Sounds frustrating. You did all you could. The worst part is, the club very well may die, and management and dancers won't understand why.

The clowning around is fine if NO ONE is buying dances. I've been at clubs with three customers. But that DJ interrupting your dances is just crazy.

A break is probably in order.
Corvus
10 years ago
Damn DJs. Sounds like you need to find another black club to visit.

My only other comment would be to have visited the manager on your way out to let him know you will never be back ever again. It may not have helped, but may have made you feel a little better?

I hate most music and DJs in strip clubs. If not for the naked or nearly naked girls I'd never go again!
GoVikings
10 years ago
i've heard other TUSCLers rant about DJs....

interestingly, i cant recall one time where a DJ really annoyed me/got on my nerves
tobala
10 years ago
Its bad to go in for stress relief and come out worse than when you went in. Hope you feel better soon.
Papi_Chulo
10 years ago
Thanks for feeling my PL pain LOL.

As I mentioned in my post-rant comment - “anyone familiar w/ black clubs knows this is common in many if not most black clubs”.

I've been SCing a long time and have hit plenty of both mixed/white and all-black clubs and don't ever recall being as irate in the mixed clubs as I have been w/ my black club visits.

Anyone that is not a regular black club goer would probably not really understand the incredible lack of professionalism and just basic business sense one experiences in many/most of these black dives – I don't expect being treated like I was at the damn Trump Plaza; but can't a white-nigga get a decent song to get a dance to w/o interruptions and song-cutting – just saying :)
mikeya02
10 years ago
Hey Papi, hating the clubs but loving the girls sounds like a catch-22. I dunno, is OTC an option?
MrBater2010
10 years ago
Somebody has a case of the Mondays.

I have been there a song is on and some ass want to talk all over it. That when I stop and let her get out of the car.. Yeah I wish....
Papi_Chulo
10 years ago
Don't worry fellow PLs – I'm kinda on my “PL period” - just venting a bit like a bitch LOL – I was not really looking for a solution but do appreciate all comments (and maybe someone *will* have an ingenious solution LOL – I personally was thinking of maybe firing a bazooka to the side of the club but perhaps I may be overreacting a bit; IDK).
shadowcat
10 years ago
Several years ago I took 20 or so reviews of the Columbia Platinum Plus to their corporate offices. The reviews all complained about the excessively loud music and obnoxious DJs. Do you think I got a reply or anything changed?
seaboardrr
10 years ago
I feel your pain about idiot DJ's who won't shut up. The DJ's around here are pretty good about that but there have been times they seem to talk over the music a lot more. Usually when it's packed and they want to participate I guess. My BIG issue is with one frickin' DJ who we can never ever understand. I don't get why you would speed mumble over thumping' SC music. As a former musician and sound engineer I'm sitting there screaming "ENUNCIATE".

Anyway, I do have to say I'm impressed with your convo with the mgr. Seems like he really did listen to you and was very respectful which is impressive. As a mgr in any field you can get very busy and pulled away from what's going on so while he may have voiced your complaint to the DJ and made them shut up after an hour he could've been away from the floor and busy with SC business and unaware the DJ's had reverted back to their usual crap. I think you did the right thing by just leaving. Going to the mgr telling him you'd never be back really doesn't do anything since that says any solution they can come up with won't bring you back. What I can suggest is when leaving letting the mgr know you appreciate him making the DJ's do what they're supposed to do but since they've gone back to cutting the music you and your money are leaving and might possibly come back another time when you know the issue is fixed or they have a diff DJ working. That let's the mgr know he still has a chance to keep your business. Hopefully others will mention the same thing to him or other employees and it will get back to him. If he knows he can keep repeat business by making a few easy changes it's a lot more doable in his eyes and something he might quickly work on correcting.

Best thing I can tell you is drop back in a week from now and if it's the same crap happening let the mgr know again and that you'll go check out some other places until you hear the situation there with the DJ has improved. If this happens multiple times the mgr should eventually get the hint that something is amiss.
Papi_Chulo
10 years ago
^ great points Sea – but the bazooka to the side of the club still seems more appealing for w/e reason :)
seaboardrr
10 years ago
Well, the brute force approach does give one the immed satisfaction as well...lol
ATACdawg
10 years ago
Bazooka is overkill Papi. You don't want to kill any dancers. A nice antipersonnel grenade tossed into the DJ booth should take out just the DJ and a couple of his hangers-on. Hold the egg for about five seconds before tossing so he won't have time to throw it back.

Witnesses shouldn't be a problem, since pretty much nobody likes DJs!
IHearVoices
10 years ago
I guess since I'm used to black dance clubs where the DJ talks a lot, that kind of thing doesn't really bother me.

Outside of that, there's probably a little bit of reason this awful occurrence. The biggest part I can think of is that it was Tuesday afternoon. Management probably felt that it was as good a time as any to let some young/new guys try different things out (DJs often refine/hone their mixes during off-peak times before using them during peak times). "No one's here anyway, so what will it hurt"...probably why the dancers played along: might have been trying to get through the midweek blues. Also, it's The Body Club. I've only been there once, but the DJ actually saved my night with his talking and playing music because the dancers were trash.

As someone mentioned (or at least alluded to) above, pretty much all black strip club DJs are wannabe black dance club DJs. Dance club gigs are much more lucrative and high-profile, and they help you get noticed by artists for tours and such. If you're working a Tuesday afternoon shift at a strip club and you're dressed as Papi described, you're about two steps up from Pandora.

I can't recall ever hearing the DJs at Mint or Foxy going off topic, though. It's either "here's this dancer" or "y'all better start tipping". The one time I can recall a DJ talking too much was at 2001 in Tampa.

Papi, you're probably not as irritated in mixed clubs because your expectations are likely lower there. Usually I rate my club visits on a ratio-type basis: fun I actually have divided by fun I expect to have. Keeping the denominator low helps keep the pressure off the numerator. I have a problem with service at black clubs too, but my issue is with the dancers. Nine out of 10, the approach (minor thing) and dancing (obviously major thing) will be so far below that I'd rather pay $25 a dance at Tootsies than $5 at a Lexx or Mint or TBC.

Alright, I think I'm starting to ramble a bit.
just_the_nuts
10 years ago
Even black clubs in my area can get like this...i even thank it sucks
rockstar666
10 years ago
Hey Papi, we all have bad days and our moods blow up into crap. On the bright side, you didn't start a fight, or crash your car into some idiot going to slow in the left lane. You felt compelled to relate this story so I hope letting off steam helped!

yes, a stupid DJ can ruin a mood but the fact the girls liked it seems to have pushed you over the top. If this is the culture of this club, there's nothing you can do. It's like a pagan walking into a Catholic church and being pissed at their faith. Well, DUH! So I agree with those who advised to find another club.

And also....I've found that clubbing is like dropping acid. If you're in a bad mood beforehand, you're doomed to a bad trip. But if you go in happy and seeking adventure, you'll have a good time. Don't go clubbing if you're in a dark place. Hope this helps.
Cheo_D
10 years ago
Ah, yes, you have mentioned it before, the clubs where DJs and dancers think they are at a regular party and the DJ is trying to get "discovered" by some visiting rap mogul.

But don't give it up! Some day I'll need to hire you as my guide to a SoFla Black Club tour...



Oh: ATACdawg, you do -not- hold the grenade for 5 whole seconds after popping the spring. The fuse varies depending on the factory batch. The number of thy count shall be three.
just_the_nuts
10 years ago
Lol so true cheo
Clubber
10 years ago
Papi,

We need to hook up so I can calm you down. we don't need a "Waco" here! :)
minnow
10 years ago
Papi- Miami is far from being a strip club Siberia. If one club isn't cutting it, aren't there plenty of other options within reasonable distance to bail to ?
tumblingdice
10 years ago
Hey Papi-Midol.
Clubber
10 years ago
minnow,

Yes there are. Now I am not a "black dive" clubber as is Papi, but my take is that all those clubs are about the same, with the possible exception of KOD.

Correct me if I am wrong, Papi.
sflguy123
10 years ago
The black strip clubs in Miami all have $5 high mileage dances. Most other clubs in S FL are $20-25 for a lap dance which might be lower mileage than the $5 dance.

Most of the black clubs play the music way to loud. It makes having a conversation difficult.

The club Papi was complaining about is particularly bad b/c the roof is low and the speakers are right in your ears plus it sounds like I experienced this same DJ(in my last review) and he was the most annoying DJ I experienced in my 20+ years of strip clubbing. I bailed too b/c of him.
JohnSmith69
10 years ago
I think its time for Papi to leave the dark side of the force. Papi, join my world for a change of pace. Start going to that upscale club downtown, find yourself a blond dream stripper with beautiful blue eyes, firm little natural breasts, a cute (and little) white ass, and start paying her $40 for a 3 minute lap dance with no extras. Then you can spend a week's pay on an OTC session with her.

Try that and my guess is you'll start enjoying the black dives again.
Estafador
10 years ago
Whoever said that white ownership has its privileges are assholes and probably bigots.
It sucks that happened to you Papi-chulo and even more fustrating when all black Miami clubs do it. Try NY one day man. Might be a little more pricier (regular $20 dances) but you definitely wont get that inturruption nonsense here. Ever thought of taking a fave for personal non club lap dances? Sex not necessary? I did it and man is it cheaper, ultimate personal experience and you pay probably half of the vip in the club for VIP length.
Papi_Chulo
10 years ago
@ ATAC and Cheo – unfortunately there is pat-down b/f entering the club so IDK if I'll have a chance to make it to the DJ booth w/ grenade in hand (unless I want to become a SC martyr) :)

It's all good though – it is what it is – no sense in getting upset by it but that's kinda my personality – even as a kid I'd get pissed when things were not done right – my mindset is ingrained that if you are going to do something then do it right or don't do it at all.

Thanks for all the feedback.
DoctorPhil
10 years ago
Papi_Chulo "(unless I want to become a SC martyr) :)"

a tyrant’s life ends with his death; a martyr’s life begins with his death

PLs will sing your praises for generations
Papi_Chulo
10 years ago
^ I wonder if I'll get 72 thick black chicks upon my martyrdom - hmm?
Clubber
10 years ago
Papi,

Only if you change your name to Mukarrampapi Mohamedchulo.
ilbbaicnl
9 years ago
Here's a strategy, complain to the manager that the dancers stop grinding while the DJ is mouth-shitting. Either the dancers will make him STFU, or you will get extra grind. Win-win for you.
motownkid
9 years ago
Wow - I just when on a rant about this club - I did not see this thread prior to my review. Papi just sent me a copy of the thread. It is amazing I had the same damn reaction as Papi. Also about the bar service - totally shitty customer service. I too visit the black clubs - Foxxy, Mint and the Lexx - NONE of them are as bad as the The Body Shop. I do not doubt the young Manager has good intentions - they just do not have a clue. They are trained by Management - totally unprofessional - the blind leading the blind... Only one solution for this - don't return to the club until they make changes. Yes Papi - there is still plenty of Black booty to go around - you can still enjoy it without this bullshit and without committing any felonies.
ilbbaicnl
9 years ago
Only if you're martyred by getting crushed by a big ass Papi. Has to be a death during ass jihad.
bigman226
9 years ago
Papi - you're probably complaining to the wrong person. Get you a few dancers, let them know you have a little cash, and then let them know the DJ is fucking up their money. They'll set his ass straight.
Papi_Chulo
9 years ago
^ one would think – but the few times I've spoken to dancers it seems they have very little power and very little say about how a club is ran and they often complain how management treats them and how they have them on a very short leash.

I have spoken to dancers of how management's actions in the end hurts them (dancers) and their (dancer's) $$$ and they agree and they (dancers) also don't like some of the shit management does that fucks things up for them – but they (dancers) just shrug their shoulders and either say “there's nothing we (dancers) can do about it” or “we've told them but they don't listen to us”.

It seems dancers are at the bottom of the totem pole in SCs and have very little if any power – often times the only recourse dancers have to is find another/better club.
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