Well, those who read my previous post were only 1/2 right. It turned into a major clusterfuck but nothing was stolen or damaged. The parallel to bringing a feral cat into my house was apt, however, I've brought wild cats in and they've been domesticated. The ATF commented on what an upscale home I have. She then smoked crack and shot "brown" [heroin to the uninitiated ], got blood on the wall to wall carpeting! left a bloody tampon in my car, left clothing strewn everywhere! helped herself to food and left half eaten food all over etcetera. I took her to court to have her committed to detox, but arrived 5 minutes too late. I then took her to a local hospital, got her into the ER and stayed for 5 hours, left and at 8:00 they discharged her because the couldn't find an open female bed at a detox facility. I then started calling and finally found one 80 miles away. Drove her there, waited for security to conduct a full body cavity search, then a medical exam. Finally admitted, so I called her mother to tell her I was going to drop off her things. Mom cried, said she expected a call from me saying her daughter was dead. We talked for about a 1/2 hour, then I dropped her stuff off, & came home.
I apologized to my wife for bringing her into our home. This afternoon I got a call from my ATF, crying & blubbering that they weren't helping and that she was leaving. I hung up and blocked the number. Live & learn.
Drugs,drugs, drugs. You must like this, cuz it sounds like the same shit year after year. You should talk to some one.....yes, I used to hang with druggie chicks for sex, but after a month or two of crap, I was done. Now? No way.
Clubber, I kept hoping that this story would have a happy ending, but it is looking pretty bleak. At some point, you just have to cut her loose and hope that the bottom she hits isn't fatal. It was an amazing, even heroic effort but she apparently isn't ready to accept help, only to use the last person who's willing to help her. Time to let go.
You certainly went about and beyond the call. But your wife saw you first. Keep that firmly in mind, your squeeze is not going to walk away from her good thing easily.
I too am not surprised by the turn of events. You have gone above and beyond. It is now time for the authorities to take over. Like I said before if she doesn't get some long term rehab and or jail time it is just a matter of time before she over doses.
I've always told my ATF that my wife's needs come first. I stand by that. I have cared for and about my ATF for years. My conversation with her mother ( who knows I've been banging her daughter for many years) was very civil and very sad. We've both spent a fortune trying to help but in actuality most has just enabled the drug habit to continue. Her boyfriend ( and father of their 10 year old) has been a typical stripper BF: unemployed, drug dealing criminal in and out of prison. He is now 6 months clean and just broke ties with her because he doesn't want to associate with users. She was 4 months clean a week ago, but made the wrong choice again.
When I put her into detox this time I told her I'm no longer interested in fucking you. You've shit on me too many times. She professed her love for me, but as the saying goes, " How do you tell when they're lying? Their lips are moving"
Despite the crap, despite the pain, the inconvenience, the money; she rocked my boat sexually like no other. When sober she was a great deal of fun; but it's one thing to shit on me, but giving crap to my wife with dementia is one thing I never thought she'd do. Those of you who said this was a bad idea apparently are much brighter than I, who thought I could make it work.
Coincidently, I did get a text from a former co-worker of hers who wanted to know how it was going. We're getting together tomorrow so she can console me.
Hey man, it's good you are laying it all here. I do get what you are saying.
I will not say I don't give a shit, but I will do say dealing with these types you know they are too many of them out there. Your side chick is not the only one going through detox, there are a ton of them scattered all the U.S. of A.
I would say just take it like a man. No need to freak out and go nuts over it.
You are in it now and I doubt you will come out of this relationship so easy. She won't let you off the hook that easy bro. Remember what I said, she will not let go that fast.
Like the daddy in prison and the girl doing the dancing. It's one fucked up life.
Dude, the texts she sends you. I know how that feels. It's those things that make you come back.
Dancers that are on drugs and lives with the BF, I've seen that. I even wrote a discussion entry on that one. I thought you read that and found that entertaining and perhaps learned a few in that.
It never works, the BF was a good man and I was in his house like she was saying "See this dude in your house, I can do what I want." It all became clear after he threw her out the house and I had to help her pick up her things.
It's fucked up, man. Just don't bring the mess in your house. Keep her away from your house and fuck her there.
Gawker, like others have said, you've gone above and beyond for her; you shouldn't have any regrets for trying to be as humane as possible. I'm sure that her mother and her friend also greatly appreciate your efforts. But you can only do so much; your ATF has to learn to pick herself up; she has to learn how to dust herself off and walk on her own. Let's hope that your efforts and those of others in her life have sown those seeds so she can do just that.
"Coincidently, I did get a text from a former co-worker of hers who wanted to know how it was going. We're getting together tomorrow so she can console me."
Not trying to make light of this thread but that last statement made me wickedly chuckle "oh really?"
gawker, it sounds like you may have hit your own bottom with your addiction to her. If you are ever tempted again, remember where you were vs the needle on her list of priorities. :-(
So you want her to start making good choices. Are you making good choices?
What criterion are you going to use for deciding if you will communicate with her, and what bounds will it have to stay within?
No communications?
Telephone only until she is back in school and staying clean and sober?
No more associating with people who use drugs?
You've said that she dropped out of high school at 15yo. I'm sure that that is part of why she feels she has no future except to keep stripping until she is too old.
She still gets money from stripping though. So she could register in the GED program at a Community College, and get that and then continue. She could start preparing for a post stripping, and clean and sober, 2nd career.
My experience though is that people with serious substance habits don't need to get Saved or admit that they are Powerless, they need to understand why they were doing that. They need to feel whatever pain is hidden underneath it. Once they have done that, and it is very hard, then they can move on.
But the same also applies to you. I think you need to understand why you have stayed in such a destructive situation for so long.
Thanks for the concern & advice.
She does have a GED and has begun the Community College thing several times but never followed through.
She couldn't find my house with a GPS and a bloodhound. Her "home" is about 100 miles from mine and she has NO sense of direction. I live in a small town (4000 inhabitants) 50 miles from Boston and 35 miles from Providence.
She called me from detox and I hung up on her and blocked the number. She called today from some guy's cell phone after getting thrown out of detox for smoking cigarettes. Of course she wanted money. I said no & don't call me until you've got your 6 month pin from Narcotics Anonymous. I'll just keep blocking numbers as she calls. Sadly, I think it'll be a long time before she can earn that.
My best guess is that she's street walking or trading blowjobs for crack or heroin.
Her mother thanked me profusely for my efforts. The mother knows I've been banging her daughter for years, but says that's the least of her worries. She thought I was calling to say her daughter was dead.
SJG - I don't view my history with her as being wasted at all. I've enjoyed her many talents and have had a good time. She's shit on me several times and that's why I'm calling it a day. Yes she's a drug addicted whore, but I'm an "addicted" John. Ones no better or worse than the other; but I'm not taking her crap anymore.
Some will read that and surmise that I'm down on myself - not the case at all. I've had sex with scores of escorts and strippers and this one was the best for me. That's all.
Wipe - she has stayed off drugs off & on throughout the 6 years I've known her. She's been through detox & rehab almost 20 times and was sober when I met her. She had a nice apartment which was well furnished, neat and clean. But as soon as she hits a bump in the road she reverts to a hot mess. I've assumed that once she hit bottom she'd come around, but she's hit very low spots before, rebounded and then relapsed. She saved over $30,000 in a 6 month period and then in 6 weeks blew it all and dropped her weight from 130 to 92 lbs. she's had "customers" paying her $750 an hour and other times offering $40 blowjobs so she could buy a gram of "brown" (heroin) or 2 $20 hits of "hard" (crack).
She had a 2 year old Honda Accord; now has a 12 year old Hyundai with 140k mileage but no license and owes thousands in fines and court costs.
Her family has disowned her, her BF & baby daddy wants nothing to do with her. She has no friends left and is in a homeless shelter tonight.
The scourge of addiction is going to take her life, probably sooner than later. I've spent hundreds of thousands of $$$ on her and she has nothing to show for it.
Gawker...I'm reminded of a song lyric: And when they've give you their all, some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy....banging your head against some mad buggers's wall.
Gawker, You've made the right choice, cutting her off.
Lets see if she cleans up her act. But you can't do that for her.
I think that was one of the hooks, the idea that you are not as bad as most of the people she hangs out with. Because she is female, lots of guys will just give her whatever she wants.
But you can't worry about that. It is has got to start with her, and I am firmly convinced that it really comes down to something between she and her mother.
FWIW, I am no fan of NA or any 12 step groups. They are there for people who don't want to change their thinking, and who still want to keep the door open to drinking and using.
Talking to her on the phone is not bad. But paying money, driving her around, taking her to your house, having sex with her, or anything else that gets you wound up with her should stay terminated.
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"They always come back."
When I put her into detox this time I told her I'm no longer interested in fucking you. You've shit on me too many times. She professed her love for me, but as the saying goes, " How do you tell when they're lying? Their lips are moving"
Despite the crap, despite the pain, the inconvenience, the money; she rocked my boat sexually like no other. When sober she was a great deal of fun; but it's one thing to shit on me, but giving crap to my wife with dementia is one thing I never thought she'd do. Those of you who said this was a bad idea apparently are much brighter than I, who thought I could make it work.
Coincidently, I did get a text from a former co-worker of hers who wanted to know how it was going. We're getting together tomorrow so she can console me.
I will not say I don't give a shit, but I will do say dealing with these types you know they are too many of them out there. Your side chick is not the only one going through detox, there are a ton of them scattered all the U.S. of A.
I would say just take it like a man. No need to freak out and go nuts over it.
You are in it now and I doubt you will come out of this relationship so easy. She won't let you off the hook that easy bro. Remember what I said, she will not let go that fast.
Like the daddy in prison and the girl doing the dancing. It's one fucked up life.
The song, that frigging song, she laughs about it whenever I sing it just a few phrases.
"I'm in love with the coco"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vYnas6q…
Dude, the texts she sends you. I know how that feels. It's those things that make you come back.
Dancers that are on drugs and lives with the BF, I've seen that. I even wrote a discussion entry on that one. I thought you read that and found that entertaining and perhaps learned a few in that.
It never works, the BF was a good man and I was in his house like she was saying "See this dude in your house, I can do what I want." It all became clear after he threw her out the house and I had to help her pick up her things.
It's fucked up, man. Just don't bring the mess in your house. Keep her away from your house and fuck her there.
Not trying to make light of this thread but that last statement made me wickedly chuckle "oh really?"
So you want her to start making good choices. Are you making good choices?
What criterion are you going to use for deciding if you will communicate with her, and what bounds will it have to stay within?
No communications?
Telephone only until she is back in school and staying clean and sober?
No more associating with people who use drugs?
You've said that she dropped out of high school at 15yo. I'm sure that that is part of why she feels she has no future except to keep stripping until she is too old.
She still gets money from stripping though. So she could register in the GED program at a Community College, and get that and then continue. She could start preparing for a post stripping, and clean and sober, 2nd career.
My experience though is that people with serious substance habits don't need to get Saved or admit that they are Powerless, they need to understand why they were doing that. They need to feel whatever pain is hidden underneath it. Once they have done that, and it is very hard, then they can move on.
But the same also applies to you. I think you need to understand why you have stayed in such a destructive situation for so long.
SJG
Whiskey in the Jar, Gary Moore and Eric Bell
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jEUq3hE…
She does have a GED and has begun the Community College thing several times but never followed through.
She couldn't find my house with a GPS and a bloodhound. Her "home" is about 100 miles from mine and she has NO sense of direction. I live in a small town (4000 inhabitants) 50 miles from Boston and 35 miles from Providence.
She called me from detox and I hung up on her and blocked the number. She called today from some guy's cell phone after getting thrown out of detox for smoking cigarettes. Of course she wanted money. I said no & don't call me until you've got your 6 month pin from Narcotics Anonymous. I'll just keep blocking numbers as she calls. Sadly, I think it'll be a long time before she can earn that.
My best guess is that she's street walking or trading blowjobs for crack or heroin.
Her mother thanked me profusely for my efforts. The mother knows I've been banging her daughter for years, but says that's the least of her worries. She thought I was calling to say her daughter was dead.
SJG - I don't view my history with her as being wasted at all. I've enjoyed her many talents and have had a good time. She's shit on me several times and that's why I'm calling it a day. Yes she's a drug addicted whore, but I'm an "addicted" John. Ones no better or worse than the other; but I'm not taking her crap anymore.
Some will read that and surmise that I'm down on myself - not the case at all. I've had sex with scores of escorts and strippers and this one was the best for me. That's all.
But it is too bad she couldn't keep off the drugs even for a little while! :(
She had a 2 year old Honda Accord; now has a 12 year old Hyundai with 140k mileage but no license and owes thousands in fines and court costs.
Her family has disowned her, her BF & baby daddy wants nothing to do with her. She has no friends left and is in a homeless shelter tonight.
The scourge of addiction is going to take her life, probably sooner than later. I've spent hundreds of thousands of $$$ on her and she has nothing to show for it.
She is the mad bugger and it's time to stop.
Lets see if she cleans up her act. But you can't do that for her.
I think that was one of the hooks, the idea that you are not as bad as most of the people she hangs out with. Because she is female, lots of guys will just give her whatever she wants.
But you can't worry about that. It is has got to start with her, and I am firmly convinced that it really comes down to something between she and her mother.
FWIW, I am no fan of NA or any 12 step groups. They are there for people who don't want to change their thinking, and who still want to keep the door open to drinking and using.
Anyway, you have done what is right.
SJG
Jeff Beck
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJW6Y8U-…
My .02
SJG