Dancers / Stalkers / Murders

ididthisonce
North Carolina
I read the thread below of the dancer of the dancer murdered in Seattle. I have no knowledge of the situation beyond what has been printed, but do have some personal insight on dancers and stalkers. Don’t forget the club world is fantasy. Dancers are there to make money, take your money, lead you on that you are hot and under the right circumstances there could be a real relationship. I know because my S.O. was a dancer.

Every now and then a genuine relationship might develop in a club but those times are rare. Just because you are banging her and paying her bills (i.e. Sugardaddy ) doesn’t mean you have a real relationship. But the real part occasionally happens and I consider myself fortune to enjoyed such. She is still with me now well after a decade, but I am a shit person with a wandering eye who still feels the allure of exotic company outside the relationship. Why? I have reasons but would prefer to keep them private other than strip clubs + dancers + a once in a while escort offers me a momentary escape from the difficulties of life.

Now for my thoughts on the stalkers:

My S.O. and other dancers close to her had trouble with stalkers. I think that stalkers are pathetic losers (all of us are) that are lower than whale shit on the bottom of the ocean. But in their defense, I find that in every case I have knowledge of the dancer has to shoulder some of the blame for trying to manipulate the guy. It starts by having a decent time in the club (a so-called connection). He empties his wallet and then gets her phone number for an occasional call or text next time he is planning to visit the club because she wants to be there to have a good money night. She may even send him a pic or two to advertise.

The next part is the kicker. This has happened in every case that I have knowledge of. She accepts gifts or he begins to pay some of her personal bills (i.e..to help out). It could be feeding the kids, making a car payment or repair, rent or move to a more secure home place, etc. He is making an investment and wants something in return. He may also want to be a white knight and protect her. I think when gifts or money go past ITC lap dances or OTC quickies for cash, the girl is possibly setting herself up for a stalker. When she rides his gravy train a while, the guy gets confused because the boundaries are blurred. Most of us men are stupid and have a difficult time figuring things out because our blood flow has left the brain and settled in our peckers.

By the time that she is willing to give up the gravy train and say “No more” it’s too late and the stalker is obsessed. In the ten or so times I have witnessed stalking, it has not been because a hot dancer quickly “blew off” (pun not intended) a PL in a club, it’s because she blurred the lines and make him think there was something more. Each needs to shoulder their part of the blame.

Finally, when a PL becomes a stalker, not even a court restraining order is worth the paper it’s written on because they still stalk. Managers still let them in the club if they spend decent money. With the resources available on the internet one can find out just about anything on someone.

Just remember that everything is a two way street. Even a ROB doesn’t deserve to lose her life, but I betcha she has blame to shoulder as well for help create a dangerous situation.

It’s just a fantasy guys. Women fake orgasms & relationships all the time.

11 comments

  • Dougster
    •
    10 years ago
    Makes sense. Park Dietz has similar insights on these matters.
  • ididthisonce
    •
    10 years ago
    Another thought - One time when my future SO was being stalked I once was trying to have a good time via lap dances and the stalker was also in the club. I didn't know she even had one, but several times he got very close to us, sat down and stared. When I found out what was happening, it was not a very comfortable situation for me as a paying patron.
  • Dougster
    •
    10 years ago
    Park Dietz that I mentioned found a similar pattern with celebrities who were stalked. In this case the celebrities weren't as active as ididthisonce mentions the strippers were, but even just "nice" to some "fans" was enough for them to confuse them. So the new advice was to suggest that they act a bit bitchy to avoid even getting the ball rolling. I'm sure in a stalker's mind a stripper is much less of a prize than a celebrity, but the stripper has to be more active so is certainly playing with fire.
  • jackslash
    •
    10 years ago
    My ATF had several stalkers. I remember one stalker I'll call "John" because that was his name. My ATF told me John was texting her 100 times a day. I did not believe her, and so she showed me her phone, which had over 50 messages at around noon. I was fucking my AFT 2 or 3 times a week at that point, and so I heard all about his antics. Once he came to her house and sat outside her window and drank and begged her to let him in.

    John learned my name (undoubtedly because my ATF mentioned me) and wrote me a threatening message on Facebook. I decided not to reply.

    I agree that strippers usually encourage these guys and then they go nuts. My ATF probably fucked John before she found out he was wacko.
  • ididthisonce
    •
    10 years ago
    @Doug - I think celebrities are not all that distant because they routinely come into our homes via television or movies. Knew someone that worked as a newscaster at a local station and they said something very similar to the above.

    @Jack - One of my SO's stalkers was so persistent I know that she had to have screwed him. It was before she became my SO. She danced for a few months after we moved in together and had one stalk her until she quit dancing. Moving in and starting a relationship with a entertainer is another story entirely.
  • JohnSmith69
    •
    10 years ago
    Interesting thread, but please note the "John" referenced by jackslash is no relation.

    Good description by OP as to how stalkers evolve. I can definitely see how it could happen if a guy can't keep fantasy and reality separate.
  • ididthisonce
    •
    10 years ago
    I forgot to add "twitter" as another "in home" experience.
  • JamesSD
    •
    10 years ago
    This is a good example of why dancers are so careful with their personal info and OTC meetings. A guy may know he just wants to stick his dick in her a couple times a month and not see her otherwise, but she doesn't know that for sure, and it just takes one crazy.

    I've seen guys follow dancers around the club before. And if I was trying to talk to a girl and another patron was bugging us, I'd complain to management. Dancer complaints sometimes fall on deaf ears, but when we complain it's more likely to result in action.

    I totally get why most dancers want to be walked out to their cars. Of course most walk IN alone.
  • shadowcat
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    10 years ago
    Speaking of bouncers walking dancers to their cars, they expect to be tipped for that.
  • san_jose_guy
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    10 years ago
    At Sporty's Bar / Candid Club / Richard's Lounge on the El Camino in Sunnyvale the bouncers walk the dancers to their cars, and they don't get tipped.

    This tipping of bouncers is pernicious. It only leads to escalating troubles.

    I mean imagine if cops were getting tipped, and where that would go.

    SJG
  • sharkhunter
    •
    10 years ago
    I felt stalked by a dancer but she never followed me home. She did tell me she remembered the first time she ever saw me and that was before she was even old enough to be a dancer. At the time she told me, it was 18 years prior to the day. The details she knew about me from a decade ago bordered on the creepy. Things that I didn't even know or remember.
    Being stalked by a dancer I'm sure isn't as creepy as being female and getting stalked by someone you don't care for.
    For example she once asked me if I ever worried about a bunch of girls ganging up on me and having their way sexually. hmmm I thought, bj included :)
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