A guy and his buddy go golfing. On the 14th tee, the guy hits his ball and hooks it into a field of buttercups.
The guy walks into the field, trampling the buttercups. When he picks up his ball, Mother Nature appears, and says, "YOU HAVE TRAMPLED MY BUTTERCUPS AND SO YOU WILL NEVER EAT BUTTER AGAIN."
The guy walks back to the tee. His buddy says, "Wow! That was terrifying!"
The guy says, "Yes, but it could have been worse."
The buddy says, "What do you mean it could have been worse? You hook the ball into the field of buttercups. You walk over the buttercups, and Mother Nature says you will never eat butter again. How could it be worse?"
The guy says, "Well, I could have sliced the ball into that field of pussy willows."
Two guys were into a hotly contested golf match, loser to but drinks at the local strip club. They were at the tee on the 12th hole and Charlie was addressing the ball. Just as he was about to swing the club, a funeral procession went by on the road just outside the course. Charlie stopped and stood there with his hand over his heart. After the cortege was passed, he turned back and hit a beautiful shot right down the fairway.
As they were getting into the cart to go chase the balls, Charlie's friend commented, "Man, that was nice, really touching. I've never seen anything like that." "Well," replied Charlie, "It was the least I could do for the woman I was married to for 35 years."