Long Time No TUSCL!! (Book Guy says hello.)
Book Guy
I write it like I mean it, but mostly they just want my money.
Howdy all ... Book Guy here.
I haven't been on TUSCL for about a year and a half, maybe two years now. That's mostly OK as far as I'm concerned, except that I started to miss some "friends" from here. Although I had never met any of you in real life, I interacted on the internet with many of you, shared opinions about women and sexuality and especially strip-clubs. I just want to re-connect and say I'm doing fine, and I hope you are all doing fine, too.
So: How is everyone? Anyone even recognize my nickname any more? The rumors of my demise are probably exaggerated.
I still participate under the nickname "book guy" or "book_guy" at adult internet websites such as Milovana.com and Pornhub.com and Freeones.com and a bunch of other places. If you really need to, then you might still contact me at Yahoo email under the latter name above, though I may not write back (in which case, it's probably because I haven't logged in for a few months); but it makes less and less sense to write to me there, since I'm there less and less.
So here, on this thread, please let me know, old friends: What are the big developments in your lives since last we interacted? Let me know the high points!
For me, there have mostly been GOOD things going on -- building a marginally profitable practice as attorney in two USA jurisdictions, gaining law experience and padding up my resume, changing fields of law a few times and really LIKING the act of work (big change!), making ENOUGH money (bigger change!), dating some attractive women in the "normal" (non-hobby, not pay-for-play, although "the sex you get for free is always more expensive than the sex you pay for") manner and building relationships with them and "getting the concept" about the Mars-versus-Venus thang a bit more than in my past, went on some good travel over-seas, some positive developments in my family (mostly concerning elders: my parents, and a few older cousins / uncles / aunts; I have no wife or kids), their retirements, new aging lifestyles, living arrangements; plus my city (New Orleans) still undergoes quite positive growth and successful rebuilding since Hurricane Katrina (August 29, 2005). I work on art a lot more; I play blues and classical music a lot more; I try to exercise (har!) some more. It's nice. I'm all wholesome and gee-Wally about it.
More germane to TUSCL: I haven't been inside a strip club, or any other adult-oriented business or establishment, for 22 months straight, and I haven't partaken of any adult-oriented services, including lap-dances nor anything more, for an even longer time. I cut the clubbing out of my life. This has been a good change for me. FOR ME, it was becoming a detrimental influence in my life and therefore the change has been a great positive change.
Whoops. He went crazy. No, not really. Just ... a little less un-insane.
Don't worry, I don't make any negative judgment about any other guys who still go to strip clubs, or who patronize other adult-oriented businesses, or whatever else they choose. I am happy for everyone here who decides that his own participation in the "hobby" is beneficial to his own life, and I stand by his (or her!) decision and by his right to make that decision for himself. But FOR ME it was right to go cold-turkey.
Let me know what's going on WITH YOU and FOR YOU in the hobby, if you wish. Hope you're all well. I'll add more about my motivation to move on from strip-clubbing, lower-down in the thread, if I get some interest.
Cheers for now! Write back! Thanks!
BG
I haven't been on TUSCL for about a year and a half, maybe two years now. That's mostly OK as far as I'm concerned, except that I started to miss some "friends" from here. Although I had never met any of you in real life, I interacted on the internet with many of you, shared opinions about women and sexuality and especially strip-clubs. I just want to re-connect and say I'm doing fine, and I hope you are all doing fine, too.
So: How is everyone? Anyone even recognize my nickname any more? The rumors of my demise are probably exaggerated.
I still participate under the nickname "book guy" or "book_guy" at adult internet websites such as Milovana.com and Pornhub.com and Freeones.com and a bunch of other places. If you really need to, then you might still contact me at Yahoo email under the latter name above, though I may not write back (in which case, it's probably because I haven't logged in for a few months); but it makes less and less sense to write to me there, since I'm there less and less.
So here, on this thread, please let me know, old friends: What are the big developments in your lives since last we interacted? Let me know the high points!
For me, there have mostly been GOOD things going on -- building a marginally profitable practice as attorney in two USA jurisdictions, gaining law experience and padding up my resume, changing fields of law a few times and really LIKING the act of work (big change!), making ENOUGH money (bigger change!), dating some attractive women in the "normal" (non-hobby, not pay-for-play, although "the sex you get for free is always more expensive than the sex you pay for") manner and building relationships with them and "getting the concept" about the Mars-versus-Venus thang a bit more than in my past, went on some good travel over-seas, some positive developments in my family (mostly concerning elders: my parents, and a few older cousins / uncles / aunts; I have no wife or kids), their retirements, new aging lifestyles, living arrangements; plus my city (New Orleans) still undergoes quite positive growth and successful rebuilding since Hurricane Katrina (August 29, 2005). I work on art a lot more; I play blues and classical music a lot more; I try to exercise (har!) some more. It's nice. I'm all wholesome and gee-Wally about it.
More germane to TUSCL: I haven't been inside a strip club, or any other adult-oriented business or establishment, for 22 months straight, and I haven't partaken of any adult-oriented services, including lap-dances nor anything more, for an even longer time. I cut the clubbing out of my life. This has been a good change for me. FOR ME, it was becoming a detrimental influence in my life and therefore the change has been a great positive change.
Whoops. He went crazy. No, not really. Just ... a little less un-insane.
Don't worry, I don't make any negative judgment about any other guys who still go to strip clubs, or who patronize other adult-oriented businesses, or whatever else they choose. I am happy for everyone here who decides that his own participation in the "hobby" is beneficial to his own life, and I stand by his (or her!) decision and by his right to make that decision for himself. But FOR ME it was right to go cold-turkey.
Let me know what's going on WITH YOU and FOR YOU in the hobby, if you wish. Hope you're all well. I'll add more about my motivation to move on from strip-clubbing, lower-down in the thread, if I get some interest.
Cheers for now! Write back! Thanks!
BG
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32 comments
It was in the 70's today and sunny so it was a good day and I had some fun last night.
I thought one dancer had retired from stripping but she surprised me last night first by telling another dancer who I had only talked to for a few minutes and never met before that Melissa, name changed, was in the back and would be out in a minute or two. I had been thinking about leaving. She caught me just in time. The way she calls part of my body hers, makes me wonder if she's feeling attached. I never even went out with her. Just another crazy day at the strip clubs. At least Greenville seems to have rebuilt all the bridges I cross over after a freak flash flood storm I experienced one night. Probably just a matter of time before something else weird happens. I thought I heard a dancer say her car exploded. I probably didn't hear that right. I'm not always paying attention. Then she added in that a poltergeist was still gone after I sent something to kick it out. Maybe she wasn't making that story up.
Alucard passed away.
You seem to have gone over to the dark side, so to speak, but I wish you well.
As for me, nothing has changed. I'm hanging out in disreputable clubs, and I'm banging strippers between 1/3 and 1/2 my age.
How was Carnival in NOLA this year? I heard Mardi Gras was ruined by rain.
So anyway, uh ...
Like I said, I'm not doing strip-clubbing any more. I have changed my habits regarding the scene. It's kinda too bad -- I used to enjoy it. But then again, if you know my posts and reviews, you probably also noticed a continual thread, that I used to HATE the fact that I enjoyed it. Funny thing to say.
I'm still just li'l ol' me. I didn't find God, I didn't get Born Again (and those fake-Christian terrorists should just shut the fuck up about that concept, too!), I am not joining the Scientologists or the Catholics or any other cult, I have not chosen celibacy, nobody cut my dick off, it’s still attached, and my balls are still attached and creating spermatozoon even as we speak, none of my recent girlfriends have "controlled" me into eschewing the act of clubbing, I didn't "come out" as gay or trans-gendered or hermaphroditic, I am not swami of kundalini-chakra-meditation under a pyramid crystal in a commune in Northern California. I didn't even give up drinking or smoking (tobacco ... I never really liked weed in the first place).
I've stopped going to strip clubs because, FOR ME, although there were benefits, there were also detriments, and I got to the point where the detriments began to be felt badly. I don't try to make that judgement for any other person, neither a patron nor a dancer, so you won't hear me being holier-than-thou at any of the boards. If you're genuinely enjoying it, then KEEP GOING! is what I suggest. :)
Maybe I just got older: I'm looking down the barrel of 50 soon, so, perhaps my gonads have finally started quieting down as is the natural order of things. Or maybe my medications for ADHD have changed my sex drive. Prozac (I have been on the generic for several years now) certainly took the "need" or "insistence" out of my sexual desires, and kinda turned me into a sexual non-competitor, to the point that I can say "Meh, fuck, no fuck, who gives a shit?" quite often. Or maybe I just had gotten to the point where I had had enough of typical strip-club bullshit, girls who go nutso on you and expensive drinks and smoky clothing and forever looking over your shoulder for Bluto the bouncer. Or maybe I live in a city which is inadequately titillating for me, such that some later day when I am back in Tampa or Toronto I'll simply go hawg-wild clubbing all over again.
Officially I've decided that my change is "permanent." Meaning, "for now, it's forever." (LOL. Yes, that is an oxymoron.) I tell my shrink that I intend to remain OUT of clubbing (and all other adult-oriented business and/or service situations) for the rest of my life. And I mean it, I do intend never to go to a strip club again. It's possible that I'll decide that this choice is too extreme -- maybe a best friend will have a bachelor party scheduled at Visions next week, in which case I'll do him the favor of abandoning my cold-turkey for some warm tittie again. Or maybe I'll decide the choice isn't strong enough -- maybe I'll go further, and cut porn and sex out of my life as well. And join that swami in Northern California …
What was wrong with strip clubbing? For me, several things.
If you look back through my posts and reviews and you'll see a recurring theme, that I was always disappointed in myself for "needing" or "having" to go to strip clubs. It always gave me a negative blow to my self-esteem. I wasn't ever dishonest or in denial about this feeling. I always admitted that clubbing was a weakness, not a strength, of my life, so my choice to stop attending is not really because my attitude TOWARD clubbing has changed. Rather, my choice to stop attending is because I have now begun to ACT differently from the basis of that same attitude that I've always had. I made several attempts to quit over many years, but never could really succeed in stopping. This time I succeeded (so far).
One big reason was, that it prevented a real social life. FOR ME, the attendance at strip clubs was a type of addiction. It was a "social crutch." By that term, I mean, that it was taking the place of more meaningful social interactions. I regularly commented that I felt I "had to" get my sexuality in a pay-for-it manner simply because I could not figure out how to get it in any other way. That was a resentful and negative world view, a conclusion bred of an assumptions that there’s scarcity rather than plenty. But I didn’t actually live in scarcity, I lived in plenty! f I look at the whole trajectory of my life with eyes anew and try to be more honest with myself, I can see that, although I got less sex than I WANTED or felt that I DESERVED, I also got MORE than enough for other metrics. More than uglier dumber guys, more than what I wanted to believe was "enough" for my biology, more than what I put the effort in for, more than I generally was risking rejection for. I wasn't LEARNING to be a pick-up-artist, I wasn't TRYING hard, and therefore I wasn't picking up successfully. Or, that's just a new view of the same evidence. My past view, that the chicks were DENYING me sexuality, in a rather negative and conspiring way, could have been simply a false impression, not borne out by the facts. Back then I felt rejected, more because of my interpretations of my experiences, than because of my actual experiences. That's a long paragraph just to say ... "Ya know, it wasn't actually half as bad as I wanted to believe that it was." Now, to get chicks in my life, I have to work for it, and I usually DON'T work for it, and my life is really quite good without them. Funny how little I miss them now that I don't have them around. Then, to get chicks in my life, I paid for it and then got all resentful of the fact that I “hat do” pay for it. Funny how much grief I caused myself by seeking out something that I didn’t need, just to be able to complain about how much I had needed it.
Another thing, it cost me too much money. I just started to say, "Hey, I need to spend this better." So I started paying myself first. When I found that I had a wad of strip-club-able money, I wouldn’t go to a strip club, instead I'd go deposit to a bank. One thing that helped, I started regularly using the overnight depository vault drawer on the exterior of my bank building, as part of my new business. So, I found out how to drop-off business revenue in cash anyway and how to trust the bank to deposit the correct amount into the correct account and so forth. I learned how to do it and got comfortable with it. Consequently, when I had $400 in twenty-dollar bills burning a hole in my pocket it started to look like a LOT of effort to go to a strip club and a very small effort to put it in the bank. Now it doesn't sit in my wallet in the form of cash, instead it sits in my bank in non-cash form. Often it’s in my Lawyer's Trust Account, which is seriously overseen by the State Supreme Court committee, so I feel more responsible to it. I spend it less readily.
Another thing, it cost me time. Late night time. I'm not in school any more. I need to get up nearly every day at 7 a.m. without a hang-over. I need to be mentally ready to face some idiot who got arrested for possessing an eighth of an ounce of crack cocaine, and an even bigger idiot who got elected to be the judge overseeing the case. I like the things I'm doing (sort of) so I am not escaping to a better place by going to strip clubs. Rather, strip clubs are a worse place that I want to escape from. Or so it presently seems. It's really nice to be able to make a living and think of myself as a normal adult. It's been a long long long time that I've been working toward normal membership in the society that surrounds us. I'm taking advantage of that set-up now. One big part of that set-up is, that I don’t have free time to while away in a random sort of sit-there and do-nothing manner. In strip clubs you do a lot of staring a a wall and waiting. The waiting was me hoping life would pass me by. Now I don’t want life to pass me by, so I don’t want to just wait it out.
And it was never as good as I had hoped. In strip-clubbing, the fantasies just never really panned out. I don't mean to say that the sexual activity wasn't enjoyable, or was too limited, no no! I got to do every imaginable thing with strippers and providers, in different scenarios. Sure, there were lots of back-room happy endings. I was getting to the point where I was a skilled enough at being a club patron, to manage a decent price, knowing which girls were worth my time (thanks to TUSCL reviews, of course!), and to anticipate and expect a reasonable interaction. I knew what I was paying for, and how much I should pay, and I was generally getting it. But it still wasn't ever sufficient. Maybe the thrill of the chase was gone, because I'd gotten to where I was so capable of successful negotiation that there was no meaningful risk involved? I don’t think so. The chase didn’t thrill me much; still doesn’t, in real-world interactions. I’m not a chaser.
What I didn’t like about strip-club sexuality (or quasi-sexuality) was, I missed cuddling with the girl afterwards. My best mongering experiences have all been, as I look back, the occasions when I "clicked" with the girl and spent time BEYOND the sex-act in interacting with her. That could still be done in (for example) a Prive Huis set-up, the type of place they have in the Netherlands, where you meet the girl for an hour or two regularly about once every two weeks, she gets to know you and you can have actual meaningful interpersonal relations, although she is still on-call to be the provider and to pay attention to the guy’s needs. Intimacy? I know that you really shouldn't be looking for that kind of affirmation, intimacy, connection, with a pay-for-play experience, but I always needed it. I was seeking the intimacy and eventually I just learned, through long slow repetition, that the sex-acts or not-quite-sex-acts that I was going to get with providers, whether in strip clubs or straight up prostitution, were not going to succeed in giving me enough sensation of intimacy. That had always been the (unreasonable, unattainable) goal for me. I wanted kissing, cuddling, slow sensual, all that stuff. Eventually I just got to where I knew I simply could no longer expect that or fake it at all.
If I found out right now that I could guarantee a pay-for-play experience in which I gained the "feeling" of being with a girlfriend, I think I would jump off my abstention wagon right away and go back to mongering. But the thing is, I don't WANT to learn that the intimacy feeling is possible in pay-for-play. I always knew that it wasn't "right" for me, trying to pay for intimacy feelings by paying for sex with strangers -- in fact, "stranger" is almost diametrically opposed to "intimate" isn by definition, 't it? – so now, again, it’s not that my attitude changed, it’s that my actions as based on the same old attitude changed.
Why did I stop? A better question might be, why do I now have the capacity to stop, since I’ve been trying to stop for so long?
As for what you've missed, search "dream stripper" and "DS" on the site. There you will find more cuddling, kissing, intimacy, and awesome fun with a woman than you'll ever come even remotely close to with most civilian women. I'm going on another trip with her this week, and once again she will make all of my dreams come true. If those posts don't get you back into clubbing, you may be too far gone.
Best of luck in all your endeavors.
How do like being an attorney? My personal experience with very smart people is that they loved the academic challenge of "being in law school" but actually hate being a lawyer.
Glad to hear you're getting your real life shit together. Dating attractive women, even. I wouldn't have expected it based on all your defeatist rants of yore. Maybe my bitch slappings finally knocked some sense into you. Just kidding. Still, I think I'll go ahead and take some credit.
I was away from clubs and this board myself for even longer than you until a couple years ago. Not doing anything constructive like you. I had just given up on finding any clubs I enjoyed, and had lost interest in the hunt. But that all changed.
I don't think you'll really know if you've given up strip clubs for good until you've been tempted at a time when you're most vulnerable. Fall for a hot young intern, have her break your heart, hear about a great club in the area, realize you've got more disposable cash than ever before, head over there and get a smokin' chick on your lap who you're sure can fulfill all your fantasies, and say "Naah, I guess I'm just not into this." Only then will you know.
Keep the faith, man.
You seem to be a nice....albeit long winded guy. I too am interested in hearing how a nice person can succeed in a legal environment. Long term lawyers almost always turn into selfish, over-indulged, pompous, lying, cheating, dicks. The stereotypes are true. You really want that?
Everyone has their thoughts and motivations.
I see strip clubs as a “synthetic replacement” per se of the real thing – I think it’s best to be w/ someone (non P4P) whom satisfies you both physically and emotionally; but if often does not work out this way and one is still left w/ needs to that need to be satisfied.
I often struggle w/ how much I SC and how much $$$ I’ve spent (for the year of 2014 almost all my disposable income post-bills went to SCing) – but in all honesty I didn’t have anything better or more enjoyable to do w/ my free time and $$$ - in looking back – yeah I hate the fact that I spent so much $$$ but o/w it would have been a pretty boring year of doing the same ole daily routine.
I often think when I’m 80 (if I make it there) that I would regret more not clubbing than the clubbing that I did – at least that is what I think (I’m currently 45).
So for me; if I don’t have someone special in my life that I truly want to be with (not settling for what I can get so I don’t have to be alone); then I can’t see myself just being idle and not enjoying the pleasures of the female body(ies).
And the psychiatric drugs you are taking may be having a nulling/numbing effect on your desires – the meds may be covering up the reality.
IMO – we SC for a reason; not SCing does not make that reason go away – i.e. SCing is not the problem/issue; but the symptom of thee problem or issue – i.e. not SCing is not really the solution to the core problem nor does it really address or correct the core problem/issue – not SCing often just leaves you w/ the original problem that led you to SC in the first place.
As you can probably tell, other than the death of Alucard, not much has changed for most TUSCLers.
After years of strip clubbing with young hard bodies how did you learn to become satisfied with girls your own age? I think most of us older (+60) guys would miss the interaction with girls young enough to be our grandaughters. How did you manage the transitiion? Can't imagine that you are no longer turned on by hot 20 somethings.
At one time I used to stay up all night playing a war board game attempting to win the game during the weekend. At a later time this activity went online and I got quite good at the game. For me it's just a choice of hobbies.
Congratulations on being happy about your choices BookGuy and welcome back. I like to have fun in my time off.
Chandler: sure, you can take credit. It's the internet, everything here is true.
Seriously, I think I'll "know" that I have, or have not, rejected strip clubs from my life entirely, ONLY when I am about to die. "Hey, I see the light ..." is really the moment of truth, right? I mean, I'm kind-of half joking, of course. But if I'm actually going to try to stay away for literally forever, then the only test is, when forever actually comes to pass. Maybe the hottie in my lap, intern, heart-broken, etc., scenario posted by Chandler could prove it to me: I just don't want her to be in my lap? Then yeah, I suppose, that's as close to a "forever" rejection of clubbing as could be possible in practical terms.
In fact, I wouldn't actually feel wrong or defeated or evil, to return to strip clubs, if I did. It's just that FOR NOW and FOR ME the decision to avoid them seems to be a positive change in my life. Later in time, that may no longer be a truthful thing to say, in which case, "When the facts change, I change my mind. What do you do, sir?"
Motorhead and Holdem2: I hated law school. I found it a joke of a hazing ritual, a waste of time, a bunch of arrogant people all trying to out-arrogant-ize each other (and by peer pressure also coaxing me to join in that battle and lower myself to their level). But I'm backwards. I like being an attorney.
First, I like it better than being a non-attorney. I had desk jobs before I went to law school and either hated or merely tolerated them. They weren't meaningful to me at all, and the bullshit you put up with in the typical current-day office scene (viz. "Office Space" movie, "The Office" TV shows, "Dilbert" cartoon, etc.) was always getting to me. Being a lawyer is the same. But it has so many advantages. So, for me, being a typical office-bound non-professional sucks rocks, whereas being a typical office-bound with a set of professional licenses sucks a few less rocks. Rather have boring job in cubicle and too little free time with more money, more respect, and a professional license, than less money, less respect, and no license.
Second, it seems to me right now that being a lawyer offers more avenues of productive, worthwhile escape. I can build a career outward from this situation, whereas, when I was just middle-management-moron, my future options were only for more of the same, or a major change and starting over with even less money and even more time expended on working. As an attorney I can see myself changing worlds, in the future working with an NGO overseas, or running for public office, or doing a lot of art and funding it with a part-time attorney gig (most of which generally pay as well as full-time non-attorney gigs, thus leaving time for art). It's just all-round more hopeful for me. I am NOT thinking of running for public office. EVER.
Third, for the type of law that I do, it's worth doing. I take criminal defendants and immigration cases, habeas appeals (mostly death penalty relief), other "do gooder" work. I am not at a big firm. I hope never to have to join a big firm to do insurance litigation or corporate mergers. Barf. When I was in middle-management-moron status, I was doing work that didn't matter. If I had died on Tuesday afternoon but the boss didn't happen to mention it to the office staff, then nobody would even have noticed whether or not my memoranda and TPS reports had gotten to them on time Friday with all that info which they had claimed on Monday they had needed so badly. The stack of things-to-file on my desk might have grown a little bit, then a custodian would have shoveled all those papers into a trash can, and absolutely nobody on the office staff would ever have looked for any of those items in any of the file cabinets where I had not put them before I died, and it would not have mattered in the least whether or not I was there. Now I have a client who needs me; my practice has a "succession plan" for the event that I do actually die in the middle of a case, so that the client gets decent representation; and my actions have positive bearing on the world. Only in a teeny tiny small way, but at least they have some bearing. Or so I fantasize. Maybe I'm part of the problem (helping Illegals, Beaners, Wet-Backs stay in the Land of the Free, or so my Tea Party acquaintance says of me).
John Smith: you sound like a very bitter guy. I did what you suggested, searched for "Dream Stripper," found a bit of what you're referring to, frankly wasn't impressed. At all. Now you go search for all of my reviews and stories here at TUSCL. And go over to the Ignatz Micers Amsterdam website, and to The Erotic Review, and to Club Hombre, and to the other sites that I've forgotten to mention, and tell me again, why am I listening to your advice?
Papi Chulo -- I agree, that going to a strip club is a symptom, not a cause. It's not the issue. Something ELSE is the issue. That idea is what keeps me from saying that strip clubbing is, in and of itself, an evil detrimental influence, some kind of wrong thing for me to do. It isn't. The clubbing isn't itself a problem. I wasn't really going to enter into a debate, here, about the merits of clubbing -- that's really a different (though, obviously, related) topic. But I was using it as a crutch. It was a symptom of some other cause, but continuing the symptom was also somehow preventing me from further healing the underlying cause, so I think. I do like your assessment, that you (and I?) may likely regret more, the choice to club too little by the age of 80, than the choice to club too much. That's a very important thing for me to keep in mind. Clubbing itself is not the evil part. We club for a reason.
Minnow: nope, I'm not San Jose Guy, and I can't prove it, but I suspect that you can't prove that I am, either, so, uh, that's all I got on that subject.
Forgot2Wipe: couldn't figure out what you were referring to. Cite the line-number please?
Shark Hunter: over the last two years I have played a LOT of WarThunder. :)
Snowtime: as for the question of, how to be attracted to women my own age, after having had my hands all over women of a younger and better age? I can't answer. I don't know. I haven't become "attracted more" to women my age. In fact, men who marry a girl at 18, then never again touch another woman their whole lives, and at 80 look at a wife who is also 80, are exactly in the same position. They are in the state of having had the "young hard bodies" then having to learn to be "satisfied" with a less ideal specimen. I am not "satisfied" with any specimen. Maybe that's the answer to your question: can't get NO satisfaction, neither in nor out of club land. I never got enough of what I wanted from the hard-bodied youngsters, any more than I probably would with any other civilian woman.
All worldly experiences are insufficient, sayeth The Buddha. Yadda yadda whatever. Buddha's full of as much shit as Jesus and Mohammed combined. That's a different issue.
So I'm not really able to "be satisfied" with my sexual opportunities now more than before. I guess in fact it's just, that I don't NEED the sex any more. It's not that I transitioned from girls who are as hot as most strippers, over to women who are a lot less hot and who simply could never be strippers at their current level of hotness. Rather, I transitioned from a state of great dissatisfaction with what I got at strip clubs, and frustration about that fact, to a state of the same lack of satisfaction with lesser levels of frustration while not going into strip clubs. The desire itself is reduced, rather than increasing the fulfillment of it. And that could very well be the drugs, either entirely (as suggested by Papi Chulo, masking the reality) or partially.
I guess if I keep typing I could say a zillion things more. It's nice that most of you offered respectful and thoughtful replies.
And finally, to Dougster: I know you're on this thread because the other marginally jerky guy responded to you, birds of a feather. You've been on my ignore list for about five years now.
I'm pretty confident that you are *not* SJG, unless you're adept at writing in a different style entirely. Possible, I guess, but I don't see somebody like you considering it worth the effort.
Some here apparently see a man who's "given up," i.e. "surrendered," and see weakness or defeat. I think it's more a case of "set aside," which if, as you say, is having negative affects on the other parts of your life, is a victory, not a defeat. Surely no one here would even consider criticizing you if you had "given up" alcohol under that same circumstances.
Good luck to you, however "forever" turns out. Hope to hear from you more, though.
Book Guy, sorry I haven't read any of your posts yet. A painful dental infection dramatically shortened my attention span, but now that the damn tooth is gone, I will this week. Judging by the reception you're getting here, I'm looking forward to it.
https://www.tuscl.net/postread.php?PID=3…
February 26, 2015• lost:
staxwell
bookguy
txtittyfag
found:
chandler
I replied inadequately. Here's a new answer:
How did I manage the transition? I didn't. I did not change from (1) liking sexual access to hot young women, to (2) liking sexual access to less-hot less-young women. The question itself has a problematic assumption. What I did, in reducing my attendance at strip clubs, has almost nothing to do with changing my sexual interests from one group of females to another group, or with reducing my need for sex with the original group or increasing my interest in sex with the other group.
Rather, what I have done so far, in reducing my attendance at strip clubs, is simply to reduce how much my sexual interests run my spare time. This is partly due to a greater degree of self-interest and control in the REST of my life -- I have some good stuff going on in the afternoons, so I don't get bored, frustrated, or annoyed at things to the point that I need the escape to a strip club in the early evening. This is also partly due to a MUCH lesser degree of NEEDINESS in my sexuality. I think this is the big change you may be referring to, Snowtime.
My sexual interests used to be something which I COULD NOT possibly use will-power to deny. During my clubbing years, I had tried, several times, to just "resist" the urge to get something good with a hottie. I would sit there and think, "Oh, gotta get it, gotta get it!" and then also think, "But I won't but I won't ... oh hell, yes I will." Now, the change is not that I simply go "But I won't but I won't" and then continue without a "yes I will." Rather, the change is, that I no longer think, "Gotta get it." Rather, I think, "Gee, it would be nice, but it isn't necessary."
This is an OVERALL reduction in the COMMAND that sexual desires have over me. It probably came about due to a year or more of Prozac use, as well as self-scrutiny, common sense, life changes, counseling, etc. etc.. Mostly Prozac? Yeah, maybe. Now, I see a hottie and I don't get hot and bothered. Rather, I get a little annoyed at how frivolous she is, and I only start to get into sexual state IF and WHEN I am already alone and getting naked with her. I am not turned on by any woman the way I used to be turned on and desperately needy, by young women, or by even my imagination of how hot a young woman could be if only I went to the strip club to find her.
Yes, young women are still hotter than others. Yes, strippers are still more appealing, sexually and visually and physically, than other women, generally speaking. But now, the appealing status is not DRIVING me over the edge into a needy, demanding sexual state.
So, if you're looking for advice about how to "transition" into a life of wanting to fuck ugly older women, I'm sorry, I can't help you. If you're looking for advice about how to change to wanting to date older women and not want to fuck younger women, again, I can't help you. I haven't gotten into my head a NEW model of what I desire. Rather, I have simply LOST from my head any OLD model, of what I HAD TO DO about my desires. My physical and "autonomous mental" responses are still roughly the same. I could still fuck a hottie right off the bat and yes I would if she offered, I could probably not get a boner for a butt-ugly old lady depending on how butt-ugly she was even if she did offer (though I might not turn down the dentures-less blowjob?), and I still prefer looking at porn pictures of very young hotties over all others (my current list of favorites at Freeones.com is about 100% newcomer pert lively tiny spinner types with firm appendages). The sex-circuits really haven't changed at all.
Instead, it's a reduction of neediness. It isn't a transition to a new set of women. The SEX circuits are the same, but the DEMAND and ACTION circuits are different. I don't want to act on my sex drives. They're only as important to me as getting a new car would be. Something I plan ahead; something that has a rather rational component, but some emotional component; something that will cost me a lot of initial out-lay and therefore I will probably undertake it with due consideration, but I'm not ideal, I may go for the impulse purchase of something that has been lurking in the back of my mind for a long time, IF I can afford it. It's not like a drowning man gasping for air and therefore willing to claw his way back to the top even if it stupidly means bringing the lifeguard down with him and drowning them both.. Rather, it's like a regular guy at the office who feels a bit peckish and so goes to the vending machine and starts to buy a sugar candy bar, but then thinks, nah, I'm on a diet, I'll have a granola bar, or maybe an apple. I like apples too, yeah, that will be fine ...
I don't know if that explains it. But it was interesting to write it. Hah, initially up top I said I was only going to write one paragraph. Har. I edited THAT line ... :)
I do appreciate the clarification and hope you continue to post on the TUSCL board. Some of the newbies that have never made it through one of your long discussions would find them interesting, as I do.