emptiness and regrets

Does anyone else here find themselves self-loathing, empty and regretful after their stripper meetings? I got fucked up last night. Gran Patron Platinum, 8ball to the dome, and some great weed. By 3am I was seeing sideways and watching a porno while having my dick sucked. Even better - the girl sucking my dick was also starring in the porn we were watching. That was trippy as hell considering how fucked up I was. While she was gagging herself on my penis (her typical style of head is just basically choking herself a lot- I like it, we're watching her face get cummed on in this porn video. I ended up too trashed to even get up and go to my room when she usually crashes on the couch. We both passed out on the couch. Woke up with one of the worst hangovers I had. Now it's sunday night and I feel especially empty, guilty and self-loathing about what went on. This girl doesn't even strip any more and is in a relationship with a (loser) boyfriend. She got to my place late because the boyfriend was freaking out that she was going to go to my place. This girl didn't even do coke when I first met her, now she offhandedly tells me she's been geeked all day long. Oh, and she's a convicted felon for cocaine possession now too. Shit, this girl didn't want to fuck another girl and felt uncomfortable about it until I gave her more money than she could turn down. I look back on this and more and realize how empty all of this. Do any of you find yourself completely disgusted at what this realm has turned you into?