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Excuses Strippers Use Not to have Sex with You

Avatar for jackslash
jackslashDetroit strip clubs

Excuses Strippers Use Not to have Sex with You

1 I can't. I'm having my period

2 I've got a headache

3 My boyfriend would kick my ass

4 My boyfriend would kick your ass

5 I feel fat

6 I'm too tired

7 You give me the creeps

8 We can do it next week

9 I have a toothache

10 I have trust issues

11 I can't. I'm having my period next week

12 It's not you, it's me

13 Why would you want to do that?

14 I have cramps

15 Not tonight

16 I vowed not to have sex until Iran gives up its nuclear program

17 I couldn't do that to my husband

18 I couldn't do that to your wife

19 I couldn't do that to my wife

20 I thought you were a nice guy

21 I don't want to do anything to ruin our friendship

22 I have an appointment with my gynecologist tomorrow…And after that I have an appointment with my dentist

23 You had sex with that skank Tiffany last week

24 You can't afford it

25 I'm sore

26 I'm too full

27 Why don't we just talk?

28 I can't. I had my period last week.

29 I'm sweaty

30 You're sweaty

31 Let's just snuggle

32 Seriously?

33 I'm too drunk

34 I'm saving myself for marriage

35 You wouldn't respect me afterwards

36 I feel depressed

37 Jesus told me not to

38 I can't. I have PMS

39 I'm sorry. My boyfriend's dick is so big I wouldn't even be able to feel yours

40 I've got a green discharge

41 I'm a lesbian

42 I have a cold and I wouldn't want you to catch it

43 I'm not in the mood

44 I don't feel attractive

45 I already had sex with 12 guys tonight

46 I don't want my hair to get mussed

47 I'm too high

48 I don't feel sexy

49 I got my tampon stuck up inside me last week and it's still uncomfortable up there

50 I'm confused about how I feel about you

51 It will cost you $1000

52 I feel bloated

53 I've got crabs

54 I didn't brush my teeth

55 You're old and fat

56 I'm pregnant

57 I forgot to take my birth control pill

58 You don't have a condom

59 I had sex with my boyfriend this morning

60 You're an asshole

61 I can't. I had my period two weeks ago

62 I masturbated today

63 You smell weird

64 I don't want you to catch gonorrhea

65 I just fake tanned

66 It's raining

67 Not here in the club

68 Not here in my house

69 Not in front of the dog

70 I haven't shaved down there

71 My horoscope says I should not make love today

72 I'm in a relationship

73 I have a yeast infection

74 You're a pervert

75 I have a backache

76 I don't know you well enough

77 You're a pig

78 I have a brown discharge

79 I would rather stick a dead rat up my pussy

80 You don't love me

81 You only want my body

82 You're ugly

83 I've had a hard day at work

84 I want to remain faithful to my boyfriend

85 I'm only thirteen

Comments

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Avatar for shadowcat
shadowcat

86 I'm not a prostitute.

Avatar for S.C.Couple
S.C.Couple

After hearing #1 I'd want my money back. Bitch should not be working! Yes, again I am a rookie at this strip club thing.

Avatar for zipman68
zipman68

#16 is friggin' high-LAR-ee-OUS!!!!

I'll add a few:

87 I got a tampon stuck inside me last week and IT IS STILL THERE.

88 The mother ship is coming to pick me up later today and sex is contraindicated in the period 12 hours prior to entering warp speed.

89 bogh tlhInganpu', SuvwI'pu' moj, Hegh. (If she says this DON'T push your luck...especially if tou see a bat'leth in the room)

90 Your dik is just TOO big for me. It would hurt.

Avatar for gawker
gawker

I've only heard 53 of those excuses. #79 would sure take the romance out of a relationship.

Avatar for Clubber
Clubber

My former BJ lady once used #1 on me. I let it slide, but never quite understood that one.

Avatar for gatorfan
gatorfan

I have said 55 to a stripper before

Avatar for Tiredtraveler
Tiredtraveler

I suppose that #1 would be better than being on her period not telling you and going ahead. While I have been to bed with women otr we always had a way to clean up, doing it in a lapdance room with no way to clean up afterward ... eww. I once went into a lap dance room and she was very good about clean up before we sat down to get started. She was wiping off the couch and picking up trash off the furniture when she picked up what she thought was a scrap of paper in the couch cushion edge and it actually was a string attached to a bloody tampon stuffed between the sofa cushions. We left the room and waited for another and the bouncer had to go clean up that room. He was PO'ed and knew who had done it and grumbled " she gonna owe me extra for this".

#58 only works if you do not carry a condom.

#85 happened in Cheaters in Providence!! (Although I think she was actually 14)

Avatar for Clubber
Clubber

RE: #79. Since the vast majority of posters here do not have a pussy, perhaps we should check with those that do. The rat thing might be enjoyable to them. Could be one of those women secrets they keep from men. ;)

Avatar for sofaking87
sofaking87

I like the one where she holds out for more money, lol!

Avatar for Estafador
Estafador

you should generalize this for all girls instead of just strippers.

Avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo

I can’t – there are cameras

Avatar for bang69
bang69

I've herd them all & then some. My 2 faves 1. no condom no pussy. 2 I don't do that.

Avatar for lopaw
lopaw

Lol I'd like to hear one of 'em try #41 on me.

Avatar for Clubber
Clubber

lopaw,

Would you care to expand on my post above about #79? :)

Avatar for ilbbaicnl
ilbbaicnl

Yeah Super I can never get over that one. I asked an escort once why she didn't want Black customers. She said "my dad could handle it if he found out I was hooking, but he'd never forgive me for fucking a Black guy".

Avatar for lopaw
lopaw

Clubber,

I can honestly say that I have never heard of or met any women that enjoyed inserting small mammals (dead or otherwise) into their vajayjays.

Avatar for SlickSpic
SlickSpic

@Lopaw-I forgot to trim up my manly bits the other day. When my FWB pulled my guy through my boxers with gusto, she said that it looked like a werewolf. Maybe some chicks dig lycanthropes down their throats.

Avatar for Clubber
Clubber

Slick,

I should have never brought this up. :)

Avatar for georgmicrodong
georgmicrodong

"Sorry baby, but you wouldn't even feel it."

Avatar for Alucard
Alucard

Only one of two words are needed as far as I am concerned: No or Sorry. No need to invent an elaborate excuse.

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