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Excuses Strippers Use Not to have Sex with You

Dec 27, 2013, 5:37 AM

1 I can't. I'm having my period 2 I've got a headache 3 My boyfriend would kick my ass 4 My boyfriend would kick your ass 5 I feel fat 6 I'm too tired 7 You give me the creeps 8 We can do it next week 9 I have a toothache 10 I have trust issues 11 I can't. I'm having my period next week 12 It's not you, it's me 13 Why would you want to do that? 14 I have cramps 15 Not tonight 16 I vowed not to have sex until Iran gives up its nuclear program 17 I couldn't do that to my husband 18 I couldn't do that to your wife 19 I couldn't do that to my wife 20 I thought you were a nice guy 21 I don't want to do anything to ruin our friendship 22 I have an appointment with my gynecologist tomorrowâ€¦And after that I have an appointment with my dentist 23 You had sex with that skank Tiffany last week 24 You can't afford it 25 I'm sore 26 I'm too full 27 Why don't we just talk? 28 I can't. I had my period last week. 29 I'm sweaty 30 You're sweaty 31 Let's just snuggle 32 Seriously? 33 I'm too drunk 34 I'm saving myself for marriage 35 You wouldn't respect me afterwards 36 I feel depressed 37 Jesus told me not to 38 I can't. I have PMS 39 I'm sorry. My boyfriend's dick is so big I wouldn't even be able to feel yours 40 I've got a green discharge 41 I'm a lesbian 42 I have a cold and I wouldn't want you to catch it 43 I'm not in the mood 44 I don't feel attractive 45 I already had sex with 12 guys tonight 46 I don't want my hair to get mussed 47 I'm too high 48 I don't feel sexy 49 I got my tampon stuck up inside me last week and it's still uncomfortable up there 50 I'm confused about how I feel about you 51 It will cost you $1000 52 I feel bloated 53 I've got crabs 54 I didn't brush my teeth 55 You're old and fat 56 I'm pregnant 57 I forgot to take my birth control pill 58 You don't have a condom 59 I had sex with my boyfriend this morning 60 You're an asshole 61 I can't. I had my period two weeks ago 62 I masturbated today 63 You smell weird 64 I don't want you to catch gonorrhea 65 I just fake tanned 66 It's raining 67 Not here in the club 68 Not here in my house 69 Not in front of the dog 70 I haven't shaved down there 71 My horoscope says I should not make love today 72 I'm in a relationship 73 I have a yeast infection 74 You're a pervert 75 I have a backache 76 I don't know you well enough 77 You're a pig 78 I have a brown discharge 79 I would rather stick a dead rat up my pussy 80 You don't love me 81 You only want my body 82 You're ugly 83 I've had a hard day at work 84 I want to remain faithful to my boyfriend 85 I'm only thirteen

comments (25)

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shadowcat11 years ago

86 I'm not a prostitute.

S.C.Couple11 years ago

After hearing #1 I'd want my money back. Bitch should not be working! Yes, again I am a rookie at this strip club thing.

zipman6811 years ago

#16 is friggin' high-LAR-ee-OUS!!!!

I'll add a few:

87 I got a tampon stuck inside me last week and IT IS STILL THERE. 88 The mother ship is coming to pick me up later today and sex is contraindicated in the period 12 hours prior to entering warp speed. 89 bogh tlhInganpu', SuvwI'pu' moj, Hegh. (If she says this DON'T push your luck...especially if tou see a bat'leth in the room) 90 Your dik is just TOO big for me. It would hurt.

gawker11 years ago

I've only heard 53 of those excuses. #79 would sure take the romance out of a relationship.

Clubber11 years ago

My former BJ lady once used #1 on me. I let it slide, but never quite understood that one.

.juicebox6911 years ago

Lol

gatorfan11 years ago

I have said 55 to a stripper before

Tiredtraveler11 years ago

I suppose that #1 would be better than being on her period not telling you and going ahead. While I have been to bed with women otr we always had a way to clean up, doing it in a lapdance room with no way to clean up afterward ... eww. I once went into a lap dance room and she was very good about clean up before we sat down to get started. She was wiping off the couch and picking up trash off the furniture when she picked up what she thought was a scrap of paper in the couch cushion edge and it actually was a string attached to a bloody tampon stuffed between the sofa cushions. We left the room and waited for another and the bouncer had to go clean up that room. He was PO'ed and knew who had done it and grumbled " she gonna owe me extra for this". #58 only works if you do not carry a condom. #85 happened in Cheaters in Providence!! (Although I think she was actually 14)

SlickSpic11 years ago

79 is the kicker.

Clubber11 years ago

RE: #79. Since the vast majority of posters here do not have a pussy, perhaps we should check with those that do. The rat thing might be enjoyable to them. Could be one of those women secrets they keep from men. ;)

sofaking8711 years ago

I like the one where she holds out for more money, lol!

Estafador11 years ago

you should generalize this for all girls instead of just strippers.

Tiredtraveler11 years ago

Ditto Estafador!

sharkhunter11 years ago

I never heard #4

Papi_Chulo11 years ago

I canâ€™t â€“ there are cameras

bang6911 years ago

I've herd them all & then some. My 2 faves 1. no condom no pussy. 2 I don't do that.

lopaw11 years ago

Lol I'd like to hear one of 'em try #41 on me.

SuperDude11 years ago

White guys only.

Clubber11 years ago

lopaw,

Would you care to expand on my post above about #79? :)

ilbbaicnl11 years ago

Yeah Super I can never get over that one. I asked an escort once why she didn't want Black customers. She said "my dad could handle it if he found out I was hooking, but he'd never forgive me for fucking a Black guy".

lopaw11 years ago

Clubber,

I can honestly say that I have never heard of or met any women that enjoyed inserting small mammals (dead or otherwise) into their vajayjays.

SlickSpic11 years ago

@Lopaw-I forgot to trim up my manly bits the other day. When my FWB pulled my guy through my boxers with gusto, she said that it looked like a werewolf. Maybe some chicks dig lycanthropes down their throats.

Clubber11 years ago

Slick,

I should have never brought this up. :)

georgmicrodong11 years ago

"Sorry baby, but you wouldn't even feel it."

Alucard11 years ago

Only one of two words are needed as far as I am concerned: No or Sorry. No need to invent an elaborate excuse.