Taking the initiative for dances

I do remember one dancer years ago that may have been the prettiest girl in the club. I asked her for a dance. At first she noticed I wasn't getting any dances so she thought I wasn't interested in her either. She started asking me after that. I enjoyed her while she danced. I remember she told me she posed for some pics in a popular men's magazine, then she left the strip club business. Then I ran into her as a waitress working at Hooters for a brief spell. Then I met her dancing again at a different club for a couple of weeks, then she went back to a different club working as a bartender studying to be a veterinerian (working with animals) when she wasn't serving drinks. I know dancers walk around asking for dances as part of their job but I do remember when the guys had to ask (at certain clubs at least). I miss that.

It would probably seem strange but nice if I had to ask for dances. When I go out to strip clubs, I'm used to turning down dancers every few minutes unless they already know I'm not interested in getting dances from them. I do remember a long time ago I asked a dancer for a dance. I sometimes wonder if some dancers see me as a challenge when I keep turning them down. I know if you are a regular at a club where the dancers know you as someone who doesn't get lap dances, don't ever get one unless you want a bunch of dancers to suddenly complain. Just imagine hearing a dancer say that I've been teasing her for 5 years but she still asks. I might ask for dances if I wasn't asked so much. I guess it might depend on the club.

chandler: I had (or have) something similar happen to me. I enjoyed the dances of a particular dancer for a few months. Then the dancer had gotten pregnant instead of just putting on weight. I'm no fan of getting dances from pregnant ladies -- I found it creepy that she was still working actually. After she had her baby and a few months later, she got back into excellent shape, but now she acts like I don't exist though I would gladly get dances from her if she asked.

At a club about an hour north of Chitown's favorite, I once asked a girl I thought was by far the hottest there. I had noticed she never seemed to be too busy doing dances, nor did I see her going around asking. She told me she never asked unless she knew the guy would say yes. That the few times she had asked and been turned down, it upset her so much she couldn't dance the rest of the night. Just couldn't function and went and hid. She didn't appear to be at all insecure or hypersensitive, really quite normal. I saw her on other nights, and she asked me and I got dances. Then, after few months passed, the next time I saw her she had gained at least 30 pounds. At first, I didn't recognize her. Even her face looked sadly distorted. Knowing her attitude about rejection, I avoided eye contact, and she didn't ask me for dances. Same thing the next few visits. Then, this summer, she had lost all that weight and dyed her hair platinum, and looked foxier than ever - like a wet dream come to life. She wasn't about to ask me again, but her dance card was full enough that I probably couldn't nab her if I tried. I wasn't sure about doing it anyway, after what she'd been through.

One of my favorites used to never ask me for dances though she had no problems asking other guys for dances. After asking her for dances, I asked her why. She said I had turned her down once before (true) and that it had upset her. I'm thinking that's clever stripper shit or maybe it's even true in the sense that dancer egos get bruised by rejection. It was a good enough answer to satisfy my curiosity.

Now this raises an interesting point about those situations where a dancer is sitting with a guy who you assume is a regular. I have found, in questioning dancers, that the guy they were sitting with was nobody in particular, but, like a physical matter, she was subject to inertia. and was going to sit at that table (coincidentally, but not necessarily intentially, with that guy), until she had a reason to move.

Unfortunately, I don't know that there is any good, settled etiquette on how to deal with approaching dancers who are sitting with other guys. That is probably a good subject for another thread. If only dancer had little signs, like you see on taxicabs, saying "For Hire" or "Not For Hire", or like the "Occupied" signs you see on airplane lavatories.

Chitown, in the situation you describe, where a dancer sits and spends a long time talking with you without bringing it up, here's what I have done. I'll ask her, "Do you normally ask the guy if he wants a dance, or do you wait to be asked?" She might say it depends on the guy. And I'll say, "Because I always assume it's up to the dancer." The result is not much different from just blurting out, "Hey, would you do a dance for me?" But it casts your in a less imploring role.

Some girls will say they knew I wanted a dance but were expecting me to say when I'm ready. I've gotten up and flagged dancers down to come and join me, and still they'll just sit and talk until it becomes obvious that they are waiting for me to make the move.

I don't know how often such extreme deference comes with the club. Even at low hustle clubs, you may have to nab the dancer you want, but then it's off to the races. Or where girls typically chat upfront for a few minutes, they do get around to business eventually. And if it's a case of simple Midwestern modesty or timidity, that would still require assertive customers or no dances would ever get started. You know, Chitown, maybe that explains all the comments about your Favorite Club that dancers seem to sit endlessly with their regulars and never circulate. Maybe they aren't regulars at all, and both parties are sitting expecting the other to pop the question.

Many dancers look at the customer who initiates the dance as quick money. Once the dance is done, she is gone. I've heard them brag about how little work it took to get "this dumb jerk's last $100."

I think it depends how much you want the dance. My last visit my first dancer sat next to me at the stage and started the soft sell. I was interested, so I just moved things along. The second, well I had been a bit slow to warm up to her stage show (which included me tipping from my mouth to her crotch) so she was maybe a little wary about approaching me. I approached her. Glad I did. The stage tips were nothing...

I think the only times I've been the one to ask I haven't been the first one. In other words the dancer had already asked me and I either told her something like I had just gotten there but would be interessted later or I turned the conversation without actually answering the question. In those cases though the onus was obviously on me. Of course I have also been the persuer in situations where the dancer I wanted was never available, but when finally getting a chance to approach her, I think I've always been beaten to the punch.