Advice, please.

27 comments

• Yoda

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  19 years ago

  Actually the saying goes "opinions are like assholes, everybody has one and they all stink". This would make no one persons opinion any more or less valuable than any other persons opinion.
  
  Didn't somebody already say something about not asking in the first place if you don't want to hear the answers?
• Clubber

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  19 years ago

  JS2003,
  
  Your opinion is like an asshole. Everyone has on.
• chandler

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  19 years ago

  You're welcome, I guess, clubber.
• JC2003

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  19 years ago

  "Seems the only one that can even grasp the concept of my question was FONDL. He, having had a similar relationship understands." is classic denial. And "Thanks everyone in any case."is backhanded gratitude, in my opinion.
• Clubber

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  19 years ago

  JC2003,
  
  Perhaps, if you could read, you would see in my last message, I thanked EVERONE!
• JC2003

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  19 years ago

  clubber, if you aren't interested in hearing answers other than the ones you want to hear, you shouldn't bother asking the question to begin with.
• Clubber

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  19 years ago

  My loins do not even enter this topic. Likely, I've heard, I'll see her this Friday evening. I'll see what she says when I ask her to meet me alone, if we can. I only ask here since she was a dancer and I, a customer. Seems the only one that can even grasp the concept of my question was FONDL. He, having had a similar relationship understands. Thank everone in any case.
• Yoda

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  19 years ago

  Davids is right, if you aren't sure, don't spend. The first time I bought a gift for a dancer was at Christmas about six years ago. I had known her for about 6 months and it just felt right. I was shocked when I showed up at the club a week before Christmas and she had a gift for me too.
• SuperDude

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  19 years ago

  Chandler and davids have given you the best advice. Do not let your loins impair your brain.
• SuperDude

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  19 years ago

  Chandler and davids have given you the best advice. Do not let your loins impair your brain.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  Chandler, Clubber may think so but I disagree. I've had personal relationships with a number of young women, some of whom were dancers and some who weren't. I didn't notice any difference. How a person behaves in their personal life often has little to do with how they earn a living, especially for young people.
• chandler

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  19 years ago

  FONDL, the fact that clubber came here asking for advice shows that her being a stripper *is* relevant.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  I agree completely with Yoda. Trying to guess someone's motives is a waste of time - you'll never ever get it right so what's the point? Chances are she doesn't even know herself, motives are often very complex.
  
  For all you guys who automatically assume that she's only after money, would it change your mind if he had met her while she was waitressing in a restaurant? If so, why? To me the fact that she is or was a stripper is irrelevant.
• davids

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  19 years ago

  clubber:
  
  I don't think there is anyone on this board who thinks it's impossible to develop a true friendship with a stripper.
  
  Now RL and I happen to be in the camp that think that once you start spending money on strippers in a bid to buy their friendship then you are (almost certainly) SOL as you deserve to be.
  
  It sounds to me like you are buying the gift to try and win her affection. You sent her away for a year, then you see her once, and are thinking of changing your mind? What has changed?
  
  I would say if you aren't sure then don't spend. Treat her like you would a male friend in a similar situation to see if the gift giving would be suspect.
  
  It is far riskier to buy a gift her then it is to do nothing. Only if you are solidly in with her already should you buy her something. Since you were apart for a year at your request, I would wait till her next birthday (or maybe two) before I bought her anything.
  
• Yoda

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  19 years ago

  I've given small gifts to dancers but I've received many more than I've given. Cologne, clothing, exotic coffees, Diner at a nice restaraunt, home cooked meals, vacation offers to Brazil. Do I question the motives? Sometimes but not often. If your honest with people about what you are looking for (ie: Here's my cash, dance naked for me please) it's easier to just be grateful when thety want to thank you for your business and your kindness. Do whatever feels right. That's what you should always do.
• JC2003

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  19 years ago

  Asking about giving her a birthday gift here, claiming to have a "true friendship" with her, and thinking that you were her "father figure" are all symptoms of being an RIL or PL. Maybe those things are true for you and your girl, but then again maybe they aren't. Hence their comments.
• Clubber

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  19 years ago

  FONDL,
  
  I was going to get her something I know she would like and it would be under $50. I KNOW she is not interested in my money, since she knows what I have, and it isn't much. I think we have said before that I am more a father to her and that is perfectly acceptable to me. Do I love her, I don't know, but I think, just not as I do my wife. I care a great deal about her.
  
  As for what others think, it really doesn't concern me. Perhaps they are too immature to grasp what we have enjoyed.
  
• JC2003

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  19 years ago

  I should have asked what sort of gift you were talking about. I was thinking flowers or chocolates, but from the way some of the others responded, it sounds like they were thinking that you were talking about jewelry or something of that nature.
• Clubber

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  19 years ago

  Perhaps I should have stated she WAS my ATF. We bcame friends, and I think I was her father figure. Large age difference. I guess many feel it is not possible to develope a true friendship with a dancer. I, however, know otherwise. In any case, thanks for the advice.
  
  ps-davids, I spent next to nothing on her, in or outside the club.
• chandler

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  19 years ago

  Clubber, anything is possible, but when I'm thinking about giving a gift to a friend, I don't go to a strip club forum to ask for advice.
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  From your brief discussion I'd say that a small gift (eg. bottle of wine) is appropriate but a large one probably is not. I'd invite her to lunch or dinner to at least find out what she's looking for. I know, many of you cynics will immediately say money and that may very well be true. But it also may not be. I'd find out.
• chitownlawyer

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  19 years ago

  I'm number three in joining Chandler's opinion.
• chandler

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  19 years ago

  Be sure to include a receipt so she can get a full cash refund. Or better yet, bypass the middleman, and just give her cash.
• davids

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  19 years ago

  Must be a cold day in hell when chandler and I agree on something:
  
  This seems like a really lame ploy to either meet her
  outside of work or buy her affection. It's manipulative which is pathetic in of itself, but the transparentness makes it even worse.
  
  She is going to see through your ploy in exactly 10.7 nanonseconds, think you are dope, act nice to you (maybe even a kiss... on the cheek?), and laugh about it with her friends in the dressing room.
  
  Maybe we need a FAQ on how not to be a PL/RIL?
• davids

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  19 years ago

  Sure if you want to look like even more of a PL/RIL. Don't make the big mistake many customers make of thinking that strippers appreciate the gifts/money you give them: It just makes you look like a bigger dope. Given that she is your ATF, however, you are probably too far enough along to salvage any dignity with her now, however.
• JC2003

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  19 years ago

  Sure, why not?
• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  1) Decide what outcome you want.
  2) Act accordingly.