(Inspired by Staxwell)
"The beautiful memories will live on, long after that burning sensation fades."
"Congratulation on you boyfriend getting paroled."
"My love for you is everlasting, as long as your income is."
"I never had a moment's doubt, you'd win that fight in the dressing room."
"Sorry I forgot your name, At least I remembered you dick is the biggest one ever!"
"Nothing says love, Like cosigning my boob job loan."
"Age is just a number. It's not like a credit limit or anything. So when are you taking me shopping?"
"We're the perfect couple. I'm surely going to die long before you hag out."
Ha, nailed it!