porn subscription

RALEIGH, NC—Stating that he wanted to find the option

that best fit his budget and viewing habits, local man Jim

Hinney told reporters Thursday he was trying to decide

which among a pornographic website's many

subscription plans was right for him. “The $19.99 basic

package seems pretty nice, but for an extra $5 you can

get the 24/7 webcam, free access to 5000 facial and

Asian gang-bang videos, two private chat sessions per

month, and an all-access pass to the VIP section,”

Hinney said as he mulled over an even pricier premium

package that reportedly comes bundled with a “Teens-

Only Whack-Pack” video collection and free membership

in a partner site called Anal Annihilation. “Meanwhile, the

yearly plan seems like the best value, but what if I make

my way through their archives in a few months and am

then stuck paying until my subscription runs out? I need

to make sure I'm getting a sufficient amount of original

adult hardcore footage at a reasonable monthly price. We

just started Eric in daycare so budgeting is an issue.”

Sources confirmed Hinney later decided against

purchasing any of the site's packages, having suddenly

remembered the internet offers more free pornography

than any one person could possibly view in a single

lifetime.