More Frequently Asked Questions

The questions keep pouring in, and so I've added to the list of Frequently Asked Questions that I previously posted. New questions begin at number 45.


1 Q What 3 words best describe strippers?
A Lying, thieving whores

2 Q Do strippers think all customers are pathetic losers?
A No. Some customers are rap stars and drug dealers.

3 Q What should I wear in a strip club?
A A condom.

4 Q If I go to a strip club, will I be shot?
A Not if you leave before 2AM.

5 Q What's the best thing to do with my money to keep it safe in the strip club?
A Roll it into a tight cylinder and stick it up your ass.

6 Q If my wife or girlfriend finds out I'm going to strip clubs, will she leave me?
A Yes. This is the best reason for going to strip clubs.

7 Q How do I get better mileage?
A Buy a Chevy Volt.

8 Q What should I do if I run into someone I know in a strip club?
A Tip her a dollar.

9 Q When's the best time to go to the strip club?
A When it's open.

10 Q Should I go to strip clubs or save the money for my kids' college education.
A Go to the clubs. Johnny is too dumb to get into college and little Emily can always become a stripper.

11 Q I am a young, good-looking guy. Can I date a stripper?
A Yes. But you must also be (1) unemployed or (2) a drug addict or (3) a musician.
Best stripper boyfriend material: an unemployed drug-addicted musician.

12 Q I am over 40 and out of shape. Can I date a stripper?
A Yes. But you also must (1) have a good-paying job and (2) be pathetic and (3) have shit for brains.

13 Q Is is okay to eat in a strip club?
A Only the bearded clams.

14 Q Why do strippers have so many tattoos?
A They don't like to feel naked.

15 Q Should I loan money to a stripper?
A No. Save time by flushing your money directly down the toilet.

16 Q Why did the stripper cross the road?
A She couldn't find a worse decision to make

17 Q How do I get a stripper to have sex with me ITC?
A Give her money.

18 Q How do I get a stripper to have sex with me OTC?
A Give her money.

19 Q Do you have a secret technique that will make strippers give you sex for free?
A Yes. But I'm not telling you.

20 Q How much is HJ/BJ/FS?
A Ham Jerky is $3.95, Beef Jerky is $4.95, and a Fish Sandwich is $5.95.

21 Q Why do you guys on TUSCL use so many acronyms?
A IDK

22 Q What is the best stripper name?
A Tiffany.

23 Q What is the best strip club song?
A The She's Too Fat For Me Polka

24 Q How many strippers does it take to change a light bulb?
A None. Strippers won't change.

25 Q I met a stripper who's really cute. We talked and had a lot of
common interests and really connected. Do you think she likes me?
A Does a shark like chum?

26 Q im 18 n i wanna no if i can b a strpper?
A Do you know how to take your clothes off?

27 Q What the best thing about about a three way?
A The fantasy beforehand.

28 Q What is the worst thing about a three way?
A You spend your money twice as fast.

29 Q Will my friends and family be disgusted if they find I have a strip club addiction?
A Yes. But you will forget all about your friends and family as soon as you go back to the strip club.

30 Q How can I tell if a stripper is lying to me?
A Her lips move.

31 Q This blonde dancer told me she's stripping to pay her way thru school. Should I believe her?
A Yes. This is the way most blondes pay their way thru elementary school.

32 Q Do strippers ever graduate from college?
A Yes. They graduate magna CUM laude.

33 Q My fav dancer says I'm the only customer she blows or has sex with. Should I believe her?
A It depends. Do you believe in Santa Claus?

34 Q Should I be proud to be a strip club customer?
A Yes. You are helping single mothers make a decent living.

35 Q All I can think about is naked strippers writhing lasciviously in front of me. Am I going straight to hell?
A Yes.

36 Q Can I catch a disease in a strip club?
A No. Strip clubs are sterile environments.

37 Q I really had great rapport with Fantasia, who used to dance at the Booby Lounge. Does anybody know where she is now?
A Yes. She's on her knees under my desk.

38 Q How can I tell if a stripper's tits are real?
A If you can feel them, they're real.

39 Q What is the proper strip club etiquette?
A Be sure to ask permission before you cum in her mouth.

40 Q Where can I find the cheapest strippers?
A In the paint department of Walmart

41 Q Where can I find a stripper with a heart of gold?
A In the movies.

42 Q What's the difference between white strippers and black strippers?
A Whore vs. ho.

43 Q I want to own a strip club so I can spend all my time with hot babes. What do I have to do?
A Have the heart of a pimp.

44 Q I'm in love with a stripper. Should I marry her?
A Just shoot yourself.



45 Q What's the best thing to get for lunch at a strip club?
A BBBJBLT

46 Q How can I know if a stripper is playing me?
A Does she refer to you as a violin or a cello?

47 Q Would a stripper's husband be mad if he caught her having sex with me in their house?
A Yes. He doesn't want her to bring her work home with her.

48 Q What can I give a stripper that she never got from her husband?
A Child support.

49 Q How do you make it rain?
A Seed the clouds.

50 Q Why do women hate it when their husbands go to strip clubs?
A They don't like to know that men are having fun.

51 Q I've been texting this stripper 25 times a day to tell her I love her, but she never replies. What can I do to convince her that we're meant to be together?
A Text her more often.

52 Q What did the stripper say after she lost her virginity?
A Get off me, Dad.

53 Q When is a stripper too drunk?
A When she can't spread her legs.

54 Q What's the best wine to buy for a stripper?
A A whitetrash zinfandel.

55 Q Why is it better to have sex with a Jewish stripper?
A Because you can catch an STD from gentile to gentile contact.

56 Q I'm going out on a date with a stripper. How can I tell when the date is over?
A She'll put her panties back on.

57 Q I met this sexy stripper. Do you think she's out of my league?
A What night do you bowl on?

58 Q Where do strippers lose their virginity?
A On a pool table.

59 Q What name should I use when I go to a strip club?
A Benjamin Franklin.

60 Q How can I impress a stripper when I take her out to dinner?
A Go to Burger King but don't use the drive-up window.

61 Q What did the stripper's kid bring to school for show and tell?
A Head lice.

62 Q How does a stripper's boyfriend remember her bra size?
A It's the same as his IQ.

63 Q Why didn't the stripper go to her high school prom?
A She couldn't find a baby sitter.

64 Q What person is most admired by strippers?
A Jack Daniels.

65 Q What do you call a stripper's birth control pills?
A Crime stoppers.

66 Q Why don't strippers marry their high school sweetheart?
A It's against the law to marry your brother.

67 Q What's the best gift to give a stripper for Christmas?
A A gift card to the House of Tattoos.

68 Q What does a stripper think "genitalia" is?
A An Italian airline.

69 Q How does a stripper's boyfriend help with domestic chores?
A He deposits a load in his dishwasher.

70 Q Why did the stripper have two black eyes?
A Her boyfriend had to ask for his beer twice.

71 Q There's a hot stripper at the club. How do I get into her panties?
A Pick them up off the floor.

72 Q Why do strippers shave their pussies?
A Their mothers told them never to let men see their pubic hair.

72 Q I keep offering this stirpper money but she won't put my wiener in her mouth. Why not?
A She's a vegetarian.

75 Q How can I write off my strip club expenses on my taxes?
A Tell the IRS you gave the money to Charity.

76 Q I don't get you guys who are enfatuated with strippers. Why give money to a woman who will never have sex with you?
A Because it reminds us of what it was like when we were married.

77 Q What's the best way to pick up a stripper?
A Lift with your legs, not your back.

78 Q What's the worst thing about having sex with a stripper?
A The guys waiting impatiently in line behind you.

79 Q What's the difference between a stripper and a bowling ball?
A You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.

80 Q Why don't strippers have hair on their pussies?
A Does grass grow on a busy highway?

81 Q What advice do you have about eating a stripper's pussy?
A Once you get past the smell you've got it licked.

82 Q What do you call a stripper with political opinions?
A Wrong.

83 Q Can anything beat a stripper giving you a blow job?
A Yes. Her boyfriend.

84 Q Why do strippers dance to Rihanna?
A They can relate to her greatest hits.

85 Q Why did the stripper's boyfriend break up with her?
A He wanted to be free to hit other women.

86 Q What does a stripper's boyfriend do when his dishwasher stops working?
A He hits her.

87 Q Why are strippers like carnival rides?
A Everyone gets a turn, and when you get off you want to puke.

88 Q How can you tell that a stripper isn't really that into you?
A She spits.

89 Q This stripper says she likes me. How can I tell if she's a gold digger?
A Check for a pick and shovel in the back of her pickup truck.

90 Q Who makes more money: a drug dealer or a stripper?
A A stripper because she sells the same crack over and over.

91 Q How many cops does it take to push a stripper down the stairs?
A None. "She fell."

92 Q What do you tell a stripper with two black eyes?
A Nothing. You already told her twice.

93 Q What's the difference between Jello and a dead stripper?
A Jello wiggles when you eat it.

94 Q What should I do if a stripper is screaming and bleeding in my hotel room?
A Shoot her again.

95 Q Why don't I ever see politicians in strip clubs?
A Strippers don't want to get a bad reputation.

96 Q How can I get a stripper's attention?
A Yell "whore!"

97 Q What's the difference between an onion and a stripper?
A People cry when they chop up an onion.

98 Q What do I need to give a stripper so she'll have sex with me?
A A black eye.

99 Q What will happen if I tell an attractive young woman that I like pussy more than legs or breasts?
A You'll get kicked out of KFC.

100 Q What's your secret for getting stripers to have sex with you?
A Roofies.

101 Q What's the best hotel to take a stripper to?
A HoJos.

102 Q Why are strippers like paleontologists?
A They both study homo erectus.

103 Q Im a stripper and I wanna know if I could stop dancing and join the military?
A You could be an army sniper since you know how to take shots.

104 Q Why do you feel compelled to drink in strip clubs? Nothing good ever came from drinking.
A Drinking lets me ignore irritating, twits.

105 Q During OTC, how do I keep a stripper from leaving the motel before the hour is up?
A Handcuffs.

106 Q What's the best time to ask a stripper for OTC?
A One day before her rent is due.

107 Q Should I buy shots from the shot girl to make the strippers loose?
A Yes. Colored water is sure to make strippers drunk.

108 Q Why was the stripper still on good terms with her ex-husband?
A After they got divorced, they were still cousins.

109 Q What should I look for to tell if a stripper is married?
A A black eye.

110 Q Should I wear my wedding ring in the strip club?
A No. Strippers respect marriage too much to dance for a married man.

111 Q Why would a stripper still be dancing when she's pregnant?
A She hasn't had her abortion yet.

112 Q I would like to find out what goes on in the dancers' dressing room. What would I see if I could get a glimpse?
A Do you like to hear women bitching and moaning.?

113 Q Should I tip a stripper when she has an orgasm during a lap dance?
A Yes. Always reward good acting.

114 Q What is the thing you're least likely to hear a stripper say?
A I'll take English literature for $1000, Alex.

115 Q How can I make a stripper shut up?
A Duct tape.

116 Q Why don't strippers use diaphragms?
A They didn't take geometry in high school.

117 Q A stripper told me she had only had sex with three guys besides me. Should I believe her?
A Yes. It was a slow night.

118 Q What's a stripper's favorite bird?
A The spread eagle.

119 Q Have you ever gone to bed with an ugly stripper?
A No. But I've woke up with a few.