tuscl

Lord Chesterfield

Wednesday, December 12, 2012 7:18 AM
Lord Chesterfield: Letters to his Son, Oct. 16, 1747. "Women have, in general, but one object, which is their beauty; upon which scarce any flattery is too gross for them. Nature has hardly formed a woman ugly enough to be insensible to flattery upon her person: if her face is so shocking that she must in some degree be conscious of it, her figure and her air, she trusts, make ample amends for it. If her figure is deformed, her face, she thinks, counterbalances it. If they are both bad, she comforts herself that she has graces; a certain manner; a je ne sais quoi, still more engaging than beauty. This truth is evident from the studied dress of the ugliest women in the world. An undoubted, uncontested, conscious beauty is, of all women, the least sensible of flattery upon that head: she knows it is her due, and is therefore obliged to nobody for giving it her. She must be flattered upon her understanding; which, though she may possibly not doubt of herself, yet she suspects that men may distrust."

31 comments

  • tenisbum1776
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    12 years ago
    Interesting how much insight this guy had over 250 year ago as he tried to relate his life's experiences to his bastard son who was away at school. What's he saying here? 1) Basically don't tell a beautiful woman she is beautiful; she already knows it and assumes you and everyone else knows it. Figure out what her insecurity is and compliment her on that. Tell her she is smart, insigtful, interesting, whatever. In that way you'll stand out in her mind as being different. 2) In the same theory, don't tell an ugly woman she's beautiful. She can look in a mirror and know that she isn't and will know that you, like all the others is just trying to bullshit her. Figure out what she perceives counterbalances her ugliness and compliment her about that. You'll stand out in her mind as being insightful enough to see the same positive traits that she sees. 3) When do you tell a woman she is beautiful? When you can sense that she believes she might be beautiful, but is insecure in that belief. Such advice has been quite helpful in dealing with strippers in the past. Some may think I'm certifyable for even bringing it up ;-)
  • Dougster
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    12 years ago
    Dude, what the fuck? 18th century poetry on a strip club website? What kind of a wanker are you. Ok, let's call in FAGDOG_ROMEO and you two can 69 and do the literay ANALysis.
  • harrydave
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    12 years ago
    Interesting take. My method is a little simpler. I assume most strippers are tired of assholes who treat them badly, and I try not to be that way.
  • Alucard
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    12 years ago
    tenisbum1776, everything changes when you have REAL emotional connections between the woman & the man.
  • Dougster
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    12 years ago
    In your fantasy world, do you have REAL emotional connections with the strippers you pay, alutard?
  • staxwell
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    12 years ago
    .......
  • Papi_Chulo
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    12 years ago
    Interesting – I would venture to say much of human nature does not change over time. W.r.t. telling women they are beautiful. I have noticed, as perhaps most TUSCLers, that this really doesn’t have that much of an effect on women, especially dancers in SCs since they probably here this ALL THE TIME as well as other shit. And as for me, when I tell a woman/dancer she is “beautiful”, in all honesty I am usually saying this b/c I just want to fuck her - and they probably know/sense this as well? As the OP suggests, telling women they are beautiful is not really that much of an original statement and is probably thrown around much more than it needs to IMO.
  • Doc_Holliday
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    12 years ago
    When I say it, it is an honest to God compliment. An honest to God compliment through the lens of whiskey goggles peering into a radiant world, and as such, should be considered a sobriety test and time to take Doc's keys.
  • Alucard
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    12 years ago
    It is kind of sad that simply complimenting a woman on her looks has to involve an ulterior motive or be seen as something that is being done too often & thus diluting its meaning.
  • Doc_Holliday
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    12 years ago
    It's kind of sad that men can't be more creative in their compliments than DAMN BABEE YOU HAWT!! LET ME GET UP IN DEM GUTZ!
  • SofaKing
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    12 years ago
    Consistent with the quote that OP supplied from the 18th century dude, I try to talk with a woman to gain some insight into her personality. Then one can compliment her on her intelligence, or on her sense of humor, or on her smile, or on her eyes. Most women appreciate an individualized compliment, rather than just the ubiquitous "You are a hot babe, let's fuck!"
  • tenisbum1776
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    12 years ago
    @alucard Apparently it's not a new problem since Lord Chesterfield wrote about it 265 years ago and it still seems to hold true today. We all complain that 9's and 10's don't have to try so hard. Perhaps when one sits down next to you, instead of "you're smokin' hot" why don't you say "You really sound intelligent. Where did you go to college?" Think that might make you stand out from the crowd a bit? Strippers use physchology on you - only fair you use a little in return.
  • Dougster
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    12 years ago
    Bum: why don't you say "You really sound intelligent. Where did you go to college?" Think that might make you stand out from the crowd a bit? Yeah, brilliant. I'm sure no one ever thought of that before, and it will make you "stand out" as you say. You should, like, write a PUA manual or something with these original insights .
  • Dougster
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    12 years ago
    "50 year old fat white strip club payer of whores" guide to picking up chicks. Ought to fly off the shelves.
  • Doc_Holliday
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    12 years ago
    The pick up line I like to use is "Have you ever been raped?" "No! Why would you ask that?" "Oh I don't know, I just thought you looked familiar."
  • Dougster
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    12 years ago
    Not bad, doc. Another good one is "Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over here and talk to you."
  • Dougster
    •
    12 years ago
    Not bad, doc. Another good one is "Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over here and talk to you."
  • Papi_Chulo
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    12 years ago
    ^ How well does it work for you?
  • Papi_Chulo
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    12 years ago
    The rape line that is
  • Alucard
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    12 years ago
    A compliment without HONESTY behind it is IMO an attempt at manipulation.
  • Dougster
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    12 years ago
    Hey, alutard actually said something correct. Somewhat obvious bit correct, nevertheless.
  • Stiletto25
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    12 years ago
    Interesting
  • Doc_Holliday
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    12 years ago
    @Papi - it hasn't worked yet, but I'm not giving up!
  • staxwell
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    12 years ago
    " "You are a hot babe, let's fuck!" " @SofaKing: Have you ACTUALLY heard anyone say this? I talk to women (in strip clubs and in real life) like I do any other person. If I'm feeling social: I'll be charming, I'll "bust her balls" a little bit (no homo), be fun, etc., and pay no UNDESERVED compliments. If I just want ITC/OTC: I'll get a dance or two and just ask about it. I asked a couple girls if they did it without even getting any dances and ITC happened. If you just want ITC/OTC it's simple business. Now if you want dates with them, or the self-satisfaction of feeling like the SC Casanova, then go right ahead with your compliments and flattery. Otherwise, it's just business. Addressing the "UNDESERVED compliments": a lot of women (especially strippers) have heard it ALL. Compliments on looks, personality, smile, voice, eyes, scent, vagina, clothes, shoes, nails, pores, anus, family, car, intellect, outlook, farts, tastes in EVERYTHING, and the list goes on. You saw what Stilleto said in a previous thread: she's had guys who just wanted to smell her butt... Then there's always the guy thinking he's being different by not saying "you're pretty". No. That guy is probably 1 out of 3 taking that approach. If the dancer dances for 15 guys that day, chances are she had 5 guys trying to be "different". You wanna be different? Don't give her a compliment until she's done something to deserve one. Reward good behavior. You don't take a kid to get ice cream everyday because he's/she's a good kid; you take that kid for ice cream as a reward for being a good kid, or doing something good. That's using psychology. Just like the girls on stripperweb think they're "rewarding" us with their company for being good customers; the customers need to see it as them "rewarding" the strippers with whatever for being good girls.
  • Dougster
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    12 years ago
    ^^^ good post
  • staxwell
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    12 years ago
    " You don't take a kid to get ice cream everyday because he's/she's a good kid;" I meant: you don't take a kid to get ice cream just because he's/she's a kid.
  • Dougster
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    12 years ago
    Has to be good and do something good. Got it. Very well explained.
  • Alucard
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    12 years ago
    Why not staxwell?
  • staxwell
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    12 years ago
    Why not what? Why not give kids/strippers ice cream/compliments just because they're kids/strippers? Because the more they get it the less value it has. They also can get spoiled and start to expect it from you; not in a "I love him because he does this for me" kinda way, but a "this is your role and if you don't play your role you're doing something wrong" kinda way. "...be seen as something that is being done too often & thus diluting its meaning." It's sad, but it's very true. For example: we'll see the girl we want OTC/ITC with, and it's like "Man, I want that one.", and we'll get it and be happy. But, (in some cases) the more we get OTC/ITC from that girl, the less we want it from THAT girl. Then we start to EXPECT OTC/ITC from that girl (she get's the role as the "sure thing") and when she doesn't do it, we're like WTF?! What happens after that? We move on to a new girl, and repeat the cycle all over again. The saying "You appreciate it more when you've worked for it" also applies. When the compliments start being about "winning" her over and trying to say the "right things" she can tell and she likely wont care. I'm sure there's evidence backing that up on stripper web in a thread about the customers. When the compliment is genuine and something she's earned (like a reward) it'll mean more.
  • Alucard
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    12 years ago
    I am speaking about kids and ice cream. Dancers are another matter regarding behavior and rewards.
  • staxwell
    •
    12 years ago
    Have you ever dealt with a spoiled kid? The kid that EXPECTS to get treats, and toys and stuff just because. Every time you leave the house with the kid all you hear is "I want! I want! I want!". The kid probably didn't start out like that, but he was given a treat just because he's mommas little boy. He liked that feeling he had when he got that treat. He wants that feeling again, and his mom gives it to him every time he asks for it. It starts not to feel as good when he gets the ice cream because he's grown accustomed to having ice cream when he wants it. Then the day comes where he does something good and mommy wants to reward him for it, so she takes him for ice cream, but of course he's not excited about going for ice cream...because it's just ice cream now. Ice cream is what he expects, but not what he desires. The allure isn't there. On the other side of the tracks is the kid who only gets ice cream when he gets good grades or something. He learns early that if he wants ice cream he needs to earn it. It was really just meant as an analogy, Alucard.
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