I honestly don't know what to think of this...

5/9/2012 6:08:05 PM

Met a dancer late last year. Overly nice & sweet girl that wasn't into drugs nor drinking, nor had kids. The nice girl kind that never gets aggravated, is always apologizing, trying to be sincere, & the type you can never get angry at. Type that didn't do ITC/OTC. And just became conversation buddies every time I went to her club (myself I didn't get dances from her just talked about life & what others were doing).

Girl had a lot of family drama so she was never on my radar (parents passing away, in-laws not caring about her passed away dad & only paying her lip service about caring for family, landlord trying to sleep with her, longtime boyfriend breaking up with her, loser roommate with loser boyfriend, etc.). But her sweetness made her a favorite among the locals. Also she was regularly adding facebook friends so I never thought much about her problems & closet depression.

Fast Forward: Monday afternoon adds 6 new facebook friends. Later that evening she posts asking for a relative to call her ASAP.

And then:
http://www.wbrz.com/news/crews-search-fo…

http://www.wbrz.com/news/police-suspend-…

Not really sure what to think right now. I saw it building up but tried to ignore it by claiming she's got all these friends & regulars. I saw those facebook posts & should've recognized them (I've faced this kind of situation before 2x with distant co-workers) but yet I didn't act thinking it wasn't my business.

I'm not asking for advice, just presenting a situation. I know I'll ponder this for a bit in my head & come up with my own conclusions later but creating a conversation topic.

6 comments

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Alucard

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13 years ago

Are you sure this is the Dancer you know?

Signs of Depression can be seen if someone is astute enough to recognize them. The problem is that often the people who see the signs don't act on them thinking it is not their business or concern or that the person in distress doesn't want anyone bothering them. Suicide certainly can result from Depression. Ideally we should act & inquire about the person we see in distress directly to them. Ask if they need help or if they wish to talk. Do it more than once.

I've had depression in my lifetime & I hide it very well from others. Fortunately as a Healthcare professional, I recognized my problem eventually & hospitalized myself before it was too late.

Act, it is something you should do as a fellow human being.

HB13

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13 years ago

Same girl, her facebook page is lit up all about it.

23cambyman

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13 years ago

What is her facebook page so we can see and observe the wall posts that she put so we can look at some of the warning signs

looneylarry

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13 years ago

It is easy to think that you could have, or should have, intervened. As customers we rarely get a glimpse at what is going on in these dancers' lives. It may be that you did as much as you could have, given the circumstances. Maybe your conversations with her were some of the few things that were keeping her going. I agree with Alucard that we owe to each other to be humane. But there are too many pieces that you don't know for you to accept part of the blame. Even if you had been more of a presence for her, that may not have been enough to prevent it. Life is fleeting and puzzling and difficult.

sharkhunter

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13 years ago

I would question if it's the same girl. If it is that is really sad. Some dancers at times I wasn't expecting confided in me some very personal information so I'm glad I was there to talk to them. I know the familiar dancer routine face and then those times when occasionally a dancer seems to have someone to confide in usually telling me I'm not the typical customer and I appreciate that because they are treating me like one of their friends. Many dancers are alone sometimes with only their casual acquaintances they've met in the area they are living in.

Some have boyfriends and some are married but I've been surprised how many seem alone. Lots of time they make friends with another dancer but not always. Depression is awful. I hope depressed people find someone to reach out when they need to. Of course that is not usually one of the customers where they work at. That may be a sign of desperation. My situations I encountered were very unusual.

rh48hr

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13 years ago

Sometimes you think if you had just done this or that maybe things would have been different. But if you are not involved in the person's life on a daily basis (i.e. living with them) it is difficult. She probably needed to be on medication and wasn't and with a disease such as depression or bi-polar disorder, the people who are otherwise normal human beings, have thoughts you wouldn't associate with them. She may have even had some other issue within her brain that wasn't diagnosed.

Don't beat yourself up over it, it's sad and tragic, so just try to remember the good times.

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