I have to admit it. I love the soccer ladies.
If any of you missed the amazing come-back victory over Brazil this morning, I'm sorry you haven't clued in yet. Clued in to soccer, and clued in to women's soccer. And clued in to the USA's national women's team. What a bunch of hotties!
Football is, of course, the world's game, so it's one of the few arenas where our nation competes with our peer nations on a peer level. I'm very proud that we've gotten, over the last two decades, our men's team up to "passable" standards, such that we regularly finish in the top 32 or top 16 of the world; finishing higher at major tournaments or in the world rankings, for the USA men's team, would be an extreme feat, given that our expenditure of resources and our population's interests are not focused on soccer as much as they are in other nations. But to finish lower, as we did for 50 years of the modern era, despite our competitively high (superior!) levels of education, population, wealth, interest in professional sport, was just plain EMBARRASSING. I'm glad the men are up where we are, and I'd love for the men to do even better, but I don't EXPECT them to. I do think it's reasonable to expect the men to stay in the top 30.
But the women? We're the land of women's sports. We have more professional and semi-professional and "educational" female sports participants per capita than anywhere except the English-speaking antipodes. And we CREATED the Women's World Cup. (Remember that jog-bra?) So it's our birth-right, our national pride.
And they're hot. I mean, really, they're extremely good-looking women. Some of them have the ol' "butter-face" but every one of them is in the 30-and-under age-group, and physically fit as heck. On TV during a game they look sometimes butch; but that's just because they lack the make-up and the slinky outfit that you're used to. Dress up the most masculine of them in an evening gown and you'd be happy to get a lap dance from 'em.
Which brings me to strippers. Yes, lap-dances were on my mind this evening. I had the ultimate pleasure of revisiting the first portion of the Miracle In Dresden this evening while I was at a French Quarter strip club this evening. I kept getting distracted by the hot women. I'd look over at the stage, there'd be some chick twisting and turning and all feminine, but upon the TV there were HOT WOMEN playing soccer against Brazil. I gave up and came back home. The US striker Abby Wambach has about ten minutes until she nets that that amazing 122nd minute equalizer, as I type this. (If I spooge on the keyboard, forgive me. They're HOT.)
So there I was at Penthouse. And strippers of course came by to visit. Wanted my money, funny that, no? The hot stripper from Texas, with her amazing poochie-outie tits and poochie-outie ass and perfect smooth skin, she bugged me because she said that female athletes look like men. The hot stripper stripper from the Eastern Bloc, with her pouty little accent and perfect little tits, the one I'd enjoyed many a squeeze and fondle with upstairs for quite the price, she bugged me because she said that Brazil was all "nay-groes and meext peoples" and surprised me with this novel intolerance of non-Caucasian races which I had never encountered in her before.
About then, in a commercial break, clips from past glories rolled by. I pointed out to my latest lap-sitter, as The Penalty Celebration unfolded, how Brandy Chastain removed her jog bra. Yes, you remember that episode. "See, even soccer players can be strippers" I quipped. (Bill Clinton seemed to approve. I had forgotten that.) The hot stripper from Michigan sitting on my lap, with her white white goth skin and her green eyeshadow and her kinky smile bugged me, because she said those women were ugly. There on the screen: Brandy Chastain in a jog bra, then a shot from this year's tournament of Hope Solo, then Tisha Venturini from 1999, then half the 2011 Swedish starting line-up, then Mia Hamm in her super-cute phase, then that amazing Krieger girl ... and the stripper kept saying how ugly they were, and "buy me a drink? Wanna dance?"
I cam ehome. Here comes the goal. Better than porn, man.


I'm with you Book Guy, I have not had an issue watching any of these games. Don't forget about Hope Solo either. Pretty solid in my book as well!