Polite way to tell a dancer 'No'

The dancers at my old club were a little more persistent:

Me: I'm waiting on someone.
Her: Oh, what's her name?
Me: I'm bad with names.
Her: Oh, then what does she look like?
Me: I'm bad with faces.
Her: Oh.

At my new hangout, the girls rarely ask for dances, leaving it up to the customer. Now that I've got used to it, I've decided I like being the one in control.

It's even easier than that. If they blond tell them your prefer brunettes. If they are brunette tell them your prefer blonds.

In some Detroit clubs they don't leave no matter what or how politely you tell them. The economy is so bad that dancers on day shift will hustle you for lunch. "Well can we get something to eat while waiting for her?"

I tell them I'm out of money. Then when they see me getting a dance with someone else, they never bother me again.

A dancer once suggested "Im not buying any drinks or dances right now, thanks."

If it's someone in whom I have no interest, ans she's one of the polite ones that asks if I'd like any company before she sits down, I'll respond in kind with, "no thanks", "I'm waiting for someone", "not right now" or some variant. If she sits down before asking, I'm still generally polite, but use some form of the "not buying" one.

There have been occasions where those don't work, in which case I've been known to be more more blunt about my disinterest, either by turning away, getting up and going to the bar or sitting at another table (the one next to the one I'm sitting at, if it's open and I want to be a jerk), or going to talk to the dancer I really want to talk to.

Fortunately, politeness generally works, so the more extreme measure aren't usually aren't necessary.

Is "Fuck off" polite?

It has a certain ring to it Gator...

lol gator...I'm pretty sure using that line will not end well for all parties concerned!

A problem I'm having at one of my fave clubs is a dancer that has decided that she will be my bestest new friend at the club. She will sit with me for hours, yapping about whatever little things have popped into her brain. Talk about pussy-blocking me! She's attractive enough...just not my type. She never even asks me for dances. She just wants to talk nonstop. She would be great for a customer looking to not spend any money, and who just wants a girl to sit and yap with them for hours on end.

I hope I won't have to eventually use gator's line to get rid of her.

I just say, "No thanks."

SD, last summer a dancer helped herself to my lunch, without asking (Pantheon in Dearborn, Miss USA's hometown.)

Another fun way to get rid of them is to ask for an outrageous level of extras (be careful though, this can backfire if they just agree to it) and then when she says no say you are only interested in naughty girls.

The Men's Club, in Raleigh has a problem with (some) overly-aggressive dancers, whereas Teaser's, in Durham does not. If these two clubs are typical, I think it has a lot to do with how well-managed the club is, and if the club is taking too big a percentage of the dancer's gross.

lol, gator. It might not be polite, but it's quite effective when politeness doesn't work.

lopaw, just out of curiosity, why do you put up with it?

CTQWERTY, don't know what to say to that other than, "so, what do *I* get now?"

For the ones that sit down and linger, especially if they sit on my lap, I usually tell them I have to go use the bathroom real fast. More often than not it's the truth, but I find they've disappeared when I come back. "Using the bathroom" always works, they must think it's an excuse because most of the time for me it's true but they take it otherwise.

I tell them I am low on funds or (if just wanting to delay to see whats on shift) "Just got here, need some time to unwind, maybe later."

Telling a stripper your out of money should repel them like sunlight repels vampires.

georgmicrodong, she said she "hadn't eaten all day", yet never waited to hear me say whether or not it was okay. She had solicited me for a dance prior, and I was not the least bit interested. I could've called the manager over--maybe they would've fired her on the spot, or, at least given me another order. I let it go...

I've also had decent success with "I just got here and want to unwind awhile." There's also "I'm just here to watch the show." (With that, I think they assume you have no money.)

Dougster, any examples of outrageous extras? I'm familiar with the usual extras, are you talking anal play on her

I just act like a really boring dude. They usually get the hint if you don't make eye contact... and only answer questions, but don't offer any to keep a conversation going. It helps to sit at the bar, you can start talking to the bartender instead.

georgmicrodong-

I dunno. I guess I'm too nice (and patient) sometimes. I honestly don't know what to say to get rid of her without hurting her feelings.

Lately I've been waiting for her to be called on stage so that she'll leave and I can go grab a dancer that I have had my eye on. Pathetic, huh?

lopaw: Just go off on one of your crazed lesbo man hating rants. That should get rid of her real fast.

I have a couple of more ideas as I, too, confront this problem. If you are at the bar having a drink and a girl comes and sits to talk to you for a while, excuse yourself and tell them that you're going to the stage to tip the girls. That always works. Here's another helpful hint. Most of the time, the girls will ask permission to sit by you; if this happens and you really don't want her to, then tell them you are waiting for someone else. They will leave. My worst problem is them asking me if I want a dance and I say no, not right now. Then they ask why not. Fuck, I hate that. What I wanna say is, "I really dont want one from YOU at all. But, I take it easy and say Im waiting for someone else. There is a couple of hints without being rude at all.

If a dancer gives me an attitude about not getting a dance from her I don't give a shit. Just remain silent and polite and smile. They will get over it and move on.

I did have one dancer ask me and I declined and she said "well you shouldn't be here". I just blew off her comment. She was a fugly.

I'll tell them I'm waiting on someone, they usually get the hint and move on. I've felt on a number of occasions to say gatorfan's line to some of the obnoxious ones, but I know better. It can't end well, LOL

I had one that I wasn't interested in at all ask me for a dance. I declined. We were standing at the bar, so she then asked me to buy her a drink. I don't have a problem buying a dancer a drink if I've talked to her before and/or I'm interested in getting dances. I tell her the first part of that. She then goes on a "you shouldn't be here if you're not getting a dance or buying drinks or tipping the waitresses" which I then just began to ignore her because I was buying dances (just not fro her), was buying drinks and always tip my waitress an obscene amount which is why they all get along with me. A waittress was standing at the bar during the time and told the dancer she agreed with everything she was saying, but once the girl left the dancer apologized and said she just says whatever the dancers want to hear to make them go away from her.

That ramble gone on, how would you have handled the situation. Completely uninterested in getting a dance from her because she's no where near your type, has a bad attitude from the start and starts cussing you out because you won't buy her a drink either. I liked my response

Sometimes there is no polite way to disengage, particularly if she is persistent. I had one a few weeks ago that didn't take the hints.

I started with the ususal crap line: "I just got here and would like to settle in for awhile." She didn't get it, so I soon followed with, "Honestly, I'm not really interested in buying dances now." All the while, I did everything I could to ingnore her.

Finally I said to her, "Sweetie you seem really nice but I'd like to chill out by myself for awhile if that's ok."

I've had to do this a few times over the years. Only backfired on me once some years ago, when a black girl who I did this to came back later after I sat with a couple of different girls. She called me a racist, which is not true per se but I admit that I'm not overly attracted to black girls. I tried to work up a tear in my eye for her, but couldn't quite do it ;)

The moral of the story is that if you can't get rid of her by being nice, then be direct. If I am not attracted to her anyway, I really don't give a shit if she walks away thinking that I'm an asshole, though I do of course try to be as nice an asshole as possible ;)

rick: Had almost the exact same problem once. *Big* black girl plops down on my legs without warning, and starts nuzzling my ear and blowing in it, rubbing her udders on me, and other assorted "erotic" attentions. After I recovered from the pain, an interval she apparently interpreted as interest, I asked her to get up, that I wasn't interested. She gibes me this "Are you serious? You must just not like black girls, right?"

Confused, because I'd tipped almost every girl in the place who'd deigned to get up on stage that night, including several black girls, I just something on the order of "What? No." She made some comment about "Yeah, right."

Whatever helps you sleep at night, sweetheart.

Because I'm the jerk that I am, I told the manager what happened before she could. Got a free drink out it. Coke, but better than a kick in the teeth.

This really isn't complicated. We're paying them for their time. If the girl does not understand or take the hint, do or say whatever you want to say. I wonder how many of these girls would come up to any of us as customers of a regular bar or restaurant and do the same thing, I doubt it!

Once I decided that today I will not disappoint any girl at "Oasis" and will get lap dance from any girl that approach me (even if she ranked 0). I spent around 3 hours and I ended up getting dance from around 15 girls. I don't know whether girls were watching or what but they kept coming to my table..I undestood in a single day that it was bad idea and we have to say "no".

Usually I say "later" and hardly someone ever came back later.

gatorfan has a good point - I wonder how gentle of a rejection some of these dancers would offer to any of us PL's hitting on them in a regular bar? I'll try to remember that the next time a dancer gets a bit too in-my-face.

I usually just reply something along the lines of "no thanks" or "not interested thanks." When they don't get the hint I will ignore them or try to grab another girl that I know from previous visits to come over. If there aren't any nearby, and the girl still won't get the hint (and you don't want to tell them to fuck off! =) then my advice to you is to perform the "Brave Sir Robin" and bravely run away to the bathroom for a few minutes without saying goodbye or telling her where you're going or if you'll be back. If she's still there when you come out (very slim chance), just sit somewhere else.

That's the most passive way to do it that I can think of.

Notsosly, with all due respect, passive is not really in my vocabulary. I must agree with gator when he says that you are in charge and if you do not want to sit with a girl, let her know. In my younger years I did the passive thing and you can easily burn a lot of time trying to get rid of her if you are not direct. And in the early days I tried the bathroom thing and got surprised a couple of times when the damn girl was still there when I came back.

Had a girl try to follow me into the bathroom one time. While it sounds hot, it was just creepy in this case.

Yeah - hiding in the bathroom is obviously not an option for me.

Funny how clubs can have such different personalities in this regard. Some places you have to take the initiative. Others you can't even get your first drink in hand before being asked to buy a dance.

This is a lot easier to handle at $5 a dance clubs (those few that remain). I find that declining a private after a $5 sampler doesn't seem to bother them... they at least got the five, and if it's someone I'm not that interested in, she probably won't bug me again anyway.

Heh, for the record, I'm not really passive either. I doubt I'm going to tell a girl to fuck off, though, unless she pisses me off by refusing to leave. But I rarely do the bathroom trick anymore either.

Besides, the OP asked for the "Polite way to tell a dancer 'No'"... so I gave him the most passive way to get rid of one if polite no thank you's wouldn't work.

I tell them I don't want to "overstimulate myself," which they can take any way they want. The flip side of this is sending a good one away for some reason (like when I had a ticket to a shower show that was just about to start) with the intent of actually getting a dance later, then missing connections for the rest of the night.

Just a thought, why does it have to be polite? I think any of us could do that, and if they don't get it, end of polite!

I think Lopaw may be on to something. I wonder if anyone's ever tried asking an annoying dancer, "What do you do when you're out for an evening at a dance club or bar and some guy/gal you're not at all interested in keeps hitting on you?" Do you reckon she might get the hint?