stripper gonna make me rich....

DickJohnson
Illinois
I recently met a stripper who is also a certified financial planner and she has convinced me to invest 30K. she says she will get me 500% return within 6 months and then i can do it all over again. its some sort of secret hedge fund and there will be no paper trail or documents detailing all this so its tax free. she said not to tell anybody but i couldn't keep this great news from my tuscl brothers. Did i totally luck out or what?

17 comments

Latest

samsung1
15 years ago
lol although my PL thinking is not quite this blatant, DJ's posts are fresh reminders that we should never trust a stripper with our money unless we are willing to never see it again.
Clubber
15 years ago
"Walk like an Egyptian" :)
dallas702
15 years ago
Actually, DJ may have fallen into a better deal than my financial advisor slapped me with in 2008! At least he got to see some tit as his money flew away. Love your posts, they remind me not to take life too seriously.
rickdugan
15 years ago
DJ, that's awesome. Just make sure to give it all to her in cash so that there's no record of a check deposit.

That's an even better deal than when a stripper convinced me to invest 25k in her soon to be launched strip club. All cash of course because I can't have my name on licenses, which she told me would be necessary otherwise. When I was last able to reach her about 6 months ago, she told me that she was still working on the zoning. I can't wait until it is finally open!
gatorfan
15 years ago
500% ROI? That's all? C'mon any good stripper financial planner can turn at minimum 1000% profit on your money!
Dudester
15 years ago
He must've been talking to my OTC Gal from last year. She made a whole bunch of promises, but only kept that one to herself, wherein she told herself that it was only business.
SnakePlissken
15 years ago
DJ with a return like that you should give her more to invest. Could you get a second mortgage?
CTQWERTY
15 years ago
Just remember to divulge it on your taxes under "other income" so you don't wind up getting convicted for income tax evasion like Alphonso Capone.
DickJohnson
15 years ago
hey rickdugan,
when your club finally opens let your tuscl brothers know and we will all attend the premier. I should warn all you guys this is not for everybody, there are some strippers you cannot trust.
Clubber
15 years ago
DJ,

Are you nuts! Any woman that will get naked in front of a man is one of the most trustworthy people in the world! And if she has any sexual relations, forget about it!
vincemichaels
15 years ago
DJ, here's $175,000, give it to your stripper advisor for me. I need some good returns.
zipman68
15 years ago
Man, DJ is SO lucky. I only got 200% on my last stripper investment. She told me I'd be able to retire using my profits, but I ended up blowing it all on a hand job.

Oh wait, that was an acid flashback.
rickdugan
15 years ago
DJ, sure thing. Funny though that the town claims to have no record of the zoning application...but what the hell, after everything that we shared together she has my complete trust and I'm sure she has everything under control!
gk
15 years ago
Great topic. I met a financial advisor at my favorite SC just last week. We talked markets, up swings, down swings, getting out before the fall or staying in for the long grind, even reinserting yourself if you've pulled out early. But most importantly, we talked about ROI---rip off included. Lol DJ.
DoctorDarby
15 years ago
Damn! And to think I just sunk my retirement nest egg into Venezuelan Pygmy Llama futures. This guy, I think his name was Pedro, says that when the next round of Mad Cow Disease hits and buries the demand for beef, this tender, succulent Pygmy Llama meat is gonna be all the rage. It was either that or piss the whole enchilada away on lap dances.
Otto22
15 years ago
Mr. Johnson, what a great idea! As a CFP myself I think I've just discovered a new marketing idea. I should open a SC with two VIP areas, one for topless dancers and another for financial planning!
Dougster
15 years ago
DJ: Keep in mind that strippers are stupid, lying, theiving whores so this is almost certainly a scam.

Then again, I'm sure, even if it is a scam, you would do better on this one than following txtittyfan's advice to people here to short treasuries and short US dollars.
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