A stripper's SO was holding his 8 month old baby while his bitch was in kitchen fixing lunch.
The baby murmured, "mother".
The guy gets all excited and hollers to his bitch, "Hey bitch, da baby just said haf a word!"
Two strippers were standing at the bar ready for a night of business.
"It's gonna be a good night tonight, I can tell" says one of the girls.
"How can you tell?" says the other.
"I can smell cock in the air" replies the first stripper.
"Sorry", her friend replied, " I just burped!"
A little boy walks down the street with a dead frog on a string. He enters a whorehouse and approaches the madam.
"Madam, I would like to have a girl for the afternoon." says the little boy. "Sonny, I think you're a little young for that." replies the madam. The little boy places a $100 bill in the madam's hand. "One lady coming up." says the madam.
"And I want her to have herpes," says the little boy. "Why on earth would you want that?" asked the madam, "and anyway, I don't have any women like that. All my girls are clean." The little boy pulls out another $100 bill and gives it to the madam. "One dirty girl, coming up," she says.
The madam takes the little boy upstairs and leaves him in a room with a well endowed blonde. When he comes down a little bit later, she says, "Son, I can understand you wanting to get laid, but why on earth would you want to catch something like herpes?"
The little boy looks the madam straight in the eye and says, "It's like this lady... When I get home the babysitter's going to be there and I'm gonna fuck her and SHE'S going to get the herpes.
Then when my mom and dad come home, my dad's going to take the babysitter home and fuck her and HE'S going to get the herpes.
Then when my dad gets home, he's going to fuck my mom and SHE'S going to get the herpes.
Then about 10 o'clock tomorrow morning, the mailman's going to show up at my house and fuck my mom and HE'S THE ONE THAT KILLED MY FUCKING FROG!"
Three blonde striipers died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom of Heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was.
The first stripper said, "Easter is the holiday where they have a big feast, give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter rolled his eyes, said, "Blondes," and banished her to Hell.
The second stripper said, "Easter is when we celebrate the birth of Jesus and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Wrong," and he banished her to Hell.
St. Peter looked at the third blonde and said, "OK ... tell me." She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder."
St. Peter was impressed. "Verrrrry good," he said. The blonde continued, "Now every year, they roll away the boulder, and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."
St. Peter fainted.
A man wearing a balaclava bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun. "Open the fg safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter. "But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money". "Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your fg head off!" She obliges and opens the safe door.
"Take one of the bottles and drink it!"
"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously.
"Don't argue, just drink it" he says. She prises off the cap and gulps it down.
"Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands. The girl drinks another one. Suddenly the guy pulls off the balaclava and to the girl's amazement it's her husband.......
"Not that f*****g difficult is it?" he says
Q: What is the best way to make a nun pregnant?
A: you fuck her!!!!