Your Strip Club Resume
My company is bidding on a new project, and I was in charge of getting the proposed team's resumes together, which got me thinking ...
If you were preparing a “resume†type summary (# of years of experience, unique skills, qualifications, etc.) of your strip club experience, how would it read?
If you were preparing a “resume†type summary (# of years of experience, unique skills, qualifications, etc.) of your strip club experience, how would it read?
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37 comments
- Two $100 bills
- Seven $20 bills
- Five $5 bills
- 20 $1 bills (approx.)
- Gum to share
What an opening for some community college!!! Not to mention "professional development seminars" and "weekend retreats", etc.
The single biggest problem with it, you mention "dancing" far too many times! I also did not see any Correctional Institutions listed? I take this to mean you worked at clubs which were raided for prostitution but you were never arrested and therefore other strippers did more/were arrested.
Fix up the resume and repost it. Thank you.
how
OBJECTIVE: Ejaculate inside dancer as she also achieves orgasm.
QUALIFICATIONS: Blowing loads in dancers for over a decade. Consistently bringing dancers to earthshattering orgasmic delight, including but not limited to moaning, screaming, and squirting.
EXPERIENCE: Filled dancers with seminal fluid in Florida, Texas, California, New Mexico, Rhode Island, and of course in TJ.
EDUCATION: PhD in Dancer Diddlin' from FSU.
REFERENCES: Tiffany, Candy, Luscious, etc...
TB- Big improvement but your still not hired because your resume is totally plagerised or written by someone else. There is NO STRIPPER who does everything you say and understands English Grammar that well!
Just revise it like this:
Ivana Vutubangme
address
phone#
My rezamay: I suk cock reel gud
That's it! You are hired!
My resume:
Been there, done that!
Questions?
TB- use my resume guide, 5 words : "I suk cok reel gud", says everything the employer needs to read and make sure there are some photos from different angles and a great head/money shot!
Tell the kids to pee in the cereal with the water for flavor.
I have to credit him with the acronym, since I only plagiarized it from his "dancer" resume.
More important than whether you'd hire T-Bro's fake dancer, would any dancer hire me based on my resume?
Steve229
OBJECTIVE: Long term ATF relationship. ATF must be sweet, innocent, girl next door type, college student just working to pay her tuition, who only gives air dances. (Must also be smoking hot, however).
QUALIFICATIONS: Well dressed, distinguished looking, polite, delusional, “perfect gentleman†with innate ability to accept any statement from dancer, no matter how outrageous, at face value. Skilled at handing over large sums of cash to attractive, scantily clad young women for low mileage dances and conversation.
EXPERIENCE: Upsold, shortchanged, overcharged and otherwise taken advantage of (and not in the good way) by various ROBs in numerous clubs in multiple states.
EDUCATION: Currently financing numerous dancers’ college studies.
REFERENCES: Tiffany, Candy, Luscious, plus that new blonde girl whose name I didn’t get last time.
Steve229- I'm sorry college financing alone wont work, now had you listed financing an extravagant lifestyle, college and anything else the stripper wants would have helped. Your qualifications section needs alot of work, less consideration for the grooming stuff, you should point out your net worth, credit card limits, and personal property. Every stripper thinks they are smoking hot, you are going to have to give examples of girls they need to resemble. And your experience section is a little weak, keep it to 5 words or less, they dont give a shit unless you are listing specific sexual skills as How tried to offer.
Hostess with five years experience. Have excelled at the art of entertaining clients and feigning interest. Have also encouraged same clients to invest anywhere from hundreds to thousands in a single evening, promising much, but delivering little. Have also handled same customers by assuring them that the next experience would be better and have noticed repeat business from some of the same customers.
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Size of equipment: Use your imagination. Now, imagine more girth...
Skills: Never done a Dirty Sanchez, but that's my favorite nickname for a disgusting act. I assume sprinkler involves urine, so I'm happy to report very limited experience there...however, there was this one stripper with whom I was showering after a hotel romp, and while we were standing in the shower, she just squatted and let loose with her golden stream. She was a free spirit, at least...
Sad to report I'm unfamiliar with the "latin style" twist to the 69, though I've 69'd latinas. Can you clue me in?
I know how to get the party going and the music rocking. I'm not afraid to turn up the volume to make it a party. I can talk customers into spending their money. Not too bad with the dancers either. I help give them some extra experience if you know what I mean haha....
To close out the evening and make sure everyone drives safely sometimes I remind them with a little joke about everyone driving 90 because there's no way they could catch us all. Just joking... I wouldn't say that. I just play some good music sometimes like "Can't Drive 55" right before closing.
Ok do I have the job now?
Did I say I can talk customers into spending money? I've had dancers comment on my talking ability.
casualguy- You can be the deeejay but work on the comedy routine before you start. Also, there is no fucking the strippers by the deejay!! Only managers and bouncers can fuck the strippers, got it?
An other thing, some of the girls from uf make great strippers at Cafe Risque in Micanopy.
OBJECTIVE: To fuck as many of these gals as possible.
CAREER OVERVIEW: Experienced player (punter) who has had 19 different dancers (Sex plus HJ and BJ from some) in last 5 years both ITC and OTC - slightly over 300 sessions. Lifetime VIP at 2 clubs in Houston Area.
EXPERIENCE and ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
Lap Dances in full 2 way contact environment at dozens of clubs nationwide, sessions at various area motels, fucked dancers in open vip area with mgr / bouncer not 15 ft away, fleeced out of $200 by dancer while still recovering from sex, fucked dancers in VIP for as little as $100, , skiped out from work to fuck dancers on company time, did one dancer 75 times over 3 yr period, phone confrontation with dancers live in "please leave her alone." Also kicked off Strippers Web Twice - A dancer called me a whoremonger there. Thrown out of a Montana club for feeling dancers tits -they are only one way contact there.
ITC PREFERENCES: Full Sex GFE, HJ. Sometimes just Lap Dances. Common Opening Line: "Hey honey do you like to play?" "I may take a dance, cmere and sit in my lap for awhile honey."
FAVORITE CLUBS: Treasures, Ricks, Ritz, Heartbreakers, Allstars, St James (The Church), Vixens
FAVORITE STRIPPER SITE: tusl.net
Player11 - "FAVORITE STRIPPER SIT: tusl.net" , I thought this site was TUSCL.net. Resume looks more like a Penthouse Forum submission than employment application.
And player11, the fact that you told-off a stripper's live-in dude is out-of-place on your resume. But the Montana story is gold.
I agree with How, we want to see the criminal history for strippers not customers arrest records.
Never said uf women were not hot, just that not altogether brilliant. That is often the norm at state schools where admission standards are lower. Ergo, some student/athletes that can't get in at a private school, say The U, opt for the states schools. Just how it goes.
Erin hot? If you say so. Good looking, I'll buy that, but hot, not in my book.
The girl in profile photo is hot, Erin is good looking.