• articles >
• Muddy

Sometimes you got to know when it's time to walk away. Sometimes you got to know when it's time chomp down and close on a deal. To give a little and get a whole lot more. Me, even as a kid, I used to bust the lunch ladies balls about being able to keep my change, I would keep everything stuffed up my ass, (which I do admit, felt good) wouldn't shower, and hand them a crumpled sweaty ball of money, that I would often receive right back. I would then use that money to buy drugs afterschool and turn me into the man you all know and love today. Now if that ain't dedication to the cause, hell I don't know what is. Point being, I know this game, and in this guide I'm gonna teach you to work it. It can be intimidating, downright scary walking into a room with half naked teenage women, in Pikachu lingerie and light up high heels. I know, I know, it may as well be shark tank, or the price is right without the theme music, err unless the dancer has odd music tastes. Below are some tips and tricks I've found that have worked for me in order to nab the best deal possible.



-When in a situation where you don't know the strippers language, I usually just scream at the top of my lungs and throw at money at her. It's 50/50 whether it works but at least you find out where you stand. It's either down and dirty sex right away or you get shit slapped of you. I'll take my chances.


-In situations where you don't here back in a text message. Double the amount with each message. We use exponential force around here to get what we want. Nobody will ignore us, no, not while I walk the earth. An example below I'll copy and paste from my phone.


"Hey Ginger you wanna hang today for $200?"

Me @901pm-"Make it $400"

Me @903pm-"Ok let's do $800"

Me @905pm-"You drive a hard bargain, that I'll give you. You got it, lets do $1600"

Me @906pm-"Alright, alright, you got it, ok you win, look please, lets do $3200 and call it a day, I'm horny, look please I beg you"

Ginger @907pm-"Sure!"

See, got her in the bag. A true master of puppets.


-Try nickel and dime on everything in the strip club. Everything can be negotiated. Cover price, beer price, lap dance price, VIP price. It's like Pawn Stars but in a strip club. Staff LOVE when you do this.


-During tip parades. I cut the dollar in half. You want the other half, take another lap girl, take another lap.


-Sometimes if I'm drained, I'll get behind the bar and do a tip parade for myself to recoup the money a bit. Has it worked no, not yet. Have I got the living shit beat out me by the entire staff every time I've tried, yes, yes I have. But I keep trying, I'm not giving up. We'll get it one, day, I got a great ass I'm tellin ya.


-When in VIP, a stripper will demand money up front. I compromise there, but hand over the money, when her lips are on little willy. Same time exchange. With practice you'll get it.


-Use what other offers she's got out there to other people against her. Leverage the shit out of it. "How much your boyfriend paying you? And yet your out here charging me?!?!? Fuck outta here, I ain't paying shit"


-Throwing in some stuff on the side, ain't the worst idea world. "Look instead of doing a $1,000, how about we do $300 and I throw in a box of munchkins, a little coffee it'll be nice. I'll get one of those burger king crown hats for you. Maybe even a goodie bag, coupon to applebees" You know I'm not just about money over here, I got a lot of other stuff going on with what I bring to the table. Multifaceted approach.


-Shakedown the bathroom guy "Look I can either take my diarrhea in here or I don't tip, you pick, ball is in your court"


-Girls will often after, vips or dances what have you, ask for tips. I often recommend, standing up and running out of the strip club. NO DEAL.


-Start low, real low. Don't worry about insulting anybody. They come to you. I'll start my off soliciting for a BJ at 10 dollars and we work up from there. If she gets you to $25, that's fine, she more than doubled, feels like she won, you make it out like you lost when in reality you still got yourself a garage sale bargain bin level deal.


-Don't rule out take things hostage, to give yourself leverage. I've snatched many a weave over the years and let me tell me something, services were rendered QUICK. That's right Shenequa, NOW I'M THE ONE CALLING THE SHOTS.


-You can also threaten legal action, if I get one of those Cardi B raptor claw talon fake nails in my eye, look I'm coming to you for damages or I could get half off right now, your choice girl.


-Harvey Weinstein method. Become big shot hollywood producer. Visit all those strip clubs on sunset. Offer bullshit role. Champagne room, on the house. That is a W. You MAY go to prison though, that is a risk, but in my view on worth taking.


-I also double as these girls uber driver to make it awkward for them and guilt trip them. "500! WTF! I'm ubering out y'all out here, and YOUR GONNA DO ME LIKE THAT!" Maybe it seems douchie but you know what it's payback for them putting their FUCKING FEET up on my God damn dash.


-Recently I met my match, a girl who had it all, looks, charm, elegance and was a tough negotiator. Hostage negotiator level. But I'm no lightweight. Transcript below...


Me- "Hey look, could at least give me a hand job?"

Cocoa Pebbles- "I mean I can, but I'm expensive..."

Me- "How much? Hit me with it, I can take it"

Cocoa Pebbles- "I guess I could do it for 10 grand"

Me- "How about this *lights up cigar in a non smoking strip club*... you meet me half way"

Cocoa Pebbles- "Uh ok, sure dude"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pYNd0MS…

Adjudicators

newmark

Not an Article. Should be posted on Discussion Board

BaggerRider

Call.Me.Ishmael

Incoherent

DickyDoo2

IfIGottaBeDamned