This isn’t going to be your typical how-to-get-more-mileage or Penthouse Letters story. It’s advice to the younger generation (20s and 30s) on how to keep control of your hobby rather than the other way around. I see some younger guys on the discussion board struggling with it, and a few real life friends. Lastly, I myself struggled with it for a while.
I made my first strip club trip in 2001. It was my birthday and my friend promised me a lap dance, so I was like “sure, let’s check it out.” Instantly I was hooked. Conversing with beautiful, scantily-clad (or less) women over a beer, at a time when I was an awkward dork was the cat’s pajamas. I started going on my own, lying to friends about where I was, and even if I wasn’t breaking the bank, it took an unhealthy amount of real estate in my brain.
I got my first extras two years later. Now ranging farther for my strip club habit, I was in an Ontario strip club when a beautiful black French-Canadian dancer asked me if I wanted “a little fun.” I didn’t know what she meant until we got back there, and I nervously accepted a CBJ. It blew my mind, no pun intended. And so I kept going back.
For a few years, I used it to cover a shitty life. I worked a demanding job for a sociopath in a city I hated, wasn’t civvie dating, and needed something to forget. And now I had cash to spare. Eventually I left that job but still had the ingrained habit. I wouldn’t call myself an addict, but it was crowding out other areas of my life.
It wasn’t until a few years later that I figured out a proper strip club-life balance, but here’s how I did it.
(1) Ask yourself, “am I doing this to have a better time, or to dull the pain?” Just like with alcohol, you can enjoy it or abuse it. It’s still fun, but if it’s stopping you from confronting other problems in your life, refrain until you’ve faced them head on. You’ll feel a lot less guilt about it, too.
(2) If you are wondering whether or not you have a problem, you have a problem. Just like I tell women who ask “am I a slut?” Do you get defensive when a good friend brings it up? That says it’s time to take an extended break, or even seek out a therapist or addiction group.
(3) If dancers are your substitute for a social life, you have a problem. You’re a customer, not a boyfriend and definitely not their savior. I love strip clubbing, but no extras compare to have a girlfriend who actually cares about you and supports you.
If you aren’t civvie dating, make yourself more attractive and do so. Stop masturbating and drinking in excess. Lift weights three times a week and eat a healthy diet. Learn how to talk to women outside the club. Dress nice (well-fitting beats expensive any day). Dancers are professionals, but they’re women too, and will respond positively. Take classes, interview, and get a satisfying job. Never stop self-development.
(4) If you are violating your moral, ethical, or financial boundaries, you have a problem. I set a few of them: (a) No lap dances and definitely no extras when in a relationship. (b) Spend no more than what I bring in my wallet, don’t use the ATM and don’t get conned into more. (c) Never drive drunk, and apply rule 2 to that as well. (d) No lying to close friends about what I do there, because shame sucks. (e) Don’t frequent dancers who might be pimped or otherwise there against their will (including AMPs), and follow your instinct on this (a good rule of thumb, do they speak English?). (f) Don’t skip the gym or time with friends and family for it.
You don’t have to have the same boundaries, but don’t cross your own. You aren’t a slave to your dick. Be a man.
(5) If you feel shitty or ripped off when you leave too many times, you have a problem. It’s a sign of poor judgment or compulsiveness, and kills your self-esteem.
Now, after 19 years of strip clubbing, I love my job, I have friends and family I would die for (and vice versa), I love my other hobbies like the gym, gun range, and travel, I’ve gone from inexperienced to confident with women, and become a stronger and kinder person. Strip clubbing is just the icing on the cake.
I’ll leave it to the reader to decide where strip clubbing falls in their life. But all things in their due place.
Happy clubbing, Tetradon
Why is civvie dating a goal? What if someone speaks multiple languages other than English? When your article isn't imposing your values as part of the advice it's doing fine.