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GUARANTEED. A how to for all my new jacks out there, who just don't get the game. You may find yourself in a situation where you've traded numbers with a stripper your really into, text her and no answer back. None. Never. What gives? Well that's what we're gonna solve here because I have developed a method that is GUARANTEED to have that stripper texting you back pronto. Leaving on read will surely be a thing of the past.

You somehow got a strippers phone number. Be direct and ask for it. If not bribe off one of their stripper friends, they will give it up 100% of the time if enough money is rendered. Don't just get the number too, get all forms of social media. Facebook, snapchat, WhatsApp, kik, Instagram, vine whatever. Everything I say for you to text, you will copy and paste into all the avenues you have at your disposal and send her way.

What to text. You need to step back and take a few breaths. This is going deep. But basically think of yourself as a Tsunami. A big and horrible tsunami. The stripper on the other end is some lovely coastal town in Japan with very happy and friendly people in the town. You are attempting to drown this town, in your love. Your texts will be the tidal waves. I want you to not just say your typical "Hey I had fun last night, I would love to see you again" that's boring and will get rejected. I want you to tell her of all the fond memories and magical adventures the two of you will share for the rest of your lives. Don't just send texts, leave long voicemails to give it that personal touch, nobody calls nowadays anyway, you'll stand out big time. I've heard many reports of my voicemails being shared in the dressing room because they were so blown away by it.

Whether be type or said, let her know your various hobbies i.e. fucking stuffed animals at Walmart then putting them back on the shelf, living out of a shopping cart from Rite Aid and dating various waifu pillows etc. whatever you do. Frequency is big too. I want you to think of it as the same as rendering CPR. Constant chest compressions otherwise the love dies. Every fifth breath you take, you will send some sort of reminder her way to let her know that your heart still beats strong in this world. Strippers are a forgetful bunch.

Don’t be afraid of the double text. You sent her a text. She doesn’t respond and you feel powerless. And your afraid to double text to look desperate. Text her so much that she can’t even figure out what is the double and triple text. She has gotten so adjusted to your texts that she forgot that’s it’s too much. She’s adjusted to it now like a frog in hot water. Your love is like the air, running water, the sun rising in the east and man in a trench coat jerking off in your tree house. Become one with your prey uh I mean lover.

Send ALOT of photos. And use photoshop. Photoshop her photos that you pried from her Facebook while cyber stalking and cut her out and put them next to a photo of you. Now use photoshop it give yourself really really big biceps. The rule is they must be bigger than her. So if you like fatties you gotta go Arnold Schwarzenegger and zoom 200%. Mix those photos of you two together along with random unsolicited dick picks (Xoom 400% in this case) and you’ll be well on your way to winning her heart. What I’m trying to put out is, your are like an solar eclipse, everything else her life she can’t think about because there is so much of YOU. This is the “North Korean Model” of brainwashing used for the greater good.

Emergency fall back: We have contingency plans for a reason. Maybe whatever you doing is just not working. It happens, In my experience phones of women tend to accidently block callers. That is what happened with you likely. We have to get to the phone. Not a big deal. It just means we have to resort to "Bush Man Mode" In "Bush Man Mode" we dress in full bush camo, face paint and all then just insert your self into a bush and uproot carrying it with you, it's highly effective. You will take a suitable bush and wait in the parking lot while said stripper is working. You must wait until she finally exits. When she finally does take note of which car she hops into. Now it's time to move out. HUT HUT HUT HUT HUT RUN after the car, chase it down the freeway. You cannot lose this car. See what house it goes to. This will be the said stripper's lair. You will have to find a way in. Nothing different from playing Metal Gear Solid, make sure your get into her bedroom and stay in the closet. (Remember through all this stay in "Bush Man Mode" I don't care if you picked a poison ivy bush it will be worth it)

Now she enters and goes to sleep. You notice she puts her phone in the charging port and wait for her to slumber. Now is your chance. Take the phone and unblock yourself. Now type in the message to you, I LOOOOOOVE YOU. Even add one of the smiley face love emojis with hearts. 🥰 Yes that’s the one oh dear god I love that one. Hit send. It's what she meant to say anyway. Now still in "Bush Man Mode" lie in bed next to your target, I mean exoctic dancer you care for and stare at her sleeping face until she awakens. She's probably dreaming about you right now, and when she awakens she will see, that her dream has certainly come true.

When fantasy becomes reality.

Stay tuned for my next guide
"My Life Underground: Using the Sewer System to Track Down the Home’s of
the Hottest Strippers in Town”

Adjudicators

minnow

Not an Original Article

philsfan

gSteph

Probably should add a note that this is sarcasm, for, you know, the dim bulbs.

loper

DickyDoo2