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Stripper Girlfriend: 6 Month Retrospective + AMA

Tuesday, November 28, 2017 12:00 AM
Here’s a six-month retrospective on the experience of dating a stripper. I’ll answer any questions in the comments. This article took much longer to write than I expected. Writing it helped me work through some of my thoughts about my situation. It was a cathartic experience. I made a couple of forum posts about my stripper girlfriend before (https://www.tuscl.net/?page=post&id=48953, https://www.tuscl.net/?page=post&id=49694). She was on my radar while I had a previous favorite at the same club. When that previous favorite retired, I moved in on her. We felt an instant connection on our first trip outside the club and after a few more OTCs, she said she had feelings for me. She said ‘I love you’ during sex. I quit going to the club and stopped paying her for dates. I had my own “ILY” confession about a month and a half later. Six months after that, here we are. We’re a good match. Physically, she is exactly my type. She’s beautiful and has that classic Latina look with long black hair, dark eyes, big butt. She also has jumbo porn star breast implants. The stars with most similar look I can think of would be Lisa Ann or Rebeca Linares, maybe Bridgette B if she had black hair. When we’re out together, she absolutely turns heads. For example, in Las Vegas, random dudes walked up and asked for a picture with her, three different times. When I visit the restroom in a restaurant or bar, guys who saw us together asked ‘Is that your wife? She sure is beautiful.’ Sometimes on the sidewalk, a passerby tells me “Wow, you’re a lucky man.” She has a great personality, too. She is playful and full of energy. She loves to laugh and is not too serious. Her attitude is positive and optimistic, probably the absolute minimum of bitchiness possible for a woman. I appreciate how she has a mature approach to conflict resolution. Of course we have disagreements and sometimes feel angry with each other, but so far we’ve talked through it without ugly yelling, crying or drama. She’s pretty forthcoming and honest, too. She’s free of alcohol and substance abuse. She loves to fuck. We have sex two or three times each day we’re together, sometimes more. Confirming the Latina stereotype, she insists on cooking for me when I visit her home. And she keeps her home nice and clean. Sounds good, right? Well, there’s that one problem: She works at a full service extras club and has been in the game for decades. From what she says she makes on weeknights and weekends, she earns more than most doctors or lawyers, but she says she made so much more when she was younger. She casually mentions stories from her glory days. Insane gifts from wealthy PLs, like new luxury cars, $XX,XXX one-of-a-kind dresses, rent paid for multiple upscale condos in different cities simultaneously. All strippers, escorts and porn stars get a taste of this, but it sounds to me like she made it to the top of the pile. With her personality and stunning looks I’m not surprised. She attended elite parties and dated famous athletes, musicians and actors. On the merit of these experiences, she feels like she was a celebrity too. When she reflects on those stories, she speaks like she is a big star, recounting their life’s work. Well, why not? You only live once. I genuinely believe she is a good person. Besides, I’d be a hypocrite if I said what she does is wrong, since I’ve been on the other side many times. I have no regrets over what I did, and in fact I’m very happy with the memories I made. So I don’t think she’s immoral for her actions either. But this is still fucking tough. It isn’t tough because of morality or right and wrong. It’s tough because of how people make relationships, and how they connect with the person they care about. Try as you will, you won’t supercede your nature through logic or rational thinking. I checked out some archived reviews for one of the defunct clubs she worked at 15 years ago, which described the club as high volume, all out brothel. Well, that makes me feel just great. And the club she’s at now is the same shit. It’s all fun and blowjobs when you’re the customer, but this shit is no picnic when your girl is doing the work. I’ve felt physically sick and couldn’t sleep when I’ve seen current reviews posted about her. I hate every sentence in those fucking reviews. Review details that are standard or even irrelevant grate against my soul like I never expected. It fucking kills me when I see lube and a bunch of condoms in her ‘work purse.’ I feel angry when PLs call or text her when we’re together. Especially when she is showing me something on her phone and the message pops up on the screen and I can read it. I get queasy when she mentions the money she made on a shift, because I instantly translate the amount into the number of cocks she handled that night. Even though I feel proud to be with her when I see other guys envying me, I also sometimes feel bad about myself. What kind of person am I for accepting this situation? Does the fact that I stay with her when she fucks hundreds of other guys make me the WPLOAT, even though I don’t pay her anything? The stronger I feel for her, the harder it gets. I can’t continue like this. But I haven’t let on to her that it bothers me. I’ve kept a poker face because I want her to continue being candid with me. Hard as it is when she casually talks about her work, it would be worse if I felt she was hiding things or sugarcoating. I also don’t want to sound off just to make her feel bad. Despite relishing her celebrity glory days, she does feel shame at a female instinctual level. She’s been saying she wants out since our very first OTC. But by the same instincts she will eventually lose respect for me if I don’t come down on her about it. So I’ll tell my feelings when she’s finalized an end date. I want her to understand that it’s hard for me and I don’t want her to go back. I want her to know that I’ve chosen to accept the issue so far, but if she returns to strip clubs and prostitution after quitting, I won’t accept it. Not for a one-off OTC with an old customer, not for whatever. No more. I’ll view any sex-acts-for-money the same as cheating and will end the relationship if she does it. If there’s no concrete end in sight by spring, I’ll tell her where I’m at, and that I want her to have a specific plan to move on from the club by X number of days or I’m out. It gets tougher each month and I can’t go on indefinitely. According to what she’s told me about her plans, she’ll hang up the heels for good within three to six months of this post. There’s no specific end date though. She has a civilian business venture in mind and is planning it out. I want her to succeed. But she’s quit before. Not since I’ve been with her, but she’s mentioned multiple attempts to quit before I ever met her. Each time, the civilian moolah didn’t cut it and she was back in the clubs after a few months. She’s ended past relationships over this as well. Exes gave her ultimatums to stay out of the club and she chose to break up and go back. Finally, I’m worried for what could happen if she does successfully quit for good. She’s out of my league, right? I’m an average looking doofus with an upper middle class income. High quality men will be attracted to her, and that big roadblock that prevented them from forming real relationships with her will be gone. Deep down, I know part of the reason she went with me is that she was lonely and it's hard for her to find emotional, romantic intimacy because of her job. Even though I hate it, I wonder how much her work keeps her with me. When she moves on from clubs, she will make new friends from a different crowd. No more PLs, no more wannabe thugs and drug dealers, no more unstable stripper friends. I’m happy for her opportunity to have more healthy friendships. But what’s going to happen when high status dudes with more wealth, better looks and stronger personalities come after her? Why would she stay with me?

19 comments

  • JohnTitor
    7 years ago
    Extremely well-written, and I commend you on your forthright nature, as well. Best of luck. My intuition tells me that this ultimately won't end great for you. Sounds like a girl that isn't going to get out - she's fully entrenched down the rabbit hole, and easy (or easier) money will always hold more allure than anything. Human nature. You seem like a good man in a tough situation. Also, you have more courage than me. I love a dancer, but no way no how will I confide these true feelings and let what does exist go up in fucking flames. It hurts my heart, and I'd put up with her gig and be cool about it just as you have been, but yeah it is soul-crushing to think of the perfect girl for you grinding on other losers' boners. I did fear for you when I read your mention of ultimatum. Doubt that tilts in your favor, no matter how compatible you seem now. Just my opinion. No question, yet. Just wanted to comment. I liked your style.
  • Papi_Chulo
    7 years ago
    I would not have as big an issue dating an ex-dancer, but can't wrap my head around having a relationship w/ an active dancer - I don't think I have what it takes. My 2-cents - you are thinking way too-much about yourself and how you feel and what will happen to you - IMO she's the one that is kinda stuck in a tough-place having to sooner than later (b/c of her age) transition from one career to another w/ no guarantees that you or anyone else will be there to help her out thru the transition and possible tough times - if you are not willing or are unable to financially support her not stripping, then she has to do what she has to do to support herself and the lifestyle she desires - telling her to quit b/c you don't like it is kinda leaving her high-and-dry b/c if she had a better/as-good alternative she probably would have chosen it by now - IMO either make it possible for her not to have to strip or let her do what she needs to do
  • anonlvone
    7 years ago
    I'll confess right now I didn't read all of your article. It seems well written but I'm too fucking tired. Some thoughts off the top of my head. Dancing is rough on relationships, for both parties. When a girl has a guy who genuinely cares about her, it often tends to motivate her to stop dancing. But it depends on the girl. This girl could be blowing smoke up your ass. You won't know until she actually quits. The other thing is that you don't just stop dancing one day and start a completely new life the next. She's still gonna be the same person on the inside, no matter how much the outer circumstances change. If you fit into her life while she was dancing, don't assume you won't fit into her life when she stops. Good luck.
  • clubdude
    7 years ago
    I have to say the old adage "Don't fall in love with a stripper". I don't know how it'i turn out for the both of you, but good luck (as in it turns out well).
  • gammanu95
    7 years ago
    Your line about being able to equate the amount she earned with the number of cocks she handled really nailed the challenge of dating a stripper. The deal-breaker for me is whether or not she is still doing OTC with other guys while dating you. I would not be able to handle a girl doing ITC and OTC.
  • jackslash
    7 years ago
    She may be beautiful, but she's a stripper and a prostitute. As a normal guy you will not be happy in a relationship with her.
  • Uprightcitizen
    7 years ago
    I dont think I read in there anything about your sexual activities outside of this relationship. Are you seeing other strippers ITC or OTC or are you "faithful"? What are her thoughts on that and sexuality in general? She might just like a swinger lifestyle which in that case you are doomed from the start if you want to be exclusive. These are all important things to know to see if a succussful long term exclusive relationship is even possible. She has to want this as much as you and its really your job to undetstand what makes her happy. Once you know what makes her happy (especially around sexuality) you need to deliver that. Only then she may willingly end her career to be with you or you find out its just gonna work for you. Start there before you just start saying no or else...
  • larryfisherman
    7 years ago
    Good luck man, my advice for you would be not to fall too deep for her, just have fun.
  • Lanechange
    7 years ago
    Keep it in perspective. This is, if i understand correctly, free sex and presumably good, ideally whenever you want. If its not whenever you want but rather whenever she wants, then all the more perspective. This is a plate spinning relationship and i wouldnt count on it ever progressing. A former atf seemed to act like a boyfriend wanting her to get out would be an attractive quality, but one stripper is different than the next and who knows how much truth is or isnt in any of their storys.
  • anonlvone
    7 years ago
    Okay, this time I read it all the way through. First off, kudos for your honesty. It takes guts to bare your soul the way you did. I guess you realize there's a lot of double talk in what you just said though, right? My feeling is that this relationship is not gonna end well, and perhaps you realize that too. The thing is, in my experience, when a dancer meets a guy who cares about her, and she cares about him to any real, genuine extent, she tends to stop dancing pretty damn fast. The reason being she doesn't want to risk the relationship. She doesn't want to lose the relationship. But this cold, business-like I'm gonna dance for six more months to meet my financial and business goals does not bode well in my opinion. You say she's "quit" before. Well, I'm going to tell you now that if you come right out and tell her how you really feel about her dancing, you can kiss your relationship goodbye. First of all, you shouldn't have to tell her. If she can't sense it on her own, then what type of relationship do you have anyway? But I think she does sense it, which is why she's giving you these empty promises to quit in three or six months. I think you probably have some type of unspoken agreement that you will put up with her "work" without complaint. So if you're thinking you can safely accuse her if she breaks her own word, guess again, because she will simply view it as betrayal on her end and she will walk. You know that because she's done it before. I don't think you will gain her respect by speaking out. To be honest, I don't think you have her respect at all. And if you wait until she has set her own deadline to tell her how you really feel, my thinking is that she will view you as a wuss. You can confront her before that time, sure, but my feeling is that although she might gain respect for you for finally confronting her, in the end she will still walk because she's not looking for a guy she can respect. Sorry to be so blunt, but I figure your honesty deserves a straight up response. The only caveat I will add to this, is that I don't really have all that much experience with extras girls. The dancers I've gotten to know, the ones I've been closest to, were always the cleaner dancers, but I've learned a few things by observing from afar, which is why I suspect the real picture is a bit darker than the one you've painted. So you can disregard what I say if you wish, but really I think you should prepare for a hard landing. Better yet, think about what you're doing to yourself and just walk on your own.
  • Htxx
    7 years ago
    Been there and done that. It'll never work out because you're not being honest with her nor true to yourself. You're not telling her what's tearing you up inside and she's doing what she's doing thinking you're ok with it. Good luck bud, but don't hold your breath. Time away is what you need and that's the toughest thing to do
  • rh48hr
    7 years ago
    What Sal said about not being honest with yourself hit things on the head. if it is bothering you that much why are you still with her? You have to be able to let her go if she doesn't want to leave that life. The thought of the pain of losing someone you love keeps people in unhealthy relationships way longer than they should be. Why do you want to stay with her? The sex? The jealous comments from other guys? Too many times we rationalize what we want to believe about the other person to justify staying with them. In reality, you have to look at the others persons warts and decide can I live with this? If the answer is no, then move on no matter how much it hurts. Most people will not change and demanding they do change usually doesn't end well.
  • lookingforpink
    7 years ago
    She is beautiful, fun to be around, loves sex, to sum it : A stripper. Why do we enjoy going to strip clubs? Strippers, that is why. Very adult entertainment. Love it. Ex strippers are one thing, but current strippers, well, what they are is what they are. If you let yourself become attached that emotionally , disaster is looming. Keep her in the 'entertainment' department of your brain, enjoy her for what she is and gives to you now, odds are you may no have them tomorrow. Falling in love , come on man, you become her bitch.
  • Jascoi
    7 years ago
    this relationship seems to have potential...
  • san_jose_guy
    7 years ago
    "big butt" Always a huge primal turn on for me. Not enough such girls around. SJG
  • dickdecker
    7 years ago
    Change is very, very difficult despite our best intentions, intellect or 'knowing what is best' to do. Often times people only really change when crisis occur or they 'hit bottom'.
  • Lofn
    7 years ago
    So here's a stripper's [view link]'re in love with a sex worker. From your account, she is beautiful, personable and damned good at her job. Sounds like a keeper to me. She's deigned to date you. Now you want to fuck it up because you can't handle her work--which you knew about going in, because she trusts you. Maybe you shouldn't be asking yourself whether or not she'll quit sex work. Maybe you should be asking yourself you can be a more supportive partner and how you can be a better ally to sex workers. We are a marginalized group that faces enough stigma from the rest of the world; we don't need to deal with it from our partners. She loves YOU. She comes home to YOU. But if you don't want to date a sex worker, that's OK, I get it. It's a unique set of rewards and challenges that's not right for everyone. But if you DO indeed love this woman as much as she loves you, then act like it. Don't make her change or issue ultimatums. Instead, have a discussion about your feelings of jealousy, how to deal with them, and how you can get your emotional and physical needs met. Consider opening the relationship if it's not officially open already. Read THE ETHICAL SLUT. Yes, this relationship can be a catalyst for change and personal growth...not for her, but for you.
  • anonlvone
    7 years ago
    @Lofn - Although I agree with your remarks in general, in this particular case I think you're misreading the situation. The only way to make a relationship work with a "full service" sex worker is to have an open relationship, with that I'll agree. However, if you re-read the OP, I think you'll see that this isn't the type of guy who's ever going to go for that type of relationship. As you said yourself, it's not for everyone. The other reservation I have, is about the depth of commitment here. On her side, I don't think jerking a guy around by telling him you're gonna quit in 3 or 6 months says love. And on his side, I think he's way too caught up in the attention (read envy) he gets from guys when they're together. These types of things don't spell longevity to me.
  • Salty.Nutz
    7 years ago
    what's the problem?, "sex workers" & "civies" both cheat...@digitech you should ask this stripper to marry you and have kids, but you probably won't ask her that. stop using feelings/emotions to make your decisions
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