OTC and GFE's: Be careful what you wish for.
Roadworrier
Lapland
Last week, ATF wanted a change of pace. She wanted to have dinner with me before going into the club. We did, at a nice steak restaurant (meeting me at my hotel in a low-key outfit, a long summer dress and flip flops). After, I dropped her off at the club, and then came by later. I did 30 min with her in a private room for the usual fee, we hung out till closing. No overnight was going to happen that night, so no nookie. But ATF asked to meet me for breakfast the next morning out closer to where she lived. We did so (she came in a shorter dress, lower cut, still in flats), and then we spent some time together afterward riding around in my convertible.
This is less your usual OTC story than what essentially amounted to a back-to-back dinner date and then a breakfast date with a very pretty woman (divorced MILF), in which I wound up learning a lot more about my ATF than I expected. I have to admit that in the back of my mind I knew this would eventually happen, given we've known each other for well over two years. I thought I was going to share a little bit of my heritage and my profession with her just to make things interesting and her curious about me. But what happened was suddenly a torrent of information from her. Among those things I learned were her name (showing me her profile as a driver for one of those popular ridesharing services), her family background, what she did before stripping, her vacation with her kids, lots of photos with well-known people, and advice on a career change that would allow her to live a nice normal attractive lifestyle. Just from time spent with my ATF in the past, she tends to avoid too much drinking in the club, and apparently seems to be drug-free (no tattoos, no smoking, generally clearheaded, friendly to waitstaff in restaurants, unfailingly polite, and tends to disdain the cokeheads who danced at or managed her former club).
So part of the deal with engaging a stripper off the stage is always the fantasy - even if it's pure acting, if she's good she makes both Dr. Libido / L'il Roadworrier / whatever-you-wanna-call-it and yourself feel like the center of the sex universe, for however long you have on the sofa or in the VIP room. If you build a rapport she can offer a decent GFE when not "on the clock" (although her current club has dancer drinks which provide a revenue stream on the backs of customers with a small 40% cut for the dancer). And then maybe OTC and horizontal bop happens.
But what happened last week suddenly jolted me, though it took some time to sink in. I suddenly do not think of her as a stripper anymore. I know her name, what her family looks like, her car, what she does when not in the club, and most of all, I'm now getting accustomed to seeing her in something other than quick-to-remove lingerie and 5" platform heels. I have enough info about her that I can google her, access her on LinkedIn, and essentially turn into a Grade A stalker. It looks like we will be doing this again next month, and it looks like we have another restaurant and plans to go to a park the next day already made. My motto of my SC life has always been to let fantasy get in the way of reality. Now for the first time, it's the other way.
Yet even with this sudden dose of "real", there was a clear pattern to her sharing so much with me. It seemed like one part of it was for me to know who she was before she began stripping, and the other part of it was apparently to know she was looking for a life after stripping. Knowing I am married, knowing she's a mom, and sensing she's not much for hotel tricks, it became clear she's looking for some sugar-daddy action, at the very least a little low-key sugar-daddy advice, for the cost of meals and of course time in the club. She's not asked me for a retainer yet, so it's just been a matter so far of providing her with company, food and a little evening income at the club in exchange for some sexy fun.
While there's only so much advice one (even if he is 25 years older) can give someone who was a married stay-at-home mom for a few years and doesn't have a broad work background beyond the SC, it is clear she is an engaging communicator, and seems to be good about taking care of herself. If anyone could probably "move on" into real life. it's her.
The alpha-dog part of me wants to stick to the sex part and know her by her stage name. The beta part of me wants to move this along and see where it goes. I think the alpha-dog route is the safer way to go, and has been my road taken in the past. But when you know a gal for long enough, even in an SC, if they actually like you, at some point it seems like things will take a turn into the friend/sugar-daddy zone. Something I am clearly not prepared for.
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Dancers use stage names for a reason and patrons should do the same for the same reasons.
I could be wrong and she actually like you and wants nothing more that what you are willing to provide but??
As far as I'm concerned a "relationship" with a dancer is rooted in $$$ (with rare exceptions) - in my glass-half-empty PL-mind, as long as me giving her $$$ is involved, I don't trust the "genuineness" of the "relationship" but one can still enjoy it for what it is and in some ways can be better than a genuine relationship in that one does not have to be all in and can walk away at any time.
And then of creating the high heels and makeup sessions outside, that can be a challenge, but I am convinced that there are ways. One could be photo sessions, even paid photo sessions.
Strip clubs offer the ultimate King Herod the Great power trip, See, Want, Get.
But with each girl, you only get that once.
SJG
If anything, OTC costs less if you can do it and maintain both the sexiness and the GFE with no strings attached. But I guess my lesson here is with time, if you keep up the regularity, you end up with more GF and less E.
Okay, let's talk about the experience for a second. Guys look for lots of experiences, that range from a john just wanting a 15 minute BJ from a streetwalker, to a sugardaddy paying $4000/month to have the illusion that the sugarbaby is a big part of his life, to everything in between. There's no right or wrong... well okay, if it's self-destructive, it's "wrong", but other than that, if you prefer escorts or OTC or whatever, that's great.
I think the one caveat here is that the girls can be motivated by many things. Part of it may be that she senses you're a decent guy so you're someone she can vent to (akin to a friendzoned guy -- do not underestimate how badly she might need this), but Papi is absolutely right, whenever there's payment that's always the bedrock of the relationship, and the strippers are not unaware that opening up their lives to you brings an illusion of closeness that may have the side effect of you opening your wallet more.
Like I said, this can bring benefits with it, particularly her time, attention, and access (sexual or otherwise) to her, I have tons of great or outright heart-pounding stories that have happened in these types of ATF/customer relationships. I enjoy this, it's kinda-sorta arrangement-ish lite. But if you are either vulnerable to manipulation, or if you NEED the "fantasy" aspect of her being an idealized sex object rather than a person (no judgement intended, but that's the reality), then obviously it's not a good idea.
Seriously now, she had time to go to dinner with you and even time to meet you for breakfast, but not enough time to help you nut? LOL. More likely she smelled the "beta dog" in you and realized that she could find a way to get paid ITC without having to give you sex. No girl would ever show up to my hotel remotely confused about the need for sex as part of the event, but you took her for a steak instead. Then, after feeding her, you dropped her off at the club and then fed her some more in VIP, all without getting laid. So now here we are.
All the rest of this "seeing her as more than a stripper, no fantasy, alpha dog, beta dog, blah blah blah" shit is nonsense. Simply put, she's making you feel special and you are getting emotional about it.
This sounds like the beginning of a romance hustle, which you have let her know you are vulnerable to by getting too emotional with her. If I were you, I would walk away now before things get out of hand..
In any event, good luck and thanks for sharing.
My advice is stick to OTC with strippers under 25 that don't have kids. They're not interested in anything long term and just like to fuck and have fun. And it's much easier to have a Sugar Daddy relationship with them as there's nothing emotional involved on your part or theirs, it's just about sex and $$$!
Might be some sort of emotional scam since this dude is a lot older than her and he's married, but we can't be sure. Maybe she is just looking for a little bit of advice and guidance from someone mature who has actually experienced life...whilst still giving him a good time legally and morally correct ITC
i've grown up with friends, schoolmates, coworkers, etc. that were always or were at some point while i knew them strippers, b-grade actresses, b-grade models, mistresses, etc. so i'm used to having girls around with loose morals. Honestly, i thought it was jut a handful of girls, but eventually i kept going to parties where girls would put out just to get popular, let themselves get pimped, etc. so to me it pretty much became a normal normal way of life. They make normal days watching TV more fun, and just like other girls with loose morals, they have their moments of being whiny or psycho, but we all partied with enough girls so we've seen it all before. i for one enjoy regularly dating dancers and even professional providers since they're attractive and aren't overly conservative with their bodies--i wouldn't marry one, but i'd gladly have an on-going relationship with her.