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carlos_spiceyweiner

Ohio

Most of us visit TUSCL, I believe, to get information on club extras. With the exception of clubs outside the U.S., virtually all of these extras have one thing in common--they're illegal.

Yet purchasing extras goes on regularly at hundreds of clubs across the county. Every once in a while a club or some dancers (and in rare instances, patrons) get busted during a raid or undercover operation. This big question for me has always been: why doesn't this happen more often? The police could stake out any number of your local clubs regularly and make one arrest after another.

The best reason I can think of is that cops simply aren't going to commit resources to fight one type of crime when there are more serious crimes elsewhere--especially if it does little good. Think about how the police sometimes target a particular area for prostitution. They make arrests for a week or two before eventually moving on while the prostitutes return.

Sometimes, however, Johnny Law is successful in shutting down a club. That brings me to the death of another club from my past, the "notorious" Lisa's Cabaret in Akron, Ohio.

TUSCL members from NE Ohio know Lisa's as the ugly girl of clubs. She's the local gal every guy bangs when he's desperate and doesn't brag about later.

Lisa's was nothing to brag about. It was a dump of a club that made little pretense of being anything more than a brothel. Sure it had a stage, where dancers would sometimes parade out. All the other "dances" were performed in the VIP. Customer would float in, speak with a dancer and negotiate a service, then head back to one of the club's three massive, dark private rooms. In the rooms, were three things: an aluminum folding chair, a small table and a waste can.

I discovered Lisa's in the mid 1990's after seeing an ad in the local sports page. It was just blocks down the street from my usual nude club and had a Penthouse Pet as a feature. A few days later I showed up at a club that easily could have been a gateway to hell. Lisa's was situated in the bottom half of a building whose top was divided between unused space an adult bookstore connected to the strip business. It was dark and unfriendly, even menacing. The neighborhood, though just minutes from Firestone's corporate headquarters, was sketchy at best, marked by rundown storefronts and abandoned buildings.

I paid the $10 cover, was buzzed in and walked up a long hall that led into the club, whose interior could just as easily passed for the inside of a barn or warehouse. It was starkly decorated and wooden with bright overhead lights. A small bar served customers drinks. Opposite it, a narrow stage ran the length of the club with Chairs lined up against each side. Additional seating including three wobbly, cheap table and more chairs. The club also included several pool tables customers sometimes used. One night, I saw a dancer drag some blankets over to one and use it as a bed.

I ordered a diet coke and grabbed a seat at the stage along with about 20 other guys to watch a blond, busty Pet put on a good show--lots of close contact with each customer. That was the highlight of the night. When the feature ended, the club's regular dancers came out to do a dollar tip parade.

These weren't strippers like I had ever seen. There was nothing sexy about them at all. They looked tired and run down, like a collection of Walmart cashiers stripped down to unflattering undergarments. A brunette--the best looking of the bunch--did a quick dollar dance for me where she climbed up on my chair and rubbed her crotch down my forehead and face. I got a whiff of nasty vagina that I still believe, if just the slightest bit stronger, would have turned me into a raging homosexual on the spot.

I waved her off and was approached by a skinny, pale brunette with a billy goat face who offered to "make my dreams come true" for a single VIP dance costing $50. For the same price, I could get three VIPs from a hot girl at my regular club. Thoroughly disgusted, I walked out.

I probably never would have returned, but two years later the club changed ownership. A favorite of mine from another club told me she started working there and convinced me that the club was significantly improved. After making a promise to visit her, I began stopping at the "new" Lisa's.

I discovered the dancers were significantly better (though that wasn't saying a lot), but the club's demeanor was the same. At my first stop, a tall, curvy AA dancer spotted me walking to the bar area and shouted across the room, "Hey baby, thanks for coming. We'll do anything you want. We do it all. We'll get you off." She had no idea if I was a cop but made it clear everything was on the menu. So did the dancer who spoke to me after that, and the one after that, and the one after that. . . .

My first VIP there turned out to be the most punishing one of my life. A dancer who proudly informed me that she had been banned by every club in Myrtle Beach, NC, performed a bj so violent that it left me red and swollen. I immediately assumed I'd picked up an STD, but that wasn't the case. She was so rough with her mouth and hand she erupted most of the skin around little Carlos.

I played it safe after that, especially since STDs became an issue at Lisa's. One dancer told me that customers were coming in to report they had picked up diseases, usually from the same stripper. When another dancer asked her why she took such risks, the infected dancer said, "I'm already naked and the guys ask if they can put their dicks in there so I just let them."

Her comment effectively summed up the place. It was a quick thrill offset by risks and usually low expectations. You paid $10 at the door unsure of what you'd find inside. Most often, the dancers were so unattractive, I'd simply walk back out. Sometimes I'd hand around to see if anyone decent came in. That could mean hours of waiting. In any case, if all you wanted were extras and you weren't picky, the hunting was always good (if you didn't mind what you bagged).

Along with "assured sex" Lisa's provided a few other benefits to the mongering community. Whenever the cops decided to take a look at the local clubs, they always raided Lisa's first. Arrests would be made, and for the next several weeks other clubs were on their best behavior. Lisa's took a hit for the team.

The club also became a kind of code word for extras. If a dancer at another club said she had worked at Lisa's, that was a clear sign that everything was on the menu. Sometimes Lisa's dancers would get a serious upgrade as dancers from other clubs would start work or come in for the late shift if business was down at their regular bars. Those were the magic times.

This worked out spectacularly for me after a hot, enhanced Asian named KC began work there. For several years, I had some of the best VIPs of my life with her. During that time, Lisa's took steps to insulate itself from legal charges brought against its employees. Before dancers could perform a VIP, customers paid a $35 fee directly to the club and dancers completed and signed off on a contract stating they were contractors and accepted full legal responsibilities for their actions--noting that the club accepted none. Dancers filled out this same form for every VIP.

That's how life at Lisa's went on for a solid decade before things started falling apart in 2007. For some reason, Akron's vice squad began hard targeting the bar. In just over a year, they performed five raids and arrested numerous dancers for solicitation. (I was at the bar during one of these raids. See my article "Tales From the Club.") Eventually, the city filed suit to close the bar as a public nuisance, declaring it to be a front for a brothel.

On the day the matter was scheduled for trial, Lisa's owner and the building owner settled out of court. Lisa's agreed to shut its doors and take down all signage in 30 days. The club was not allowed to reopen anywhere in Akron for a year. The building owner could only lease Lisa's space for the next 90 days for "legitimate" businesses and had to get the city's approval. After a year, the space could reopen as a "legal" business. In theory, after a year Lisa's could reopen there.

Notably, the owners may have taken the smallest hits in Lisa's downfall. The arrested dancers were found guilty of various charges and stuck with criminal records. The club manager--just a local guy needing a job--took the full fall and was convicted of running a brothel (a felony) and sent to prison for a year.

Nearly seven years later, the building space is still empty, with nary a rumor of a reappearance of Lisa's anywhere. That in itself is odd in the strip club community where members regularly talk of dead clubs reopening. In the years that followed Lisa's closure, not a lot changed in Akron's club scene. The extras once available at Lisa's are business as usual in at least six other clubs--for now. That could easily change. In fact, it might be a small miracle that several of these clubs haven't faced the same charges.

Looking back, Lisa's may have been simply asking for police attention by operating as it did. But it did so for 10 years! As an epilogue to this club's end, while Lisa's was closing, the assholes in the Ohio legislature passed an anti-strip club law (pushed by a bunch of religious assholes in Cincinnati) that mandated no dancer/customer contact at all when the dancer was showing any nudity and forced clubs to end any nudity at midnight. A lot of us worried that would spell the end of our clubs. Instead, if anything, club life has gotten wilder as most local authorities decided to simply ignore the law.

I wonder how long that will last. Are any of you worried about your fun ending?