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Witness Protection

I know that some of this has been hashed out on here before but a recent business trip gave me the opportunity to compare several contenders in the field of dining known as breastaurants. I have also added another large chain as a kind of control and comparison .

First up is the Tilted Kilt. It is a Celtic pub looking place, wide selection of beers, no tramp stamps or tatts in evidence on the staff. I'm not sure if that is official policy or it was just too small of a sample to know for sure. Short skirts (the kilt), low cut white crop tops showing off the midriff region was the uniform of the day. White socks with red accent rounded out the outfits. I would rate the girls in the 6-9 range with most in the 7+ area. Push up bras were in common use by those that needed to give Mother Nature a little boost.

Male staff (at least bus boys) also wore kilts, thankfully longer than the girls though. There was a decent menu selection trending toward pub grub. I had the fish and chips. Typical deep fried fries and fish squares. Good but nothing special. You will see a few couples and ladies here but we all know who this restaurant is trying to lure in.

Next on our hit parade is Twin Peaks. This large restaurant is trying for the look and feel of a hunting lodge. A plethora of flat screen tv's were tuned to various sports channels, mostly baseball this time of year. Clientele trended heavily to the dudes, it was a real sausage party in there.

The servers were clad in plaid flannel looking crop tops leaving bare midriffs and cut low enough to allow patrons to appreciate the peaks. Very short and quite snug khaki shorts round out the uniform. The ladies averaged around a 7 and several could make a living on the pole. I did see some body art but nothing extensive and no tramp stamps were seen.

Comfort food and traditional pub food seemed to be the theme of the menu. I tried the pot roast and mashed potatoes. Service was quick the food reminded me of your typical institutional fare. I just had the feeling that everything was portion controlled and prepackaged for the convince of the cooks. It wasn't bad but I think they are counting on the scenery to carry the business.

Next is Hooters, a long time player in the field. If you think this place is about owls then you have been living under a rock someplace. The staff were all attired in orange booty shorts along with tights and white body hugging tank tops. As the tag line puts it delightfully tacky and unrefined. Over all the uniforms seemed a bit tired and dated when compared to other restaurants. No bare stomachs here so I can't report on the quality of ink that these girls may be sporting. Lots of girl next door types here but no stunners were working the night I was there.

Plenty of tv if you wish to take in the game while visiting. The restaurant has a bit of a beach theme, possibly reflecting the chain's Florida origin. The menu was rather limited, running heavily to burgers and wings. I tried one of the burgers and was pleased with it but again I can't say that there was anything special about it. Overall the chain may be resting on its laurels a bit and taking advantage of its status as a national icon.

Finally I direct you attention to the Waffle House. Not a true breastaurant but I include it as the 24/7 nature of the business allows for late night meals for those of you on the way back from a club visit. If you struck out at the club you can take one more crack at things here if you are particularly desperate or daring.

The waitresses at here were uniformed in sensible blue blouses with loosely knotted ties. The looseness of the shirts served to keep you guessing as to the exact shape of the servers. Pinstriped aprons were in common use and black docker style pants rounded out the ensemble. Not much skin was showing and I suspect that several tattoos were lurking unseen. My server appeared to have all of her teeth but there was a noticeable gap between the front ones, about par for the course here.

There were no televisions for you entertainment but they did have an old fashioned new style digital juke box available. The main entertainment here is watching the activity in the open kitchen and the cast of characters that come through he doors. The menu, as you might suspect, features waffles and other breakfast fare. There was also a selection of burgers and dinner type food to round things out. I had the triple hash-browns, one of my favorites, smothered, covered, chunked and topped. Delicious! Don't come here for health food but you can certainly get your daily dose of grease when you feel the need.

To sum things up I would have to list my favorite as the Tilted Kilt. However you should know that I have a weakness for short skirts and that may be coloring my decision. Good luck and try them all if you get the chance.