Breastaurants

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Witness Protection
I know that some of this has been hashed out on here before but a recent business trip gave me the opportunity to compare several contenders in the field of dining known as breastaurants. I have also added another large chain as a kind of control and comparison .

First up is the Tilted Kilt. It is a Celtic pub looking place, wide selection of beers, no tramp stamps or tatts in evidence on the staff. I'm not sure if that is official policy or it was just too small of a sample to know for sure. Short skirts (the kilt), low cut white crop tops showing off the midriff region was the uniform of the day. White socks with red accent rounded out the outfits. I would rate the girls in the 6-9 range with most in the 7+ area. Push up bras were in common use by those that needed to give Mother Nature a little boost.

Male staff (at least bus boys) also wore kilts, thankfully longer than the girls though. There was a decent menu selection trending toward pub grub. I had the fish and chips. Typical deep fried fries and fish squares. Good but nothing special. You will see a few couples and ladies here but we all know who this restaurant is trying to lure in.

Next on our hit parade is Twin Peaks. This large restaurant is trying for the look and feel of a hunting lodge. A plethora of flat screen tv's were tuned to various sports channels, mostly baseball this time of year. Clientele trended heavily to the dudes, it was a real sausage party in there.

The servers were clad in plaid flannel looking crop tops leaving bare midriffs and cut low enough to allow patrons to appreciate the peaks. Very short and quite snug khaki shorts round out the uniform. The ladies averaged around a 7 and several could make a living on the pole. I did see some body art but nothing extensive and no tramp stamps were seen.

Comfort food and traditional pub food seemed to be the theme of the menu. I tried the pot roast and mashed potatoes. Service was quick the food reminded me of your typical institutional fare. I just had the feeling that everything was portion controlled and prepackaged for the convince of the cooks. It wasn't bad but I think they are counting on the scenery to carry the business.

Next is Hooters, a long time player in the field. If you think this place is about owls then you have been living under a rock someplace. The staff were all attired in orange booty shorts along with tights and white body hugging tank tops. As the tag line puts it delightfully tacky and unrefined. Over all the uniforms seemed a bit tired and dated when compared to other restaurants. No bare stomachs here so I can't report on the quality of ink that these girls may be sporting. Lots of girl next door types here but no stunners were working the night I was there.

Plenty of tv if you wish to take in the game while visiting. The restaurant has a bit of a beach theme, possibly reflecting the chain's Florida origin. The menu was rather limited, running heavily to burgers and wings. I tried one of the burgers and was pleased with it but again I can't say that there was anything special about it. Overall the chain may be resting on its laurels a bit and taking advantage of its status as a national icon.

Finally I direct you attention to the Waffle House. Not a true breastaurant but I include it as the 24/7 nature of the business allows for late night meals for those of you on the way back from a club visit. If you struck out at the club you can take one more crack at things here if you are particularly desperate or daring.

The waitresses at here were uniformed in sensible blue blouses with loosely knotted ties. The looseness of the shirts served to keep you guessing as to the exact shape of the servers. Pinstriped aprons were in common use and black docker style pants rounded out the ensemble. Not much skin was showing and I suspect that several tattoos were lurking unseen. My server appeared to have all of her teeth but there was a noticeable gap between the front ones, about par for the course here.

There were no televisions for you entertainment but they did have an old fashioned new style digital juke box available. The main entertainment here is watching the activity in the open kitchen and the cast of characters that come through he doors. The menu, as you might suspect, features waffles and other breakfast fare. There was also a selection of burgers and dinner type food to round things out. I had the triple hash-browns, one of my favorites, smothered, covered, chunked and topped. Delicious! Don't come here for health food but you can certainly get your daily dose of grease when you feel the need.

To sum things up I would have to list my favorite as the Tilted Kilt. However you should know that I have a weakness for short skirts and that may be coloring my decision. Good luck and try them all if you get the chance.

20 comments

  • mjx01
    11 years ago
    Apparently we need a FLAG button for pointless articles
  • crazyjoe
    11 years ago
    You forgot about Bone Daddy's House of Smoke...


    We all know why you mentioned short skirts and the male staff on kilts...take titty fag with you next time
  • SlickSpic
    11 years ago
    First off, great article. I like the way you compare and contrast the various restaurants. I also agree that Hooters does seem a bit outdated in 2013.
    If you are ever in California, you should do a comparison of the Mexican "Breastaurants" out here. Tortas Sinaloa has cuties in tight, white yoga pants and matching Babydoll t-shirts. The food is great. No alcohol but a great selection of bionicos, liquados, and jugos fresca. Taco Hut is a small operation with two or three spots in Rancho Cucamonga. There, the chicas wear black yoga pants with matching tight, black babydoll tees. The food is excellent-I suggest either the Caldo de Camaron or the Double Guacamole Burger. They serve beer and wine. Around the OC & IE, Mariscos Ensenada has great seafood and muñecas in tradicional Mexican outfits that are one size to small-I like. Beer, wine, & I think liquor is also served. Shot, I think I did the homework for you. Hahahahaha.
    From my experience, the Mexican "Breastaurants" have gotten the food down much better than their American counterparts and that really seperates the two. You can expect to see moms with kids in these "Breastaurants" or ladies out together eating without men. I usually never see a girls night out at Hooters.
    Great article. Keep them rolling off the presses.
  • Skyrbuoy
    11 years ago
    And in Central Florida there is the Wing House, Black short-shorts, black t's, and usually wonderbras. Have seen a good number of SC dancer candidates there.
  • Lone_Wolf
    11 years ago
    Waffle house - lol

    I remember when Hooters first opened up in the Phoenix area. The waitresses were the finest of the fine. That is back when there was a much bigger stigma against these babes working in a SC.

    Now, last couple times I've been there, the waitresses working would not have made any money working in a SC. The food is not good. I have no idea how they stay open.

    Tilted Kilt is pretty good though.
  • redrocks
    11 years ago
    Tilted Kilt is my "new" favorite breastaurant as well though I've only been to two - San Diego Gaslamp District and St. Charles, MO (St. Louis suburb). Lots of body ink visible at St. Charles, I doubt there is a chain-wide policy. Used to love Hooters but sadly it does seem dated.
  • DandyDan
    11 years ago
    I used to like Hooter's and I even used to like eating at Hooter's, but the last time I went to one, first of all, it was the one in Council Bluffs, Iowa, because the one in Omaha closed down for good and only the bartender looked like any lady I'd ever consider attractive in any way. The rest not only seemed like they'd be low end strippers, would they be strippers, but they would have to get updated hairstyles as well. It's like they had the same hairstyles the girls in my high school did (back at the end of the 80's/beginning of the 90's).

    I still have to get to Twin Peaks in Omaha (the opening of which probably caused the Hooter's in Omaha to close) and the rest aren't here, although I've been to a few Waffle Houses on various travels (mostly St. Louis area, with one visit to one off of I-70 in Ohio years ago) and if they have ladies there (not a given), they are livin' large (although as I like to say, there's nothing wrong with that). Waffle House is the Walmart of restaurants.
  • samsung1
    11 years ago
    Heart attack grill in Vegas is interesting. They are dressed up as sexy nurses.
  • Rogue1
    11 years ago
    In the Dallas area we have Redneck Heaven. Girls are in halter/bikini tops, and Daisey Duke shorts with Cowboy boots. They have come under scrutiny lately, due to their "Anything But Clothes" nights. They dress up in costumes (beer cans, flowers, etc..) and body paint. No traditional clothing. The Locals had a fit.. and they banned ABC nights. They do have lingerie nights, and other wild events.

    Redneckheaven.com
    Hell.. you'll probably see pictures of my Vette if you do a search on Redneck Heaven!
  • Corvus
    11 years ago
    I enjoyed Tilted Kilt and Twin Peaks when I've had the chance to visit. Hooters is a nice concept but I think the food is sub-par and the leggings the girls have to wear are ridiculous.

    Another place I've found fitting into the "Breastaurant" category is a place called "Toby Keith's I Love this Grill" or something similar. Good food including steak, and hot young girls dressed in skimpy outfits and showing lots of cleavage too.
  • Fenster
    11 years ago
    The Dallas area also has several Bikinis Sports Bar and Grills.

    Arlington recently chased out all their (good) strip clubs, but now they have a Redneck Heaven and a Bikinis. And they've had a Hooters for almost 20 years, but they prevented a second Hooters from getting a liquor license (for a while).
  • oriole1
    11 years ago
    Try a Firebird's Wood-fired Grill. There's 1 in Erie Pa and they're headquartered in Charlotte NC Most waitresses are dressed scantily and usually the hostess wears hot pants. They must shave their boxes other wise the ones I've seen would have burning bushes their legs are so hot! Food's decent but over-priced. Bet some of the waitresses would love a cream pie for dessert.
  • TxVegas
    11 years ago
    I like Twin Peaks the best of this list. Hooter used to have hot girls by a beach 20 years ago, but the outfits seem almost chaste now.
  • LeeH
    11 years ago
    I'm with mjx01
  • 59
    11 years ago
    Done em all.

    Twin Peaks> Tilted Kilt> Hooters.
  • Estafador
    11 years ago
    Breasturants are a total waste of money. Your trying to eat. Why waste your money o. Food if your going to ogle the women and ruin your clothes due to lack of attention. Ruins the bonding experience for me and friends personally.
  • Jascoi
    2 years ago
    time for an update on these establishments. I’ll try and remember to stop by the tilted kilt in Temecula on my next drive to or from tijuana. I know the one in Cucamonga closed down as well as The one in Chino. i’ll also have to check out the ones in Anaheim.
  • Ferdinx
    2 years ago
    You can add Ojo Locos to your Hispanic breastaurant list. Black halter tops and shorts are the typical server uniform, but they do theme days / weeks as well.

    Plenty of bouncing at my local brach when I've been there. Speaking at least passable Spanish is a big help.
  • reverendhornibastard
    2 years ago
    Never been to a single Breastaurant in my life.

    I doubt if I ever will.

    If I want to ogle and enjoy a mutual grope with beautiful naked or nearly naked women, I know better places to go.

    Based on the reports I’ve received about the cuisine at most Breastaurants, if I am ever in the mood for copious servings of fried meat, fried bread and fried breaded meat or other delicacies more appropriately used to fatten cattle, I’ll head to a Breastaurant.
  • san_jose_guy
    2 years ago
    Twin Peaks looks a little better, just because the uniforms look better.

    But then the Latina chain looks good, TX and AZ, and getting started in NM.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ojos_Locos

    https://ojoslocos.com/locations

    SJG

    Kansas City School of Rock
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQp1RJtC…
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