Many of us practice deceit to practice this hobby. We tell lies. At home. At work. We lie to the girls. We lie to ourselves. Yes, we do.
Not living alone. Not traveling enough. Nosy neighbors. Whatever, many of us are encumbered by circumstance. We can't just go to the club when there's an urge. When we can go, we have to be careful when and how we return. Tits and ass for us isn't just hobby - it's an operation.
How many of us keep a change of clothes in our cars so the smell of the club (or the girls) doesn't return with us? A fresh shirt, some Frebreze and a long drive with the windows open have worked wonders for me. For others, the anti-detection routine includes a 24-hour gym where a shower makes it possible to turn the key at home.
A clean shirt and shower gel might not be enough for some girls. There are wives and girlfriends as suspicious of clean as they are of dirty. Defeating their suspicion - their instinct - takes extra layers of deceit.
A "legend" - a well-constructed cover - is essential. To withstand doubt, a legend has to be built deliberately and strategically.
Building lies on truth pays off. What that means is a solid legend uses truth to advantage. Constructing a legend that is as true as possible helps to conceal the lie within. A guilty man needs an innocent narrative.
A late night at the office, for instance. If the nature of the job doesn't legitimately justify late evenings, a different lie is needed. Or if your plan is to announce a late night out of the blue, then expect some skepticism. It's less suspicious if you've built a legend in advance supporting the alibi. Invest some time in making sure whoever knows how the work is building and how there's no choice except to put in the extra hours. Build that legend over time with conversations days and even weeks in advance. The investment will be worth it. If you're waiting until after the fact, you risk being found out.
Obscure hobbies are another example of the truthful legend. One of my hobbies is real, bland and very niche, which makes it a perfect excuse for being out and away. My story when I go to a club might revolve around going to an official event for the hobby or something informal with friends who share this obscure interest. Even better, many times I actually go - then I hit a club on the way home to get my knob polished. I'm building lies on the truth.
I don't get my car repaired in my neighborhood for a reason. No one needs to know that every car shop I go to just happens to be near a club open during the day. It's amazing how often my store pickup location isn't the store closest to home. Sometimes not close at all. And I always seem to have the worst traffic. A text from the road helps avoid any questions.
Buying concert tickets for her can have ROI (return on investment) for you. Encouraging her to spend time with her parents or friends is the right thing to do, if you know what I mean.
None of this works if you're stupid. She can track your phone. You might be able to turn off location once or twice. After that? EZPass is another giveaway if she has access to the account. Debit and credit cards leave a trail. And what if she calls? Why didn't you answer? Your alibi has to stand up to scrutiny.
The closest I ever got to getting caught was entirely analog. I was using the hobby legend. Truth is I was actually at an event. I stopped on the way home at an all-time favorite sleazy joint and enjoyed an all-time fuck from smoking hot Latina. Changed shirts. Check. Febreze. Check. Windows down. Check. All the usual precautions. I just didn't anticipate how insidious the cigar smoke from some asshole would be. Why do you smell like that? You never come home smelling like that. Where were you? Oh no ...
I talked my way out of that one. It helped that she was very tired. But lesson learned.
This hobby can be challenging. Finding the right club with the right girls is just the start. Getting there and back safely requires careful planning and flawless execution for many of us. As someone said once in a movie: The "fidelity" bank and trust is an unforgiving creditor.
He got that right. One mistake can cost us. Get fucked. Don't fuck it up.
Comments (17)Latest
We've all be there. What was your story to explain away the cigar smoke smell?
Told the truth, of course. Some asshole sitting a couple of seats away ... Jerk didn't care about anyone else. Yadda, yadda ... Let her think it was at the event!
Glad I'm divorced.
Location sharing has made things difficult. My fake “hobby” is poker. I also keep a fake friend. The names and people are real and people I’ve spoken about. But they’re at best friends of friends who she has zero chance of meeting but may actually be at a hangout I go to and mention when she asks who was there. That way I can vary my plans, sometimes I’m out with Bob other times I’m playing poker with guys from my old neighborhood and sometimes I’m playing poker with Bob and guys from my neighborhood. Unfortunately I’m mostly at the same club so location sharing raises eyebrows as no matter what I’m doing I’m at the same place, unless it’s truly a get together with the fellows (and I don’t hit the club after)
One trick that’s helped me has been to keep an old iPad in my office, and when I take my lunch break to visit a SC or other AMP or something, I share my location from the iPad and turn off location tracking on my phone. Not perfect, but good enough for me. Real test will be when I go to a “conference” in San Diego and the iPad stays in the SD hotel, while I visit HK for a couple days! 🙏
Sure like being married to a gal who is okay with my occasional funning.
I’m just a privacy freak who never has shared locations; been that way for decades, so nothing new
I actually purchased a Honda in Burlington NJ , dealership next to ThePlayhouse Lounge and they threw in several oil changes so “yup time for my next oil change” although it’s like 45 minutes away!
My cousin gets picked up at the club by his wife when he gets too drunk. He does not give a shit and says he would never be sneaking around Lille that. As long as he provides his wife don’t care or puts up with it.
This sounds like a huge pain in the ass. The hobby is a billion times better if you aren't in a relationship.
Stay single.
Fun read. Definitely makes me glad that I'm single.
I don't share my phone location. I was surprised to find out this was a common thing between couples. But we do drive Tesla's which does share location via app. Fortunately, most of my activities are out of state using rental cars while I travel for work about once a month. I used to have a local side piece and I turned the location off visiting her but I planned for this. I would often turn my location off at work or randomly going somewhere where she knew I was or around people that would see me or she would drive by seeing the car. To her, she thinks its just bad service or a glitch in the app. I have since kept my suspicions activities out of state just to be safe but I do occasionally turn off location just for consistency lol.
This is a great synopsis. As a married guy I am super careful but have almost slipped once or twice coming home with a little lipstick on a ear. I also had to navigate disarming our ring camera when the wife was away and I sneak out so no notifications.
If you power off your phone when you’re at the gym that helps. Weird that my gym has some weird ability to block cell signals. I guess there are no towers around.
This article is trying to do too many things at the same time. I agree with the premise that you can treat club visits like an operation. But not every operation is the same, and when you're trying to homogenize the experience it ends up sounding like something that noobs can't follow.
Join a gun club. Say you have to travel to different ranges and meetups. Can’t pick up your phone on the range.
Ice hockey
BJJ
Boxing
Basketball leagues
Rock climbing
Go kart racing
Swimming
Key is to move the activity from place to place with new people, that way she can’t expect to drive past and see your car. Also helps to get her involved in her own activities so she’s interested in something other than your whereabouts.
The central lemma here seems to be: the best lie is mostly true. Everything else follows from that—real hobby, real event, real errand, real traffic, with one carefully concealed detour. The problem is that the proof only has to fail once!