Notes From Sweden

I recently spent an extended vacation in Europe - London Olympics, old oil patch buddy in Scotland, some of my pop's WWII battle sites in France and Holland, finalizing the sale of my place in Saint Raphael, and family reunion in Sweden. This was my first visit to Sweden and I was entranced by the country's charms but unhappily, not by the country's SC culture. I managed two strip club visits in Sweden, one in Stockholm and the other in Goteborg. These were the two most miserable SC visits in my time as a hobbyist. I didn't stay long enough in either club to feel comfortable enough to do a comprehensive tuscl review so I will give my thoughts in this article. The few reviews of Swedish clubs in tuscl's info banks are spot-on with the impressions gathered in my brief visits. The two clubs that I visited are pure rip-off joints and it starts with the cover charge. At the first club in Stockholm I was asked to pay a cover charge of 1000SEK (roughly $150). I laughed in the guy's face and turned to leave. He immediately cut the price in half; still pricey, but I decided: "What the hell? It's a vacation", paid the fee and entered the club. Ultra high pressure to buy drinks struck me before I sat down. I bought a beer, Tre Kronor Guld, for the equivalent of about $25!! The girls were no beauties and not a single one of them was a Swede. All girls that I attempted to chat with were from Eastern Europe: Russia, Ukraine, Belorus, or the Baltics. Surprisingly, none of the girls was able to carry on a conversation in either of my languages, English or French. I did better with my smattering of German, but talking at a three-year-old's conversational capacity is not my idea of sexy fun in a SC. I ran through the words in other languages I have acquired during my world travels in the oil patch. One of the Ukrainian girls burst out in gales of laughter when she heard me utter some raunchy Arabic expletives that I remembered from my time in Algeria. That particular girl had spent time as a prostitute in Dubai (near as I could figure from a disjointed conversation). I quickly realized that there was nothing for me in that club so I finished my beer and left. My experience at the club in Goteborg was eerily similar. Not so expensive but the same absolute rip-off mentality. I feel that I was preyed upon because I was such an obvious tourist. If that business model works for these clubs I guess that Swedish clubs will continue the same practices. Never again for me and, fellow tusclers, please take heed of my warning. The rest of my time in Sweden was a sublime experience. Sweden is a lovely, clean, ordered country. Virtually every Swede that I met could speak at least some English and most had fluent, conversational English on their tongues. Restaurants, hotels, car rentals, and the like are fairly expensive in Sweden but those prices are for everyone, not just gullible tourists. All restaurants that I patronized were excellent. The fresh fish in Sweden is magnificent! I did sample one Swedish steak dinner and, no surprise, it was not anywhere near the quality that I am accustomed to enjoy in steaks back home in Alberta's cattle country. Hotels invariably include a sumptuous Swedish breakfast smorgasbord in the room fee. Go for it! You won't find anything like that in North America. Car rentals will be different for North Americans. You will invariably be given a manual transmission car and usually it will be a diesel and small. Europeans do everything possible to maximize fuel economy because of the ultra high taxation on gas sales everywhere in Europe. Diesel will cost much more than gas in Canada and the USA and the price of European gas will give heart attacks to North Americans! If a person needs a larger car with automatic transmission you will pay a mega premium for it. Personally, I am very comfortable with clutches and manual transmissions. I rented a Volvo with a 6-speed transmission. What a sweetie that turned out to be! On a flat highway in the rural south of Sweden near Ystad I let that Volvo loose. You can guess what happened to me. The Swedish equivalent of my beloved horsemen in Alberta caught me on radar. I got away with handing the guy my international driver's licence and Canadian passport so I am sure that there will be no consequences on my Canadian driver's licence and, more important, on my vehicle insurance package, When will I ever learn?? It was a joy to meet all my Swedish relatives. A granddaughter of one of my cousins is the archetypical blonde, buxom, Scandinavian beauty. I tried to spend as much time as possible with her, embarrassing my sister with the attentions I was paying to this beauty. After seeing the beautiful, prosperous area where my grandparents were born in the 1880s, I couldn't imagine why they ever wanted to leave. I guess that Sweden in 1900 was not the place it is today in 2012. Now, there are more members of my extended family in Canada than in Sweden. Even the buxom beauty expressed interest in emigrating to Canada. farmerart would be delighted to sponsor her. I could use an 'executive assistant' of her obvious capabilities. If any tuscler chooses to visit Sweden, do not make Swedish strip clubs the focus of your trip. You will be sorely disappointed.