discussion comment
14 years ago
Having teetered on the edge of pathetic loserdom myself once or twice (but with not such significant financial investment), I get where you're coming from. Let's look at some concepts, and then I will give my humble, opinionated, direct answer to your question, "What's the best way to make a stripper regain respect for you,when you've turned into a PL in her eyes?"
What helped me was to recognize that we're really talking about two worlds - two dimensions - two...PLAYGROUNDS! Yeah, playgrounds! Each with their own set of rules. I think we would all agree, the strip club world is business. The $3700 worth of stuff is her paycheck. Now I'm not saying that there was not real affection between the two of you, or that there was. I'm just saying that in that playground, that's what cash/gifts are. Own it. In the other playground (the real world), all the good talks, the texts, the gifts, etc are (or SHOULD be) all different ways to express your love. "Love" being that you want the best for her, even if it costs you. In THAT playground, there are no strings attached to these things, and the giver does so hopefully with the understanding that there might be no reciprocation. In that playground, respect, concern, admiration...love...has to grow and should grow without the financial and material gifts.
It sounds like the problem is, you took the rules of one playground and applied them to the other. It doesn't work.
So to your question, this is what I think you should DO. First, within yourself, embrace the fact that dancer 1 owes you nothing - that the money and gifts were all given in the playground where these things are merely a paycheck. Write it off, and close the books.
Next, get real about what you want. Is it respect? Or is it to impress? They're not the same thing. Your gifts no doubt impressed her. Respect is different, and it's a character thing. Settle that issue.
Then finally, have an honest discussion with dancer 1. If your were seeking to impress her, tell her that. If you were really wanting to do something good for her, tell her that. If you were trying to express love, tell her that. But be honest, man! Clearly lay it out - this is what you did, this is why you did it, you are now resetting to "zero", and this is what you would like to see happen (like continue in this playground with a very good business relationship, or move it to the other playground). Get those things settled and clearly communicate them to her respectfully and I believe that she will respect you. That does not mean that she's going to do what you want, and you need to recognize that and accept it. But maybe she'll respect you.