A year ago I was totally captivated by a dancer and then how she came on to me in a private and then the action away from the club. Today I talk or see her almost daily and I believe I actually love her. I've been to her home and met her 18 year old son. Been to her parents home and have done some work there. I work out with her dad. I talk openly with her about her regular customers and the more I know her the more I love her. Sometimes we meet after work and she pays for my dinner and other times I pay for hers. We have great sex. Surprisingly now its hard for me to actually climax with her although I stay hard the whole time, I just wear her out. I don't see her as this incredible sex object anymore, but as a person I truly care about and love and now I have this issue. I don't actually care that much about the climax part that much because I enjoy being with her so much, but it is very frustrating to her that I haven't climaxed with her the last four or five times we've had sex. I can still climax in 30 seconds with any disgusting ugly whore that I'll never see again but for some reason it's not happening with her. What would you do? I fear I've had too much sex with total strangers that once I get to know someone that it's not going to happen. Is this my fate for the rest of my life?
While I agree with two out of the three previous responses... I think you need to relax and give it some time. If she can't be more understanding and patient then it won't work. You two haven't had the most traditional relationship and need to deal with the repercussions. I wish you the best.
p.s. I'll back up thedirk444 if it comes to that ;)
Deogol - You may have hit a key point because I don't trust her and I don't know if I ever could. She's beautiful, fun and sexy, but trust is certainly not high on the list. I never thought about a link between climax and trust. You've given me something to ponder.
Turtle77 - Although she's frustrated I think she takes it as a knock against her. She says it's her #1 goal to get me to climax. She said if it will turn me on we can have another guy or girl in here to shake things up. Not sure if I'm ready for another guy to join in.
I have done the menage a trois thing to spice things up. I had a great time. Thinking in only terms of my own self gradisfaction. As far as keeping a relationship together, It doesn't work. She will get jealous. Bring in another dude? Uggah!
Cougar - I dodn't believe I'm going to say what I am but...I've been ther. It could be that you do love her. It could be that it's yor own feelings that you don't trust. You've, either consciously or subconsciouly elevated her in you own mind from a great piece of ass to a real woman. This conflict in your mind can be the cause of the problem. Your last comment about trust, and bringing somebody else in sounds like your way of lowering her again in your mind back toward the great piece. I know I'm going to catch flak on this but, give it a rest. It doesn't happen or I should say surface often, but some of these ladies are worth being viewed as people. Separate the work from the person. As long as you recognize that it can all go bad and are prepared you have nothing to lose. Who knows, maybe you have found one of the real diamonds out there. In other words relax and enjoy the ride. See where it takes you. Some things just can't be analyzed. Just a thought.
Cougar-I've had that not finishing problem-twice-both with nymphos. In the first place, it was the first time with the first nympho. After that first time-no problem. With the second nympho, I never finished-stayed hard, but didn't finish. With the second nympho, I was turned off by her cigarette breath, and the "tuna smell".
I suspect that you might have found something about your gal that is a deal blocker. Could it be that you are too close to her family? Can it be that the forbidden fruit of the other gals brings you pleasure, and this gal-100 years ago would've been your wife? Are you afraid of being too close to her, or her too close to you?
An old thought-Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Take a break, but don't shut off the communication with her, just tell her you need to work something out on your own, and you will be back.
It could be that you're getting real close with her and deep down you don't want to be committed to her. Either you fear commitment in general or you don't want to be committed to her. You get off with cheap whores because there's no commitment there.
I've had this happen before in a way. I would cum but it would take me forever. This would happen with women who I just wanted to fuck, but they started to push me towards more of a commitment that I didn't want. As we grew closer, I "withheld" more affection from her. When this starts happening, the relationship starts to fall apart.
clubman2 - great comment. I have felt that I needed to change the sex up again back to the wild sex compared to the sweet sex we've been having lately. So I have been thinking of things to either talk about or do that lowers her again as just a great ass with the hope of getting sweet again after the sex. Last time I had her rape me but when she got into her tough talk I started laughing and it ruined the whole effect. I feel like I'm attempting to trick my mind to get the desired results. I do believe she is a rare diamond because I've been clubbing for 20 years and never came close to getting emotionally attached and having a relationship.
dudester - I actually came to the same conclusion that having some separate time might be helpful. I saw her Saturday, but just to say high an give her a couple of things. I was supposed to meet her Sunday, but told her something had come up. We talked today and I will see her at the club on Thursday just for a short while and no sex. We plan on getting together again on Sunday which will end up being close to two weeks since we had sex. I hope that much time will make a difference.
Stevesmith - not sure where I'm at with the commitment thing. I'm not sure if its possible and it sort of get back to the trust issue mentioned earlier. I think it is this issue at a subconcious level that is probably at the heart of my problem
Cougar, your reaction may be the result of your frequent encounters with women for whom you have no respect or regard. In your mind you've cheapened the sex act, it has little meaning for you other than selfish pleasure and degradation. As a result you may have developed an unconscious mental connection between sex and degradation of the girl. So when you're with a girl who you really like you have problems performing. My guess is that your experience isn't all that uncommon.
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p.s. I'll back up thedirk444 if it comes to that ;)
I suspect that you might have found something about your gal that is a deal blocker. Could it be that you are too close to her family? Can it be that the forbidden fruit of the other gals brings you pleasure, and this gal-100 years ago would've been your wife? Are you afraid of being too close to her, or her too close to you?
An old thought-Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Take a break, but don't shut off the communication with her, just tell her you need to work something out on your own, and you will be back.
I've had this happen before in a way. I would cum but it would take me forever. This would happen with women who I just wanted to fuck, but they started to push me towards more of a commitment that I didn't want. As we grew closer, I "withheld" more affection from her. When this starts happening, the relationship starts to fall apart.